Catholic Parent Involvement Committee Meeting Prayer Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Leader Jesus said, “I am among you as one who serves.” (Luke 22:27). Not only during Catholic Education, but throughout the whole year, we as a faith community of students, staff and families serve with faithfulness, humility, compassion, justice and joy. Let us look forward to the future, recognizing that we have more reason to hope than to fear. In this place, gathered in God’s name, we become quiet and still in the presence of the sacred to reflect on the meaning of Serving in the Love of Christ, as we pray. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Opening Prayer Loving God, help us to deepen our understanding of what it means to serve with joy. Guide our feet to walk in the ways of Jesus. As joyful witnesses to the Risen Lord, let us continue our mission of sharing the Good News with all people. We ask this in the name of Your Son, who is here among us to remind us how to serve in the love of Christ as we gather in His name. Amen Scripture Reading A reading from the Letter of Paul to the Philippians. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me and the God of peace will be with you. The Word of the Lord.
All: Thanks be to God.
Closing Prayer O God, our Loving Creator, O Jesus, our Master Teacher, O Holy Spirit of Wisdom, of all the gifts You give us, the greatest is love. You are among us as one who serves. Each day, we desire to serve prayerfully with faithfulness, so that we may come to a deeper awareness of God’s loving presence. Help us to serve honorably with humility on this earthly journey leading to eternal life. Teach us to serve genuinely with compassion that we may see the face of Christ in all we meet. Strengthen us to wisely serve You as we build a world of justice and dignity for all. May Your example inspire us to serve one another gratefully with joy in the promise and hope of eternal life. We ask this as friends and followers of Christ, our Lord. Amen.
The Northwest Catholic District School Board will continue to be a distinct Catholic community that instills Gospel values and educates its students to become caring, responsible citizens and lifelong learners.
AGENDA CATHOLIC PARENT INVOLVEMENT COMMITTEE VIDEO CONFERENCE MEETING DATE:
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
TIME:
5:00 CST/6:00 EST p.m. – 6:00 CST/7:00 EST p.m.
PLACE:
Video Conference from: Sacred Heart School St. Joseph’s School Fort Frances Board Office (for Our Lady of the Way School, St. Francis School & St. Michael’s School) St. Patrick’s School
Time 5:00 p.m. 5:10 p.m.
to
Agenda Item 5:45
5:45 p.m. 5:55 p.m.
to
5:55
to
6:00
Opening Prayer & Welcome – Stephanie Draft Minutes from the February 11, 2014 Meeting Strategic Direction Update CODE Tool Kit & Guidebook: “Relationships – What Parents Can Do to Help Their Children Develop Healthy Relationships.” http://www.ontariodirectors.ca/parent_engagement.html School Website design update / feedback PRO Grant 14/15 Application Due May 16, 2014 Engaging Parents in Math Sharing of Council items by Reps. from each School Council
Rick
Colin Drombolis / Mike Belluz Stephanie Joanne
Date for Next Meeting: Tentative Tuesday, November 25, 2014 Closing Prayer
The Northwest Catholic District School Board CATHOLIC PARENT INVOLVEMENT COMMITTEE VIDEO CONFERENCE MEETING
MINUTES Date:
February 11, 2014
Time:
5:00 p.m. to 6:30 p.m.
Place:
Video Conference from: Sacred Heart School St. Joseph’s School Fort Frances Board Office (for Our Lady of the Way School, St. Francis School & St. Michael’s School) St. Patrick’s School
Attendance: Rick Boisvert, Director of Education Joanne Querel, Assistant Superintendent Cathy Bowen, Trustee Naz Stillwaugh, SHS Council Member
Cathy Piotrowski, SFS Chair Stephanie Cran, SJS Chair, CPIC Chair Tara Tolley, SMS Chair
Regrets: Tiffany Burbeck, SPS Chair, Jennifer Maki and Heather Fukushima, SHS CoChairs Prayer: Rick led the prayer: Litany for Families Consideration and Approval of Agenda
Moved by: Seconded by:
Cathy Stephanie
THAT the Agenda of the Catholic Parent Involvement Committee February 11, 2014, be approved as presented.
The Northwest Catholic District School Board CPIC Minutes, February 11, 2014
Confirmation of Minutes
Page 2 of 4
Moved by: Tara Seconded by: Stephanie THAT the Minutes of the Catholic Parent Involvement Committee dated November 25, 2013, be approved as circulated.
Strategic Planning Focus The Northwest Catholic District School Board has begun a strategic Questions planning process designed to update and focus the work of the system through 2018. An appreciative inquiry approach is being used to identify both things that are going well and what is our future expectations; CPIC feedback was provided to the 9 questions. This information will be used by Trustees and Senior Administration during the strategic planning session. Committee members were invited to email ‘additional thoughts’ to either Rick or Chery Wilson. Parent Engagement/ Communication Through Technology
Safe arrivals with the doors locked and is now a physical barrier and look at how schools can better communicate with parents. Current practice/concerns: - Monthly newsletters are sent from schools. - Access to schools is not an issue in all schools – improving as parents are aware. - We have the newsletters online- school websites and Board website. - Newsletters via paper to parents and those that do not want it on paper-go online. - Parents would benefit from having more information both with what is happening in the school and in the classroom as this would allow for better discussions between parents and children at home. Opportunities for enhancement: - Enhance link between parents and teachers online would be great- parents are busy and they could have an even better sense of what the day has been like- parents can then lead conversations to reinforce the learning at home- perhaps something once a week as whole classroom (A combination of school and classroom information). - We need to have expertise in the schools to support the websites etc. - School websites are vastly different. Support from the Board to bring some consistency to the sites and schools. - Online payments KIEV is huge and important for all schools – it makes it easy for parents to participate in school activities. - Place recommended sites for learning sites that parents can use and reinforce the learning.
The Northwest Catholic District School Board CPIC Minutes, February 11, 2014
Page 3 of 4
Minister’s 5th Annual PIC There is funding available for two participants to go so if interested Symposium, Toronto, email Rick or Cheryl Wilson. Needs to be done sooner than later. April 25 & 26, 2014 75th OAPCE Annual Conference, May 24, 2014
Parental Influence- registration is open, there is funding for two participants. First come, first serve and hoping to have representation from different schools – email Cheryl Wilson or Rick.
Math Video and Q&E
Mathematics is a key learning component. Questions/feedback dialogue about mathematics: Comments and concerns raised by committee members: - question - like the challenge in math- math classes- repeat and practice and do homework, parents need to support homework practice, - parents concerned about basic facts- memorization of facts, - “Math Makes Sense” is key, - quick recall in math can be weak in students: - they depend on technology, do not recognize when something ‘makes sense’ – can’t do it in their head, - believe Rote is that so important- have the building blocks and concepts. Presentation and Video shown to parents: - confidence is important and is key in math, - students need to have real application knowledge – does it make sense - estimation skills, - approach is changing as there is more individualized learning- in the past a teacher taught us one way- now class see the different ways that students approach and solve problems … this helps to build confidence building, - practice is important, - parent night to teach strategies in mathematics, - helping your child with math - Ministry of Education, - “Math Days” to see how our children work in math.
Future Meeting Time
Members discussed the possibility of changing the start time for the CPIC meetings from 6:00 to 5:00 p.m. All in attendance supported this change.
Questions
N/A
Sharing of Council Items by Reps. from each School Council
SFS - a meeting a few weeks ago- Brendan IPP career cruising, students build on this work from grade1-8, a positive thing Looking at doing a breakfast program at SFS – tying to get volunteers, basketball starting, Confirmation Retreat for all grade 6 students.
The Northwest Catholic District School Board CPIC Minutes, February 11, 2014
Page 4 of 4
SMS - Literacy Day - Dr. Suess day in January, parents came in to read and have soup with their children, holding off on fundraisers right now, wondering and getting ideas to spend our School Council moneys. SHS - Breakfast program going well as it is important to the students. SJS - recent meeting- parking issues with snow and parking issuesworking toward solutions. Math Night coming up- Pro Grant- March 18th a lot of support- JK/SK parents to welcome them, have supper and child care. Committee members talked about potential topic for submitting a broad PRO Grant Application that could be completed in partnership with all schools. Stephanie is willing to speak to Kelly and possibly communicate by email to School Council Chairs and pull something together. Will look at potential ideas. Adjournment
Moved by: Cathy Seconded by: Tara THAT the Catholic Parent Involvement Committee adjourn at 6:30 p.m.
Next Meeting: Monday, May 13th, 2014 (tentative) 5:00
PARENT TOOL KIT
R eading w R iting a R ithmetic
R ELATIONSHIPS WHAT PARENTS CAN DO TO
HELP THEIR CHILDREN DEVELOP
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
A MESSAGE FROM THE COUNCIL OF ONTARIO DIRECTORS OF EDUCATION (CODE) This Tool Kit is intended to help parents as they guide and encourage their children in learning skills that are essential for success at school and throughout life. The support that parents provide plays a major role in children’s and teens’ achievements, both in and out of the classroom. Parents, students, and educators from across Ontario have helped create this Tool Kit by generously sharing their insights and feedback on what works for them. We thank them all. Many organizations also helped us, and they are listed at the end of this Tool Kit. We have also included contributions from professionals who have shared their expertise in a variety of key areas in response to parent questions. In particular, we would like to thank Jean Clinton, Bruce Ferguson, Mary Gordon, and Debra Pepler.
The enclosed USB Webkeys will help you to access the complete kit (the Tool Kit and the Guidebook) at http:// www.ontariodirectors.ca/parent_engagement.html. You may download all or part of either document. Hard copies of the complete kit have been provided to all public schools and boards in Ontario. It is our hope that you will find these documents useful and circulate them widely. These documents are part of a series of Parent Engagement Resources. The earlier documents are: Parent Tool Kit: What Parents Can Do To Help Their Child Succeed in School; Parent Tool Kit: Teen Edition, What Parents Can Do To Help Their Teens Succeed; and Planning Parent Engagement: A Guidebook for Parents and Schools. All of them can be found at http://www.ontariodirectors.ca/ parent_engagement.html.
Throughout this Tool Kit, the term parents refers to parents, guardians, and caregivers. The term children refers to children and youth.
USING THIS TOOL KIT This Tool Kit is a collection of ideas, tips, and resources for parents to help their children and teens build healthy relationships. The Tool Kit’s structure and content stem from parents’ questions and many of the suggestions come from parents. In addition to all the things your families are already doing, we hope that you will find these suggestions helpful in supporting your children and teens. You may find one or more things that relate to your experiences. The six sections can be read in any order. You can scan the tips, or delve more deeply into sections of interest to you. Healthy relationships are a foundation for well-being. You may wish to read BE A MENTOR for ways to help your child or teen build relationships. It emphasizes the importance of positive parenting and of developing respect, empathy, and a sense of belonging. BE INVOLVED offers tips on becoming familiar with the communication tools your child or teen may be using and on addressing issues such as cyber-bullying. It highlights the role electronic devices can have in building and maintaining relationships in this digital age.
BE A ROLE MODEL deals with the importance of building positive and inclusive relationships. It provides tips on how to help our children thrive in our complex, diverse world. If you are looking for suggestions on how to support children’s mental health and well-being, check out BE A LEARNER. One of the key factors contributing to well-being for young people is the ability to have healthy relationships and friendships. Conflict and bullying get in the way of building healthy relationships. BE A COACH offers some ways parents are helping children deal with these issues. BE A GUIDE focuses on resilience and the ability to deal with whatever life brings. Suggestions for helping children and youth “bounce back” are offered.
The design of this Tool Kit was created by Humber College AdCentre students.
CONTENTS BE A MENTOR . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 Building and Maintaining Healthy Relationships
BE INVOLVED . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 Relationships in a Digital Age
BE A ROLE MODEL . . . . . . . . . . . 29 Helping Children Thrive in a Diverse World
BE A LEARNER. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35 Understanding Children’s Mental Health and Well-Being
BE A COACH . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41 Resolving Conflict and Preventing Bullying
BE A GUIDE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51 How Parents Can Help Children Become Resilient
References . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58 Acknowledgements . . . . . . . . . 59 Thank You to All Contributors
Parent Tool Kit
“I need my parents’ help with relationships” – Student Parents have always focused on the importance of academic achievement and well-being for their children. Of all the things that contribute to students’ success, few are more basic than their relationships. Healthy relationships support healthy development. School boards and schools have put a wide variety of initiatives in place to create the conditions needed for positive learning environments in which our children and youth can thrive. A positive school climate exists when all members of the school community feel safe, included, and accepted, and all members of the school community actively promote positive behaviours and interactions. The impact of a positive school climate and caring adults on our children and youth cannot be overestimated. As parents and community members, we have a responsibility and role to play, along with our schools and school boards, to foster and support the well-being of our children and our communities.
By fostering healthy relationships among our children, we can help them develop valuable skills to last a lifetime.
Building Relationships
9
“Last night, in tears, she told me she doesn’t have any friends.” Parents want their children to have happy, healthy relationships. For all of us, healthy relationships are fundamental to our well-being. Academic success alone may not bring a fulfilling life.
Healthy relationships “provide children with: a sense of security and stability; a sense of being valued and belonging; support and guidance to learn essential skills and understanding”; and the ability to deal with stress.1
TIPS • Connect positively with your children at every opportunity • Relate to your child or teen in an ageappropriate way • Help your children develop empathy and respect • Help reduce the stress in their lives • Be there: supervision matters • Accept mistakes as learning opportunities • Watch for signs of an unhealthy relationship • Remember positive parenting works
BE A MENTOR
Our children learn how to build and maintain healthy relationships from the important adults in their lives. Our relationships with our children show them how relationships work.
Parent Tool Kit
10
CONNECT POSITIVELY WITH YOUR CHILDREN AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY Stay connected! The healthiest force in the lives of teens is their connection with their parents. Busy schedules can mean too little time connecting and too much time correcting.2 Children often need help to talk about the important things in their lives such as school, friends or peer pressure when we are busiest. Sometimes we just need to listen and not rush to rescue.
When parents are connected to their children, they can guide them in positive ways. – Jean Clinton Treat what children say as confidential in order to build trust. A time may come when it is necessary to talk to others, such as school staff, even if your child asks you not to. You can help ensure that your child has as much say as possible in dealing with the situation. COPA suggests: •
Informing your child beforehand;
•
Involving your child in telling others; and
• Offering to be there when your child or youth is getting help of some kind, or a resolution is being discussed.3
Just be there with EAR: Empathy, Attention and Respect. – Jean Clinton
Building Relationships
11
RELATE TO YOUR CHILD OR TEEN IN AN AGE-APPROPRIATE WAY Studies show that parent/teen relationships can improve when parent and youth learn how to communicate effectively with each other.
Expectations and rules change as children become pre-teens and teens. As youth want more independence, it is helpful to adapt our ways of communicating. Whatever their age, encourage open discussion and hear them out. Invite them to be part of a family decision-making process. Maintain a loving, trusting, and respectful relationship. Try problem solving together.
WHAT YOUTH WANT YOU TO KNOW: BE SUPPORTIVE. Guide, don’t dictate. Youth want information so they can make their own decisions. BE PATIENT AND AVAILABLE. Don’t be discouraged if your first offer of support is turned down as youth will often come around when they feel up to it and the time is right. BE OPEN. When they come to you, listen, listen, listen! BE UNDERSTANDING. Youth learn and grow through failure and mistakes – the important issue is how youth and their support systems respond to setbacks. BE EMPATHETIC. Don’t belittle the feelings of youth or be patronizing – “my feelings are real and important, even if whatever I’m going through doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, it is to me right now.”
Stepping Stones p. 31 www.ontario.ca/steppingstones
BE A MENTOR
– Bruce Ferguson
12
Parent Tool Kit
HELP YOUR CHILDREN DEVELOP EMPATHY AND RESPECT Healthy relationships are based on good communication. This involves not only language but also understanding, respecting, and caring about how another person may be feeling.
Empathy is the ability to understand and care about how another person feels. The need to be understood is universal, whether we are five or fifty; all of our worries or upsets are calmed when we feel we have been heard or understood. This doesn’t mean that the problem has been solved, but when our feelings are recognized and accepted, so are we. – Mary Gordon 4 Help children understand their own feelings. Talk about how they feel when someone says hurtful things. Let them know you understand. Children also need help to understand the feelings of others. Encourage them to watch for facial expressions and body language and to listen and respect the feelings and views of other people. Discuss their perceptions. Encourage them to help those who may not feel included and to put themselves in the shoes of others who may be affected by their actions. This can help our children build understanding and is an important foundation for social responsibility.
Building Relationships
13
HELP REDUCE THE STRESS IN THEIR LIVES The more stress we have, the less we can concentrate. It is easier to learn when we are relaxed and happy.
•
Providing a sense of belonging and security;
•
Coordinating family schedules together;
•
Ensuring they get enough sleep and eat well; and
• Taking part in physical activities and fun activities together. The World Health Organization defines health as “a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”5 With your family, try exercise such as walking, cycling, swimming, running or dancing every day. Everyone needs to eat a healthy diet. Suggest relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises, yoga, and listening to relaxation music. Try to ensure the family gets the best sleep possible. Sleep requirements vary with age but many of us are sleep deprived. Adequate sleep supports healthy development. Try planning ahead with your children to allow everyone enough time to get things done.
BE A MENTOR
Parents can help children and youth deal with stress by:
Parent Tool Kit
14
It has been said that a daily dose of friendship is very good medicine. Supporting your children’s friendships and relationships promotes good health.
BE THERE: SUPERVISION MATTERS Youth do better when adults are present at four critical times of day:
• When they get up;
• When they come home from school;
• At the evening meal; and
• When they go to bed.
Jean Clinton
In parents’ busy lives, it is not always possible to be there. The adult cannot always be you. Many parents try to arrange for a trusted person to be there when they can’t be. Mealtimes are excellent opportunities to build parent-child relationships. Helpful hints for conversation starters are offered on the UNICEF website at: www.unicef.ca/en/article/making-meals-meaningful
“Too bad our family seems to have less and less time to have dinner together these days. We have to fix that…it’s when we hear about what everybody is up to.” – Parent
Building Relationships
15
The more time young people spend unsupervised, the more they are apt to engage in risky behaviour. Make sure your children know how to get help at any time – by contacting you or someone you have designated.
We learn from making mistakes. Ask your children what can be learned from a mistake that has been made. Try to focus on the learning – not the mistake. Learning from mistakes helps us to improve ourselves and our relationships. Try to help your child understand why the mistake happened and how it could be avoided in the future. Apologies are important for young children and youth to learn. Helping young people focus on the apology can keep them from continuing to justify their mistake. Children can learn about heartfelt apologies and practise at home. Parents are powerful role models for children and youth.
“As a parent, it can be hard to admit I may have responded inappropriately to my child. I’ve learned it’s okay to say I’m sorry when we’re both calmer.” – Parent
BE A MENTOR
ACCEPT MISTAKES AS LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES
Parent Tool Kit
16
WATCH FOR SIGNS OF AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP Peer approval is important for young people. At times, they will put up with behaviours that are hurtful in order to have a sense of belonging. Peer pressure can be a powerful influence, both positive and negative. Unfortunately, there may be times when parents recognize signs of an unhealthy peer relationship such as:
• Critical or insulting comments;
• Anger, and perhaps even force, being applied;
• One person in the relationship keeping the other from having friends; and
• One person getting angry with the other very easily.
Should parents become aware of any behaviours that are hurtful, children and youth will need guidance and support. Find opportunities to talk with your children and teens. Some parents find it helpful to have conversations when driving together.
“Talk to your children about relationships. What do they think makes a good friend? Why? How do they work with classmates? How do they get along when it’s more difficult? What skills do they think they need to get along with different people?” – Parent
Building Relationships
17
REMEMBER POSITIVE PARENTING WORKS
The best gift you can give your children is your time. Show that you enjoy devoting time to them. Show your children that their time and energy can make a difference too, and recognize the value they offer. Encourage them to take part in community projects such as helping seniors or tending a community garden. Create opportunities for your children to be successful:
• Help them find out what they are good at doing;
• Help build their confidence in their skills and abilities;
• Be active together. Choose something you both like and can do;
• Be sure to comment on a job well done or an act of kindness; and
• Acknowledge when they meet a difficult challenge with perseverance.
The better children feel about themselves, the better they will relate to others.
BE A MENTOR
Positive parenting is proven as the best approach to parenting. It requires that you be supportive, warm, and encouraging while also being firm, consistent, and fair. – Jean Clinton
18
Parent Tool Kit
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES • COPA (Centre ontarien de prévention des agressions), Fostering Safe, Inclusive and Accepting Schools, Bullying Prevention Guide – A Resource for Parents and Schools, (Toronto, COPA, 2013), see: http://www.changeourworld.ca/resources • Ontario Ministry of Children and Youth Services, Stepping Stones: A Resource on Youth Development, (Toronto: June 2012). The report can be viewed or downloaded on the Ministry’s website: www.ontario.ca/steppingstones • PBS, This Emotional Life: In Search of Ourselves…and Happiness, a three-part series, hosted by Daniel Gilbert, on video, (Vulcan Productions). See PBS website: www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/ • Promoting Relationships and Eliminating Violence Network (PREVNet) website: www.prevnet.ca/ • Mary Gordon, Roots of Empathy: Changing the World Child by Child, (Toronto: Thomas Allen, 2005), and Roots of Empathy website: www.rootsofempathy.org/ • A three-minute animated TED talk on The Power of Empathy. www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw • T V O P a r e n t s h t t p : // t v o p a r e n t s . t v o . o r g /a r t i c l e / teaching-kids-build-healthy-relationships • A Parent Primer on Socio-Emotional Learning -Edutopia www.edutopia.org/stw-louisville-sel-parents-information
BE A MENTOR
Building Relationships
Parent Tool Kit
Technology is offering our children and teens huge benefits for communication, collaboration, learning and research. Rapidly growing technology can also bring challenges. When parents listen, set limits, and communicate, we can help children and teens to use digital technology to develop and grow.
Digital Media
21
“Our kids communicate through social media. I want to be a part of that, but how?”
“Social media” refers to the wide range of Internetbased and mobile services that allow users to participate in online exchanges, contribute usercreated content, or join online communities.1 As the world of digital communication continues to grow, it shapes how we interact with one another. Many families rely on electronic devices to keep in touch and provide updates on daily schedules and activities. This may be a good way of starting to “talk” with your children through social media. Some parents suggest it is better to text their kids than to phone them.
“Texting is more private. Our kids can reply instantly to our questions without having to interrupt their activities with friends. If I need to talk with my kids, I might even text them to phone me.” – Parent
BE INVOLVED
Our children build and maintain friendships through social media. By being part of their experience, we can help guide them in the development of positive relationships and help them learn how to use these digital experiences to mature and grow. Healthy social media relations can enrich your parent-child relationship.
Parent Tool Kit
22
Sometimes “the technology that is supposed to bring people together is used instead to abuse others.”2 Cyber-bullying requires adult intervention. Parenting involves “being involved.” Just as you have always listened, interacted, and set limits in the past, the same can apply to social media. Helping your children manage their electronic devices and online relationships can seem overwhelming for parents. You may find the following tips helpful.
TIPS • Share digital skills and online tools • Know the basics of social media safety • Help your children deal with online relationships • Assist your children to manage their online identities • Reach out for help if your child is impacted by cyber-bullying or sexting
Digital Media
23
SHARE DIGITAL SKILLS AND ONLINE TOOLS Many jobs require skills in online collaboration and communication. While our children pick up new media with ease, they could benefit from adult guidance about “netiquette.”
New texting language can be fun to learn. One parent says: “Our kids text hundreds of messages a day. I have fun reading the shorthand they’re using.” Online dictionaries can translate texting shorthand. Simply enter the shorthand message into a search engine. Some children and teens prefer their parents not use the latest shortcuts. One child explained: “When my parents try to text like my friends and I, it’s like they’re turning into someone else. It gets confusing.”
“I actually like it when my mom texts in full sentences. It makes me feel safe because I know it’s her. That’s the way she talks.” – Tween Mealtimes are a good opportunity for all family members to put aside electronic devices and enjoy face-to-face time.
BE INVOLVED
Their favourite venues for communication will change as new sites and trends become available. Try bookmarking these sites on all computers and devices to stay on top of the latest trend.
24
Parent Tool Kit
KNOW THE BASICS OF SOCIAL MEDIA SAFETY Find a balance between respecting your children’s privacy while at the same time keeping them safe. Take the time to talk to your children about why you might want to know passwords and see the profiles and posts of friends. Become familiar with the rules regarding Internet and social media use at your children’s school and help support them to follow the rules. Be prepared to say no to your children participating in a social media site if you feel they are not yet ready to participate safely. If you come across something on social media that is disturbing, take a moment to gather your thoughts and think about how to best approach the subject with your child. You may find your child is also disturbed or embarrassed by the content and wants your advice and help.
“I don’t want my parents spying on me, but at the same time, it’s good to know they’re there.” – Student
Digital Media
25
HELP YOUR CHILDREN DEAL WITH ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS
Encourage your children to be mindful of their online interactions while using social media. Advise them not to post in anger and to check all their messages before posting. Would they say that face to face? How will it look a year from now? Ten years from now? Let them know that what is shared on social media often spreads very quickly. Would they share that comment, photo or video with an auditorium full of their peers? What if someone could keep a record of their text or photo and share it with others? Help them understand the differences between friends and acquaintances. People they meet online may not always be who they say they are.
“I love social media because I can share so much with my friends and feel so connected with them. I can also keep in touch really easily with my parents.” – Student
BE INVOLVED
“Who is this friend of a friend of a friend?” – Parent
26
Parent Tool Kit
ASSIST YOUR CHILDREN TO MANAGE THEIR ONLINE IDENTITIES Just as we strive to develop positive relationships and reputations in our face-to-face communities, children should behave the same way in online communities. However, a child’s or teen’s idea about what constitutes a great reputation may differ from an adult’s. Peer pressure may have a role to play in how your child wants to be perceived online. For an example of tips for becoming a responsible digital citizen, see http://mediasmarts.ca/sites/default/files/pdfs/ tipsheet/TipSheet_BuildingYourBrand.pdf. Take the time to update the privacy settings on the social networking sites your children are using. Make sure they understand how to make appropriate privacy decisions. Unless your child is promoting a special project (e.g. a global awareness page), your child’s personal page should not be public.3 Talk about the risks. Online information and images can live forever and many universities, colleges, and employers may check applicants’ sites. Encourage your child or teen to post items that leave positive impressions, such as collaborating on arts or social justice projects. Caution children and teens not to post identifying information online, including their phone number, address, hometown, or school name. Sharing passwords can mean someone else could post embarrassing or unsafe information on their pages. Talk to your children about the wisdom of sharing their passwords only with you.
Digital Media
27
REACH OUT FOR HELP IF YOUR CHILD IS IMPACTED BY CYBERBULLYING OR SEXTING Electronic bullying or cyber-bullying is electronic communication that: •
Is used to upset, threaten, or embarrass another person
• Includes put-downs, insults and can involve spreading rumours, sharing private information, photos or videos, and threatening to harm someone •
Is always aggressive and hurtful.4
Encourage your children to let you know about incidents of cyber-bullying right away. Contact your child’s school and work together with staff to bring about the best resolution. Teens need to know that sexting and cyber-bullying are serious activities and could lead to criminal charges.5 Helpful information about cyber-bullying can be found at www.prevnet.ca.
BE INVOLVED
• Uses email, cell phones, text messages, and social media sites to threaten, harass, embarrass, socially exclude or damage reputations and friendships
Parent Tool Kit
Children and teens who feel welcome and accepted are more confident in their own abilities, and achieve greater success. Everyone has a role to play, and everyone benefits from an environment that is safe, inclusive, and accepting.
Diversity
29
Our children will not be able to build and maintain relationships necessary for success without knowing how to be inclusive. Parents are positive role models when they help their children develop the skills and attitudes necessary for building healthy relationships in our diverse world. Canadians embrace human rights and diversity as fundamental values. Ontario is the most diverse province in the country. Our diversity is our strength, and ensuring everyone feels welcomed and valued is our goal. Our differences may be visible or invisible. They include culture, race, religion, sexual orientation, ability, socio-economic situations, and mental and physical health. Collaborating with our schools, parents support the creation of positive school climates built on principles of equity and inclusive education where everyone can build healthy relationships that are free from discrimination and harassment.
BE A ROLE MODEL
“Diverse cultures provide such rich opportunities. How can we help ensure that all our children continue to thrive and feel included without being affected by harmful biases, comments or barriers?”
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TIPS • Be a role model for respect and inclusion • Address bias, stereotypes, and discriminatory behaviour • Promote and maintain a sense of belonging
BE A ROLE MODEL FOR RESPECT AND INCLUSION Help your children understand and appreciate the richness of diverse cultures and ideas by showing them that you respect and value differences in people. Encourage your child’s involvement in clubs, school, and community events that promote inclusiveness and celebrate diversity. Help them learn how diversity enriches our lives through friendships, books, movies, and travel. Make every effort to use language that is inclusive and free from bias. Help your children be sensitive to the feelings of those around them and to develop empathy. Be aware of phrases, words, and expressions that can exclude or be damaging.
Children with empathy “are able to see beyond differences to commonalities.” – Mary Gordon 1
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“I’ve always been a different person and I’ve always had friends. It doesn’t mean I have a lot of friends. I have friends who understand me. You are who you are. You can’t change that and you shouldn’t.” – Youth
Children may hear unkind generalizations about people of different cultures, orientations, abilities, or beliefs. Make a point of helping your child access accurate information and build cultural sensitivity and awareness. Make sure your children know that stereotypes and jokes that make fun of other people are unacceptable. Addressing discrimination in every situation demonstrates to your child that it will not be tolerated. Remaining silent can give the impression that we condone the comment or behaviour. Encourage your children to speak up when they hear offensive jokes as well.
“When I hear people say things against people in other cultures, it makes me angry. I feel I have to say something because it’s an insult to me as well.” – Youth Challenging biases and stereotypes can sometimes be difficult. Yet, if left unchallenged, biases can lead to negative attitudes and behaviours that become more rigid and fixed over time.
BE A ROLE MODEL
ADDRESS BIAS, STEREOTYPES, AND DISCRIMINATORY BEHAVIOUR
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PROMOTE AND MAINTAIN A SENSE OF BELONGING We all have a need to belong. We want to be accepted. Parents can help children develop a sense of belonging by including them in family responsibilities. “The best way to make a child feel he belongs is to give him a chance to show he has a place in your family.”2 Understanding our own roots can help us to respect individual differences.
“Our children’s sense of belonging begins at home.” – Parent Young people have a strong sense of justice and fairness. By providing children and youth with opportunities to be leaders in social justice issues, we can help them learn that their voices matter. There may be opportunities through community groups, school clubs, and activities or bullying prevention and intervention initiatives to help your children become active leaders and agents of change for the world they wish to live in. Treat every child as a gift.
Inclusion is not bringing people into what already exists. It is making a new space, a better space for everyone. — George Dei, quoted in Realizing the Promise of Diversity: Ontario’s Equity and Inclusive Education Strategy, 2009, p. 1.
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES • COPA (Centre ontarien de prévention des agressions), Fostering Safe, Inclusive and Accepting Schools: Bullying Prevention Guide – A Resource for Parents and Schools, (Toronto: COPA, 2013): http:// www.changeourworld.ca/resources
• Literacy and Numeracy Secretariat, Ontario Ministry of Education, Research Monograph # 30, Forging Safer Learning EnvironmentsAddressing Homophobic Bullying in Schools, September 2010. To download, go to: http://www.edu.gov.on.ca/eng/literacynumeracy/ inspire/research/WW_safe_learning_environments.pdf • Marsha Forest, Inclusion Is the Future, 1994. See Alliance for Inclusive Education (ALFIE) website: http://www.allfie.org.uk/pages/useful%20info/inclusion.html • The Canadian Child Care Federation, Resource Sheet #35. See CCCF website for link: www.cccf-fcsge.ca • Canadian Centre for Diversity: http://centrefordiversity.ca • Ontario Ministry of Education, Realizing the Promise of Diversity: Ontario’s Equity and Inclusive Education Strategy, 2009. To download, go to: http://www.edu.gov.on.ca/eng/policyfunding/equity.html
BE A ROLE MODEL
• PFLAG Canada, “When Sons and Daughters Come Out,” www. pflagcanada.ca/pdfs/glb-mychild.pdf
Parent Tool Kit
Friendships are important for good health and well-being. Parents can help children and teens understand that it is worth putting effort into maintaining friendships and making new friends. These relationships provide a safety cushion to help them cope with life’s challenges.
Mental Well-Being
35
We all want our young people to be able to function to their fullest potential and to be able to enjoy mental and physical health. The ability to form and maintain satisfying relationships is part of mental health. In turn, these relationships provide a safety cushion and help protect us from life’s challenges. Friendships are important for physical and emotional health. Young people may talk to friends in confidence about things they might not share with others.
Young people who found it hard to talk
to best friends about things that bothered them tended to have
higher levels of emotional problems than young people who found
it easier to talk to friends. This was especially true for girls.1
BE A LEARNER
“My child goes through periods when she is angry and worried about everything. How do we know if this is to be expected or whether it could be a sign of a mental health issue?”
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According to Health Canada, other “signs of mental well‑being include: • Knowing and taking pride in who you are; • Enjoying life; • Coping with stress in a positive way; • Striving to realize your potential; and • Having a sense of personal control.”2 Mental well-being is closely tied to physical health. Regular physical activity and healthy eating are important. Are there times when your family can do physical activities or enjoy planning and eating nutritious meals together? Emotional difficulties and mental illness can develop despite our best efforts. Mental health problems are not anyone’s fault. Families should not feel shame and blame when problems arise. The good news is that early diagnosis and treatment lead to better outcomes for children and teens later in life.
TIPS • Promote positive mental health and well-being • Recognize when something is wrong • Find out where, in your community, help is available • Help to build understanding and reduce stigma
PROMOTE POSITIVE MENTAL HEALTH AND WELL-BEING There are skills that help to build healthy relationships and ground mental well-being. These include social-emotional skills – things like problem solving, decision making, and goal setting. Many situations at home may require these
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skills. Parents can support the development of these skills by finding opportunities for children to practise them at home.
RECOGNIZE WHEN SOMETHING IS WRONG Look for changes. You know your child best. If you notice persistent changes in mood, behaviour, school work, relationships, interest in things, eating and/or sleeping, then a trip for a checkup may be warranted.
Don’t panic! Mental health problems are relatively common, and can be addressed with a range of support options when identified early.
It is estimated that one in five children and youth in Ontario experience a mental, emotional, or behavioural disorder at some time that is severe enough to seriously affect how they function at home, school, or within the community.3 Recognizing signs is key. Awareness leads to early identification and can be the first step toward effective treatment. Signs of mental health issues may include: • Changes in school achievement despite good efforts; • Abuse of drugs and/or alcohol; • Inability to cope with daily problems and activities; • Changes in sleeping and/or eating habits; • Defiance of authority, skipping school, stealing, or damaging property; • Long-lasting negative moods, often accompanied by poor appetite and thoughts of death; • Frequent outbursts of anger; • Loss of interest in friends and activities they usually enjoy; and • Excessive worrying or anxiety.
BE A LEARNER
rust your instincts. If you think something may be wrong, T talk to your child about what you have noticed. Create safe, open spaces for quiet talking.
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All children and youth may experience brief problems with some or all of these, but if signs continue or increase in intensity enough to disrupt everyday living, it is time to seek help.
FIND OUT WHERE, IN YOUR COMMUNITY, HELP IS AVAILABLE Proper assessment and diagnosis is an important first step. You may seek support from a counsellor at school or begin with a medical professional in your community. Parents can also approach community child and youth mental health agencies directly in their community. A doctor’s referral is not required. Contact Children’s Mental Health Ontario at www.kidsmentalhealth.ca for information on community-based mental health services for children and youth. In addition, the following organizations offer family-friendly resources that give in-depth information on general and specific mental health issues: • Parents for Children’s Mental Health: www.pcmh.ca/ • Child and Youth Mental Health Information Network: http://cymhin.offordcentre.com/ At those times when young people may not be able to talk to parents or a trusted family member, they can call Kids Help Phone, which is available twenty-four hours a day every day. A call to 1-800-668-6868 connects them to professional counsellors who can provide short-term support. The call is free, they can remain anonymous, and anything they say is confidential.
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Kids Help Phone has a website www.kidshelpphone.ca that has helpful resources on a wide variety of topics. A similar service, providing support for parents, is available from ConnexOntario’s Mental Health Helpline at 1-866-5312600 or their website www.mentalhealthhelpline.ca
Youth report that stigma around mental health issues makes it difficult to confide in people about their fears and concerns. Stigma refers to negative attitudes that people hold about something they do not understand. These attitudes and unkind comments about mental health make it difficult to seek help. We can help reduce stigma that is frequently attached to issues of mental health. The best way to do that is to learn the facts and build caring and accepting cultures. Helpful Tip Sheets, on topics such as anxiety, are available at: http:// healthyandhappy.sickkidsfoundation.com/tip-sheets.html
Thank you to Children’s Mental Health Ontario for expert assistance in developing this section.
BE A LEARNER
HELP TO BUILD UNDERSTANDING AND REDUCE STIGMA
Parent Tool Kit
Conflict and bullying get in the way of building healthy relationships. Understanding the difference between conflict and bullying is important because they require different responses.
Conflict and Bullying
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RESOLVING CONFLICT AND PREVENTING BULLYING RESOLVING CONFLICT
Conflict is a natural part of how we relate to others. Conflict can arise whenever two or more people hold different opinions. Depending on how the conflict is resolved, it can be positive or negative. Learning how to deal with conflict in positive ways is an important life skill and helps us to build and maintain strong relationships. When handled well, conflict can lead to positive outcomes – better decisions and ideas, more creativity, and deeper understanding of each other. Sometimes, however, dealing with conflict constructively seems impossible.
TIPS • • • •
Don’t ignore conflict, it will only get worse Develop conflict resolution skills Look for the real problem Model handling conflict positively
BE A COACH
“Why do they always seem to be fighting? Why is everything becoming a battle?”
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DON’T IGNORE CONFLICT, IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE Conflict is an emotional state and gets worse when ignored. Try to deal with it right away, or let those involved know it will be sorted out later. Follow through. When children in conflict come to you, listen to their concerns and encourage them to express their feelings. Sometimes children and teens come to understand their feelings better when they tell someone else how they feel. Once people in conflict feel heard, they are more likely to accept help to resolve the conflict positively.
DEVELOP CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS Young people’s relationships can be much healthier when they learn to use conflict resolution strategies. Help your children learn how to: •
Focus on reducing stress;
• Listen and breathe deeply to help maintain their own composure; • Think about how to end with a “win-win” situation for everyone; and • Problem solve for possible solutions. Negotiated solutions work far better than imposed solutions.
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You may want to try a method many teachers use. Invent a story about a conflict. As you get to the conflict, ask your child or teen: What is the problem? What could be possible solutions? What might make the problem better? What could make the problem worse?
LOOK FOR THE REAL PROBLEM
MODEL HANDLING CONFLICT POSITIVELY Children and youth learn about resolving conflict from parents and other adults. Perhaps you can think about how you resolve conflict. Do you give in easily? Do you stay in control or let emotions fly? Do you try to see someone else’s point of view? Do you admit that you could have been wrong? Do you listen and give everyone a voice? Have conversations about conflicts in the community and in the news. Explore different points of view and share ideas with your child about how some conflicts could be resolved.
BE A COACH
The real problem may not be the one that children or youth name. Ask questions and listen carefully to get to the real cause of the conflict. It will then be easier to work together toward a lasting solution.
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PREVENTING BULLYING When is “kids just being kids” actually bullying? What can we do to prevent it? “Bullying is the opposite of a healthy peer relationship – it is a destructive relationship.”1 Bullying can happen in the home, at school, or in the community. It is a learned behaviour and must not be condoned. Bullying is a relationship problem that requires relationship solutions. It happens when children use power aggressively to control or distress others. It is typically repeated, and, through repetition, the power difference between the child or youth who bullies and the child or youth who is victimized increases. Conflict mediation strategies are not appropriate interventions with bullying because bullying involves an imbalance of power.
Children gain power over others in many ways that adults often miss. It may be a difference in age, size, or intelligence, but it may also be social power or knowing another’s sensitivity related to race, disability, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic disadvantage. – Debra Pepler The serious short- and long-term effects of bullying on all those involved have been well documented: physical ailments, anxiety, depression, and even suicide, especially for youth who may be particularly vulnerable. Ontario is taking bullying very seriously. Our Education Act was amended in 2012 with the intent of preventing
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bullying and creating safe and accepting schools that are truly inclusive. A definition of bullying can be found at: www.edu. gov.on.ca/eng/parents/safeschools.html (Click on Accepting Schools Act.) Using a whole school approach, our schools are required to create bullying prevention and intervention plans and to communicate with families regarding serious student incidents, including bullying, that have involved their child.
Bullying affects the majority of Canadian children, at least once, throughout their childhood... The effects of bullying are immediate and long-lasting, putting our children at risk for a number of physical, social and mental health problems. As parents, these risks should not be acceptable. Adult intervention stops bullying—it is our responsibility. – PREVNet3 Many school boards and schools have set up a variety of anonymous reporting options using drop boxes, phone lines or the Internet. If children are reluctant to report bullying, parents can encourage them to do so by using anonymous options. Kids Help Phone is always available at 1-800-668-6868 and through its website www.kidshelpphone.ca. A chat room and many other resources are available.
BE A COACH
We all have a role to play in creating positive school climates. So what can parents do? Adults see only a small portion of bullying incidents and young people often do not report bullying for many reasons, including fear and peer pressure.2 Parents can help by encouraging children to report bullying and working with their schools and communities.
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Because bullying is a relationship problem, the solution has to focus on the relationships among those who are bullying, those who are bullied, and those who witness bullying. All three groups need to be involved in prevention programs.4 Helping our children to develop skills for healthy relationships with peer groups and communities will not only improve their personal lives, but will help to create positive school climates and cultures where bullying ceases to exist.
“My kids do well in school when they feel like it’s their school – when they take ownership…and want to go back the next day.” – Parent
TIPS • Help to support and empower children who have been bullied • Help children who have bullied others to stop bullying, repair damages and become positive leaders • Help bystanders to stand up for others and themselves
HELP TO SUPPORT AND EMPOWER CHILDREN WHO HAVE BEEN BULLIED Children who are bullied need support and understanding. Assure them that they have a right to be safe and that being bullied is never acceptable. Draw out feelings about what happened by listening. Decide together how to go about dealing with the situation, including how best to report the bullying. Be sure to report the bullying to the school and continue to work together toward a satisfactory resolution.
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Discuss how people stand up for themselves in difficult situations. This may include assertive, not passive or aggressive communication.
HELP CHILDREN WHO HAVE BULLIED OTHERS TO STOP BULLYING, REPAIR DAMAGES AND BECOME POSITIVE LEADERS It may be hard to discover that your child is bullying others. When children bully, it is important to intervene quickly and help them understand the hurtful impact of their behaviour on others. Be clear: bullying is wrong. Remember, however, that those who bully also need support, and this can be a powerful learning opportunity. Punishment is not nearly as effective as providing consequences that help a child learn. If your child has been bullying, talk about the pain they have caused and responsibility for their actions. Include the best way to apologize, repair any damages and make up for what they have done.
Children are sensitive to their parents’ emotions. If you feel angry, compose yourself, and be careful not to model aggressiveness or a lack of compassion. If we are harsh with our children, we may be showing them how to use power aggressively. – Debra Pepler
BE A COACH
Learning to communicate assertively can help to foster dignity and empowerment for everyone. You may wish to explore COPA’s model of Empowerment-Based Problem-Solving and Assertive Communication. (See infocopa.com and Additional Resources.)
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Children have the power to make the world better, even in small ways. Supporting children and youth to use their power positively is one of the most helpful things we can do to guide them in developing healthy relationships within and beyond the family.
HELP BYSTANDERS TO STAND UP FOR OTHERS AND THEMSELVES All children may witness bullying at some time. Remind your child that everyone has the right to be safe and everyone has a responsibility to report bullying. Young people have the power to challenge things that do not seem right to them.
When peers do have the courage to step in, bullying behaviour stops 57 per cent of the time within 10 seconds.5 Explain that if reporting helps get someone out of trouble, it is a good thing. Encourage your child to join a bullying prevention initiative or support group. Besides developing leadership skills, this can also be an empowering way to help support a safe and accepting school and positive learning environment.
Students who are able to have healthy relationships will be less likely to bully others, will be more likely to support students who are bullied, and will be better able to reach their educational goals. Promoting healthy relationships is a key way to prevent bullying and create a safe and accepting school climate.6
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES • Peaceful Parent Institute, Resolving Conflicts Peacefully http://peaceful-parent.com/resolving_conflict.php • COPA (Centre ontarien de prévention des agressions), Fostering Safe, Inclusive and Accepting Schools: Bullying Prevention Guide – A Resource for Parents and Schools, (Toronto: COPA, 2013), p. 29 and p. 35. http://www.changeourworld.ca/resources
• Barbara Coloroso, The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander, (Toronto: Collins, 2006). • Wendy Craig, Debra Pepler, Joanne Cummings, Bullying Prevention: What Parents Need to Know, (PREVNet Pocket Guide to Bullying Prevention), (Tucson, Arizona: Quickfind Books, 2013). This book is available as an e-book and as a printed book from: www.bullyingpreventionanswers.com. • London Anti-Bullying Coalition and York Region Anti-Bullying Coalition, A Parent Guide for Addressing Bullying in Publiclyfunded Schools in Ontario, (London: LYRABC, 2013), available at: http://www.ldcsb.on.ca/Programs/SafeSchools/Documents/ LABCTOOLKIT042113P.pdf • Ministry of Education, website for information on definitions, policies, procedures, resources, etc. pertaining to bullying, see: www.edu.gov.on.ca/eng/parents/safeschools.html • PREVNet website: www.prevnet.ca/bullying/parents • TVO’s website on anti-bullying. See: http://tvoparents.tvo.org/topic/social-emotional
BE A COACH
• Safe@School COPA-OTF joint initiative on bullying: safeatschool.ca
Parent Tool Kit
We cannot always protect our children from the disappointments and challenges they will face in the future, but we can prepare them for that future by helping them to become more resilient.
Resilience
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Resilience is the ability to “bounce back” after disappointments. It is about learning what went wrong, gaining strength from setbacks, and trying again. Children can learn to become more resilient through their experiences. We cheer them on when we teach them that failures are simply part of the learning and growing process. The more supportive relationships your children have, the more resilient they can become in stressful situations. Resilient children not only make their own world better, but they can also help others. Parents can play a key role in helping their children become more resilient.
“When I have a goal, I know it’s not always a smooth path. I still get there – but it might not be the way I expected.” – Child
BE A GUIDE
“When something goes wrong, he gets discouraged and gives up. What can I do to help him bounce back?”
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TIPS • Help children and youth set realistic goals • Give children and youth responsibilities • Guide your children in developing their strengths • Stress the importance of helping others • Help children and teens handle disappointment and focus on the positive • Help children identify their emotions and ways to manage them • Listen to your child’s or teen’s feelings and ideas
HELP CHILDREN AND YOUTH SET REALISTIC GOALS Children and teens are more motivated to succeed when they set their own goals. Guide them to make sure their goals are not too easy or too hard. Encourage them to create a stepby-step plan. With plans to realize goals, it is easier for children to identify where things go wrong. Problem solving with your children empowers them and gives them the confidence and strength to feel less discouraged. Reaching doable goals builds self-confidence.
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GIVE CHILDREN AND YOUTH RESPONSIBILITIES Encourage children and teens to take responsibility for enjoyable tasks and for monitoring their own success. When a task is done, they feel better about their abilities.
GUIDE YOUR CHILDREN IN DEVELOPING THEIR STRENGTHS Resilient children know your love is not based on how they do on a test. They know you accept them unconditionally. We all gain confidence when we know that we are capable of making a difference that is valued by others and the people we care about. Avoid making comparisons with your child’s siblings and peers. Let your children know you believe in them and their unique abilities.
Research says that volunteering and helping others can reduce our stress and increase our sense of well-being and happiness.
BE A GUIDE
“In the car, my son keeps track of GPS directions. It gives him a real sense of responsibility.” – Parent
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STRESS THE IMPORTANCE OF HELPING OTHERS Help children and youth appreciate that there are many people less fortunate than they are. Your children can make a positive difference by doing things for others. This will assist them in developing empathy and giving them a sense of their own self-worth. Encourage teamwork. We all gain confidence and motivation when we know that we are capable and that others appreciate our contributions.
“When I help my Reading Buddy, she really looks up to me. It makes me feel great.” – Child
HELP CHILDREN AND TEENS HANDLE DISAPPOINTMENT AND FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE If you’ve never failed at anything, you haven’t set the bar high enough; however, the competition should always be with ourselves. – Bruce Ferguson Children need “child-size adversity, a chance to fall down and get back up on [their] own, without help.”1 As they learn from their setbacks, children become more resourceful, self-confident, and resilient. Failures are not failures at all, but are part of the learning process we all go through. Be sure to be there after setbacks, but try not to rush to help.
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Resilient children recognize that practice leads to success. Teach them that what they accomplish can make a difference. Knowing that they are capable and can make a positive difference is a key factor in determining how optimistic our children are.
HELP CHILDREN IDENTIFY THEIR EMOTIONS AND WAYS TO MANAGE THEM “My parents help me recognize when I am anxious. They tell me to take a deep breath and help me calm down. They support me and help me stay focused.” – Teen To get the most out of any learning situation, children need to be able to remain focused and alert. This involves being aware of their emotions, whether they are angry, sad, or calm. Teach them how to calm themselves after a setback. Helping your child learn how to manage emotions is part of maturing. Slow but steady improvement in your children’s self-management will build their confidence and their ability to relate more easily to others. This is called self-regulation. Children who have developed such skills from early childhood have an easier time coping with challenges – but it is
BE A GUIDE
It might be said that teaching optimism to your children is as important as teaching them to work hard or be truthful, for it can have as profound an impact on their later lives.2
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never too late. For tips on how to develop self-regulation, see Additional Resources.
Giving children time to wind down from energetic activities to quieter time is important. For example, encourage quiet activity before bedtime.
“When my parents listen to me I feel grown-up. I feel like they think I’m more than just a kid. I feel important.” – Child
LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD’S OR TEEN’S FEELINGS AND IDEAS When listening, try not to interrupt or give advice. Give your children time to relate their thoughts, feelings, and ideas about resolving problems. When they are finished, ask questions to see if, together, you can agree on what to do.
“Honour your children’s feelings… listen when they are speaking their truth.” – Parent Guiding children and teens through the steps to success builds their belief in themselves. With each success, they become better prepared to face the next challenge. We are our children’s cheering section. Their belief in themselves and their willingness to take risks are strengthened when we tell them what we love about them, what makes us smile and what makes us proud.
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“I can think of no greater joy than my children and no greater responsibility than parenting.” – Parent
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES • Elizabeth Crary, Dealing with Disappointment: Helping Kids Cope When Things Don’t Go Their Way, (Seattle, Washington: Parenting Press, Inc., 2003). • John Hoffman, “What Is Self-Regulation,” article written to accompany the book Calm, Alert and Learning: Classroom Strategies for Self-regulation by Stuart Shanker, and accessed on the companion website: http://www.pearsoncanadaschool.com/media/canada/ cal/3-1_WhatIsCogSelfReg.pdf • Stuart Shanker, Calm, Alert, and Learning: Classroom Strategies for Self-regulation, (Toronto: Pearson Canada, 2013). • Mary Sue Williams and Shelley Shellenberger, Keeping on Track: Alert Program Companion Game, (Albuquerque, New Mexico: Therapy Works Inc., 2008). www.AlertProgram.com • Oxford, Elgin, London/Middlesex Student Support Leadership Initiative, Bounce Back (2013) (Tool Kit on resilience and mental health) at: www.mentalhealth4kids.ca
BE A GUIDE
• Tatyana Barankin and Nazilla Khanlou, Growing Up Resilient: Ways to Build Resilience in Children and Youth, (Toronto: Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, 2007).
References
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BE A MENTOR
1. Debra Pepler, Wendy Craig and Dilys Haner, “Healthy Development Depends on Healthy Relationships.” Paper prepared for the Division of Childhood and Adolescence, Centre for Health Promotion, Public Health Agency of Canada. (November 2012), p. 9. http://www.prevnet.ca/sites/prevnet.ca/files/HealthyRelationshipsPaper.pdf 2. Jean Clinton, “ The Power of Positive Adult Child Relationships: Connection Is the Key.” S ee w w w.edu.gov.on.ca /childcare /Clinton.pdf 3. COPA (Centre ontarien de prévention des agressions), Fostering Safe, Inclusive and Accepting Schools, Bullying Prevention Guide – A Resource for Parents and Schools, (Toronto: COPA, 2013), p. 20. http://www.changeourworld.ca/resources 4. Mary Gordon, Daniel’s Day, (Toronto: Mary Gordon, 2010), p. 1. 5. World Health Organization website: www.who.int/about/definition/en/print.html
BE INVOLVED 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
www.parl.gc.ca/content/lop/researchpublications/2010-03-e.htm www.prevnet.ca/bullying/cyber-bullying www.facebook.com/help/473865172623776 www.edu.gov.on.ca/eng/multi/english/BullyingEN.pdf www.prevnet.ca/bullying/cyber-bullying/legal-consequences
BE A ROLE MODEL
1. Mary Gordon, Roots of Empathy, (Toronto: Thomas Allen, 2005), p.xvi. 2. Dr. Michael Ungar, cited on: http://www.kidsnowcanada.org/
BE A LEARNER
1. Pepler, Craig & Haner, “Healthy Development” p. 18 (see above, Be A Mentor #1). 2. Health Canada website: www.hc-sc.gc.ca/fniah-spnia/promotion/mental/index-eng.php 3. www.kidsmentalhealth.ca/join_the_cause/just_the_facts.php
BE A COACH
1. Pepler, Craig and Haner, “Healthy Development” p. 18 (see above, Be A Mentor #1). 2. York Region District School Board, Our Voices Against Bullying Student Conference, 6 June 2012, Student Focus Group Results, (York Region DSB, August 2012), p. 21. 3. What Parents Need to Know at http://www.prevnet.ca/bullying/parents 4. Debra Pepler and Wendy Craig, “Binoculars on Bullying: A New Solution To Protect and Connect Children,” Paper prepared for Voices for Children, (February 2007), p. 6 (www.prevnet.ca). 5. Pepler & Craig, “Binoculars on Bullying”, p. 8, drawing from D. Hawkins et al, “Naturalistic Observations of Peer Interventions in Bullying,” Social Development, 10, (2001):512-27. 6. Ministry of Education, Bullying – We Can All Help Stop It – A Guide for Parents of Elementary and Secondary Schools, (Toronto: Ministry of Education, 2013), p.9. Go to: www.edu.gov.on.ca/eng/multi/english/BullyingEN.pdf
BE A GUIDE
1. Paul Tough, How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character, (New York: Mariner Books, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2013), p. 183. 2. Martin Seligman, Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life, (New York: Vintage Books, Random House, 2006), p. 235.
Acknowledgements CODE THANKS ALL CONTRIBUTORS: Dr. Jean Clinton, Child Psychiatrist, Associate Professor, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioural Neuroscience, McMaster University and Children’s Hospital; COPA (Centre ontarien de prévention des agressions); Dr. Bruce Ferguson, Director, Community Health Systems Resource Group at the Hospital for Sick Children; Mary Gordon, Founder and President of Roots of Empathy; and Dr. Debra Pepler, Co-Director, PREVNet (Promoting Relationships and Eliminating Violence Network).
Many parents, students, and educators contributed. They represented organizations which include the following: Algoma District School Board Bluewater Citizens for Education Bluewater District School Board Bully Free Community Alliance of York Region Conseil des écoles publiques de l’Est de l’Ontario
Hamilton-Wentworth District School Board Hastings & Prince Edward District School Board Kawartha Pine Ridge District School Board Keewatin-Patricia District School Board
Conseil scolaire de district catholique Centre-Sud
Lambton Kent District School Board
Conseil scolaire de district catholique de l’Est ontarien
Near North District School Board
Conseil scolaire de district catholique des Aurores boréales Conseil scolaire de district catholique des Grandes Rivières Conseil scolaire de district catholique du Centre-Est de l’Ontario Conseil scolaire de district catholique du Nouvel-Ontario Conseil scolaire de district catholique Franco-Nord
London Anti-Bullying Coalition Northeastern Catholic District School Board Northwest Catholic District School Board Ontario Association of Parents in Catholic Education Ontario Federation of Home and School Associations Ottawa Catholic District School Board Parents partenaires en éducation Peel District School Board
Conseil scolaire catholique Providence
People for Education
Conseil scolaire Viamonde
Rainy River District School Board
Conseil scolaire de district du Grand Nord de l’Ontario
Renfrew County Catholic District School Board
Conseil scolaire de district du Nord-Est de l’Ontario
Simcoe County District School Board
Durham Catholic District School Board Fédération de la jeunesse franco-ontarienne
Rainbow District School Board
St Clair Catholic District School Board Thames Valley District School Board Toronto Catholic District School Board
Guelph Anti-bullying Coalition
Toronto District School Board
Halton Catholic District School Board
York Region Anti-Bullying Coalition
Hamilton Anti-Bullying Coalition
York Region District School Board
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Parent Engagement Is Important For Student Success.
These materials have been developed by the Council of Ontario Directors of Education and funded by the Ontario Ministry of Education. Visit: www.ontariodirectors.ca
Parent Engagement Is Important For Student Success.
These materials have been developed by the Council of Ontario Directors of Education and funded by the Ontario Ministry of Education. Visit: www.ontariodirectors.ca
The design of this Guidebook was created by Humber College AdCentre students.
A GUIDEBOOK FOR PARENTS AND SCHOOLS to support the use of PARENT TOOL KIT: RELATIONSHIPS
R eading w R iting a R ithmetic
R ELATIONSHIPS
MESSAGE FROM THE COUNCIL OF ONTARIO DIRECTORS OF EDUCATION This Guidebook for Parents and Schools is intended to support the use of the Parent Tool Kit: Relationships — What Parents Can Do To Help Their Children Develop Healthy Relationships. The Council of Ontario Directors of Education (CODE) recognizes the importance of parent involvement in the development of children’s healthy relationships and the building of positive school climates. The members of CODE are pleased to provide this Guidebook to support parent engagement initiatives within schools and school boards and to help in planning parent meetings on these topics. The Guidebook includes suggestions for activities that may be undertaken to reinforce the ideas in the Tool Kit, especially by School Councils and Parent Involvement Committees as they work together with school and board staff to support meaningful parent engagement in their children’s learning.
The enclosed USB Webkey will help you to access the complete kit (the Tool Kit and the Guidebook) at: http://www.ontario directors.ca/parent_engagement.html. You may download all or part of either document. Hard copies of the complete kit have been provided to all public school boards and schools in Ontario. We hope that you will find these documents useful and encourage you to circulate them widely. These documents are part of a series of Parent Engagement resources. The earlier documents are: • Parent Tool Kit: What Parents Can Do To Help Their Child Succeed in School • Teen Edition: What Parents Can Do To Help Their Teens Succeed • Planning Parent Engagement: A Guidebook for Parents and Schools All are found at: http://www.ontario directors.ca/parent_engagement.html
CONTENTS Planning Parent Engagement in Your School. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Ways to Encourage and Enhance Parent-School Communication. . . . . . . . . . . . 6 What Are the Key Messages in the Tool Kit?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 What Can Parent Groups and School Staff Do to Help Parents Use the Tool Kit? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 How Can the Tool Kit Be Introduced to Parents?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 How Can This Guidebook Be Used to Support Parents?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 Types of Activity Formats Included . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 Planning Parent Engagement: A Guidebook for Parents and Schools. . . . . . . . 10 How Parents Can Support the Building of a Positive School Climate. . . . . . . . . 10 School Climate Surveys. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 Sample Activities for Parents. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
Throughout this Guidebook, the term parents refers to parents, guardians, and caregivers. The term children refers to children and youth.
When parents are engaged and involved everyone benefits, and our schools become increasingly rich and positive places to learn and grow.
This Guidebook has been developed for parent groups and school staff to use in planning activities to complement and support parents’ efforts at home. It accompanies the Parent Tool Kit: Relationships — What Parents Can Do To Help Their Children Develop Healthy Relationships. The Tool Kit is a booklet that provides information for parents and gives suggestions parents can use to support their children in building healthy relationships.
“OF ALL THE TYPES OF PARENT ENGAGEMENT… LEARNING AT HOME HAS THE BIGGEST IMPACT ON STUDENT ACHIEVEMENT.” 1
The activities outlined in this Guidebook serve as examples that can be used and adapted to meet the needs of your community. These are only a few of the excellent materials available to foster and promote parent engagement and support the activities suggested in the Tool Kit. Parent groups and school staff are reminded to confirm with the school principal that activities and resources comply with school and board policy in their implementation.
PLANNING PARENT ENGAGEMENT IN YOUR SCHOOL Parent Tool Kit: Relationships — What Parents Can Do To Help Their Children Develop Healthy Relationships can be used as a resource for parents at home. School Councils, Parent Involvement Committees, other parent groups, and school staff can also share the Tool Kit with more parents. This Guidebook suggests ways that parent groups and school staff can reach out to help more parents hone their skills to help their
children build and maintain healthy relationships. It is intended to support the parent engagement initiatives in your school and school board and to help in planning parent events. The parent voice used throughout the Tool Kit and Guidebook reflects what we heard through consultation with parents throughout Ontario.
1. A. Harris & J. Goodall (2007). Engaging Parents in Raising Achievement, Do Parents Know They Matter? University of Warwick, UK.
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A Guidebook for Parents and Schools
WAYS TO ENCOURAGE AND ENHANCE PARENT-SCHOOL COMMUNICATION School communities are always looking for new ways to encourage and enhance parent-school interaction. New technology expands the possibilities for communication and engagement. With their busy lives, it may be challenging for parents to be present at meetings held at the school. It is important to provide a variety of opportunities to engage with other
education partners to support their children’s learning and well-being. Below are suggestions that all Parent Involvement Committees (PICs) and School Councils, in collaboration with their school administrators, could explore. You may already use some of these strategies in your school community. You might find others that you think could work for your school community and that you would like to try.
COMMUNICATING WITH PARENTS STRATEGY
6
DESCRIPTION
Tele conferences
Schools may have several telephone lines that could be used to bring parents into meetings and could be used for PICs, School Council meetings or parent/educator meetings.
Web Conferences
Some schools may have the capability to have web conferences. This allows both audio and visual participation in real time. This interactive strategy could be used for PIC and School Council meetings, giving all those who choose to participate the opportunity to join.
Webcasts
Webcasts are distributed over the Internet using streaming technology. They can be live or on demand. Webcasts are not interactive, but can be a good vehicle to share information that can be accessed by multiple viewers from wherever they have Internet access.
Podcasts
These are audio or video files posted on the Internet for listening or viewing on demand. For example, if the School Council has a special guest speaker brought in for an event, and provided the guest agrees to be recorded, the presentation could be posted for parents to watch or hear later if they are unable to attend the presentation.
Blogs
These can be used to share information, ideas, and opinions about a particular educational topic. For example, a School Council could ask about ideas for bullying awareness and prevention week. If this is something you would like to start, work with the school administration to establish and create monitoring protocols.
To Support the Use of Parent Tool Kit: Relationships
Twitter
Twitter is a good way to get short messages out to the school community. For example, you could send out the scores of school sports games or reminder messages for School Council meetings.
Translation/ Interpretation
Consider translating material into the multiple languages of the school and/or providing interpreters for meetings.
Emails
Gathering parent email contact information is a worthwhile endeavour. Check with your school’s administration to see if there is a way for School Councils to ask for that information.
Newsletters
Newsletters can be sent electronically or in hard copy. Leave them posted in places around the entrance of the school where parents may have some time to scan.
Information Packages
Copy a section of the Tool Kit to send home or provide an electronic link. This could be followed by a face-to-face meeting or web conference.
Provide Setting up a driving pool for School Council meetings may help attendance Transportation at meetings. If feasible, provide a minibus to pick up parents from more isolated areas. Relocating a Meeting
School Council meetings don’t always have to occur in a school. Some housing complexes have meeting rooms that could be used or community centres in neighbourhoods may also be available. If your school draws from several smaller communities, occasionally change the location to community libraries or municipal buildings.
Special Events When your school is holding special events, have a School Council table set up with copies of meeting agendas, minutes, copies of the Tool Kit, and other materials that you may have developed. Kindergarten orientation times, parent/teacher interviews, concerts, and student performances are all good times to speak to your school community about what is going on in the school. School Council With the help of your school administration, you may want to establish Partners a School Welcome Partner Program. When a new family arrives, School Councils could send home a “Welcome Package” and provide the parents with a partner’s contact information if they have any questions about their new School Council’s work in the community.
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A Guidebook for Parents and Schools
WHAT ARE THE KEY MESSAGES WHAT CAN PARENT GROUPS IN THE TOOL KIT? AND SCHOOL STAFF DO TO The Tool Kit’s structure and content come HELP PARENTS USE THE from parents’ questions and many of the TOOL KIT? suggestions come from parents’ experiences.
Some of the key messages included in the Tool Kit are: • Healthy relationships are important to the success of our children — they support child development and well-being. • Parents can help children and youth build and maintain healthy relationships. • Learning how to deal with conflict in positive ways is an important life skill. • There are things that get in the way of healthy relationships, such as bullying. • We all have a role to play in supporting bullying intervention and prevention. • Parents can help young people build healthy inclusive relationships and maintain good physical and mental health. • Relationships can be enhanced using social media and communication technologies. • Parents can help their children learn to deal with setbacks and become more resilient. • We all have a role to play in creating positive school climates.
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Parent groups and school staff can offer opportunities for more parents to become familiar with ideas introduced in the Tool Kit. Some of the suggested activities in this Guidebook provide opportunities for parents to share their own best practices and to enhance skills that support their children as they build relationships. Samples of the kinds of activities that parent groups and school staff might do are included at the back of this Guidebook.
HOW CAN THE TOOL KIT BE INTRODUCED TO PARENTS? Parent group members and school staff can review the Tool Kit together to discuss how they would like to use it with parents in their school. The Tool Kit can be introduced through a school newsletter or handed out at a meet and greet event at the beginning of the school year, curriculum night, family BBQ or student performance. There is a sample workshop outline and materials that might be useful in introducing the Tool Kit beginning on page 14.
To Support the Use of Parent Tool Kit: Relationships
HOW CAN THIS GUIDEBOOK BE USED TO SUPPORT PARENTS? This Guidebook has been developed for parent groups, school staff, and others who want to support the important work parents do at home to encourage the building of healthy relationships among and between children and adolescents. The Tool Kit focuses on healthy relationships. This Guidebook suggests activities for each of the following: • How parents can help their children build and maintain healthy relationships
• How parents can learn more about the social media that children are using • How parents can build their own understanding of mental health and well-being in young people • How parents can help their children and youth deal with conflict • H ow parents can support bullying prevention The activities are meant to be examples that can be adapted for local use. Parent groups and school staff can use the various activities in ways that best suit the needs of their communities.
Types of Activity Formats Included Varying the kinds of opportunities parents have when they come together is key to building and maintaining interest and support. We tire of the same kind of meeting time after time. Involving adults in their own learning or quest for information is key. We learn what we experience. Those responsible for planning parent meetings can give thought to how much variety is offered when parents are asked to come together. Some activity formats work better than others for different topics. However, several formats can be used for the same topic. Examples are given of the following parent activity formats: • Workshops • Case studies • Discussion groups • Role-play • Lecture or presentation • Media resources • Demonstration or exhibits
Samples of each activity format follow using some of the topics parent groups and school staff may be interested in sharing with more parents. • A sample workshop for introducing the Tool Kit to parents • A sample use of case studies and discussion groups for parent groups to use to focus on different aspects of relationships • A role-play activity to develop skills in dealing with conflict • A sample lecture/presentation for parents on mental health and well-being • An example of how parent groups might use media resources to focus on bullying prevention • A demonstration/exhibit opportunity for parents on social media
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A Guidebook for Parents and Schools
PLANNING PARENT ENGAGEMENT: A GUIDEBOOK FOR PARENTS AND SCHOOLS The above is the title of the first Guidebook sent to schools with the original Tool Kit — Parent Tool Kit: What Parents Can Do To Help Their Child Succeed in School. It is intended to be used by parent groups and school staff to plan school-based activities to complement and support parents’ efforts at home. Included in the Guidebook are school-based activities, such as: • Using a workshop: Student-led technology tour • Using a newsletter: Book reviews and book clubs • Inviting guest speakers: Student/guest author night • Featuring student demonstrations: Getting ready for the science fair
• Using online resources: Digital storytelling • Holding a community event: Food and fitness fair This Guidebook suggests ways to foster and promote parent engagement to support student learning and well-being and includes: • Ideas for making an annual plan for parent engagement • Suggestions for getting families to parti cipate in school-based activities • Examples of ways to communicate with parents • How to put parent engagement on the agenda — promoting parent engagement There is a section of the Guidebook, Family Opinions Matter: Surveys and Parent Engagement, that provides ideas for developing school-based surveys to gauge parent satisfaction and to determine community support for initiatives and activities.
A positive school climate supports student achievement and well-being.
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HOW PARENTS CAN SUPPORT THE BUILDING OF A POSITIVE SCHOOL CLIMATE
adults. We are all role models and can support a whole school approach by working together on initiatives underway to create safe and accepting schools.
Parents can play a key role in supporting the building of positive school climates. In addition to all the guidance that parents provide at home with their children, parents contribute daily to developing healthy relationships throughout the community among children and teens and between youth and
The Ministry of Education defines school climate as: “...[t]he learning environment and relationships found within a school and school community. A positive school climate exists when all members of the school community
To Support the Use of Parent Tool Kit: Relationships
feel safe, included, and accepted, and actively promote positive behaviours and interactions. Principles of equity and inclusive education are embedded in the learning environment to support a positive school climate and a culture of mutual respect. A positive school climate is a crucial component of the prevention of inappropriate behaviour.” Policy/Program Memorandum No. 145, “Progressive Discipline and Promoting Positive Student Behaviour” (December 5, 2012) When a positive school climate exists: • students, staff and parents feel, and are, safe, included and accepted; • all members of the school community show respect, fairness, and kindness and build healthy relationships that are free from discrimination and harassment; • students are encouraged and supported in being positive leaders and role models; • parents, students, administration, staff, and community members engage in open and ongoing dialogue; • all partners are actively engaged; and • every student is inspired and given support to succeed in an environment of high expectations.
SCHOOL CLIMATE SURVEYS In Ontario, all schools are required to conduct anonymous school climate surveys of their students, staff, and parents at least once every two years and to share the survey results with their Safe and Accepting Schools Teams. This is a requirement of the Education
Act and is outlined in Policy/Program Memorandum No. 145, “Progressive Discipline and Promoting Positive Student Behaviour.” Sample School Climate Surveys are available in 22 languages at: ht t p : / / w w w. e du . go v. o n . c a / e ng / teachers/climate.html. A school climate survey reveals the perceptions of the school’s strengths and needs. It can provide information needed to make informed decisions about school improvement. The results of the school climate surveys can help to shape the continuing development and improvement of school practices and initiatives, including bullying prevention and intervention plans, with ideas and strategies that teams can adapt as they continue to nurture a learning environment that enables all students to thrive. School Councils may want to ask the school’s administrators to present an overview of the process for conducting school climate surveys as well as to present any data from a previous year’s survey that has been gathered. The school administration or parent members of the school’s Safe and Accepting Schools Team might also want to share the role of the Team in creating a positive school culture. Using a whole school approach, these teams bring together the adults in the school, students, parents/guardians, and members of the community to build a positive school climate.
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A Guidebook for Parents and Schools
Of all the things that contribute to the success of our children and youth, few are more basic than healthy relationships.
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SAMPLE ACTIVITIES FOR PARENTS HELPING BUILD HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Workshop to Introduce Parents to the Parent Tool Kit: Relationships. . . . . . . . 14 Workshop Feedback Form. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Using Case Studies and Discussions: How Parents Can Help Their Children Develop Healthy Relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 How Parents Can Help Their Children Deal with Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 A Sample Lecture/Presentation Meeting for Parents on Children’s Mental Health and Well-Being. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24 Using Media Resources to Focus on Bullying Prevention. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 Using Demonstrations and Exhibits to Show How Some Social Media Can Be Used. . . 28
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A Guidebook for Parents and Schools
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY WORKSHOP TO INTRODUCE PARENTS TO THE PARENT TOOL KIT: RELATIONSHIPS
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY
Parents who do not have a copy of the Tool Kit can be advised that it is available at http:// www.ontariodirectors.ca/parent_engagement.html for downloading or reading and reference. INTRODUCING THE PARENT TOOL KIT: RELATIONSHIPS
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY Have furniture in room arranged so that parents are seated in small
To Do Before Meeting Welcome
groups (groups of six suggested).
Welcome parents and introduce parent leaders for workshop. If your group is small, have parent participants introduce themselves.
Introduce parents to the Parent Tool Kit: Relationships by giving a brief PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY Overview of the Tool Kit
background and overview of the kit.
(You might want to show Building Parent Engagement, original Tool Kits and Guidebook, available at http://www.ontariodirectors.ca/ parent_engagement.html.)
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY Participants number themselves 1 through 6. Helping Parents Navigate the Tool Kit
Each reads a section. In small groups, each person shares one idea that resonated with them and other parents might want to try.
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY Each table shares one or two ideas with large group. These can be noted on chart paper and used as part of a newsletter report of the evening. Thank parents for attending.
Thank You
Make sure parents know that the Tool Kit and Guidebook are available at http://www.ontariodirectors.ca/parent_engagement.html. Mention any upcoming parent events.
When you are planning your workshop you might want to look at this outline and think about... • What you’d change
• What you’d add
• What you’d keep
• What you’d need
WORKSHOP FEEDBACK You might use a feedback form to plan future meetings. A sample follows.
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To Support the Use of Parent Tool Kit: Relationships
WORKSHOP FEEDBACK The most useful part of this workshop for me was................................... ...................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................... I would be interested in focusing on..................................................... ...................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................... I would like information on................................................................. ...................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................... I would like to attend a session with an expert/resource person on........... ...................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................
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A Guidebook for Parents and Schools
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY USING CASE STUDIES AND DISCUSSIONS: HOW PARENTS CAN HELP THEIR CHILDREN PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY DEVELOP HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS In this activity, a case study is a description of a scenario or event that can be reviewed and discussed.
“We are focusing on how we, as parents, can help our children build and maintain healthy relationships. We know that relationships are crucial to our children’s success in school and in life.
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY This type of parent meeting or workshop is suggested as a way for parents to talk about helping their children develop healthy relationships. It could be used prior to introducing parents to the Parent Tool Kit: Relationships — What Parents Can Do to Help Their Children Develop Healthy Relationships or it could be used at any time after.
First we are going to review some case studies, then we are going to discuss them as though each of us is the parent in the case study.”
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY Case Studies
The chairperson might say… PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY
The length of time you want to spend on this activity will determine the number of case studies you use. There are some sample case studies provided below or when planning this workshop, parents and school staff could come up with some situations of their own that are particularly relevant to your community. Before the Meeting Have furniture arranged so that parents are seated in small groups. Make sure that copies of the case studies are on the tables. Welcome and Outline of Meeting The kind of thing the meeting chairperson might say is:
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“On your table you will find some case studies. A parent at each table can pick up one paper and read the case study to the others. Following the reading of the case study, each group is to discuss how the parent in the case study could help the child or young person.” Questions to stimulate discussion could include: What is happening in the case study? What are the issues from the youth’s perspective? What are the issues from the parent’s perspective? How can the parent provide guidance in this situation?
To Support the Use of Parent Tool Kit: Relationships
Follow-Up to Case Studies: A parent from the planning group could give the instructions. 1. Ask groups to share one idea they got from the discussions in their small groups. (Allow time for this sharing.) 2. Ask parents if there are any ideas or suggestions from their group they would like to share with the larger group. Hear from each group who wishes to share something. 3. Show parents a copy of the Parent Tool Kit: Relationships — What Parents Can Do to Help Their Children Develop Healthy Relationships. 4. Give a very brief overview of the Tool Kit. The Tool Kit stresses how important healthy relationships are to the development of children and young people. The Tool Kit is based on concerns parents have raised and is developed into sections around the themes of: • B uilding and maintaining healthy relationships
• How parents can learn about and support their children’s use of digital media to maintain relationships • How parents can support their children to thrive in a diverse world • How parents can better understand issues of children’s mental health and well-being • Understanding the difference between conflict and bullying • How parents can help children better handle conflict and act appropriately when bullying occurs • How parents can help their children learn to bounce back when things do not go well — how to help children become more resilient 5. Tell parents the Tool Kit is available at http:// www.ontariodirectors.ca/parent_engagement. html. Evaluation for Future Planning Ask parents to complete the feedback form (sample on page 15) and thank them for feedback that will help you plan future meetings. Thank you for your participation.
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A Guidebook for Parents and Schools
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CASE STUDY 1
CASE STUDY 2
“Why are you crying?” asked Adi’s mother. Adi didn’t reply for quite a long time, and then he said, “The kids at school are making fun of me. Today, at lunch, someone asked me why I had so many things to eat. Someone else said that that was why I am fat and everyone laughed. I wish I didn’t have to eat in that lunchroom anymore.”
“Where are you going, Bala?” her father asked. She hesitated and then said that she was meeting some of her friends. “But will you be home by your nine p.m. curfew?” her father enquired. “Dad, no one but me has to be home by nine. Nothing starts until almost nine and I can’t do anything if I cannot stay later.”
CASE STUDY 3
CASE STUDY 4
Bai came home from school and did not say anything to her parents. She went off by herself and did not do the usual afterschool things she liked to do. Her mother went to talk to her but she was very quiet and didn’t talk much. Finally Bai told her that someone in her class was having a birthday party and most of the kids had been invited…but not her.
Harper’s father was surprised when he was contacted by the school principal and heard that Harper and some other students had been skipping school. Today they were found in a nearby restaurant. When Harper came in later, his father raised the matter right away. Harper said that all his friends were doing it and if he didn’t do it, he’d lose them as friends.
To Support the Use of Parent Tool Kit: Relationships
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY HOW PARENTS CAN HELP THEIR CHILDREN DEAL WITH CONFLICT
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY is an important skill for children, teens and
One way that parent groups and staff may choose to support parents in building conflict resolution skills is to offer a workshop. A sample workshop follows for you to adapt to better suit your community.
adults.” We are going to:
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY • Role-play some situations that have a
Dealing with Conflict Workshop This sample workshop has eight parts:
conflict;
• Hear a few reminders about conflict; • Practise our skills, new or old; and
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY • Hopefully, enjoy ourselves!
1. Welcome, Introductions and Overview 2. General Comments about Conflict 3. Participant Activity 1 4. Information on Dealing with Conflict 5. Participant Activity 2 6. Group Discussion 7. Evaluation and Planning Future Workshops
General Comments about Conflict One of the workshop leaders can make some general comments about conflict. These could include: • Conflict is a natural part of how we relate to others.
8. Thank You and Wrap Up
• Wherever there are two or more people, there is potential for conflict.
Welcome, Introductions and Overview
• Conflict can lead to very positive outcomes, such as:
- better decisions,
- more buy-in to the decisions,
Introduce planning/presenting parents and/ or staff (and if the group is small enough, ask participants to introduce themselves).
- richer ideas,
An overview, given by one of the presenters, could include comments such as:
- better understanding of each other, and
Welcome parents.
“Tonight we are going to see if we can improve our skills in dealing with conflict so that when it arises at home, we are better prepared. Knowing how to deal with conflict
- more creativity (two heads ARE better than one),
- stronger relationships.
• Knowing how to deal with conflict is the answer.
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A Guidebook for Parents and Schools
Participant Activity 1 We are going to do some role-playing. Roleplaying can help us see different perspectives and can allow us to practise our skills. 1. Divide the parents into four groups. 2. Within each group, ask people to partner. 3. To each group, distribute written instructions to pairs: • Parent Instruction Instruction 1 (pg. 22) • Parent Instruction Instruction 2 (pg. 22) • Parent Instruction Instruction 3 (pg. 23) • Parent Instruction Instruction 4 (pg. 23)
1 and Child 2 and Child 3 and Child 4 and Child
4. Ask parents to read their instructions and role-play what could happen. 5. Allow sufficient time for role-play to take place. 6. End the role-playing and ask the parents in the four groups to talk about what conflicts they were facing. Information on Dealing with Conflict Suggest to parents that there is some information on dealing with conflict that they may want to keep in mind. Post the points you wish to use so that participants can see them during the next activity.
• W hile working through conflict, the important focus should be on keeping the relationship healthy. • The goal is to end with a “win-win”. • It is important to find solutions that allow both sides to “save face”. • Negotiated solutions work far better than imposed solutions. • Choose a good time and place for a talk. • Stay calm. • Ignore the behaviour (for now) and deal only with the issue. • Listen first. Talk second. • Hear the facts as your child sees them. • Explore options for solutions. • Talk about each option. What do I want? What does he/she want? Avoid evaluating your child’s response—see it as information. • Be prepared to compromise. • Choose the option together. • Decide on a plan. • At some other time, talk about the behaviour and/or the anger. Talk with your child about how a similar situation might be dealt with differently in future. Keep your list of ideas where it can be seen by participants.
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To Support the Use of Parent Tool Kit: Relationships
Participant Activity 2 Ask parents to change roles with their partner. Ask them to replay the scene using as many of the conflict resolution ideas on the list as possible. Group Discussion Following Participant Activity 2, ask parents to share with their group (or large group, depending on numbers) one thing each learned or was reminded of during the role-play. Use the activities to reinforce that bullying and conflict are very different. Conflict gets resolved; bullying gets reported! Evaluation and Planning Future Workshops Distribute evaluation forms and questionnaires regarding future workshops for parents. Thank You and Wrap Up Thank participants for attending.
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A Guidebook for Parents and Schools
22
PARENT
CHILD
INSTRUCTION 1 You are role-playing the parent and your partner is role-playing your son.
INSTRUCTION 1 You are role-playing the son and your partner is role-playing your parent.
You are waiting for your son to come home. It is long past the agreed upon time. When he arrives you are really angry and let him know.
You have just arrived home from a great party. You had lots of fun. When your parent starts in on your being late, you get really angry. Why can’t my parent understand that I was having a good time?
PARENT
CHILD
INSTRUCTION 2 You are role-playing the parent and your partner is role-playing your daughter.
INSTRUCTION 2 You are role-playing the daughter and your partner is role-playing your parent.
Your daughter has been seeing some young people you don’t know very well. You have heard from other parents that these teenagers are into troubling activities. You want your daughter to see much less of them and much more of the friends with whom she used to spend time.
One of your new friends drops you off in front of your place just as your parent returns from work. Your parent starts asking who you were with, who the kids in the car are, and a lot of other questions. You are angry and think you are old enough to choose your own friends and let your parent know that is how you feel.
To Support the Use of Parent Tool Kit: Relationships
PARENT
CHILD
INSTRUCTION 3 You are role-playing the parent and your partner is role-playing your daughter.
INSTRUCTION 3 You are role-playing the daughter and your partner is role-playing your parent.
You found your daughter’s report card in her room. You didn’t know she had it. You look and see that her marks have fallen drastically and the comments refer to poor attendance and poor attitude. You are shocked and angry. Just before you finish reading the report card, your daughter asks what you are doing snooping around her room.
You return home and as you enter your room you notice that your parent is in there looking through your stuff. You are mad that your parent waits until you are out to snoop around. You see that in your parent’s hand is the report card you brought home a couple of days ago.
PARENT
CHILD
INSTRUCTION 4 You are role-playing the parent and your partner is role-playing your son.
INSTRUCTION 4 You are role-playing the son and your partner is role-playing your parent.
Your four-year-old son is playing with your nephew, age five. You see your son take the toy your nephew is playing with away from him and your nephew starts to cry. You take the toy from your son and return it to the nephew. Then your son gets very angry and begins to throw things.
You are playing with your cousin and you notice he has one of your favourite toys. You take it from him—after all, it is yours. He starts to cry, but you ignore him. Then your parent takes the toy from you and gives it back to him. You are really angry both at your parent and your cousin because his crying is what started all this. You show them how upset you are and throw things. 23
A Guidebook for Parents and Schools
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY A SAMPLE LECTURE/PRESENTATION MEETING FOR PARENTS ON CHILDREN’S MENTAL HEALTH PARENTAND WELL-BEING GROUP ACTIVITY One activity that parent groups, parents, or staff may want to consider for this topic is the expert presentation.
Use Local Experts If it is possible, try to use experts who are local. This may not be possible in all situations, but working through your public health office may help to identify an expert.
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY Young people’s mental health issues are often best dealt with by the professionals. Some parent groups have found it helpful to hold a meeting to which an expert has been invited. The expert can review the ways parents can contribute to good mental health and can inform parents of the steps needed in a variety of situations. You may wish to also invite a mental health professional. Your school board’s Mental Health Leader will be able to provide advice and assistance regarding experts who could meet with parent and staff groups.
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This will also allow parents to make a connection with someone who can help them following the meeting. Gather relevant printed materials that parents can take with them. Make sure local resources are included in your collection. Ask your expert guest to suggest resources and perhaps bring something to distribute to parents. Some of the websites included in the Tool Kit may provide useful support.
Use Parent Questions
Timing
Ask parents to bring any questions they have and leave them (anonymously) in a designated place. Ask your expert guest upon arrival to review questions and answer as many as possible during the presentation. Questions can also be submitted earlier if the presenter prefers.
Meeting organizers might like to survey parents about when they would prefer the meeting to be held. Some parents find weekday evening meetings difficult to work into their schedule.
To Support the Use of Parent Tool Kit: Relationships
Ask the expert guest to speak for a specific length of time in order to allow for parent questions following the presentation. Advertise The topic of mental health and well-being may be of interest to parents who may not usually attend parent meetings held at the school. Try to advertise well. Posting notices in places where parents will be does help, such as apartment laundry rooms, local shops, etc. Using a variety of types of communication, such as tweets, blogs, and the school websites is also helpful to get the word out. For more ideas about communication see page 6 of this Guidebook.
Resources Have resources available for parents to look at and to take away. Ask your expert guest to suggest resources and, perhaps, bring some to distribute to parents. Parents may find it useful to have access to the Internet and a few computers available so that they can explore some of the web-based resources which are available to support mental health and well-being. These resources can also be posted on the school website or included in a newsletter as follow-up to the meeting. Materials In addition, it may be helpful to have pens and scratch pads or paper on the seats to allow parents to write questions they want to ask during the upcoming question time.
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A Guidebook for Parents and Schools
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY USING MEDIA RESOURCES TO FOCUS ON BULLYING PREVENTION
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY Things to consider during the event:
School Councils, working together with their principals, or PICs working with board staff, may find it helpful to offer an opportunity to watch a film focusing on a topic such as bullying prevention. Things to consider when planning: 1. Have a committee of the School Council view the film ahead of time. Before organizing any public viewing of any film, check to see if there are any requirements for public performance rights. 2. Advertise through the school newsletters, websites, and more widely in the community. For more ideas about communication see page 6 of this Guidebook. Students can help with promoting the event. Hold the event at a time when parents in your community are available.
3. Create a list of relevant questions that parents can discuss following the film. How might your entire school community support bullying prevention as an integral part of a whole school approach?
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1. Parents can watch the film seated in small groups to allow them to discuss the film following the viewing. 2. Those leading the meeting could use some of the prepared questions for groups to start discussions. Questions could include: • Do you think the responses to bullying were appropriate? • What else could have been done? • Would you be satisfied if your child were one of those involved? Why/Why not? 3. At the conclusion of the meeting, a reminder of how bullying is to be reported and dealt with in your community can follow. This can be provided by a parent or a staff member familiar with your school’s and school board’s policies.
To Support the Use of Parent Tool Kit: Relationships
Films You May Wish to Consider Parent groups or school staff may choose to watch a film. Parents have suggested the following films as possibilities but caution that you will want to preview the films. The films in this list have storylines that touch on bullying, and can provide a starting point for discussions around the differences between conflict and bullying, as well as many other topics around healthy relationship building. Parent groups or school staff may also choose to view some films and recommend them to parents for viewing at home with their families. Before deciding on a film to show or to recommend, parent groups or school staff must confirm its usability with the school principal. All activities must comply with school and school board policies in their implementation. Bully Some communities have used the film Bully to provide an opportunity to bring together key partners of their community. Bully is a film that documents five kids and their families over the course of a school year. It follows two families who have lost children to suicide and a mother awaiting the fate of her fourteen-year-old daughter who brandished a gun on a school bus. The story goes into homes, classrooms, cafeterias and principals’ offices, and offers insights into the world of bullied children. (www.thebullyproject.com)
Cyberbully When a teenage girl is bullied online, she starts to isolate herself from her family and friends. Soon the trauma pushes her toward the edge and her mom takes the troubling issue to the authorities. (YouTube) To Be Fat Like Me A physically fit teenager puts on a fat suit as part of a film project to experience the hardships facing overweight high school students. (YouTube) Billy Elliot Eleven-year-old Billy Elliot learns to be true to himself when he’s forced to make a difficult decision he knows will displease his father. Billy’s dad wants him to be a tough guy and take boxing lessons. After watching a ballet class taking place at the same time as his boxing lesson, Billy discovers that dance is his true passion. Without the permission of his father, the boy attends ballet classes instead of boxing, and becomes a shining star, attending an audition for the Royal Ballet.
To order Bully, you should visit the Bully Project website. Some school boards have purchased public performance rights for this film — do check with your board before ordering.
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A Guidebook for Parents and Schools
PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY PARENT GROUP ACTIVITY USING DEMONSTRATIONS AND EXHIBITS TO SHOW HOW SOME SOCIAL MEDIA CAN BE USED Mini workshops can be offered on how to use various social media. Parents who are familiar with different kinds of social media can be invited to show more parents how that site works. Parents have a great deal of expertise to share with one another in many different areas. Technical support should be available so that parents can see and try things out during the demonstration. This is a great opportunity to involve more parents as experts and group leaders. Some of the most used social media sites you might consider for mini workshops include: • Facebook • Twitter • YouTube • Instagram Advertise in your community for people who are willing to volunteer to help a small group of parents understand how one of the social media sites works. Explain to volunteers how your evening is going to work.
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Suggested Format: Place each volunteer demonstrator in an area with a set number of chairs. Ask parents to choose a location to begin. After your set time, ring a bell or somehow indicate that it is time to move on to another centre. During the event each parent would have the chance to see two (maybe three) different social media sites being used. Gather group together at conclusion for a few comments and feedback from participants.
