The Leukaemia Foundation of Queensland Support Services Division presents

Living well with grief Caring for patients and their families | Issue 1 2010

In this issue... Teenage grief page 2

Feelings and emotions page 4-5

Toolshed for men’s grief page 6

Men’s path to healing page 7

Bereaved parent resolutions page 8

Masterpieces of Love page 10-11

“I will face my pain with courage. I will make it!” - Clara Hinton This quote says so much about the journey of grief. At times the pain, loneliness and physical and emotional exhaustion can hit like a tidal wave when we least expect it. Life may be going along okay when all of a sudden we get smacked hard with the reality of our loss, and we’re left feeling like we are drowning in a sea of sorrow with no life jacket in sight. Being aware of how grief works is a critical part of our grief journey. Knowing that we can get these “grief attacks” unexpectedly can actually help us to prepare for them. When your tidal wave of grief hits, take some long, deep breaths and prepare to wait it out. Don’t fight it or try to swim against the tide. You will only exhaust yourself further. Feel the pain with the knowledge that following this storm, the seas will once again return to calm, and you will have better days ahead. The grief journey is as unique and individual as you are and we hope the articles in this newsletter can help you. Those who were unable to attend the grief brunch in February can find inside (page 4 & 5) an article on some of the areas discussed. I think all who attended went away with increased knowledge, new strategies and a feeling of not being alone. I would also like to point out upcoming events - the very special Celebration of Life on 6 June, the grief brunch on 17 July and Toolshed for Men’s Grief on July 24. You can see how powerful these are by the comments and stories related to them. I hope you will mark them in your diary and come along. The article on teenage grief and the poem written by a teenager gives insight into the pain and confusion which many in this age group face. Adolescence can be a challenging time normally, but when

Shirley Cunningham

grief is added to the mix it can be quite a potent combination. It can take great skill and communication to support them during this time. I hope you find this edition of Living well with grief informative and helpful as you struggle with your grief. It is a path no one chooses to undertake, but is one where you can access courage you didn’t know you had, until hope can slowly shine through, letting you know you can do this as others have before you. Remember that Jenny and I are available over the phone, email or in person, if you would like support while you find your courage and hope. Please remember: Asking for help isnt a sign of weakness - It is a sign of exceptional personal strength and courage. Shirley Cunningham Grief Support Services Coordinator

Teenage grief Teenagers expect their parents to grow old. They expect that their friends will grow with them. It does not occur to them that at some time during their life someone within their social circle may die. However, when this happens, the ‘fallout’ can be devastating. Death alters their whole perspective on a ‘just world’ and causes them to confront their own mortality. This can be a particularly difficult and challenging time for all those concerned, however the focus is generally on the primary mourner or the immediate family which may inadvertently exclude their grief. There is a common myth in the community that teenagers access support through their friends, however, this is not always the case. In some cases, their friends may not be willing to talk about the loss and avoid it completely. The reasons for this can vary. They may be fearful that this may happen in their own family, they may be concerned that it will affect their life, or they may be totally overwhelmed by their own grief. Therefore, it is important to understand that the environment the teen is part of may not always provide the support they need to reconcile their grief. So, how can a teenager be assisted to come to terms with their loss? Below, I have provided a shortened version of the Six Needs for Mourning in Teens (Wolfelt, 1999). If you require more information, please do not hesitate to contact Grief Support Services Coordinator, Jenny Gallagher-Grant at the Leukaemia Foundation on 3840 3844.

Acknowledge the reality of the death

Remember the person who died

It can take time for the reality that their loved one will not return to move from the head to the heart. This is especially true for younger teens who embrace the reality more slowly. Be truthful as they can only deal with what they know, not what they don’t know. Respect the fact that they may want to talk and embrace their feelings and thoughts. Remember that mourning does not always occur immediately following a death; it can take years and may be postponed until adulthood.

Allow your teen to talk about memories. Try to provide links for them to treasure and remind them of their loved one. This affirms the value of the life lost for them. Journal writing, plaques and tree-planting all provide concrete memorials for the future. Allow the teen to visit these memorials regularly. Although it can be painful at times, it also allows them to revisit happy times and keeps the memories alive.

Gently move towards the pain of loss

When someone close dies we are forced to form a new identity without that person. When a friend dies for example, new friendships will eventually be formed and this may require the teen to develop a new sense of self. When this is happening, try not to rush in to help them, allow them to redefine themselves.

Teens need your permission to mourn. Sometimes they may want to talk and other times they may not. It is natural for them to resist mourning however, this does not mean they are not mourning. Provide them with a safe haven to feel emotion and talk if they need to. Sometimes music, art and writing are a good way to express emotions without articulating them.

Develop a new self-identity

You must listen to the music of the and dance into th

A teenager’s view of grief Search for meaning Teens, like adults, will search for a meaning as to why. They will ask questions like “why now?” and “why this way?” It is important to normalise these questions and not to minimise them. These are natural questions that are important to ask. Remember you don’t have to answer all the questions. Sometimes, we simply don’t have the answers. Acknowledge that you don’t have the answers as this is more helpful in their search for the meaning of their loss. Be aware that they may act out in order to search for meaning. Remember, it is important to set limits if you feel your teen is acting out as this is a tumultuous time for them.

Continue to receive support from adults Teens need to receive support from helpful adults long after the death. Important events such as graduations, marriage, births etc will all be challenging times for them. Therefore, it is important to teach them that they will encounter ‘grief attacks’ or ‘shadow grief’ where it appears that their grief has returned temporarily. At these times, they will often have a longing for their loved one to be there to share in the event. It takes time to realise that it is alright to feel sad and reconcile to the loss. When this occurs we need to encourage them to reach out for help. To acknowledge how they are feeling, and reassure them that it takes time to heal grief. I hope you have found this helpful. I would like to share with you these words from a musical that I believe encapsulate the essence of grief.

past to sing to the present he future

Loss of Innocence by Keegan

The scream of a mother’s horror Sounds of squeaking shoes

Down the hallway of the house

To see the darkness of his eyes

And the sadness of a now former wife. As her children cry by her side

Friends and family slowly gather

Her smallest child stands and cries But does not fully understand The loss or how to cope

Time passes and he begins to grow And starts to understand

That he is not coming back

No more bike rides or, ‘hey little man’ He is now turning 13 and is sad

Knowing that he will not be there to celebrate He goes home and cries to his mother

He will soon be a man; he wants him to be there

She calms him, but he still doesn’t understand why? So, he just sits and cries

Watching a single flame flicker But there is no wind

By this, he knows he is still there.

Feelings and emotions From the Living well with grief brunch held on Saturday, 13 February 2010 Recently, the Leukaemia Foundation held a Living well with grief brunch that focussed on the emotions and feelings a grieving person may experience after the loss of a loved one. Those who attended put forward an array of emotions that essentially are the essence of the grief experience. Some people spoke of experiencing several emotions while others acknowledged just a few. I’m sure that if we were to name all the emotions and feelings that are associated with the grief experience, the list would be endless! It is very important to acknowledge each and every one as they are an expression of sadness and despair being experienced by someone suffering loss. Although most of these feelings have different names and meanings, all are essentially a part of a much bigger emotion, FEAR. The connection between grief and fear is well known. In grief, this fear can be expressed in many ways such as anger or depression. We may feel our own existence is being threatened. In general, our reaction to this is to take flight or move away from whatever is causing us to feel like this. However, we should be aware that fear is also a basic survival mechanism that we can also use to protect ourselves from things that cause us pain. Essentially it’s our lifesaver and vital to our self-preservation. Why? Because it allows us to be vigilant and to draw upon strength that we never believed we had. It provides us with the skills to navigate our way through our grief. The reality is that there is no way to go around grief. We have to go through it. Yes, we can take flight (believe me, I went up, down, sideways, vertically and horizontally trying to circumnavigate it) but eventually we need to face the emotions (or fight response) in order to be able to readjust and continue to live life. Therefore, when we look at grief and its relationship with fear, it is easy to see that fear provides us with the opportunity to not only protect ourselves (flight response) when necessary but to take back control (fight) of a situation we thought we had lost. Below are stories by two of my clients who have lost their beloved partners. Both of the stories describe emotions that encompass aspects related to fear but most importantly demonstrate that our lives do continue after the loss of a loved one, and fear gives way to new hope.

Hope

by Dr Andrew Bode

There is a saying “hope springs eternal”. However, that saying seems rather empty when you have lost your soul mate and the future looks gloomy. It happened to me several years ago. Your mind races through a myriad of thoughts and your emotions fluctuate from anger to sheer frustration, guilt and despair that this should happen to you. Why did it happen? How unfair it is? What could I have done to prevent it? Should I have spent more quality time with my loved one? I have discovered that this range of emotions is quite normal and justified. There is also a saying that “in the midst of life there is death” but also one needs to be mindful of the opposite that in the face of death there is life and so we need to gather strength from the fact that we have been able to enjoy our time with our loved ones, no matter how brief, in such a joyous way so as to enable us to have a strong foundation to go forward with the future in mind.

My late wife Gwen gave me that strength to realise that life is about living and just as the recent rains have brought new hope to a barren landscape in south west Queensland, so also we need to be aware that there is always that ray of sunshine that will be the catalyst to hope. Little did I know that the ray of sunshine would emerge as a new person in my life who would acknowledge that I would always love my wife but that there would be room to be rejuvenated and share the love and future with values of love and caring so solidly founded in the early years of my life with my late wife. Each one of us who has experienced a loss is able to look forward with hope and optimism if we open our hearts and minds and allow that ray of sunshine to enter. Andrew and Jocelyn were married on Saturday 10 April 2010. We wish them all the best as they embark on a new journey together as husband and wife.

Those Emotions! Will I ever train them? by Erina Beruldson I have just returned from a remarkable, wonderful holiday to New Zealand on the cruise ship Dawn Princess. I had been to Dunedin and Christchurch on two previous occasions with my late husband Gordon when he had been in good health. It was really good to walk the streets and think back on the happy times we had together. We landed in Wellington, Napier, Auckland and the Bay of Islands. Gordon and I had visited these places also. The last time we were here Gordon was a very sick man (in fact, I was reluctant to venture on this trip) and the situation was very different. In Wellington, I had gone on my own into the streets while Gordon had his afternoon sleep. He did walk into the street later with me and had a coffee in a delightful old bank building. In Auckland, I vividly remembered the time when Gordon had handed the steering wheel over to me as he was no longer able to cope. Little did he know that on that very mountainous road I could not see the road as we climbed around the blind corners! Eventually we discovered that the seat was adjustable. What a relief! Now I could see again. I had to drive us into Auckland that afternoon and find our hotel for the next few days. This was a piece of cake in comparison with the scary mountain drive. Gordon ‘hugged’ most of the veranda posts in the shopping precinct of Parnell. He was so weak that he needed this support. We had a coffee and I had to ask for water for him to drink and extra cream so that his food could slide down his dry throat. There were many other incidences, some funny, most very challenging.

JULY

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On this holiday, I retraced our steps and marvelled at his tenacity. I thought what a privilege to have had this experience. Now the contrast. I came home to be in the middle of changing phone companies. I phoned Telstra, but could not get any satisfaction, so I went into the Telstra shop. I burst in to tears. The girl was very patient with me and fixed the problem, whatever that was. The point of this story is, I retraced the time I had with Gordon in very trying circumstances. It was a potentially sad time, but I enjoyed the experience. It frustrates me though that when I do something practical, I lose the plot. I clearly miss Gordon when it comes to the every day business of running a household, even after two and a half years.

You are welcome to attend our next grief brunch on 17 July 2010 at ESA Village, South Brisbane. For more information or to make a booking please phone 3840 4830.

Toolshed for Men’s Grief Taking control of your life after loss When a person is faced with the loss of a loved one, there are many short and long term changes and stresses which they need to deal with. The Toolshed for Men’s Grief aims to assist men left behind to understand and negotiate these changes and deal with the stresses that inevitably arise. This workshop is run by Arthur Alexander who has consulted with the Leukaemia Foundation for over 20 years and has vast experience in loss and grief issues. His wisdom and knowledge has helped patients and their families cope from diagnosis and beyond.

Stress

How do we view ourselves and others?

Stress is certainly a normal response when you lose someone you love. This workshop aims to help those left behind to understand where this stress comes from and how we can best manage it.

The concept of mental models assists patients to understand how they view the world, themselves and others, and how this affects the way they deal with their loss.

“We need to remember that stress is something that happens entirely in our minds, and it comes from how we perceive a situation or person. That is what creates stress,” Arthur said.

“Mental models are filters we all have which filter out external stimuli and cause us to see the world in a certain way, not necessarily a realistic way. These filters are created through our upbringing, culture and experiences,” Arthur said.

“Our emotional and physiological response to stress tends to follow a well honed and familiar path – what we call the path of least resistance.” “This path we follow is influenced by a number of factors including our upbringing, experiences, education and culture.” Arthur also said there are two obvious symptoms of stress – anger and fear. Research seems to indicate that those who handle stress the best seem to display three characteristics: 1. They feel like they have significant control over themselves. They might initially react to stress, but can take a step back and think either, ‘I can do something to help the situation’, or if it is out of their control, they can let it go. 2. They have a clear indicator of what is important to them. They usually have a strong belief system (not necessarily a religion) which acts like an anchor or a compass. 3. They have a sense of optimism. Although they may initially feel stressed, they are able to take a step back and see the situation as a learning experience. According to Arthur, while many people see losing a loved one as the worst thing that could happen to them, if they are able to take a step back, they may see it as a chance to refocus their lives. “I have worked with many people who have lost a loved one and though painful it has enabled them to alter their life perspective, to do important things they were putting off.” Arthur said.

“An example of this is prejudice, where we view people in certain ways, without necessarily even realising we are doing it.” “These thoughts run so deep that we don’t necessarily even recognise them. We have voices in our heads or stories that play over and over giving us messages such as, ‘I’m not that type’, ‘I’m not good enough’, or ‘I could never do that’. In terms of dealing with loss and bereavement, the way we deal with this be very much influenced by these mental models. “I like to ask questions like ‘why do you say that?’, ‘why can’t you do that?’, or ‘what would it take?’” The Toolshed for Men’s Grief is a workshop to help men to take control of their lives after the loss of a loved one. Some comments from gentlemen who attended: “It reassured me that I was on the right track on my own journey of grief.” “It was also special to be able to share the day as a men’s group” “It provided a safe environment to share experiences without judgement.”

JULY

24

Toolshed for Men’s Grief Saturday, 24 July, 9am-3pm ESA Village, South Brisbane

Men’s path to healing Tom Golden is a therapist active in Men’s Work in the Washington, D.C. area and is the author of ‘Swallowed by a Snake’, available through MenWeb. His e-mail address is: [email protected] All people are unique in the ways they grieve and heal themselves. There are probably more individual differences in grief than there are gender differences, but the gender differences do exist and need to be honoured. Research seems to show that men tend to visit gravesites more often than women. Men tend towards linking their grief with a place, action, or thing. An example is the man who carved a bust of his wife after her death or a man who built a pond in memory of his murdered brother. This need for activity puts men in a precarious state in our culture because almost all of the “action” activities related to death have been sub-contracted. Activities such as building the coffin, directing the ritual, digging the grave, or the funeral itself have been turned over to the “death professionals.” Evidence supporting these observations can be found in looking at tribal cultures and the ways they separate the tasks and roles of men and women following a death. For example, the Bara people in Madagascar literally separate the men and women. Two huts are designated: the “male hut” for the men and the “house of tears” for the women. The house of tears is the centre of emotional expression, while the male hut is more the centre of activities such as directing the ritual. The use of activity as a means to connect with one’s grief is not exclusive to men. Women can also find comfort in activity, however the difference is that women are generally better at connecting their emotions to their words, and then are inclined to “share” those words with others. I know for myself, I am less inclined to simply “share” my feelings with those around me. I am grieving, but I do it in my own way, a way that is more quiet and less visible. It is for this reason that it is a dangerous act to judge a man’s grief by how much he “shares” it with others. A man’s pain cannot be judged by outer appearances or the abundance of tears.

Below are the experiences of two men who have lost a loved one “It was a still summer evening when I began to dig the hole which was to be the home of a tree that was being given as a memorial to my father, who died a year before. As I dug, the feelings flowed through me - the sadness of missing him, his absence, the gratefulness of having been his son and the anger and frustration of my powerlessness. Through the action, I was opened to my own inner world. The tree was later planted in an emotional ritual attended by myself and the six men who donated the tree. As we stood around the tree, we all had a chance to speak and listen. It would have been much more difficult to simply sit in a circle and talk about our feelings. The tree now stands in a park that is adjacent to my home and has moved from being an activity to being a place. When I see the tree, I am reminded of my father, my grief, and the men who lovingly honoured my father and my pain”. “During the week of my father’s funeral my brother and I decided to design and construct the container for my father’s ashes in my father’s workshop. During this time the men who came to visit our family tended to be drawn to the workshop, while the women who visited were more likely to spend time talking inside. The men who visited usually had ideas or comments about the work that was being done, and they gladly chipped in, and did this or that to aid in the project. These gender boundaries were not solid, though. It was not that the men and women were separated, it was that the men and women tended to have different paths to connect them with their grief. Just as the tears flowed inside the house, they flowed in the workshop. As we worked and told stories the tears and laughter flowed.”

Resolutions for bereaved parents I resolve: That I will grieve as much and for as long as I feel like grieving, and that I will not let others put a timetable on my grief. That I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving, and I will ignore those who try to tell me what I should or should not be feeling and how I should or should not be behaving.

That I will try to eat, sleep and exercise every day in order to give my body the strength it will need to help me cope with my grief. To know that I am not losing my mind and I will remind myself that loss of memory, feelings of disorientation, lack of energy and a sense of vulnerability are all normal parts of the grief process.

That I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and that I will not hold back my tears just because someone else feels I should be “brave” or “getting better” or “healing by now”. That I will talk about my child as often as I want to, and that I will not let others turn me off just because they can’t deal with their own feelings. That I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel, understanding that one who has not lost a child cannot possibly know how I feel. That I will not blame myself for my child’s death, and I will constantly remind myself that I did the best job of parenting I could possibly have done. But when feelings of guilt are overwhelming, I will remind myself that this is a normal part of the grief process and it will pass.

To know that I will heal, even though it will take a long time. To let myself heal and not feel guilty about feeling better. To remind myself that the grief process is circuitous– that is, I will not make steady upward progress. And when I find myself slipping back into the old moods of despair and depression, I will tell myself that “slipping backward” is also a normal part of the grief process and these moods will also pass. To try to be happy about something for some part of every day, knowing that at first I may have to force myself to think cheerful thoughts so eventually they can become a habit. author unknown

That I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if I feel it is necessary. That I will commune with my child at least once a day in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me, and that I won’t feel compelled to explain this communion to others or to justify or even discuss it with them.

Bereaved parents weekend The Bereaved parents weekend is a two day workshop specifically for parents who have lost a child. This special event gives bereaved parents an opportunity to meet in a safe and caring environment to share their child with others who understand the pain, loneliness and loss of this journey. Parents who have attended this weekend have found great comfort in being with others and having the opportunity to share, relax and have time totally devoted to them and their grief. The next Bereaved parents weekend is on 5-7 November For more information please contact Shirley or Jenny on 3840 3844.

Book review

Getting Naked Again Judith Sills, PhD (Springboard Press, 2009). This book is written for women who have lost a loved one whether through divorce or illness, who are considering dating again. The author demonstrates an understanding of the grief of widows/divorcees by noting the importance of certain actions like the comfort a grieving widow feels when ‘sleeping in a partner’s sweat shirt because it smells of him’ and ‘hearing their partner’s voice on the answering machine.’ Her depth of understanding goes further when she describes the hidden cost of widowhood when it comes to reconnecting with a new partner – the idealisation of the lost spouse. Ultimately, she describes the return to dating after widowhood/divorce as ‘emotional whiplash, pure and unavoidable.’ If you are at a point in your journey where you are considering a new relationship, this book may provide you with some strategies to make the transition easier. However, please be aware that the information outlined is for both widowers and divorcees and may not necessarily apply to your individual circumstances.

2009 Healing Heart’s workshop ‘Masterpieces of Love’

Hello to all of my very special friends!! Wow! Didn’t we all have a wonderful time making our special Christmas decorations for the tree? I was truly amazed at how very clever you all are. As you can see, the pictures of your loved ones are beautifully surrounded by lots of ribbon and glitter making sure that they truly ‘shine.’ Thank you all for allowing me to watch as you put the finishing touches on the special ‘masterpieces’ you created to share Christmas with your loved one. Jenny The Healing Heart’s workshop was designed specifically for children who have lost a loved one. The next workshop will be held at Clem Jones – Sunland Leukaemia Foundation Village, Nathan, on Saturday, 26 June 2010, 10am-1pm.

Jenny Gallagher-Grant

Expressing grief through your own rituals Rituals can play an important role in the grief process and can bring great comfort. The Leukaemia Foundation’s Grief Support Services highlight the importance of rituals in its programs. These rituals, allow the living to be connected to the loved one whom is no longer with them, and can be achieved in a variety of ways. A ritual is any ceremony that progresses in established steps. Although people generally think of ritual in the context of formalised religion, it need not be. You can (and probably do) make a ritual out of the smallest and most mundane acts in your everyday life, such as getting ready for work in the morning, preparing the evening meal or getting ready for bed at night.

To develop your own grief ritual, all you have to do is figure out the following three things:

3.

1.

Place

select a clear, clean space in a room where you can erect some sort of grief memorial or shrine. If possible, choose a room where any noise you make won’t disturb the neighbours.

Activities

2.

Time

select a time when you can devote yourself totally to remembrance of your loved one.

select a prayer, inspirational reading, piece of music or poem that you can recite or play when opening and closing the ritual, and then fill the middle of the ritual with whatever it is you need to articulate and convey at the moment you conduct the ritual.

Creating a memorial

Choosing activities

When setting up the grief memorial, adopt an attitude of loving care and great awareness as you select and arrange each element.

When selecting activities for your grief ritual, pick one inspirational verse, poem or song that you use each time you open the ritual and another that you use each time you close the ritual. That way you have two established steps that you can rely on to mark both the beginning of the ritual and its end.

You may want to add pictures of your loved one along with some personal or natural objects that remind you of them. Personal objects can include effects such as jewellery, awards, trophies, caps, hats, other clothing and even favourite books (especially a loved one’s Bible or missal). Natural objects can include anything you have at hand such as rocks (which you can decorate), shells and sand if you live near a beach, bird nests (abandoned, of course) and branches from the back yard. If it feels right, you also can add candles, incense, and flowers to the memorial.

Even if you’re not particularly musically inclined, you may want to release some energy by making your own sound for the ritual. If you don’t have a musical instrument, you can use anything that makes noise — from an empty cereal box for percussion and an empty bottle as a wind instrument. If you can’t find something to use as an instrument, don’t forget your voice. You can always recite words as a chant even if you can’t carry a tune.

Performing a ceremony

Celebration of Life service

Before starting the ceremony, take a few deep breaths to centre yourself. Don’t worry if you break down in tears at this point or any other during the ritual. After all, this ceremony is all about expressing your grief as openly and freely as possible whenever you need to.

With knowledge gained from people who are grieving over the years, the Leukaemia Foundation established the Celebration of Life service which is a very special type of ritual which gives family and friends an opportunity to come and remember, reflect and celebrate their loved one’s life. I would like to take this opportunity to invite all of you to come to our next Celebration of Life service on Sunday, 6 June 2010, 10.30am to 1pm at ESA Village 64 Raymond Terrace South Brisbane, 4101. A light lunch will be provided. Please RSVP by Wednesday, 3 June for catering purposes. See below for comments from previous attendees:

After opening the ritual play the middle activities completely by ear. Sometimes you may need to communicate something to your loved one, and other times you may have nothing particular to say but have a great need to release pent-up emotions. When you need to communicate, speak the words out loud or meditate on the thoughts silently. When you need to release your emotions, don’t hold back. Yell, scream, whine or cry as much as you need to. If you’re feeling a great deal of anger as part of your grief, keep pillows nearby that you can pummel as you rail against whomever or whatever you hold responsible for your woeful situation. You don’t have to conduct your grief rituals all alone (unless you want or need to). This is a perfect time to share your grief with others, especially other friends and family members who are also grieving the same loss. If you share your ritual with others, they may find it a great comfort if you allow each person to relate something about your lost loved one, such as a description, story, or vignette (and yes, it’s okay to include a funny story and have a laugh amid your tears). Conduct your grief rituals and keep your memorial up as long as you need to use it. At some point when you’re ready and your grief is finally subsiding, you will want to conclude your grief rituals. At that time, you may or may not want to dismantle the memorial as well. If you do decide to dismantle it, after concluding the final ritual, take down the memorial or shrine with the same loving care with which you erected it. author unknown

“I was a little concerned about coming as it had only been 4 months since John had passed but it turned out to be a beautiful time… I did have tears but there was a feeling of love and there was also laughter. I want to thank the Leukaemia Foundation for inviting me and for all the support I have received since John died.” “We all came to the service, myself and my two daughters, their partners and their children, and my dear wife’s best friends of 20 years. In all there were 12 of us who came to celebrate and remember the beautiful lady whom I had the privilege to call my wife. The choir sang beautifully and the lighting of the candle was special to us all.” Jenny and I will be sending invitations shortly to this special event, but if for some reason you don’t receive one and you would like to attend please give us a call on 3840 3844.

Support services seminars For more information or to make a booking for any of the following grief events phone 07 3840 3844. Living well with grief (Six week course on Tuesday mornings, 10.30am) 14 September – 19 October 2010 ESA Village, South Brisbane Grief support brunches Saturday, 10.30am – 1.30pm, 17 July, 23 October, 11 December ESA Village, South Brisbane Toolshed for Men’s Grief Saturday, 24 July, 9am-3pm ESA Village, South Brisbane

Healing Hearts workshops Saturday, 26 June, 10.30am-12.30pm Saturday, 14 August, 10am-1pm Monday, 13 December, 10am-1pm Clem Jones – Sunland Leukaemia Foundation Village, Nathan Celebration of Life Sunday, 6 June, 10.30am-1pm ESA Village, South Brisbane Bereaved parents’ weekend 5-7 November Heaven in the Hills, Maleny

Queensland support services team Barbara Hartigan - Director of Support Services Sheila Deuchars - Support Services Coordinator Scott Martin - Support Services Coordinator Kris Murphy - Support Services Coordinator Maryanne Skarparis - Support Services Coordinator Natalie James - Support Services Coordinator Michele Leis - Support Services Coordinator (Townsville) Pat Neely - Amyloidosis Services Coordinator Jenny Gallagher-Grant - Grief Support Services Coordinator Shirley Cunningham - Grief Support Services Coordinator Marian Marshall - Support Services Administration Officer

Fundraising dates 2010 Lavender for leukaemia, lymphoma and myeloma – 1-31 May Doorknock

– 17-30 July

Light the Night – 7 October

For help call Brisbane: 07 3840 3844 or Townsville: 07 4727 8000 Our Vision to Cure and Mission to Care. The Leukaemia Foundation of Queensland is a not for profit organisation focused on the care and support of patients and their families living with leukaemias, lymphomas, myeloma and related blood disorders. The Foundation does this by providing emotional support, accommodation, transportation and practical assistance for patients and their families. The Leukaemia Foundation also funds research into cures and better treatments for leukaemias, lymphomas, myeloma and related blood disorders. The Leukaemia Foundation receives no direct ongoing government funding and relies on the continuous support of individuals and corporate partners to expand its services.

GPO Box 9954 Brisbane QLD 4001 ph: 1800 620 420 Leukaemia Foundation of Queensland ©

To find out more about the work of the Leukaemia Foundation of Queensland and how you can help, phone 1800 620 420 or visit the Foundation’s website at www.leukaemia.org.au Disclaimer: No person should rely on the contents of this publication without first obtaining advice from their treating specialist.

If you do not wish to receive future editions of this publication please contact the Leukaemia Foundation Support Services Division on 07 3840 3844.