www.gayparentmag.com March-April 2014 Issue

FEATURES

March-April 2014 issue #93

EMAIL & SOCIAL MEDIA Latest family photos and email. - page 4 15th Annual Celebrating Biological Babies - LGBT friendly companies to help build your family - page 6 Fertility Advancements Helps Brooklyn Couple Cecilia and Talya used a new method requiring little to no fertility drugs. - page 8 Meet the American Fertility Association - Executive Director Ken Mosesian explains how the AFA can help LGBT families. - page 9 GPM Publisher Receives QPH Award - We receive an award at Queens Pride House's 2013 16th Anniversary Benefit. - page 10 How to Choose Your Perfect Donor - Choosing sperm is a fun and interactive process, Dr. Michelle Ottey gives tips. - page 12 Selecting a GC or Surrogate - Ellen Fischer and Doran Windsor Bowe offer 7 tips in choosing a gestational carrier or surrogate. - page 14 15th Annual Gay-friendly Camps for Kids Listing Find a summer camp or program for your child. - page 16 A Camp for LGBTQ Families - Learn about Camp Ten Trees in Washington state. - page 18

Founded in 1984 to serve the lesbian community Country’s largest selection of “willing to be known” donors Donor Videos & Photos

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The 3 Best Questions to Ask a Camp Director Michael Thompson of Lantern Camps shares his summer overnight camps knowledge. - page 20 Have Your Children Met Their Half-Siblings Yet? Your child may have 30 half-siblings. - page 23 LGBT Kids Being Raised by LGBT Parents - First in a series of profiles, meet Ashley Layne Eden. - page 24 2 Dads, 3 Moms and 4 Children - Learn about Andrew Solomon's new book and his cooperative parenting. - page 26 Deanne and Christina: A Look Back at Life During DOMA - The life of one binational couple before the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act. - page 28 Ad Index - page 30 Unclassified Ads - page 30

Cover photo by courtesy of Deanne and Christina. Photo credits this page, top to bottom, Alex Pepe, Ashley Willis/Resound Marketing, Airen Lydick, Knight-Biggers family, Ashley Layne Eden, Todd Forrester

GPM, PO Box 750852, Forest Hills, NY 11375-0852 718-380-1780 [email protected] ▼ www.gayparentmag.com March-April 2014, Vol. 16, No. 93, ISSN 1545-6714 Also publisher of Gay Parent magazine - New York Publisher/Editor: Angeline Acain Assistant Editor: Flavia Francesquini Senior Ad Sales Rep: Vivian Schepis Ad Sales Reps: Todd Briscoe, Merrily Guglielmo, Rivendell Media, Inc. Webmaster and Graphic Designers: Brett Cohen Marketing, Administrative, Distribution Assistants: Jiana Eisenberg, Wesley Hite, Victoria Ramos, Kyle Schepis, Ben Suazo Contributors: Doran Windsor Bowe, Ellen Fischer, Airen Lydick, Ken Mosesian, Michelle Ottey, Beverly Prince-Sayward, Michael Thompson, Amanda Williams Subscription INFORMATION: print-$22 1 yr, $37 2 yrs, foreign print- $35 1 yr, $60 2 yrs, digital download-$17 1 yr or $27 2 yrs. Make check payable to Gay Parent magazine. Visit our web site www.gayparentmag.com to order a subscription online, a single digital or print issue, for a listing of parent support groups, and for more information. Gay Parent magazine is not responsible for the claims of its advertisers. Copyright © 1998 - 2014 Gay Parent magazine ▼

Farming, Friends and Outdoor Fun Overnight Camps Ages 9 to 17 Barn Day Camp 4 to 10 Plymouth, Vermont www.farmandwilderness.org March-April 2014 Issue www.gayparentmag.com



EMAIL & SOCIAL MEDIA

A Montessori

Summer 2014

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Family Photo Share Here is a picture of us, the Forrester-Acar family. We have four children – twin boys and twin girls. The larger picture was taken when our sons were 6 months old and our daughters were a month old. Needless to say, we've been a busy family the last few years! - Todd Forrester

www.bhmsny.org

Family Photo Share We're a couple from Monterrey, México, fighting the Education System since it allows for kids to be expelled from daycare due to the kid's parent's sexual preferences. - Alex Pepe Support Group for Adoptive Parents in Michigan am interested in having my organization listed as a resource on your website. The Post Adoption Resource Center at Judson Center provides a support group every second Thursday of each month at our Washtenaw office in Ann Arbor. We invite families who have adopted the opportunity to share their challenges, ideas and support and in exchange be supported by others! We provide dinner and child care. After dinner we split into two separate discussion groups, one for parents and one for kids. Families RSVP to Jennifer Pedley at 734-794-2894 or [email protected]. The PARC program at Judson Center recognizes the unique challenges facing families who have adopted children from the foster care system in Michigan. It is their desire to work together with local community resources to provide assistance to families who are facing challenges after their adoptions have been finalized. It is their hope to build networks of resources and community support for adoptive families in their communities. The PARC program supports families through crisis intervention, short term case management, information, referrals, education and support groups. Thank you. t Erica Humphrey, Support staff, Judson Center

I



www.gayparentmag.com March-April 2014 Issue

We love to hear from you. Send us your photos and comments by email at [email protected] or facebook.com/gay.parent.magazine.com.

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M A RY McD OW ELL F R I E N D S S C HO OL ‹’Ž‹…‹–›Ȉ‡ƒ…‡Ȉ –‡‰”‹–›Ȉ‘—‹–›Ȉ“—ƒŽ‹–›Ȉ‡”˜‹…‡

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Celebrating Biological Babies

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elcome to our 15th annual issue highlighting family building through assisted reproduction. The following are descriptions of gay-friendly businesses that can assist you in growing and nurturing your family. Alta Bates IVF Program 510-649-0440, www.abivf.com See their ad on page 7

American Fertility Association 888-917-3777, www.theafa.org See their ad on page 19 Beverly Hills Egg Donation 310-601-3132, www.bhed.com See their ad on page 10

Ȉ High teacher-tostudent ratios Ȉ Language and occupational therapy services Ȉ Performing and visual arts, Spanish, and athletic teams Ȉ Supportive and challenging college preparatory program ELEMENTARY SCHOOL ȡ 20 Bergen StȱȡȱBrooklyn, NY 11201 ȡȱ718.625.3939 MIDDLE SCHOOL ȡȱ133-135 Summit St ȡȱBrooklyn, NY 11231 ȡȱ718.625.3939 UPPER SCHOOL ȡȱ23 Sidney Pl ȡ Brooklyn, NY 11201 ȡ 718.855.0141

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Melissa B. Brisman, Esq., LLC Reproductive Law Attorney 201-505-0099, www.reproductivelawyer.com See their ad on page 7 Center for Reproductive Medicine and Fertility Dr. Louis Manara 856-767-0009, www.louismanara.com See their ad on page 17 Clover & Coval, LLC Attorneys at Law 215-659-2600, www.clovarcoval.com See their ad on page 24 CryoGam Colorado 800-473-9601, www.cryogam.com See their ad on page 12 Cryos International - New York, LLC 866-366-6777, www.ny.cryosinternational.com See their ad on page 2

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European Sperm Bank USA 800-709-1223, www.europeanspermbankusa.com See their ad on page 15 Fairfax Cryobank 800-338-8407, www.fairfaxcryobank.com See their ad on page 5 Fertility Planit Los Angeles 2014 www.fertilityplanit.com See their ad on page 25 GenePeeks 646-664-4268 www.genepeeks.com See their ad on page 29

Greenwich Fertility & IVF Center Greenwich 203-863-2990, Tuckahoe 914-793-2990, www.greenwichivf.com See their ad on page 11 IVF New Jersey 800-IVFNJ-44, www.ivfnj.com See their ad on page 21 Law Office of Karen Persis, P.A. 407-228-2864, www.karenpersis.com See ad on page 10 Murdoch, Hughes & Twarog Attorneys at Law 802-864-9811, www.mhtpc.com See their ad on page 18 MyDonor www.mydonor.net See their ad on page 9 Neway Fertility 212-750-3330, www.newayfertility.com See their ad on page 19 New England Fertility 203-325-3200, www.nefertility.com See their ad on page 4 New Hope Fertility Center 212-517-7676, www.newhopefertility.com See their ad on back cover NW Cryobank 800-786-5251, www.nwcryobank.com See their ad on page 13 Ohio Reproductive Medicine 614-451-2280, www.ohioreproductivemedicine. com See their ad on page 9 Pacific Reproductive Services 888-469-5800, www.pacrepro.com See their ad on page 3 Pink & Blue Surrogacy and Fertility 920-650-8138, www.pinkandbluesurro.com See their ad on page 15

continued bottom of page 9

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For One Brooklyn Couple, New Fertility Advancements Bring Double the Joy

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or women diagnosed with PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome), the ensuing struggle with fertility is often the most heartbreaking result of the diagnosis. A hormonal imbalance that affects up to 15 percent

of women in their reproductive years – PCOS is one of the most common hormonal disorders impacting women of childbearing age. For Cecilia Lindqvist of Brooklyn, New York this was a diagnosis that was preventing her and wife Talya Pulver-Lindqvist from starting the family they wanted so much. “Being a gay couple is enough of an obstacle to having kids without the addition of PCOS”, recalls Cecilia. Neway Fertility (newayfertility. com) in New York City offers a specialized focus on women suffering from infertility as a result of PCOS. One of the most successful treatments for women with PCOS is IVM (In Vitro Maturation) – a unique alternative to conventional IVF that is minimally invasive, requiring little to no fertility drugs. Neway is a global leader in IVM treatments; its founder, Cecilia Lindqvist (left) and Talya Pulver- Dr. Jin-Ho Lim, perfected the treatLindqvist with their twins. ment overseas, and has overseen

some 1/4 of more than 5,000 IVM babies born in the world. Neway is among the first clinics to bring IVM to the United States, and to date has the highest success rate for IVM in the country. For Cecilia and her wife Talya, the IVM treatment at Neway Fertility became their next best option to have a baby. After several failed attempts with IUI (intrauterine insemination), the couple worried that the IVM treatment would follow in the same suite. Under the supervision of Neway’s Medical Director, Dr. Jesse Hade, Cecilia became pregnant after the first IVM cycle – with twin girls! “The first time Dr. Hade and Dr. Lim told us about IVM, we were hooked. No weeks of heavy meds? No risk of hyper-stimulation? No need to take a second mortgage to cover the cost? IVM was the answer we had been looking for,” said new mom Talya. “The Neway staff continued on page 11

20 14

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Create Adventures and Lasting Memories. Swimming, Outdoor Adventures, Gymnastics, Languages, Music, Drama, Cooking, Science, Field Trips and MUCH, MUCH more.

For more information visit www.beauvoirschool.org/summer 3500 Woodley Road, NW • Washington, DC 20016

The AFA and the LGBT Community

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Ohio Reproductive Medicine

By Ken Mosesian

he American Fertility Association (The AFA) is an inclusive organization committed to helping people build their families of choice by providing leadingedge outreach programs and timely educational information. The scope of our work encompasses reproductive health, infertility treatment and prevention, Ken Mosesian fertility preservation, adoption and third party solutions. From our beginnings as an organization serving those struggling with infertility, we have grown into a family building organization helping all people create their unique path to having a child, whether through assisted reproduction, egg donation, sperm donation, surrogacy, adoption, or choosing to live child free. Over seven years ago, we recognized a substantial unmet need in the LGBT community for quality education and support in the area of family building. To help meet that need, and out of an abundance of compas-

4830 Knightsbridge Blvd., Suite E Columbus, Ohio 43214

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continued on page 11

Celebrating Biological Babies continued from page 6 Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut 800-865-5431, www.rmact.com, www.gayparents2be.com See their ad on page 9 Reproductive Science Center of New Jersey 732-918-2500, www.fertilitynj.com See their ad on page 14 Simple Surrogacy and Simple Donations 866-41-SURRO, www.simplesurrogacy.com, www.simpledonations.com See their ad on page 7 University Reproductive Associates 888-770-9080, www.uranj.com See their ad on page 10 t

Ten fingers. Ten toes. One family. RMA is proud to offer many options for gay and lesbian couples who are serious about starting a family. Our specialists balance the most advanced treatments with compassionate personalized care. Call us for a consultation. We’re here to help.

March-April 2014 Issue www.gayparentmag.com



GPM Publisher Honored by QPH

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n December 6, 2013, the Queens Pride House (QPH) honored Angeline Acain, Publisher and Editor of Gay Parent magazine at their 16th anniversary benefit in Jackson Heights, New York City. In addition to Acain, Pauline Park (President of the board of directors and Acting Executive Director of Queens Pride House) presented awards to Richard Saenz, Staff Attorney for the HIV/LGBT Advocacy Project at Queens Legal Services, and Left to right, Richard Saenz, the group, CAAAV – Organizing Asian ComPauline Park and Angeline Acain. munities. Queens Pride House is the LGBT community center in the borough of Queens. For programming and events visit their web site at www.queenspridehouse.org. t Photos courtesy of Pauline Park

Left to right, Jason Chan, Helena Wong and Anj Chaudhry accept an award on behalf of CAAAV-Organizing Asian Communities for its service to the LGBT community of Queens from Pauline Park.

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Pulver-Lindqvist Family continued from page 8

Everly and Tayte The American Fertility Association continued from page 9 sion for our LGBT brothers and sisters, The AFA created a section of our website dedicated to LGBT issues and instituted national outreach events such as Family Building Tents at Pride Festivals, and Gay Women’s Gatherings focused on helping lesbians become moms. We named LGBT Family Building as one of our four strategic organizational goals. We have also enhanced our Board of Directors with openly gay people who leverage their networks to help further expand our work. This was not a popular stand to take at that time, but it was the right thing to do, and The AFA remains the only national fertility association that reaches the straight and gay communities with equal commitment. Last month, The Elton John AIDS Foundation awarded a $100,000 grant to The American Fertility Association to work with medical professionals, community based organizations, and people living with HIV. The goal is to help them understand that HIV is not necessarily a barrier to safely having biologically related children, and to point them to treatment options. Work will take place in underserved communities in Nashville and Richmond. LGBT persons interesting in building their families will find The AFA’s website www.theafa.org to be a rich resource for educational materials that inspire action, including numerous fact sheets, videos, and handbooks. There is also an online network of professional providers specific to the LGBT community. For more personalized service, please call our toll-free support line at 888-917-3777. t Ken Mosesian is The American Fertility Association's Executive Director. Photo courtesy of Ken Mosesian

gave us unparalleled support and encouragement, giving us back the hope we had lost after a year of trying to conceive. We are so grateful for this magical experience.” The twin girls, Everly and Tayte, were the first births of a research study that Neway Fertility is conducting for women with PCOS and infertility, offering free IVM treatments to up to 10 more women. From their study, 9 out of 11 women are expecting. This is one of the highest success rates for IVM in the United States. Neway’s

study is still open and they’re seeking additional couples in need of fertility treatments. Neway Fertility is working to have IVM become a more mainstream procedure in the United States so women with all types of hormone-sensitive issues, such as PCOS and breast cancer, will have access to the treatment in order to conceive, or freeze their eggs in the safest way possible. t Photos courtesy of Ashley Willis/ Resound Marketing.

Your dream conceived.

You dream about the moment you can hold your baby for the first time. At the Greenwich Fertility Center, we help make your dream a reality with one of the highest pregnancy and live birth success rates in the country. Our NYU Fertility Center physicians are world-renowned in the field of reproductive medicine and together with Greenwich Hospital’s compassionate staff, our team provides comforting, supportive and personalized care from your initial consultation to your final treatment. Greenwich Fertility Center is where hope comes alive. Greenwich Fertility Center, 203.863.2990 55 Holly Hill Lane, Suite 270, Greenwich, CT Greenwich Fertility & Medical Group, 914.793.2990 115 Main Street, Suite 300, Tuckahoe, NY Affiliated with the New York University Fertility Center and Greenwich Hospital www.greenwichIVF.com Consultations I Infertility Testing/Diagnostics I In Vitro Fertilization I PGD I Donor Egg I Egg Freezing I Surgical Services

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March-April 2014 Issue www.gayparentmag.com

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2/11/14 12:12 PM

How To Choose Your Perfect Donor Match By Michelle Ottey, PhD

hen two women are ready to start building their family they have to find a sperm donor that is right for them. Choosing a sperm donor is a fun and interactive process. Many begin by listing characteristics or features they value; you may find this a useful first step. These lists often include ethnic background, physical characteristics, education, and interests. This is a great way to start because it gets you thinking about the qualities you will use to choose your donor. Often couples will find that they are fairly open about most characteristics but feel strongly about a few others. When visiting the Sperm Bank’s website you will discover a plethora of information at your fingertips. LEVEL OF TESTING and SCREENING: Research the level of testing and screening that is done on the sperm donors, and to choose a bank that provides the highest level

Image courtesy of renjith krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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of testing available to protect yourself and your child. Speak to your physician for their recommendation. Some sperm banks offer forums or discussion boards where you will have the option to interact with others on their journey to parenthood. This can be helpful in your process of choosing a sperm bank and a sperm donor. Although you can find donors in multiple ways, using a sperm bank provides extra assurances that will protect you and your child. The FDA has set strict guidelines to ensure that only healthy men free of sexually transmitted disease (STD) are allowed to be donors. When donors test free of STDs after 6 months, vials are released for use. ANNONYMOUS or ID OPTION DONOR An important initial consideration will be the choice of Anonymous or ID Option sperm donors. Anonymous sperm donors are just

that, anonymous; their identifying information will not be released to you or your child. ID Option sperm donor information will be released, upon request, to your child once they have reached the age of eighteen. It is important to understand the specifics of the sperm bank’s ID release policy; not all programs are the same. Be sure to choose a program that meets your needs. All sperm donors should have detailed medical and personal information available regardless of their donor category as anonymous or ID. WHAT’S IMPORTANT To start your search for a donor, consider the characteristics that you value most highly. Use those to narrow the donor options. For example, choose to review only donors with a similar ethnic background to yours. Narrow the list further by putting in some other characteristics. You can start to review their profiles and supplemental information; like essays or staff impressions, audio interviews or baby photos. Eventually, you will settle on a sperm donor that feels right for continued bottom of page 17

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March-April 2014 Issue www.gayparentmag.com

13

LEGAL TIP

Due Diligence in Selecting a Gestational Carrier or Surrogate By Ellen S. Fischer, Esq. and Doran Windsor Bowe, Esq.

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o date, no uniform standard exists to pre-screen and evaluate gestational carrier (GC) or traditional surrogacy candidates. Many intended parents are unaware of the wide range of beneficial screening

The Reilly Paglialunga family

gards to rule out any pre-existing issues in diligence and an informed perspective helps carrying/delivery, (3) a psychological evalua- to earn that critical trust. Our ART clients tion to determine mental health and ability to are balancing many emotions at the outset cope with the emotional implications of completing the role of a GC or traditional surrogate, (4) a criminal background check, (5) materials pertaining to the scope of a candidate’s insurance coverage to ensure there is no exclusion provision for ART, (6) a home visit to determine the safety and cleanliness of the Ellen Fischer (left) and Doran Windsor environment in which your Bowe of Clover & Coval Law Office. baby will be growing and (7) information concerning the of this exciting and challenging journey and proximity of family members being able to provide peace of mind and asor childcare support for other children in the surance in key aspects of the process is very household, in the event of bed rest. rewarding for us as attorneys. Trusting another individual to carry and To learn more, please call us at: The protect your growing baby is never easy. Law Offices of Clover & Coval, LLC, 215In our practice, we consistently find that 659-2600. t Photos courtesy of Ellen Fischer and Gay Parent magazine selecting a GC or surrogate based on due

"Trusting another individual to carry and protect your growing baby is never easy."

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March-April 2014 Issue www.gayparentmag.com

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T

15th Annual Gay-friendly Camps for Kids Listing

he following overnight camps are located in Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Vermont, and Washington (Lantern Camps is a national directory). Also listed are private schools and organizations with summer programs and day camps, located in California, Colorado, District of Columbia, Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania. Visit our web site www.gayparentmag.com for short descriptions of the camps and schools. OVERNIGHT CAMPS

www.shirevillage.org see ad on page 7

NATIONAL LISTING

NEW JERSEY

Lantern Camps 918-928-7289 www.lanterncamps.com see ad on page 20 MAINE

Pine Island Camp 207-729-7714 www.pineisland.org see ad on page 21 MARYLAND

Camp Wright 410-643-4171 www.campwright.com see ad on page 21 MASSACHUSETTS

Shire Village Camp 718-622-8204

Campus Kids 833-633-7350 www.campuskids.com see ad on page 19 NEW YORK

Campus Kids see New Jersey Surprise Lake Camp 212-924-3131 www.surpriselake.org see ad on page 17 NORTH CAROLINA Camp Henry 828-646-0095 www.camphenry.net see ad on page 16

PENNSYLVANIA

Camp Highlight Camp for children of LGBT parents 646-535-CAMP (2267) www.camphighlight. com see ad on page 9 VERMONT

Farm & Wilderness Summer Camp Overnight Camp ages 9 - 17 Barn Day Camp 4 - 10 802-422-3761 www.farmandwilderness.org see ad on page 3 Kimberly Farms Horseback Riding Sleepaway Camp

802-442-5454 see ad on page 10

day and boarding 213-355-5204 www.pilgrim-school.org see ad on page 18

WASHINGTON

Camp Ten Trees 206-288-9568 www.camptentrees.org see ad on page 22 DAY CAMP / SUMMER PROGRAMS CALIFORNIA

Brentwood School K - 6th grade: 310-471-1041 7 - 12 grade: 310-476-9633 Los Angeles, CA 90049 www.bwscampus.com See ad on page 15 Pilgrim School Preschool - 12th grade,

Wildwood School Summer All grades 310-397-3134 www.wildwood. org/summer see ad on page 20 COLORADO

Broomfield Academy Age 2-1/2 - 14 303-469-6449 www.broomfieldacademy.com see ad on page 19 DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA

Beauvoir School

Summer Program 202-537-6485 www.beauvoirschool. org/summer see ad on page 8 MASSACHUSETTS

Summer Fenn Age 5 - 15 978-318-3614 www.summerfenn.org see ad page 12 The Montessori School of Northampton Ages 2 - 12 413-586-4538 www.northamptonmontessori.com see ad page 7 NEW YORK

Alexander Robertson School

“The two most important things we teach are to love learning and to love one another.” – Virginia Connor, Head of School

St. Hilda’s & St. Hugh’s Morningside Heights, New York City www.sthildas.org/community | 212-932-1980 16 www.gayparentmag.com March-April 2014 Issue

K - 5th grade 212-663-2844 www.alexanderrobertson.org see ad on page 23 Bankstreet Summer Camp Prek - 9th grade 212-875-4705 www.bankstreet. edu/camp see ad on page 8 Brooklyn Heights Montessori School/A Montessori Summer Age 3.5 -12 718-858-5100 www.bhmsny.org/programs/summer See ad on page 4 Dalton School K - 12th grade 212-423-5200 www.dalton.org see ad on page 27 Rye Country Day School Pre-K - 12th grade 914-925-4513 www.ryecountryday.org see ad on page 9 St. Hilda’s & St. Hugh’s Nursery - 8th grade 212-932-1980 www.sthildas.org/community See ad on page 16

The Weekday School at Riverside Church Ages 2 - 6 212-870-6743 www.wdsnyc. org/pages/summersidecamp see ad on page 24 Mary McDowell Friends School K - 12th grade 718-625-3939 www.marymcdowell.org see ad on page 6 PENNSYLVANIA

French International School of Philadelphia Summer Camp 610-667-1284 www.efiponline.com see ad on page 15 Friends Central School PreK - 12th grade 610-642-1018 www.friendscentral.org see ad on page 6 Friends Select School PreK - 12 grade 215-561-5900 x 104 www.friends-select.org see ad on page 22 United Friends School Preschool - 8th grade 215-538-1733 www.unitedfriendsschool.org See ad on page 7 t

How To Choose Your Perfect Donor Match continued from page 12 you. You can work with your physician who will advise you on the specific preparation of donor sperm that you will need for your procedure then place your order. Once ordered you are well on your way to building your happy family. t Michelle Ottey, PhD, is the Laboratory Director for Fairfax Cryobank, a Genetics & IVF Institute cryobank and a leader in the field of donor sperm. Since 1986, Fairfax Cryobank has provided the highest-quality, best-tested donor sperm to individuals and couples building their families. Visit www.fairfaxcryobank. com.

March-April 2014 Issue www.gayparentmag.com

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Camp Ten Trees: Just for LGBTQ Families

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Camp Ten Trees campers having fun.

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18 www.gayparentmag.com March-April 2014 Issue

By Airen Lydick

ummer camp – it’s a time of fun and friendships, activities and adventures, and of creating memories that last lifetimes. For children and youth of LGBTQ families and communities, however, this sort of summer camp experience may seem inaccessible because of the discrimination, invisibility, and lack of understanding they encounter throughout their daily lives. Camp Ten Trees is a loving and engaging environment for these diverse youth to come together – sharing common experiences, honoring their differences, and forming a community that is truly their own. Since 2001, Camp Ten Trees has been committed to developing a camp community that honors creativity, individual choice, and the interdependence of community living. Through a blend of traditional summer camp activities and innovative programming rooted in a commitment to social justice, each Camp Ten Trees camper has the opportunity to strengthen inner courage, develop leadership skills, and build lifelong connections. Camp sessions are staffed by highly qualified and well-trained volunteers who pool their extensive experiences and skills –drawn from teaching, social work, community organizing, business, law, parenting, and much more –to create a positive and enriching camp community. In 2014, for the 14th consecutive summer, Camp Ten Trees continued on page 22

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March-April 2014 Issue www.gayparentmag.com

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The Three Best Questions to Ask a Camp Director….and what you should listen for. By Michael Thompson

S

ummer planning is in full swing as we round Spring Break and head toward June. It’s time to ditch the school books and make plans to sit outside around a campfire. It’s time for camp. But which one? In wading through the options, it’s important to ask questions that reveal how the camp provides a safe, accepting and nurturing environment. Yes, you need to ask the typical questions about background checks and program design, but the key is to discover more about the camp’s culture, the intentionality of program design, and the passion of the camp directors. So, ditch those questions about ratios (directors can recite those numbers like a well-rehearsed camp lip-synch routine). Instead, throw them a few curve balls to discover more about their camp’s personality and culture. continued bottom of page 22

Make summer plans for your child through Lantern Camps.

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Camp Ten Trees continued from page 18 will offer residential summer camp sessions. From August 10th through August 16th, children and youth (ages 8-17) who are from LGBTQ or nontraditional families will come together in a beautifully forested Washington state camping environment, complete with swimming, archery, all-camp meals, campfires, hiking, boating, community-building games, and so much more! Then, from August 17th through August 23rd, LGBTQ and Allied youth (ages 13-17) will engage in the summer’s second camp session, also enjoying all the fun of traditional summer camp activities plus the innovative social justice programming that deepens the Camp Ten Trees experience. “Camperships” (camper scholarships) are available for both camp sessions, and Camp Ten Trees

is thrilled to have never turned away a potential camper due to lack of funds. The camper registration and volunteer application processes for the 2014 Camp Ten Trees camp sessions are underway. Youth and adults from throughout the United States and beyond are invited to learn more about these summer camp sessions and how to be a part of them. Please visit http://camptentrees.org for more information, to apply to volunteer, or to register as a camper. Make this the year you start building your Camp Ten Trees family and find out why, in the words of one longtime Camp Ten Trees volunteer, “It’s not just a camp. It’s a revolution.” t Airen Lydick is the Executive Director, of Camp Ten Trees, www.camptentrees.org. Photo courtesy of Airen Lydick.

Three Best Questions to Ask a Camp Director...continued from page 20

What you want to hear is that both campers and staff are trained prior to the trip and that the leaders have specific training and experience on the water. By the way, training is the easy part. Experience is often more valuable.

1. Camp traditions and special events are key elements to a camp’s culture, so ask the director: “What is your camp’s most important tradition or special event?” This little gem will reveal a lot about what’s valued at camp. If it is a special campfire, then that tells you that building community is important. If there is a special award given for specific skills, it lets you know that individual character or skill development is likely a priority. If it’s a Counselor Hunt, it reveals that fun is highly valued.

One major is located on two continents. Do you know which? The Center City Quaker school that sparks fascination.

friends-select.org

22 www.gayparentmag.com March-April 2014 Issue

2. After looking at a camp’s website, you might find some camp activities a bit unnerving. After all, you’re about to send your son or daughter to a far-off land to be cared for by college kids. Guess what? Those college kids know more than you think they do, and the camp directors know even more. They are a trustworthy bunch who are exceptionally good at what they do. But, you still need to poke around and confront the elephant in the room. If you’re nervous about a camp’s whitewater rafting trip, try asking “Tell me how you prepare the campers for the rafting trip?” and “Who leads the rafting trips?”

3. Most camps are eager to welcome campers from a variety of backgrounds. It’s worth asking, though, “Tell me about your typical camp family?” It’s illuminating to hear about the camp families through the director’s eyes. Though meeting new friends from around the world is a big benefit of camp, you’ll want more than a geography lesson. If, after hearing more about the families, you still aren’t sure if a child from a same-sex parent home will be accepted, be direct and ask. What you’ll typically discover is that camps welcome families from all walks of life. More importantly, campers will be accepted for who they are and will become, not for who their parents are. t Michael Thompson founded Lantern Camps to help parents discover the country’s premier overnight camps. He is a former camp director and speaks nationally about summer camp. More at www.LanternCamps. com. Photo courtesy of Michael Thompson.

Donor Siblings: Have Your Children Met Their Half-Siblings Yet? By Beverly Prince-Sayward

“Our kids immediately connected and were hugging in the airport like long lost friends.” - MK

W

hat does having a sibling mean to you? Would you feel a bond or connection to your sibling even if you had never met before? For many children who were conceived via artificial insemination with the use of a donor, this is the exact response they had to meeting their half-siblings. Michelle Knight and Rebecca Biggers are the

have their half-siblings and each other to share experiences will be great for them. Computers and smart phones have opened up a new world for our children and they have the ability to reach out to each other no matter how far apart they live.” Skip ahead a few years and Kimberly Dillon and Rhonda Kissinger, loving parents of Abbi Rose Dillon-Kissinger, age 9 also joined DSR. “Abbi is an only child and our extended family is not really involved in her life. While we have a truly wonderful group of supportive friends with children, I thought it would be a fulfilling opportunity for Abbi to meet some of her biological half-siblings. I also thought it might be helpful to establish a correspondence with some of the other parents, to compare notes in regards to behaviors and medical issues we see in our children. I joined the registry but the first parent to contact me actually discovered me through social media. She had Googled the donor’s number and I had referenced his number in one of my entries. When I first got the message, it was very surreal. I was excited and nervous.” Kimberly not only met one family of Abbi’s donor siblings, but she was invited to The Knight-Biggers family, left to right - Bodhi, join a group of families whom all had used the same donor. “When I was invited to become Rebecca, Michelle, and Remi. part of a ‘Secret Group’ on Facebook, it was loving parents of Remi Duval Biggers-Knight, age 9 very overwhelming to see that Abbi had at least and Bodhi Nelson Biggers-Knight, age 5. Spurred 30 half-siblings! Initially, as I took in the many truly by an advertisement Michelle’s mom saw on tele- breathtaking photos of the exceptionally gorgeous vision about the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR), children of our donor, my first thought was ‘But my they decided to join. “We thought it would be a Abbi is special!’ Thankfully, that initial thought soon good idea for us to know about their half-siblings faded and I began to delight in seeing the different and families, and be able to connect with them for features that reminded me of my daughter: big, alour children’s sake.” mond shaped eyes, the uniquely French nose that Michelle and Rebecca knew their daughter reflects the donor’s ethnicity, and always, always Remi had some allergies and figured that sharing the independent and strong jawline. I was proud medical information with the other parents might then, proud that my Abbi belonged to this group of be helpful. They also thought it might be interest- children who were not only strikingly beautiful, but ing to find out what the other children were like. whose intelligent and kind natures shone through What they hadn’t realize upon first joining the reg- as well.” istry was how the donor siblings could be a conWhile Remi and Bodhi, children of Michelle tinuing resource for their children – especially as Knight and Rebecca Biggers, had known from todthey enter their teen years: “The best part of all is dlerhood about having half-siblings and had the that this will be a good support for our kids as they opportunity of meeting many of their half-siblings get older and go through the teen years. They may in person twice at ‘family reunions,’ Abbi hadn’t feel strange about how they were brought into this known that she even had half-siblings until the age world. I know that as kids age, the peer pressure of 9. According to her mother Kimberly, “At this becomes more intense and I think for our kids to point, I think it would continued on page 29

March-April 2014 Issue www.gayparentmag.com

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LGBT Kids Being Raised by LGBT Parents: Meet Ashley Layne Eden By Beverly Prince-Sayward

ost of us who identify as LGBT were raised in heterosexual houseM holds. So does it make a difference to be LGBT raised in a LGBT household? Is it easier? Harder? The Same? This is the first in a series of three

24 www.gayparentmag.com March-April 2014 Issue

profiles of LGBT children raised by LGBT parents. For this series, I had the privilege of speaking with Ashley Layne Eden, a young self-identified lesbian woman who was raised by lesbian mothers after the divorce of her mother from her biological father. Gay Parent magazine (GPM): Growing up with LGBT parents, did you think it was easier to come out as LGBT yourself? Ashley Layne Eden: My parents Ashley Layne Eden have always encouraged me to be myself - whether this was driving me to every theatre rehearsal, buying cleats, or sitting down with me and re-learning algebra all over again. Their love and dedication spilled over to when I confessed to my mom that I was questioning my sexuality. She glanced over at me from the front seat, smiled, and said, “We have known since you were in third grade.” It was almost an unspoken rule in our house: we could always find ourselves and they would be there to lift us up. Knowing my own parents’ sexuality, I knew that they would have no problem when I began to question. Looking back, I realize how blessed I was to live in an environment that was loving, open, and supporting to personal growth. I was able to find myself and not feel ashamed or alone. I hope one day, all LGBT individuals can experience such an environment. GPM: As a younger child did you ever assume that you would be either gay or straight because of your family or the norm of the larger society? Ashley: This question immediately takes me back to Disney princess movies. Whereas some girls wanted to be the princess, I wanted to be the prince. The swords, clothes, and slaying dragons were empowering but in the end, I wanted my happily ever after to be with a girl. I assumed that all little girls had to grow up to love boys. I was supposed to be straight - that is what society taught me through stories, TV shows, and movies. When I realized that my happily ever after looks different than other girls, I became scared and turned to my family for guidance. They told me to not worry about assumptions and focus on how I feel. GPM: How did growing up in a LGBT family help prepare you for dealing with the heterosexually dominant world? Ashley: Growing up, I was always around many different families. This was because of our church, a MCC domination - gay dad families, lesbian mom families, straight families, families with adopted children, families with divorced parents. It was a shock for me to discover that not everyone was as open or had been around different types of families. When I left that safety of my home and church environment, my eyes opened to the world. However, I was always taught most people didn’t understand and were afraid of what they did not know. So whenever I opened my front door and entered the world of judgment, discrimination, and fear, I would take it upon myself to teach them what my LGBT family taught me: love is what makes a family. GPM: Have you received any kind of continued top of page 27

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25

The Bond that Defines Family By Amanda Wiliams

as Best Book of 2012 by numerous national book reviews, including the San Francisco Chronicle, The Economist, The Boston Globe, and Time Magazine. Whether the differences are physical, mental, or behavioral, Solomon shows us that every relationship between parent and child is unique, and raising children with an open and understanding heart, loving them completely as they are, is not only challenging, but rewarding and absolutely necessary. Andrew Solomon doesn't just write about complex family issues, but lives and parents within a uniquely complex family structure himself. His husband, John, is the biological father of two children with Tammy and Laura, a lesbian couple they are friends with, and those children, Lucy and Oliver, reside in Minneapolis with their mothers. Andrew has a biological daughter, Blainey, with a close friend from college, Blaine, and she lives with her mother in Texas. John and Andrew also have a son, George, who lives ndrew Solomon is a multi-award winning auwith them and is the biological child of Andrew and Lauthor and lecturer, whose latest book, Far From ra, one of the women from the lesbian couple in Minnethe Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity apolis. As Andrew puts it, “The shorthand is five parents explores the relationships between parents and children of four children in three states.” in families in which the children present an identity very One of the most stunning dynamics of the family is different from that of the parent. As his website states, that the parenting is cooperative, with limits. John and “He writes about families coping with deafness, dwarfAndrew primarily parent George, but receive input from ism, Down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, multiple Laura and Tammy, who George calls Mommy and Mama. severe disabilities, with children who are prodigies, who Laura and Tammy primarily parent Lucy and Oliver, but are conceived in rape, who become criminals, who are John and Andrew, who they call Daddy and Papa, are transgender.” The depth with which he delves into the consulted for advice or suggestions. Blainey is primarily thoughts and feelings of his subjects makes this book parented by Blaine and Andrew, although she lives only an absolutely fascinating read, and garnered it a spot on with Blaine. As Andrew puts it, “We’re very clear that the New York Times best seller list. Far From the Tree was also chosen each child has two parents who make the parenting decisions — and that we are all interested in what third parties have to say. I’m always glad to hear the advice of the rest of the group even though I make my own decisions about what advice to follow.” Although their family is unconventional, Solomon finds convention in much of the parenting they provide to their children. “They read many of the books I read when I was little; we work on reading and other basic skills as we did; I tell them stories; we spend lots of time with my father and stepmother, giving them a very strong association with a multigenerational family. We take care about their nutrition, health, and schooling. George is obsessed with cars and trucks; Blainey is very taken with baby dolls. I’d like to think that bringing them up swaddled in our love is in some ways keeping with the most profound part of traditional parenting.” Of course, along with any uniqueness in a child or a child's family, comes the possibility of teasing. Solomon understands that their situation could lead to their children facing some ridicule, Left to right: Oliver, John, George, Andrew, big Blaine, little Blaine, but he says, “We try to give them the tools they Tammy, Laura, and Lucy will need to rise to the occasion: self-confidence in who they are (which must perforce include www.gayparentmag.com March-April 2014 Issue Andrew Solomon

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26

who we are) for a start.” He wants them to grow up honestly, even if it does mean facing challenges. “I spent years in the closet, and the experience was very painful, and I’d like them to grow up being openly themselves.” As Solomon acknowledges, the gap between gay or lesbian children and straight parents can be extremely wide. Growing up with parents who are not supportive of who one is at the very core is damaging, particularly within the larger context of a society where homophobia is often commonplace, even within the legal system. It can feel as if there is no where to turn, no safe haven where who you are is not only accepted, but appreciated and valued. In the 1960's and 70's, when Solomon was growing up, homosexuality was defined as a mental illness and reviled by society at large. It's not surprising then, that Solomon's own homosexuality was not readily accepted by his parents, especially his mother. In his book, Far From the Tree, he says he has learned to see his mother's rejection of his gayness as something of a protective gesture, not only toward him but toward herself as well. Why would any parent want their child to grow up an object of ridicule, hatred, or mocking? Within the context of the time period, she wasn't able to see that the problem didn't lie with her son's homosexuality, but rather, within the homophobia and ignorance of those around him. He says, “In my own life, I feel my parents always loved me but didn’t always accept me, and I found the deficits in their acceptance very troubling, and conflated them with the lack of love.” Now, with children of his own, Solomon draws on those early feelings of rejection in his own parenting. Not only does he believe children need to be accepted as they are, but also that their personal identities should be celebrated. While his children are still very young, and thus have not proclaimed identities wildly different from his own, he says he is very aware that they are wholly themselves rather than younger copies of himself. With this awareness comes the knowledge that to love them fully means to celebrate them for who they are, and who they will become. As each child is different and deserving of understanding, so too is every family. Whether it be five parents of four kids in three states, or a single parent doing their best to raise an only child, the bond that defines true family is love. t Photos courtesy of Andrew Solomon

LGBT Kids Being Raised by LGBT Parents continued from page 24 comments related to you being LGBT and having been raised by LGBT parents? For example, some people erroneously say that LGBT parents "make" their children LGBT. Ashley: There was one comment made through an article in the Indianapolis Star after my mom’s book was published. This man implied that if I had grown up in a “normal” or heterosexual home then I would not be a lesbian. GPM: Your mother’s book, If You Were Me: the memoir of a mother torn between doing

what's right and what's easy, by Angela Eden, is about your mother’s grappling with your biological father’s demands that she not be a lesbian or lose custody of you and your brother. Can you tell us a little more about that? Ashley: My mother came out and divorced my father in 1999. At first, he did not show any vindication. Then, on her last day of school in 2001, (she taught 3rd grade), she was served custody papers charging her to be amoral and unstable due to her sexual orientation. She wrote about that summer along with snapshots of her life GPM: You mentioned that you have a brother. Is he LGBT continued on page 30

Building a diverse community since 1919 “..the object of a democratic education is...to bring various groups into such constant interaction that no individual could presume to live independently of others.” Helen Parkhurst, Founder

P^_neÛee=Zemhgl mission by teaching students to value diversity and inclusion as contributing citizens in an increasingly interdependent world. Visit our Community Life & Diversity pages at www.dalton.org

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Deanne and Christina: A Look Back at Life During DOMA By Amanda Williams

Deanne (left) and Christina

O

n Christmas day, 2012, my wife and I received a call from our friends Deanne and Christina, in Newfoundland, Canada. We put them on speakerphone and watched each other's faces break into smiles as they shouted the news in unison. After months of trying to conceive, Deanne was finally pregnant and they were going to be mommies in August. We were overjoyed for them, and, as a lesbian couple who also struggled for many months to conceive, we understood their exhilaration and tremendous sense of relief. Excited and blissful emotion poured out of the phone, and it seemed as if theirs was an ideal life. A nearly perfect love affair, a quaint house in beautiful Newfoundland, and now a baby on the way. But for Deanne and Christina, the road to this quaint house and sweet little baby had been a long and difficult one. Deanne and Christina first met in 2006, and were head over heels in love from day one. After talking for months online, Christina, an Indiana native then living in Ohio, drove 10 hours to the airport in Toronto to pick up Deanne, a Canadian citizen living in Newfoundland. Deanne, her dog and cat in tow, was leaving behind her family and friends and moving to Ohio to live with Christina. They both had passports. They were both in love. They were so wrapped up in each other that they hadn't considered the complexities facing bi-national gay couples. Instead, they packed Deanne's belongings into Christina's car, and simply headed south to start a new life together. In 1996 the Federal government passed the Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA, which defined marriage as a legal union between one man and one woman. Now, more and more US states are making strides toward marriage equality, but in 2012, the Supreme Court tackled it's validity, DOMA was still 28 www.gayparentmag.com March-April 2014 Issue

in effect and wreaking havoc on same-sex couples in the US. For bi-national gay couples, DOMA was a nearly impenetrable wall hindering foreign born partners from gaining legal US citizenship. Because of DOMA, the same pathways to citizenship available to legally married straight couples were denied to same-sex partners. Deanne and Christina, however, didn't have DOMA on their minds when they crossed the border into the US for the first time. They had prepared a story in case they were questioned, but the border patrol agents only asked to see Christina's passport and waved them through. It was during their subsequent trips to and from Canada that the questions became more detailed and the border agents began to scrutinize their intentions. As their love deepened and their lives became more entwined, the threat of Deanne being deported loomed larger. Settled down in Ohio, the love affair between Christina and Deanne played out like a fairy tale. They made their home a welcoming refuge from the outside world and spent hours cuddled up, listening to music, cooking together, and dreaming of a house full of children. They took weekend camping trips, and visited with Christina's family in Indiana when they could. Their lives were filled with happiness and love, despite the sacrifices they made to sustain it. Deanne was homesick, but didn't want to risk suspicion if she crossed the border too often. She could only work low-paying odd jobs to supplement Christina's income, and only sought employers willing to pay her under the table. Perhaps most importantly, she gave up her Canadian health care, joining the nation's growing ranks of uninsured illegal immigrants. But despite the hurdles, their love never wavered, and in 2006, on a pier overlooking Lake Erie, Deanne asked Christina to be hers forever. Christina

said yes, and the following January, Deanne and Christina crossed the border into Toronto where, under Canada's Civil Marriage Act, they made a life-long promise of love to each other and were legally wed. Back in Ohio, however, the legal commitment they made in Canada was entirely void and they were once again, in the eyes of US law, an unmarried couple undeserving of the benefits bestowed upon heterosexual married couples. The most important of which was Deanne's inability to apply for permanent residency although she was now legally married to a U.S. Citizen. Despite feeling wrapped in normalcy during their brief stay in Canada, they were once again living on quicksand, feeling like every move was being watched by Immigration Services. Their dreams of starting a family were forced to the back-burner, as Deanne's constant risk of deportation sat like a stone in their hearts. DOMA was a living, breathing monster in their lives, and they had no way of escaping it. Deanne and Christina had always been extremely careful when crossing from Canada into the US. In order to prove that Deanne didn't have what border agents call “immigrant intent” they always had a fictional visit planned, complete with a return plane ticket to Canada, and a hotel room on the US side of the border. The ticket, of course, was never used, and the room was canceled once they'd made it safely across. In 2010, however, while re-entering the US after visiting Deanne's parents in Newfoundland, they hadn't

had the 500 dollars needed for the dummy ticket. Christina (standing) This time, the monster caught them. Border patrol and Deanne with their agents interrogated them separately for over half baby Marlee and hour as they and then told Deanne she had fourteen days to cross back into Canada or they would start searching for her. Two weeks later, in the spring of 2010, Deanne and Christina's world crumbled as they said goodbye to each other, not knowing how long it would be before they would see each other again. Deanne moved back to Newfoundland and Christina moved in with her parents in Indianapolis. They were separated for three heart-rending months before they saved up enough money for Christina to uproot her own life and move to Canada. In the three years since, Christina has made only one trip home to see her parents, and is currently in the process of becoming a Canadian citizen. Because of the US government's anti-gay policies, specifically DOMA, bi-national gay couples had very little control over their own lives, and choices straight couples take for granted were completely out of reach. The only choice Christina was given was to choose between her country and her wife. She chose her wife. And now, with Deanne due to give birth to their first child in August, it turns out she also chose her family. Update Although DOMA was repealed by the Supreme Court in June of 2013, Deanne and Christina have chosen to remain continued on page 30

Donor Siblings continued from page 23

be unfair to withhold this information from Abbi any longer. If I were in her shoes when I found out later about my half-siblings and realized my parents didn’t inform me of them earlier, I would resent them. In this modern world of open communication through social media, Abbi will get curious someday and start looking up information about her donor and will discover quickly that she has many half-siblings, so I think it’s important to start introducing her to them now. Where those relationships go when they are The Dillon-Kissinger family, left to right adults will be up to then.” Michelle and Rebec- Rhonda, Kimberly and Abbi. ca had a similar reaction to Kimberly and Rhonda upon seeing the donor siblings of Remi and Bodhi many years ago: “We were shocked at first about the similarities between the siblings. We always felt that Remi and Bodhi looked like Rebecca because she had birthed them, but when you see the half-siblings all together, they have a similar look – especially around the chin. The personalities of the kids were similar as well – all with high energy and all very smart!” Having attended two ‘family reunions’ already and been in contact with the sibling group for over six years, Michelle and Rebecca have found their connections to the families of their children’s half-siblings to be very supportive and a wonderful experience. “I think in a perfect world we would have the resources to travel and see the half-siblings continued on page 30

March-April 2014 Issue www.gayparentmag.com

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LGBT Kids Being Raised by LGBT Parents continued from page 27

too?

Ashley: For a brief period of time he did feel as if he may be bi-sexual. But now he identifies as straight. I believe when you live in an open, accepting environment as teenagers begin to question who they are as individuals, this environment allows them to explore their sexuality in a healthy, supportive environment instead of feeling ashamed for wanting to find themselves. GPM: How has being LGBT raised in a LGBT family affected your dating life? Does it make it easier to bring home a potential girlfriend? UNCLASSIFIED ADS

RELOCATION / MOVING? Instant Free Access to the Nation’s Top LGBT Real Estate Professionals, from the Nation’s Top Companies. FREE Buyers Representation, FREE Relocation Assistance, FREE Sellers Competitive Market Analysis and more. Choose Your Perfect Agent On line: www.GayRealEstate.com. 1.888.420. MOVE (6683) 100% Confidential. HOW TO PLACE AN UNCLASSIFIED AD $25 minimum for 50 words or less. More than 50 words is 50¢ per word. Add your logo for $20. Advertise in more than one issue. Submit typed ad along with payment and mail to GPM, PO Box 750852, Forest Hills, NY 11375-0852. Deadline for our May-June 2014 issue is April 10, 2014. Visit our web site, www. gayparentmag.com for more advertising options. t DISPLAY AD INDEX Assisted Reproduction See list starting on page 6 Camps & Independent Schools / Preschools See list starting on page 16 Events Family Outfest - page 25 Fertility Planit Los Angeles 2014 - page 25 21st GLBT Expo - page 31 Psychotherapy Susan Eisenberg, LCSW - page 21 t Subscribe through our web site, gayparentmag.com Follow us on Facebook, facebook.com/ gay.parent.magazine & Twitter, twitter.com/gayparentmag Shop at our gift & clothing store, zazzle.com/gay_parent_magazine 30 www.gayparentmag.com March-April 2014 Issue

Ashley: I believe being raised in a LGBT family has helped my dating life in a positive way. I knew my parents would accept my girlfriend and try to make her feel as safe as possible. I always felt a sense of pride knowing that my parents would welcome whichever gender I brought home. They even were a safe haven for my date, who would have been terrified to introduce me to her parents. GPM: How has your date reacted to you having an LGBT family? Ashley: I have only dated one girl but she was very comforted to know that she would not be judged or thrown out of the house. I know she was terrified to introduce me to her parents. GPM: You received a scholarship from Hanover College for students who fight social injustice. Can you tell us a little more about that? Ashley: Hanover College awards 10 fulltuition scholarships for students who demonstrate outstanding leadership and made significant contributions to their high school's climate regarding diversity. I was chosen due to my role as co-president of my high school's gay-straight alliance club. Throughout my senior year, I led presentations aimed at promoting awareness and acceptance Deanne and Christina continued from page 29 in Canada. Having uprooted their lives time and time again in order to stay together, and with their first child born in August 2013, they feel it's finally time to settle. Canada, they think, is a good settling point for them for many reasons, one of which is Canada's nationwide recognition of same-sex marriages. Another is that Christina is legally recognized as the other parent to their child, and her name appears on the birth certificate. Christina is no longer planning on giving up her American citizenship, and instead intends to apply for residency only. They plan on having all of their children in Canada, and perhaps, once their family is complete, they will move back to the United States. Donor Siblings continued from page 29 more often and have more reunions. It would be great for our kids to get together more. I will definitely encourage my kids as they grow older and more independent to have a relationship with their half-siblings. For now, I am grateful that we had DSR to help us find each other and I am thankful that the technology is available for our children to stay in touch. We are a blessed bunch.” Kimberly Dillon and Rhonda Kissinger, just starting on their journey to meeting all the donor siblings, have been equally impressed with their initial experience getting to know their donor sib-

of LGBTQ students. In addition, I wrote and directed a play titled “Blue” about a society where some people are born blue and are banished at the age of adulthood. I am currently working with other scholar winners to bring a series of diversity awareness workshops to Hanover. GPM: Is there anything else that you would like to express about yourself and being LGBT raised by LGBT parents? Ashley: On October, 23rd 2013 my moms got married in Iowa. My Facebook status stated: I do not remember a time when Angie was not in my life. Nor do I ever want to. She brought love, grace, and warmth into my household fourteen years ago. She has helped shape my brother and I into the people we are today and she has loved and healed my mother unconditionally. Currently, they are in Iowa getting a piece of paper that will legally allow them to say, "We are finally a family". I hope one day all families will be able to hold that piece of paper with the same joy. But for now, hearing my moms’ excitement has they drove down to Iowa last night will be enough. Congratulations Angela Eden and Angie Strickler, may your love bloom and may this piece of paper provide you the security needed for your love to do so. I am so blessed to have you both in my life and today, God is smiling. t This would give their children dual citizenship, and allow Christina to, once again, be close to her family. The only sticking point is that their marriage is only valid if they move to any of the following states - California, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Hawaii, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Rhode Island, Vermont or Washington. Christina is from Indiana, and they lived in Ohio, neither of which recognize gay marriage, so they would have to settle in a state in which neither of them have any close ties. This, they say, is something they will have to consider when the time comes. For right now, they are focusing on raising a beautiful and happy family, free of the fear of looming deportations. t lings’ extended families and ecstatic to find that so many of them are lesbian headed households. “I was pleasantly surprised to find out so many of the donor siblings’ parents were lesbian couples! We live in a conservative, rural area that has been surprisingly accepting of our type of family. Abbi doesn’t know any other kids who have gay parents. I think it will be reassuring to Abbi that not only do her siblings come from gay parents, but her siblings came about in just the way she did: a remarkable man wanted to help us have her and helped to create the uniquely special person called Abbi Rose.” t

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32 www.gayparentmag.com March-April 2014 Issue