Mender of Broken Dreams
Paradise Lost or Paradise found? Enjoy faux paradise here in Nordeast! Our exotics are made with lots of premium liquor, strange mixers, house-made syrups, spices, bitters & fresh fruit. May we have your attention, please... The following drinks are all served in tacky mugs with stupid garnishes for you to ponder and enjoy. And for an extra lousy $5 you can keep the mug. However, this too-exciting-for-words experience requires a credit card deposit of $5 per mug, which will kindly be refunded on the mugs safe return. (So much reading. So little time.)
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Mai Tai
A hefty cocktail made the traditional way with fresh squeezed lime, amber rum, house-made orgeat, Curacao, and a dark Jamaican rum float. Garnished with mint and love.
Circa 1944 - JJJ
Evil Headhunter
Lured into the jungle by wafts of dark rum, pineapple, fresh lime, almonds, and mysterious drums, you trip head first into a hole. You know what happens next.
Circa 1959 - JJJ
The Beachcomber
The sun is setting and the torches are on fire. Better than taking a walk on a deserted beach with your secret lover, and not getting busted. Flavors of strawberry, lychee, lime & pineapple... and paradise. Completely inauthentic, but who gives a crap.
Circa 1985 - JJ
more tikis 3.20.15
Miserable Bastard
Booted out of the Molokai Academy of Psychology, Suzi never forgot the lesson she learned... Misery wants a drink. A wallop of dark Jamaican rum, fresh lime, falernum, and paradise bitters. Depression management.
Circa 1960 - JJJ
Coconaut
A cross between a tropical white Russian and a pina colada, but not really. Vanilla, coconut cream, allspice and West Indies rum. Served not in a coconut, but a rocket ship... just kidding.
Circa 1964 - JJ
Fu Manchu
Only one foo will do, in this not so foo-foo fighting beverage. Special King Fu flavors of Jamaican rums, coconut, Hawaiian coffee, and pineapple.
Circa 1960 - JJ
Psycho Zombie (slush)
A zombie walks into a bar...that’s it, he just does, cause he’s not too smart. Drink a few rum soaked cherry, cola, & lime slushies and become completely brainless too.
Circa 2010 - JJ
Scorpion Sting Some say if you suck out the poison from the scorpions sting right away, you’ll feel warm and euphoric. Morons. The only sting that can do that is our mix of Plantation aged rum, fresh lime, and rum cream.
Circa 1951 - JJJ
Crummy Scoundrel
An absurd blend of amusing flavors and pirate-like fun...but with no pirates. Blackberry, hibiscus, banana, fresh lime.
Circa 1972 - JJJ
Native’s Curse
Unwelcome intruders to the forbidden island are cursed by the Native’s with a terrible spell... never ending boredom. To reverse the curse natives drink an elixir of West Indies rum, passion fruit, coconut, and citrus.
Circa 1956 - JJJ
5.9.15
Paralyzed Polynesian
Polynesian Paralysis: ‘‘A screaming desire not to work, nor do anything that requires any substantial effort either physical or mental.’’ That’s the right attitude. Made with 4 different rums, hibiscus, and citrus.
Circa 1966 - JJJ
One Eyed Willy
This salty dog is a dangerous and deadly potion. Dark Jamaican rum, house-made falernum, orange, pineapple, fresh lime, and 151 rum.
Circa 1962 - JJJ
Extra Special Drinks
Extra Special Drinks require additional credit card deposit
Eruption in Paradise $24 Circa 1969 Lacking any decorum, this smoking potion will bring you to new heights of disgrace. Made with a superb blend of exotic rums, falernum, and fresh fruit nectars. Serves 2-4
Leilani’s Fire Bowl $28 Circa 1983 Never mess with a woman scorned. 48 oz. of liquor-on-fire nonsense. A cadre of booze and boozosity. Mango, hibiscus, pineapple, orange, and citrus bitters. Serves 2-4
Psychotic Suzi $13 Circa 2008
Suzi says, ‘Your petty concerns of authenticity are irrelevant.’” A 20 oz. delirium of Redrum, Sailor Jerry, Trader Vic’s, and a whole lime. Amazing!
Tiki-Tini Gimlet $12 Circa 1963
Psycho is as psycho does. We lastly feature a tikified gin drink for all you non-rum drinking traitors. Beefeater gin, fresh lime, falernum, whiskey barrel aged bitters.
5.29.15
Crap on tap SUMMIT EPA MN
STEEL TOE SIZE 7 IPA MN
BAUHAUS WAGON PARTY West Coast Style Lager
FULTON LONELY BLONDE American Blonde Ale MN
SURLY FURIOUS IPA MN
GRAIN BELT PREMIUM Lager MN
LOON JUICE Cider MN
FAIR STATE PILS Pilsner MN
BLUE MOON Wheat CO
GRAIN BELT NORDEAST Amber MN
MILLER LITE Light From Somewhere
SUMMIT SUMMER Kölsch MN
crap in a bottle or a can BOTTLES OMISSION IPA
PACIFICO
BUDWEISER
TWO HEARTED
NEWCASTLE
CORONA
MICH GOLDEN LIGHT
MILLER HIGH LIFE
TALL BOY CANS SURLY HELL STELLA ARTOIS COORS LIGHT GUINNESS
CRISPIN SURLY BENDER PBR BAUHAUS STARGRAZER INDEED DAYTRIPPER (12 oz can)
wine BRIDLEWOOD - PINOT NOIR Central Coast CA MONTEVINA - PINOT GRIGIO Sierra Foothills, CA ZOLO - MALBEC Mendoza, Argentina LOUIS M. MARTINI - CABERNET Sonoma, CA WILLIAM HILL - CHARDONNAY Napa Valley, CA WITHER HILLS - SAUVIGNON BLANC New Zealand FICTION - RED BLEND (It’s in a can! 3 Glasses.) CA
Celebration CHAMPAGNE IN A CAN - SOPHIA BLANC DE BLANCES Francis Coppola named a champagne after his daughter...then put it in a can. BOTTLE OF BUBBLY Classic Cooks, not Classy Cooks. Don’t get confused. VEUVE CLICQUOT This one is classic and classy...and worth every penny.
Locals Only
sun.-thurs. 9pm-close ALL 55413 & 55418 NEIGHBORS ONLY $6.95 TIKI DRINKS Mai Tai
Psycho Zombie
Evil Headhunter
Scorpion Sting
The Beachcomber
Crummy Scoundrel
Miserable Bastard
Native’s Curse
Coconaut
Paralyzed Polynesian
Fu Manchu
One Eyed Willy
Late Night Food sun.-thurs. 9pm-close $6 SOLO PIZZAS
(WITH BEVERAGE PURCHASE) Choose: Sausage, Pepperoni, Canadian Bacon, or Cheese
Day Brightener Specials Monday-friday 3-6pm (Afternoon
Delight)
$1 OFF TAPS, WELL DRINKS, & WINE
Saturday & Sunday Brunch 10am-2pm BLOODY MARY BAR $9.50 Loads of crap you can shove in a glass
TROPICAL MIMOSAS $7.95 Exotic, Refreshing, and good
BRUNCH BEER Surly Furious $4, PBR $3
