PA SSOVER QUIZ SHOW 2016 ©Rabbi Noah Zvi Farkas
Welcome to my annual
PA SSOVER QUIZ SHOW!
It’s a series of games that make the Seder more … ahem…. palatable. This is my fifth year writing the show, and I’m so excited to share all the new material with you! This year’s show features games about Uber, wild animals, Moses and the presidential election. We’ve also got our perennial limericks and “It’s a Shanda, But It’s True.” I always love your feedback. Write me an email at [email protected]
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IT’S LIKE UBER… Today everyone wants to create the next Uber. In this game I’ll pitch an app that’s just like Uber, but with a Jewish twist and you have to name that app. For example, If I said, “It’s like Uber but it’s for everything Jewish.” You might say the app is called “Jewber.” 1. It’s like Uber, except it delivers fresh green onions to your doorstep just in time to whack your siblings while you all sing this traditional seder song. 2. It’s like Uber, but it tells you when the next concert is for the formerly Hasidic, now simply spiritual reggae and rock sensation. 3. It’s like Uber for the Oscar-winning, Broadway show about a milkman and his troublesome daughters.
4. It’s the God-praising app for the 21st century! It’s like Uber except it’s based totally on the Book of Psalms. 5. Jewish composer George Gershwin’s most famous composition written in 1924 has come to your iPhone! With a touch of a button you can hear this gritty, jazzy, musical masterpiece over and over again! 6. Who wants to be a Billionaire? Now you can find out how from America’s most centrist Jewish businessman and one time Mayor of New York City. This app instantly streams excoriating advice about how to invest your money, take more power for yourself, and which sodas to ban in your home!
It’s Like Uber Answers: 1. Dayenuber 2. Matisyahuber 3. Fidluber on the Roof 4. Halleluber 5. Rhapsody in Bluber 6. Michael Bluberg
ANIMALS GONE WILD! The fourth plague in the Passover story is called Arov or “Wild
Beasts!” (Exodus 8:20–21) According to legend, out of the fields and forests came snarling animals ready for an all-you-can-eat Egyptian buffet. In this game, I come up with some of the lesser known no-good rotten animals that ravaged the countryside of Egypt. You tell me the name of the animal. Each answer rhymes, so get creative. Here’s an example: This red crustacean gangster ruled with an iron claw. To exact his revenge he boiled his enemies alive and served them with butter and a nice chardonnay. What is the name of this Don of Delmonico’s? Lobster Mobster. Under her perfectly coiffed fur, this Queen of the Beasts entranced the Egyptians with her ukulele, her strong limbo legs and her swaying hula hips. Once seduced, the Egyptians would follow her up to the little known volcano just outside of Ramses, where they would offer themselves as tribute by jumping into the boiling lava while onlookers sipped mai tais. Who is this felonious feline? This lumbering mammal accosted Egyptian families with vacation discounts to Palm Springs, including free margaritas and rounds of golf. All the Egyptians had to do was to sit through a three-hour presentation about the wonderful opportunities of fractional ownership in his pride’s new resort called the Las Shvindel Gardens. Swimming coolly up from the Nile this enormous reptile gathers his buddies together to do battle by laying down beats and improvising rhymes that damage, ravage and savage the city. Of course no one has the moves or rhythms like this guy. Animals Gone Wild Answers: Hawaiian Lion, Timeshare Bear, Freestyle Crocodile.
T he E lders
Everybody loves the Jews! According to the famed sociologist Robert Putnam, we are living in an age in America where the Jews are the most beloved minority. (Wish that was true abroad). We are so beloved that in this year’s presidential election, nearly all the candidates have Jewish relatives. For those who don’t, they claim to own part of the Jewish story. In this game I’ll describe a Jewish relative of one of the presidential contenders and you name the candidate.
the Iowa Caucuses, he held firm in his belief that America was built on “Judeo-Christian values,” a term that some in the Jewish community have seen as appropriating Judaism into a larger schema of Christianity. This prompted one Jewish leader to write, “[W]hen you use the term “Judeo-Christian” to really mean “Christian,” you erase the distinctions between our faiths — and you essentially erase Jews.
1. Jared Kushner the son of New York Jewish real estate mogul Charles Kushner, goes to Orthodox synagogue Congregation Kehilath Jerushurun. He and his wife Ivanka have three children (one who just had his bris). The older two attend the Ramaz School, a religious prep school for Jewish kids. When Jared was dating, he told his then girlfriend, that she needed to convert. Now their Zaydie is running for President.
4. A few years after Anne Vukovich married her husband, John, a mail carrier and son of Czech immigrants, she was determined to give their son the best advice possible for growing up in a successful family. She said to her son, and future presidential candidate, “if you want to look for a really good friend, get somebody who’s Jewish … [N]o matter what happens to you, your friend, your Jewish friend, will stick by your side and fight right with you and stand by you.”
2. Marc Mezvinsky was born to Ed Mezvinksy and Marjorie Margoles. Both of Marc’s parents at one time served in Congress, making Marc a very political baby. As he grew up, Marc met the love of his life, Chelsea, as a teenager at a political retreat. Their love grew and they were finally married in 2010 under a chuppah by Yale’s chief rabbi. The 38-year-old investment banker has been going to his job and tending to the couple’s 16-month-old daughter, Charlotte and staying off the campaign trail while his wife stumps for his mother-in-law.
5. Raine Riggs is a neuropsychologist married to Levi, a long-time advocate for people seeking Social Security benefits. They have three children they adopted from China. Levi, 46 grew up in an activist family whose patriarch, in keeping with his anti-authoritarian ways, insisted that Levi never call him “Dad.” Rather, Levi could be heard calling out to his father during crowded community meetings in their small apartment saying, “Bernard! Bernard!”
3. Rafael, a Cuban born self-styled evangelical preacher, is the father of this candidate. Rafael preaches a type of Christian theology called Dominionism which asserts that the American government should be dominated by Christian doctrine and that our laws should be modeled on a literal interpretation of Bible. His son, the junior Senator from Texas has suggested that he was sent on a mission by God to run for president. After winning
Elders of Scion Answers: 1. Donald Trump 2. Hillary Clinton 3. Ted Cruz, 4. John Kasich 5. Bernie Sanders
WHO’S THE OF THE BIBLE?
In 1984, Tony Danza played retired baseball player, Tony Micelli, who becomes the housekeeper of Angela Bower, an advertising executive in New York. Together they raise their kids and hilarity ensues. He wasn’t the first hero to have a crazy boss. I’ll give you characters in the Bible or Seder Story and you tell me who their boss is. 1. This young egotistical boy was the show-off kid in this family’s very Full House. He let his magical gifts go to his head, once proclaiming that the sun, moon, and stars will all bow down to him. His brothers, the jealous sort, threw him into a pit and sold him into slavery. Through a series of shenanigans, this young lad becomes the second most powerful man in Egypt, essentially acting as the Big Brother, where he plays tricks on his family. Watch as our hero maneuvers his way to the top. Who is the boy, and who’s the boss? 2. Back in the day, this beauty queen became the real queen of an empire by winning the Miss Shushan contest. Known both for courage and smarts, this Jewish princess put on the perfect dinner party, making her Top Chef. But to save her people from being chopped she has to ask her husband, and king to remove the evil decree set forth by his viceroy Haman. Watch as this zany couple eats, drinks, and makes merriment, as the Jews are saved from certain death. Who is our hero, and who’s the boss? 3. This young Jewish boy is cast into the Nile because of new fertility laws instituted by the Egyptian monarch. It’s Man vs. Wild, until the princess of Egypt pulls him from the river and raises him in the royal palace! After seeing the Jewish slaves treated terribly, he sneaks out to the fields as the Undercover Boss, where he murders an Egyptian taskmaster who was beating a slave. Watch as he returns from exile to take on the political order in this thrilling biblical version of Celebrity Death Match! Who is the hero and who’s the boss? 4. Once Upon a Time, this cute little animal was bought for a family for only two zuzim. In short order, our little hero gets bit by a cat, who is bit by a dog, who gets hit by a stick, that is burned by water, that is quenched by water, that is lapped up by a cow, who is slaughtered by a butcher, that dies at the hands of the Angel of Death. The Big Boss, makes an appearance to take death down and save the little goat. Watch as each of these characters tries and fails at an epic game of Survivor. Who’s the hero, and who’s the boss.
Who’s the Boss Answers: 1. Joseph and Pharaoh 2. Esther and Achashverosh 3. Moses and Pharaoh 4. The kid and God
Moses NOT Moses There have been many great actors who’ve played Moses in TV and the movies Many of them have also played some other very iconic roles. I’ll give you a quote from famous movies said by our would-be Moseses and you tell me the name of the actor. For a bonus, tell me the name of the other movie. And for a double bonus, tell me the name of the movie in which his Moses appears. 1. Iceman: You! Maverick, you are still dangerous. You can be my wingman any time. Maverick: BullS***! You can be my wingman. 2. George: “Get your hands off of me you damn dirty ape!” 3. Carmine Falcone: “Who are you?” Batman: “I’m Batman” 4. King Louis XVI: “It’s Good to be the King!” 5. J.D. to Heather: “Chaos is great! Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.” 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Val Kilmer - Top Gun - (1986) The Prince of Egypt (1998) Charlton Heston - Planet of the Apes (1968) - The Ten Commandments (1956) Christian Bale - Batman Begins (2005) - Exodus Gods and Kings (2014) Mel Brooks - History of the World Part I (1981) - Same movie. Christian Slater- Heathers (1988) - The Ten Commandments (for TV 2007)
Limericks Who doesn’t love a four line, uh, poem. Fill in the blank to complete the rhyme. 1. God said once that He chose us. But after four hundred years how could he know us. We worked all day, sometimes without hay. And now you send us some guy named ______ . 2. Uncle Steve’s desserts will make you swoon. But this Passover these don’t need a spoon. They’re not from a can, they’re made with pecan, There’s nothing quite like a chocolate _______ . 3. On Passover night we recline And after four hours I expand my waistline. Tomorrow I’ll work out, that is if I don’t pass out After drinking four cups of ________. Limerick Answers: 1. Moses 2. Macaroon 3. Wine
It’s a Shanda but It’s True! Back again with three interesting stories about Passover. All of them are outlandish, but only one is true. Can you guess which one it is?
2. The vegan movement is on the rise, but it’s a lot more than just a few new vegan cafes in Israel. Sasha Bojoor, 27, started 269life as a radical animal rights organization. Bojoor named the group after a white calf that was branded with the number 269 within the first few days of its short life. This year for Passover 269life opened an animal rescue farm based on the song Chad Gadya. The radical vegans raid industrial farms and bring the animals to their Chad Gadya farm for shelter. “We have six goats, and two cows so far.” says Boojor, “We’re small, but if God (as they say) saves the little goat in the song, then we can too.” When asked about dogs and cats, he said, “Why not. Have you seen the stray cats in our country? It’s cruel that they are homeless. We should find them a home.”
3. At Canadian university, McGill, the Hillel hosts a massive progressive seder on campus for students and faculty. Every fifteen minutes a new seder begins in a separate location on campus. Participants then walk from one part to another experiencing the entire order of the evening. As the program grew in popularity organizers had a problem with the Afikoman. They asked, “how are we going to split up one piece of matza for everyone to taste with all these groups coming?” One industrious business student proffered a solution. Just take the afikoman from the beginning of one group’s seder and feed it to another group. The plan was simple enough. As each group came for its tzafoon, a student would grab the tzafoon from another group “hide it” and give the pieces to a separate party. This worked for a while, (although not under Jewish law) until enough guests came to the seder where there was just not enough matza to go around. The jig was up when an economics professor Dr. Thalia Schwartzberg, ready for her piece of the afikoman matza called on the director to produce it who simply could not. Upset by the apparent swindle, the professor declared this the great Passover Ponzi Scheme of 2011.” The name stuck and ever since McGill Hillel Director has been called the “Passover Ponzi.”
Shanda Answer: Number One Haaretz Newspaper April 12, 2014
1. According to the newspaper, Haaretz, The United States Transportation Security Administration has promised to act sensitively with passengers traveling during Passover. A statement posted on the website of the administration, said that it anticipated an increase in the number of individuals traveling before and during Passover carrying boxes of matzah, which are consumed as part of the Passover ritual. Passengers should be assured that they can put the matzah in the x-ray scanner without worry of invalidating its use for the holiday. “As long as it’s wrapped, no moisture or other crumbs will infiltrate the matzah rendering it unfit, or treif” one TSA agent familiar with the laws of Passover said. However matza, “can be machine or handmade and are typically very thin and fragile, and break easily.” Passengers may request a hand inspection if they wish. This suggestion led to the controversy about opening the matzah to inspection for fear that moisture from the surrounding environment might get into the matzah and render it treif, leaving some Jews to wonder if machine or hand inspected matza is considered a higher level of observance.