Bringing NLP to Life NLP Coaching Online

NLP Coaching Course Manual: NLP Content Pam Rigden 2013

2013

How Your Course Material is Structured Overall, the training follows McClelland’s ‘4-mat system’: WHAT: defines the topic WHY: explains why the material is important HOW: demonstrates tools and techniques WHAT IF: explains how the material can be applied Key The course consists of NLP theory and concepts, examples and stories, exercises, and tools and techniques, designed to meet individual learning needs.

IMPORTANT CONCEPT

EXAMPLES & STORIES

EXERCISES

TOOLS & TECHNIQUES

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Session 13: What is NLP? 1) The History of Neuro-Linguistic Programming Neuro-Linguistic Programming was developed in the early 1970’s when John Grinder and Richard Bandler began working together in the field of modelling. Richard Bandler is a mathematician, therapist and computer expert. As a student at the University of California at Santa Cruz, he met John Grinder. Grinder is a world-renowned linguist. As a language professor at UCSC, he and Bandler began to study the field of human change. They studied some of the experts in this field and noticed some interesting patterns. When studying Virginia Satir, a very successful family therapist in Palo Alto, California, they discovered that she affected and changed behaviour in her clients by being very specific. At the same time, Bandler and Grinder studied Milton H. Erickson, commonly known as the Father of Hypnotherapy. What they discovered with Erickson was that he successfully achieved behaviour change by being extremely ambiguous with his use of language. The successes that Bandler and Grinder discovered with Satir and Erickson led to the Meta Model and Milton Model. The Meta Model is very specific and the Milton Model is vague and ambiguous. This was the start of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Through the application of their discoveries, using the techniques which they modelled, they created processes of learning, the “how to” of getting into rapport, for example. John and Richard studied the techniques of people who were the very best in their field. Once John and Richard organised these techniques, they taught their students to replicate them and to use them with their own clients. Their students were also able to duplicate the behavioural changes using these techniques. They did this without the years of study and experience of professional psychologists, and both students and clients enjoyed tremendous success. NLP has been expanded throughout the years. From the original training of eight, there are now many experienced and effective NLP trainers throughout the world. In addition to therapy, NLP has been used successfully in sales, business, education, the arts, and many other vocations. Reference: Dr Susi Strang and Associates, NLP Master Practitioner Manual 2003

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3 Reference: Dr Susie Strang and Associates, Master Practitioner Manual 2003

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2) Definitions of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) NLP is often referred to as “The study of the structure of subjective experience”; however, many definitions exist. N: Neuro The study of the mind and nervous system (mind-body) through which our experience is processed, how we re-present the world to ourselves via our five senses:     

Visual Auditory Kinaesthetic Olfactory Gustatory

L: Linguistic

The study of how we use language to describe and make sense of our world and to make sense of our experience. That is, how our neural representations – pictures, sounds, feelings, tastes, smells and words (self – talk) - are coded, ordered and given meaning through language and other non-verbal communication systems

P: Programming

The sequences of coded instructions that repeat, the patterns of thought or behaviour that we run, that help or hinder us “We can do whatever we want if we use all the resources we have available. In this way we can achieve excellence.”

Ian McDermott NLP is about how we learn everything, from excellent performance to bad habits. It helps people understand, at a practical level, how they and others make sense of the world. It enables people to detect their own learned patterns of thought and behaviour, and where desirable it has the tools to change, or reprogramme, negative patterns with more positive ones. Understanding and using NLP enables people to enhance their confidence and effectiveness in both their personal and professional lives. People become clear about what they want, solve problems, use time more effectively and achieve their goals. As such, NLP is used widely and with outstanding results in a diverse range of fields.

Pam Rigden

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In other words, NLP enables us to use the language of the mind to consistently achieve our specific and desired outcomes. Bringing NLP to Life NLP Coaching Online Course Manual Pam Rigden 2013 | [email protected] +44 (0) 7741 101077 www.bringingnlptolife.com

Richard Bandler defined NLP as:

An Attitude Wanton Curiosity Willingness to Experiment A Methodology Modelling De-nominalization (understanding processes) Continual Experimentation A Trail of Techniques The Procedures and Systems That Are Taught as NLP NLP is also known as “an attitude and methodology that leaves behind a trail of techniques.” It’s an attitude of curiosity and of wanting to know what is going on behind what is going on. It is a willingness to experiment and experience new things. The methodology used is modelling. Modelling is a way of replicating excellence. Often called a Psychology of Excellence, modelling is discovering and taking on the beliefs, values, behaviours and mental sequencing found in people who are outstanding in their field and utilising these in yourself and others. Reference: Dr Susie Strang and Associates, Master Practitioner Manual 2003

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Summary NLP is more than a collection of techniques. The techniques have developed out of a particular way of thinking. NLP is an attitude, a frame of mind, a way of being, based on curiosity and exploration, ease and excellence, and having fun. This leads to questions such as:    

“What do you want” “What works” “How do you do that” “What is the difference that makes the difference”

The results of this attitude and exploration are:    

A feeling of integrity and wholeness, a sense of internal harmony. The best possible relationship with yourself and with others. Growth and learning, leading to achievement and understanding. Happiness

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Session 13: What is NLP? / Assignment Please answer the following questions: 1) What is your interest in NLP? (100 words) 2) Do you have any prior experience of NLP? (Please include, if relevant, books, audio courses, workshops and training) (250-500 words) Please ensure that you have read pages 2 – 6 and listened to the MP3 recording before answering Questions 3) and 4) 3) With reference to what you have learned, briefly describe the history of NLP and explain, in your own words, what NLP is. (250 words) 4) A friend or colleague who has no prior knowledge of NLP has just asked you “What is NLP anyway?” How would you answer this question in 3 or 4 succinct sentences? (100 words) Please note: The word counts are intended as a guideline to give you an indication of how much to write. Where you have relied on any additional references please list these at the end of your work. For example: The NLP Workbook, Joseph O’Connor, (2001), Chapter 1: What is NLP? Pages 1-3

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Session 14: NLP Communication Model (Tad James)

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The Communication Model explains how we process the information that comes into us from the world around us - a process which begins with an external event that we experience through our sensory input channels (VAKOG). Before we make an internal representation (IR) we run the event through our internal processing filters - in other words, we filter the experience – that is we Delete, Distort and Generalise the information that comes in. This is how we make experience our own or create our own reality; our subjective experience of the same event will be completely different to the person sitting next to us. This is why it is critical to be able to ‘do’ Sensory Acuity, Behavioural Flexibility and Rapport, to be able to get into 2nd Position. When you understand what other’s lives are like you will be more effective in your work with your’ clients.

Deletion Deletion means that we overlook or omit certain sensory information; we selectively pay attention to certain aspects of our experience and ignore others. We do this because if we did not we would quite literally be overwhelmed by all of the information coming in. Our conscious minds can only handle 7+ or - 2 at any one time and as Tad James points out, not everybody can handle this many!

DOWNTIME 7 ± 2 Focussed Inward

UPTIME 7 ± 2 Focussed Outward 9

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Distortion Distortion occurs when we make shifts in our experience of sensory data by making misrepresentations of reality. There’s a well-known story of distortion in Eastern philosophy. It is called the story of the rope and the snake. A man walking along a road saw what he believed to be a snake and yelled, “SNAKE.” However, upon closer investigation he is relieved to discover that it really was only a piece of rope. Distortion also helps us in the process of motivating ourselves. Motivation occurs when we actually distort the material that has come to us and that has already been changed by one of our filtering systems. Distortion is also helpful in planning. We distort to plan when we construct imaginary futures.

Generalisation This is when we draw global conclusions based on one, two or more experiences. Used to good effect it is one of the ways we learn – whereby we take in information and draw broad conclusions, or make rules, about the world. At worst it is the process by which we can take a single event and turn it into a lifetime of experience. The Communication Model demonstrates that we Delete, Distort and Generalise by using certain internal processing filters which are:

Meta Programs Values Beliefs Attitudes Decisions Memories

More attention is paid to Meta Programs and Values at Masters Level, but it is important at this stage to have some understanding of how these operate alongside the others. Indeed we have come across them before; for example we have considered the relative merits of having a tendency to either move ‘away from’ an undesirable situation or move ‘towards’ an outcome.

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Meta Programs are the most unconscious of the internal processing filters, and they are content free – what this means is that they have no content themselves – but they act to filter the content of our experience. They delete and distort by either adding to or taking away from our generalisations. They are just one of the ways we maintain our identities by either preserving (adding to) or breaking down (taking away) the generalisations we make over time. It is useful to know a client’s Meta Programs because this will enable you to closely predict their states and also their behaviour. It is also possible to assist a client to change their Meta Programs where this would be to their benefit. However should not be used to type cast people or for determining right or wrong – there is no right or wrong – they are simply one way a person processes information. When we come across them as we move along we will flag them up.

Values These are the next most unconscious filter; unlike Meta Programs they have content in and of themselves. They serve as an evaluation filter; they are the means by which we decide whether our actions are good or bad, or right or wrong. Because of our values we are able to determine how we feel about ours and others actions. We all have differing models of the world, or an Internal Representation of how the world is – and our Values are inter related with our model of the world. They are arranged in a hierarchy, with the most important at the top and the lesser ones below that. When we communicate with ourselves and with others, if our model of the world conflicts with our Values or their Values, there is likely to be a conflict. Tad James describes Values as “those ideas in which we are willing to invest time, energy and resources to either achieve or avoid.” They are what people typically move toward or away from – our attractions and repulsions in life One of the first tasks in coaching is to elicit a client’s values – they serve as a benchmark to guide client’s back to if things go off track. It is important to know what is important to you!

Beliefs The next level of filters are beliefs. Beliefs are convictions or acceptances that certain things are true or real. They are also generalizations about the state of the world. One of the more important elements in Modelling (which is an NLP process from recreating excellence; see Glossary) is to find a person’s beliefs about a particular behaviour we are trying to model. Bringing NLP to Life NLP Coaching Online Course Manual Pam Rigden 2013 | [email protected] +44 (0) 7741 101077 www.bringingnlptolife.com

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Richard Bandler says, “beliefs are those things we can’t get around”. Beliefs are the presuppositions that we have about certain things that either create or deny personal power for us. At this level beliefs are essentially our on/off switches for our ability to do anything in the world, because if you don’t believe you can do something, you probably won’t have the opportunity to find out. In the process of working with someone’s beliefs it is important to elicit or find out what beliefs he has that causes him to be able to do what he does. We also want to find out the disabling beliefs, the ones that do not allow them to do what they want to do.

Attitudes Attitudes are collections of values and belief systems around a certain subject. We are usually quite conscious of our attitudes, and often tell people, “Well, that’s just the way I feel about that.” Change made on the level of attitude is often substantially harder than the level of values. Have you ever tried to change someone’s attitude? It is far easier to change values than attitudes because of the level of abstraction.

Memories Memories, Like the corners of my mind Misty water-colored memories Of the way we were Scattered pictures, Of the smiles we left behind Smiles we gave to one another For the way we were Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time re-written every line? If we had the chance to do it all again Tell me, would we? Could we? Memories, may be beautiful and yet What's too painful to remember We simply choose to forget So it's the laughter We will remember Whenever we remember... The way we were... Barbara Streisand

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The fifth filter is out collection of memories. Memories deeply affect a person’s perceptions and personality. They are who we are. In fact, some psychologists believe that as we get older our reactions in the present are reactions to gestalts (collections of memories that are organised in a certain way around a certain subject) of past memories and that the present plays very little part in our behaviour.

Decisions The sixth filter, which is also related to memories, are decisions that were made in the past. Decisions about who we are, especially limiting decisions, can affect our entire life. Decisions may create beliefs, values, attitudes and even life themes, or they may just affect our perceptions through time. The problem with many decisions is that they were made either unconsciously or at a very early age and forgotten. Also, we may decide at one point in time and then not re-evaluate our decisions as we grow and our values change. Those decisions that are not re-evaluated (especially the limiting ones) often affect our life in ways that we had not originally intended. Decisions and memories vary throughout the range of conscious and unconscious. Individual decisions and memories may be found to be more or less conscious than certain values, beliefs and attitudes.

Summary These six filters, then, determine what information is retained as we make an IR of any event. It is our IR that causes us to be in a certain “state” and creates a certain physiology. “State” refers to the internal emotional state of the individual- i.e., a happy state, a sad state, a motivated stat, and so on. Our IR includes our internal pictures, sounds and dialogue, and our feelings (for example, whether we feel motivated, challenged, pleased, excited, and so on). The state in which we find ourselves determines our behaviour. So the IR of the event combines with a physiology and creates a state. A given state is the result of the combination of an internal representation and a physiology. And all behaviour is state-related. So these filters, in a way, determine our actions, since what is retained or deleted will have a major effect on the IR. Why is it that two people can attend the same event, and one will love it, while the other hates it? The reason is because the IR is so dependent on the filters. 13

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Remember that in this model the map (or the IR) is not the territory. Our every experience is something that we literally “make up” inside our heads. We experience reality indirectly, since we are always deleting, distorting and generalizing. Essentially, we experience our representation of the experience of the territory and not the territory itself.

Time Line Therapy and the Basis of Personality, Tad James and Wyatt Woodsmall

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Session 14: The Communication Model / Assignment Please ensure that you have read pages 8 - 14 and listened to the MP3 recording before answering the following questions: 1) With reference to what you have learned explain in your own words how we process information and create our own reality. (250-500 words) 2) With reference to one filter – Beliefs – describe a change you could make that will have a positive impact on the reality you create / your life. (250-500 words) Please note: The word counts are intended as a guideline to give you an indication of how much to write. Where you have relied on any additional references please list these at the end of your work. For example: The NLP Workbook, Joseph O’Connor, (2001), Chapter 1: What is NLP? Pages 1-3

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Session 15: The Presuppositions of NLP NLP offers a number of key presuppositions – guiding principles – which, when adopted, can facilitate both personal and professional development. These are useful guidelines rather than “Truths” and they have proved extremely useful. 1. Respect for the other person’s model of the world. In order to create change

effectively in a client, you do not have to believe what they believe. It is not your responsibility to change a client’s model of the world through an attempt to convince them of yours. When you respect another’s model of the world, you effect change rapidly by using the foundation of their belief system. 2. The meaning and outcome of communication is in the response you get. We are taught that by clearly communicating our thoughts and feelings through words, that another person should understand our meaning. They will respond to what they think you said. You can determine how effectively you are communicating by the response you get from the person you are communicating with. In addition, when you accept this presupposition you are able to take 100% responsibility for all of your communication. 3. The mind and the body affect each other. The mind and the body are one unit, interconnected. It is not possible to make a change in one without the other being affected. 4. The map is not the territory. The words we use are not the event or the item they represent. Although the words we use to describe an event are chosen to represent the event, the words themselves are not the actual event itself. We create our own reality based on our past experiences, beliefs and memories. NLP is the art of changing our map to create more choices. 5. People are doing the best they can with the resources they have available. A person’s behaviour is adaptable to the situation. Their present behaviour is the best choice available, and has a positive intent for them 6. Behaviour is geared toward adaptation. Behaviour is created specifically to the context and the reality currently being experienced. Whether good or bad, useful or unuseful, it was adapted to the situation in which it was created. When people realise this, they can change their behaviour and make it more appropriate to whom they have become. 7. Accept the person; change the behaviour. A person’s behaviour is not who they are. Accept the person. Support and assist them to change their behaviour.

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8. Behaviour and change are to be evaluated in terms of context and ecology. All meaning is context dependent. Much of what is said is taken out of context. When information is placed back into the original context, the meaning is often different. Evaluate behaviour in terms of what the person is capable of becoming. 9. People have all the resources that they need to make the changes they want. People themselves are not un-resourceful. They are experiencing un-resourceful states. When the client changes their state, they then have access to all the resources within them to accomplish whatever they choose. 10. Possible in the world and possible for me is only a matter of how. There are no limitations in a person’s ability to learn. If any other human being is capable of performing some behaviour, then it is possible for me to also perform it, through the process of modelling. 11. The person with the most flexibility will have the most influence of the

system. This is the Law of Requisite Variety. What this means is that the more options you have in the techniques available to you, the more choices your client has. The more choices that your client has, the more able they are to change. 12. There is no failure, only feedback. If a person does not succeed in something, this does not mean they have failed. They have not succeeded, yet. They can vary their behaviour and find a different way of achieving their outcome. 13. There are no resistant people, only inflexible communicators. Client resistance is a sign of lack of rapport. Any resistance is a result of inflexible communication. 14. All procedures should increase choice and develop greater personal flexibility. Your goal or outcome should be to increase your client’s choices through a choice of techniques. Once the client’s choices have been increased, they can develop greater personal flexibility. 15. All procedures should increase wholeness.

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NLP Presuppositions at work in the Workplace 1) Respect for the other person’s model of the world. In order to influence your colleagues, you do not have to believe what they believe. It is not your responsibility to change their model of the world through an attempt to convince them of yours. When you respect a colleague, and build Rapport with them, they will like you because you remind them of themselves, and then you will be able to influence them.

2) The meaning and outcome of communication is in the response you get. We are taught that by clearly communicating our thoughts and feelings through words, that another person should understand our meaning. Whereas in fact a colleague will respond to what they think you said. You can determine how effectively you are communicating by the response you get from the colleague you are communicating with. When you accept this presupposition you are able to take 100% responsibility for all of your communication 11) The person with the most flexibility will have the most influence of the system. This is the Law of Requisite Variety. This broadly translates as - the person in a workplace setting who has the ability to build Rapport with the most people, their colleagues, will have the most influence in that workplace. This person will not necessarily be in a managerial position. 13) There are no resistant people, only inflexible communicators. When you encounter resistance – perhaps one of your colleagues does not support one of your ideas - their resistance is a sign that you are not in Rapport with them. This is an indication that you need to be even more flexible in your communication in order to build rapport with this particular colleague. (13)

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Session 15: The Presuppositions of NLP / Assignment Please ensure that you have read pages 16 - 18 and listened to the MP3 recording before answering the following questions: 1) Pick one of the NLP Presuppositions that makes sense to you. Now think of a problem or challenging situation you have with another person. What would you do if you were to act as though that presupposition were true? How would the situation change? (250500 words) 2) Now pick the presupposition that you have the greatest doubts about. Take another challenging situation in your life. What would you do if you acted as if this presupposition were true? How would the situation change? (250-500 words) Please note: The word counts are intended as a guideline to give you an indication of how much to write. Where you have relied on any additional references please list these at the end of your work. For example: The NLP Workbook, Joseph O’Connor, (2001), Chapter 1: What is NLP? Pages 1-3

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Session 16: The Key Concepts of NLP

Cause & effect

To gain maximum power, take responsibility for everything that happens in your universe.

C >e GETS RESULTS

GIVES REASONS & EXCUSES

Which side of the Cause > effect equation are you on? Are you the Cause in your life, or are you the effect of things in your life? Be at Cause for empowerment and for changing behaviour. If you are not 100% at Cause, you will miss the mark by the percentage you are misaligned.

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Perception is Projection What we recognise outside ourselves is what we are inside, otherwise how would we know what it was. So what you see outside you is really you. The moment a projection or judgement about someone or something else comes into consciousness, it is your perception.

Remember, what other people do is what other people do; what you do with it is all yours. People in your life will act the way you unconsciously want them to act.

You get what you focus on, so focus on what you want and project on to others the way you want to be yourself!

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The Mind-Body Connection

The Mind and Body Are The Same System.

Neuron

Neuro Transmitter

Electrical signal going across the synapse

‘Every Cell Is Eavesdropping on Your Internal Dialogue.’ Deepak Chopra

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Neurological Connections

There are:

(10 10)11 neurological connections in your body. That’s the number 1 with 10 zeros after it, written eleven times!

100,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000!

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Session 16: The Key Concepts of NLP / Assignment Please ensure that you have read pages 20 - 23 and have listened to the MP3 recording before answering the following questions: 1) Think of a problem or challenging situation that you are experiencing in your life. Are you able to identify where you could take more responsibility? How could you act from a position of Cause rather than effect? What would you do differently? How would the position change? (250-500 words) 2) Now think of a problem or challenging situation that you are experiencing with another person in your life. Are you able to identify how your perception of – that is how you see and what you think about - this situation is in fact coloured by what you are projecting onto the situation? How can you change what it is that you are contributing to this situation – that is how you feel, what you think, any pre-conceived notions that you might have, any assumptions that you might have made or any beliefs that you might have - that will have a positive impact on your perception? (250-500 words) 3) Please explain what you understand by the term Mind and Body are the same system. Please research the work of Deepak Chopra on Mind / Body medicine, and the Placebo Effect and refer to these in your’ answer. (250-500 words) Recommended Reading: Quantum Healing; Exploring the Frontiers of Mind/Body Medicine, Deepak Chopra, M.D., (1989)

Please note: The word counts are intended as a guideline to give you an indication of how much to write. Where you have relied on any additional references please list these at the end of your work. For example: The NLP Workbook, Joseph O’Connor, (2001), Chapter 1: What is NLP? Pages 1-3 24

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Session 17: The Neurological Levels Model (Robert Dilts)

Mission and Purpose

Identity Beliefs and Values Capability

Behaviour

Environment 25

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The Neurological Levels model is a way of thinking which can help you identify patterns or preferences in yourself and others. 

 

  

Beyond Identity: Your Mission and Purpose. That is, the ‘BIGGER’ picture. This level also refers to your connection to all other living beings and whatever you believe is beyond yourself. For some people this is the religious or spiritual realm. Identity: Who you are, that is, your sense of self Beliefs and Values: Beliefs: What you believe about yourself and what you are capable of, other people and the world you live in Values: Your motivation, that is, why you do what you do Capability: How you do what you do Behaviour: What you do Environment: Where, when and with whom

Reference Robert Dilts “Changing Belief Systems with NLP” (1990)

Why Use the Neurological Levels Model If you listen carefully to what people say you can locate the statements that they use about themselves somewhere on the logical levels hierarchy. This gives you an idea of where they are coming from.

How to use the Neurological Levels Model Listen to the statements that people make and get used to recognising which level people are operating on. The following examples may be helpful:

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Examples Environment: My workplace operates a no smoking policy Behaviour: I have never smoked Capability: I wouldn’t know how to smoke if I tried Beliefs: Smoking kills Identity: I am a non-smoker

Environment: I have a great social life at the gym Behaviour: I went to the gym for a workout on Monday Capability: I run three times a week Beliefs: I get more out of life because I am fit Identity: I am a fit and healthy person

A major distinction is the difference between Identity and Behaviour. Identity = Who you are, that is, your sense of self Behaviour = What you do

For example when asked what they do for living and someone answers, “I am a ….” That person is making their Identity equivalent to their Behaviour. And so the question arises; “Who are you then when you are not working?” and

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“Who will you be when you stop working / retire”?

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Giving Feedback When offering Feedback to others it is important to be clear to distinguish between Identity and Behaviour. For example, you may wish to comment on a friend’s tendency to cancel or their persistent lateness. You can disapprove of their behaviour, but still value them as a person: “I really enjoy working with you and value you as a client, and it is a problem for me when you are late.”

Relevant NLP Presupposition: Accept the person; change the behaviour. A person’s behaviour is not who they are. Accept the person. Support and assist them to change their behaviour.

Within the hierarchy you can establish where there is misalignment or incongruence. For example, referring back to Exercise 1, perhaps your answer to Question 6 “What do you enjoy / dislike most about your work?” and / or Question 7 “What matters most to you about your work?”, revealed that your values are in conflict with those of the organisation that you work for, which means that your Behaviour, what you do, is not aligned with your Values. It is also important to identify the leverage points; that is, where a slight shift or change will bring about a major difference. As you change there will often be a ripple effect up and down the hierarchy. If you change your sense of self this will affect how you do things (Behaviour). But this does not mean that in order to make changes you have to intervene at the level of Identity every time. When you improve your Environment, Behaviour or Capability you will often experience change at a higher level.

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Session 17: Neurological Levels Model / Assignment Please ensure that you have read Pages 25-28 and have listened to the MP3 recording before completing the following exercises

Exercise 1 Please write your own introduction by answering the following questions (250 words).



What name do you like to be known by?

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Where do you live? Who do you live with?

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What do you do for a living?

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What skills do you bring to your work / business?

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What do you believe about your potential at work?

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What do you believe about the potential of your organisation / business?

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What matters to you most about your work / business?

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Who are you at work / when you are running your business?

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Does your organisation have a mission statement? If so, what is it? How can you contribute? / What contribution do you want your business to make?

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Exercise 2 Please refer to the examples on Page 27 and complete the following examples. Choose one personal context and one professional context.

Environment: Behaviour: Capability: Beliefs: Identity:

Environment: Behaviour: Capability: Beliefs: Identity:

Please note: The word counts are intended as a guideline to give you an indication of how much to write. Where you have relied on any additional references please list these at the end of your work. For example: The NLP Workbook, Joseph O’Connor, (2001), Chapter 1: What is NLP? Pages 1-3

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Session 18: The Four Pillars of NLP

Five Principles for Success 1. Know Your Outcome. If you can define your outcome appropriately, then the outcome will be more achievable. Don’t start anything without knowing your outcome in advance. 2. Take Action. Without action there are no results. 3. Have Sensory Acuity. See and sense what is going on in your life as you proceed to your goal. What new things are you noticing in yourself? What new things are you noticing in others? 4. Have Behavioural Flexibility. Be willing to do whatever it takes to achieve success. This is the key. With enough enough behavioural flexibility, you can always achieve your goals. 5. Operate From a Physiology and Psychology of Excellence. Operate from a totally resourceful state. Do things that will empower you. Note: Principles 1, 3 and 4 are traditionally known as the Three Legs or Three Pillars of NLP. Add Rapport and you have the Four Pillars of NLP; different NLP Training organisations have a slightly different approach to teaching the fundamentals concepts of NLP. Neither approach is right or wrong – they are simply preferences. Reference: Dr Susie Strang and Associates, Master Practitioner Manual 2003

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1) Well Formed Outcomes

“What do you want?” In the earliest modelling experience of Satir and Erickson, Bandler and Grinder discovered the basic premise of modelling excellence. One of the key differences that made Satir and Erickson excellent therapists was that they were Outcome Oriented in their client work, to the outcomes that the client wanted. Why set outcomes? By setting an outcome, we become aware of the difference between what we have currently and what we want instead. By filtering one’s thinking toward what we want to achieve, we pay attention to the opportunities which will assist us in achieving our desired outcome.

In setting Well Formed Outcomes and having an Outcome Orientation, we create a direction and purpose in life by which we can “programme” ourselves to consistently achieve what we want. By achieving our outcomes and continually reviewing and setting new outcomes, short and long term, we create the success we desire and deserve in all aspects our life.

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How to achieve your outcomes Well Formed Outcomes Model Ensuring that what you think you want really is what you want! Use the Well Formed Outcomes Model to check that you know what you are going for, and that your behaviour is appropriate and ecological. You may also need to check out what other people involved want, and then dovetail your outcomes. Without an outcome you are more likely to be blown off course by external factors.

Our thoughts have a profound effect on the way we feel; they become a plan of what we are going to do and the more clearly thought out and distinctive your goals are the more actively you will pursue them.

The power of positive language: say what you do want, not what you don't want! The way you state a goal does make a difference. Researchers in the mid- to late-70’s discovered that a goal which is positively stated is more likely to be accomplished than one that is negatively stated.

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Well Formed Outcomes Model 1. Stated in the Positive “What do you want?” “What will that do for you?”

2. Demonstrable in Sensory Experience – Evidence Procedure “How will you know when you have got it?”     

V A K V A

“What will you be seeing when you have got it?” “What will you be hearing when you have got it?” “What will you be feeling when you have got it?” “What will I see you doing when you have got it?” “What will I hear you saying when you have got it?”

3. Started and Maintained by You “Can you start and maintain this outcome?”

4. Appropriately Contextualised “When, where and with who do you want it?” “When, where and with who do you not want it?” “How long for?”

5. Maintain the Current Positive Byproducts “What do you get out of your current behaviour that you would wish to preserve?”

6. Ecology Check “Is it worth the cost to you?” “Is it worth the time it is going to take?” “Is this outcome in keeping with your sense of self?”

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Checking for Ecology In setting outcomes, we need to consider very carefully the consequences of achieving that outcome. Ecology is the study of consequences; of considering how any change you make impacts on the wider system of which you are a part. Ecology is having an awareness of the overall system and an Ecology Check is tracking the consequences of the change made in all aspects of that system.

Why do an Ecology Check?

An ecology check on any outcome that we set assists us to recognise the impact of that change in all systems of which we are a part.

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How to do an Ecology Check Questions to ask yourself Nobody exists in isolation; we are all part of a larger social system, such as families, friendship networks, work teams, geographical communities, and society in general. More mutual satisfaction results by achieving shared outcomes where everyone wins. So when you set an outcome you also need to consider:   

“What will be the consequences of achieving my outcome be in the context of these wider relationships?” “Does my outcome fit in with what other people may want in their lives?” “Does it respect the integrity of the other people involved?”

Look also at the consequences of achieving your outcome in a larger frame:   

“What else would happen if I got what I want?” “Would there be any understandable by-products?” “What would I have to give up, or take on, to achieve it?”

Your outcome and your sense of self Whenever you set an outcome for yourself ask: 

“How does this outcome relate to my sense of self?”

And if you get this outcome: 

“Will this outcome enhance my sense of who I am?”

The stronger the connection between your desired outcome and your sense of self the more compelled you will be to achieve it. So choose carefully.

You are not your outcomes. Know that what you want is not who you are. You are more than your desires. Getting clear about this difference involves separating your identity from your outcomes.

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Additional Outcomes Models: The SMART Model S: Specific, Short, Simple M: Measureable, Meaningful to you, Motivates you now A: Achievable, Act as if now, in present tense, All areas of your life R: Realistic, Responsible / Ecological T: Time Framed, Towards what you want /positive (no negations and no comparisons)

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The Pacer Model PACER is very similar to the Well Formed Outcomes Model P: Positive What do you want? Stated in the positive and in the present tense. A: Achievement How would you know that you had it? What do you see, hear and feel? How would someone else know that you had it?   

What are the steps necessary to get there? What is the first step? What is the last step?

C: Context When do you want it? When don’t you want it? With whom? Where? E: Ecology The study of the consequences of achieving your goal. For what purpose do you want it? Is it representative of you, who you are and where you want to be? Does the outcome increase choice?    

What will happen if you get it? What won’t happen if you get it? What will happen if you don’t get it? What won’t happen if you don’t get it?

R: Resources Can you initiate and maintain it? What do you need to get your outcome? Do you know anyone who has done this or achieved this?

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Is your Outcome an Outcome or a State? It is important to check whether your Outcome is an Outcome or whether it is in fact a State, such as confidence: “I want to be more confident.” You can access this State – confidence - immediately using the process of anchoring. You do not need to set an outcome.

State Confidence Stated Ambiguously Write Affirmations You Can Have It Now No Steps (get final step and work backwards) Infinite Stated for Self and/or Others

Outcome or Goal Competence Stated Specifically Write Outcomes or Goals Time is involved Steps Needed to Get There Measureable Stated for Self Only

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Session 18: The Four Pillars of NLP 1) Well Formed Outcomes / Assignment Please ensure that you have read Pages 31-39 and have listened to the MP3 recording before completing the following exercises

Exercise 1 Please write your desired outcomes for this programme using the Well Formed Outcomes Model and cross check with the SMART Model and PACER Model. Make your outcomes so significant that this training will be the most important and the most impactful training you have ever taken.

Please note: The word counts are intended as a guideline to give you an indication of how much to write. Where you have relied on any additional references please list these at the end of your work. For example: The NLP Workbook, Joseph O’Connor, (2001), Chapter 1: What is NLP? Pages 1-3 40

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Session 18: The Four Pillars of NLP 2. Sensory Acuity Sensory Acuity has been described as the ability to gain awareness of another person’s unconscious responses. In other words, it is the process of fine tuning your senses to better understand the reactions of others. We are rarely trained to perceive another person’s unconscious feedback, and we are hardly ever taught to perceive our own. By observing closely through our visual, auditory and kinaesthetic senses, we begin to notice responses that indicate a tremendous amount of new information.

Why become more sensory aware or sensory acute? When you are aware you will know whether or not you are getting what you want. Without sensory acuity you won’t know where you are in relation to your outcome. Once you know your outcome, you can determine through your senses whether you are on track or off track. Once you are more sensory aware, you are able to notice when something is not working and you are able to change your direction and reach your outcome. Most importantly, you are able to notice when you have actually reached your outcome.

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How to improve your Sensory Acuity Become more curious, and become more aware of the effects of what you do. This information comes to you through your five senses – seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling and tasting – (VAKOG)

Representational Systems We interact with the world and gather information using our five senses:     

V A K O G

Visual Auditory Kinesthetic Olfactory Gustatory

seeing hearing feeling smelling tasting

We tend to use some senses more than others. We may have general preferences, and use some senses for specific jobs such as: photography (V), perfumery (O), and so on. Through these five senses we re-present the world to ourselves internally. Consequently in NLP they are called Representational Systems.

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Session 18: The Four Pillars of NLP 2. Sensory Acuity / Assignment Please ensure that you have read Pages 41- 42 and have listened to the MP3 recording before completing the following exercise. Start to work on your Sensory Acuity. Make one day a Visual day:   

Pay attention in particular to what you see. See the familiar with new eyes and it will cease to be familiar. Pay attention to the colours around you. Notice how much diversity there is around you.

Then have an Auditory day:   

Listen to the sounds of people’s voices. Listen to music more carefully. Listen to everyday sounds with new ears and they will cease to be everyday sounds.

Finally, have a Kinaesthetic day:   

Pay more attention to your feelings as you move throughout the day. Notice how your feelings are constantly changing. Pay attention to how things feel. Notice how effortlessly you balance on two very small areas (your feet).

Please reflect on your experiences in a Journal and then write up your entries. What did you see that you don’t normally see? What did you hear that you don’t normally hear? What did you feel that you are not normally aware of? (250 – 500 words)

Please note: The word counts are intended as a guideline to give you an indication of how much to write. Where you have relied on any additional references please list these at the end of your work. For example:

43 The NLP Workbook, Joseph O’Connor, (2001), Chapter 1: What is NLP? Pages 1-3

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Session 18: The Four Pillars of NLP 3. Behavioural Flexibility “If there is any one secret of success it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” Henry Ford Excellence requires flexibility, and an ability to adjust our familiar ways of thinking and doing so that we can respond appropriately to changing circumstances.

Why increase your Behavioural Flexibility? When we are stuck we often feel bad and can’t see a way out or how to generate alternatives. When we’re just chugging along we continue with our familiar habits unquestioningly. And, as circumstances will constantly change, if we are unable to respond flexibly, our freedom and happiness will be severely limited. Increasing our flexibility means that we have more choice, more creativity, more job satisfaction, more wellbeing, and more happiness.

Remember that you always have a choice of action. You may find it useful to examine the world from a number of different points of view. The more flexible you are at examining your situation the more information you will be able to gather, and the more options you will have. It is useful to give yourself at least three options.

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How to increase your Behavioural Flexibility Points of View In 2005 HSBC embraced this principle when they launched their highly acclaimed ‘Points of View’ marketing campaign.

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Additional Phrases: Who knows what you’ll see when you look from someone else’s point of view. Everyone looks at the world from a different point of view. Different points of view make the world go round. Isn’t it better to be open to other people’s points of view? We see no problem with different points of view. Only potential.

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NLP Perceptual Positions To assist us further in this quest, of truly being able to see things from another person’s point of view, NLP describes three positions, often referred to as Perceptual Positions.

“Do not judge your neighbour until you have walked a mile in his moccasins” Turtles All The Way Down, page 200.

How to see things from your colleagues point of view, be on the same wavelength and step into their shoes 1st Position: Looking at the world from your own point of view, through your own eyes. You are totally associated and not taking account of anyone else’s point of view. Ask the question: 

How does this affect me?

2nd Position: Considering how things would look, sound, and feel for example for a colleague. Looking through your colleague’s eyes; appreciating the other point of view. Ask the question (s):   

How would this appear to them? How would it sound to them? How would they feel?

The stronger rapport you have with another person, the easier it will be for you to appreciate their reality and achieve second position.

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3rd Position:

This is a neutral position from which you can observe the interaction between 1st and 2nd positions. From 3rd Position you see the world from an outside point of view, as an independent observer, as someone who has no personal involvement in the situation. 

How would this look to someone who is not involved?

This creates an objective viewpoint from which you can generate and evaluate some useful choices in a difficult situation.

All three positions are equally important; ideally we move between them freely, taking the information gained from each. This allows us to have a multiple perspective in a situation so that we can be even more flexible and have greater influence.

Finally, a different point of view: ‘Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes!’ Unknown

Other ways to increase your Behavioural Flexibility Here are some suggestions of ways in which you can increase your flexibility. There are more. Adopt different perspectives See things from different perspectives. 

Physically move to change your view – step back to get a bigger picture, or raise yourself up so that you can look down on the situation. Be a fly on the wall….

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Find new ways to achieve your outcomes  Use your timeline to go forward to the time when you have achieved your outcome, and then notice how you got there. Consider how else you could have got there?  Set yourself a challenge of finding several other ways to achieve your goals Extend your range of choices  What is your decision making strategy? Does it run for all decisions or is it context dependent? When is it easy to make choices? What do you do then?  Allow yourself to use ‘chance’ processes for making decisions. Choose to go with the result when you toss a coin, roll dice, or consult your crystal ball. Use Logical Levels  Change the present environment – the layout, sequence or arrangement of the various constituents. Rearrange the furniture, or schedule meetings at different times, and notice what changes as a result.  Change your behaviour. Run the New Behaviour Generator. Check out your strategies, and adapt or streamline them.  Change your level of capability. Notice how you are moving up the steps to competence, how you are generalising your skills, and developing rules.  Identify your limiting beliefs and acknowledge your life enhancing ones.  Do you believe that you can change your beliefs?  Notice how your sense of identity changes over time. Who is running this behaviour or this part of your life? Know that you can be far more flexible. You are more than you think you are. Build rapport with a wider range of people Your flexibility is most likely to be tested as you increasingly meet other people in their models’ of the world. Pace yourself doing this, but allow yourself a stretch.

Notice your habits  Notice your habits and choose to do things in a different way or a different order  Are your habits out of your conscious awareness? Maybe other people will be willing to tell you what you have noticed about what you do – and it may not just be irritating habits but nice ones too

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Session 18: The Four Pillars of NLP 3. Behavioural Flexibility / Assignment Please ensure that you have read Pages 44-50 and have listened to the MP3 recording before completing the following exercises.

Exercise 1 The purpose of this exercise is to gain a greater understanding of a ‘challenging colleague’ who you have worked with by stepping into their shoes and seeing things from their point of view. Imagine that this ‘challenging colleague’ is standing in front of you. Think about how this ‘challenging colleague’ looks, focus on their appearance. Think about what this person has to say and how they sound. Imagine how this person might feel, knowing what you do about them, and then finally physically move and step into their shoes, into 2nd Position, ‘be the ‘challenging colleague’, looking out through their eyes, looking back at you, hearing you speak, and feeling -------- about you?’ After approximately three minutes step back into 1 st Position and ‘shake off’ the ‘challenging colleague’. Once back in 1st Position, reflect on your experience. What did you learn about how this person feels, and about how they feel about you? Please write about your experience (250 words).

Exercise 2 Now repeat the previous exercise. On this occasion, after stepping back into 1st Position (as above) step into a neutral 3rd Position and observe the interaction between yourself (1st Position) and the ‘challenging colleague’ (2nd Position), literally from a distance. This will allow you to be objective. Finally step back into 1st Position and assimilate the information you have gathered from all three positions. Again, reflect on your experience. What did you observe from 3rd position? Did you find you were able to be objective? Please write about your experience (250 words).

Please note: The word counts are intended as a guideline to give you an indication of how much to write. Where you have relied on any additional references please list these at the end of your work. For example: The NLP Workbook, Joseph O’Connor, (2001), Chapter 1: What is NLP? Pages 1-3

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Session 18 : The Four Pillars of NLP 4. Rapport

Story: The Bedtime Story A man and his wife had been arguing all night, and as bedtime approached neither was speaking to the other. It was not unusual for the pair to continue this war of silence for two or three days, however, on this occasion the man was concerned; he needed to be awake at 4:30am the next morning to catch an important flight, and being a very heavy sleeper he normally relied on his wife to wake him. Cleverly, so he thought, while his wife was in the bathroom, he wrote on a piece of paper: 'Please wake me at 4:30am - I have an important flight to catch'. He put the note on his wife's pillow, then turned over and went to sleep. The man awoke the next morning and looked at the clock. It was 8:00am. Enraged that he'd missed his flight, he was about to go in search of his errant wife to give her a piece of his mind, when he spotted a hand-written note on his bedside cabinet. The note said: 'It's 4:30am - get up.' Excerpts from: http://www.businessballs.com/stories.htm

This story is relevant to this segment on Rapport Building as the wife’s use of a note, in response to her husband’s note, is in fact an exquisite example of matching somebody’s preferred style of communication – even if on this occasion it didn’t work out too well for the husband!

Strong rapport is required to hold up a strong relationship – much like strong foundations will hold up a tall building. When you have strong Rapport you step into the other person’s world and, once there, you will be able to see their point of view more easily.

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Rapport is the naturally occurring ‘dance’ that happens when people meet.

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Rapport is the ability to meet others in their model of the world.

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Rapport is matching the way you communicate to the way the other person takes in information.

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Rapport is the ability to see the other person’s point of view, to be on the same wavelength, and to acknowledge their feelings.

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Rapport creates a climate of understanding, builds trust and increases the likelihood that the message you send will be the one they receive.



Rapport is a process of responsiveness, not necessarily liking.

How does Rapport work? If you do get on with someone very easily the chances are you have a deep natural rapport with them. You may think that rapport is natural and spontaneous and cannot be forced. However there are specific skills you can learn that will enhance your ability to build Rapport and improve your relationships with both your colleagues and your clients. Put simply, Rapport works because we like people who remind us of ourselves; to build Rapport we can consciously make ourselves more like a colleague or client so that they will like us! How much more influence will you have at work when you use these tested methods of creating instant Rapport in situations where it might not happen naturally? Bringing NLP to Life NLP Coaching Online Course Manual Pam Rigden 2013 | [email protected] +44 (0) 7741 101077 www.bringingnlptolife.com

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Rapport is fundamental to effective communication. And the ability to build rapport, particularly with people whom you don’t immediately click with, can come down to preparation through education and training.

Why is it important to be able to build Rapport?

Building Rapport allows you to build successful relationships with all of your colleagues and clients, not just with the ones you get on with – that’s easy.

Building Rapport allows you to communicate effectively

Building Rapport allows you to influence your colleagues and clients which ultimately determines how successful you are in your career

Building Rapport allows you to be seen as credible

People who are able to build rapport are more successful

Developing your ability to build rapport can contribute to a more rewarding lifestyle both at work, and at home with family and friends. RHOW TO BUILD RAPPO Relationships a Bringing NLP to Life NLP Coaching Online Course Manual Pam Rigden 2013 | [email protected] +44 (0) 7741 101077 www.bringingnlptolife.com

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How to build Rapport quickly Rapport often develops naturally and you often don’t notice when it’s happening. It’s likely that you already have rapport with many people, but there will be occasions when a person who is important to your success doesn’t share your point of view, is not on your wavelength, and doesn’t feel the way you do, and you will need to work at building the relationship with them. Whether your colleagues regard you as credible or not, will be determined by your ability to influence their thinking and behavior. Whatever your role, your degree of success will come down to your ability to influence your colleagues and management and this requires skill in building rapport quickly.

Rapport is not something you do and then move on – it is a constant

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Verbal and Non Verbal Communication In 1970, a landmark study by M. Argyle et al suggested that over half (55%) of communication is non-verbal. Of the remaining 45%, Verbal Communication, a mere 7% is associated with what we actually say – the words that we speak – while 38% is associated with how we say it, or our Tonality

Communication: 55% Non Verbal and 45% Verbal

Physiology 55% Tonality 38% Words 7%

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55% of communication is non-verbal: PHYSIOLOGY Posture (including tilt of head & spine) Gesture Facial Expression & Blinking Breathing

45% of communication is verbal: 38% is associated with how we say what we say TONALITY Tone

(pitch or frequency)

Tempo

(speed, pace or rhythm)

Timbre

(quality or characteristics)

Volume

(loudness)

while a mere 7% is associated with what we actually say WORDS Sensory Based Words Key Words Common Experiences & Associations

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Sensory Acuity: Be Aware Your colleagues are giving you information every second you are with them, even from the other side of the room during a meeting. You need to be alert to what is going on; you can gather information by paying attention to what you see and feel (55% non – verbal communication) – that is, your colleague’s posture, gestures, their breathing rate and energy level – and what you hear (45% verbal communication) – that is what they have to say and how they say it. To build Rapport you then match and/or mirror what you see/feel and hear.

How to match and mirror 55% non-verbal communication

To build Rapport quickly we use the skills of Matching and Mirroring. Definitions: Matching - Replicating exactly for example some aspect of a person’s physiology or speech. Mirroring - Replicating the mirror image of an aspect of someone’s physiology. This results in deep rapport quickly. Cross Over Matching - It is not always possible to directly match someone’s behaviour. Instead you can match one aspect of your colleague’s physiology, such as their breathing, with your finger movement. Bringing NLP to Life NLP Coaching Online Course Manual Pam Rigden 2013 | [email protected] +44 (0) 7741 101077 www.bringingnlptolife.com

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How to build deep rapport The two most powerful ways to build rapport with someone are to breathe at the same rate as them and to match their energy levels. When you pay attention to a colleague’s physiology, you will notice the rate of and changes in their breathing. As you catch the rise and fall of their breathing allow yourself to fall into the same rhythm and breathe with them.

Breathing at the same rate with a person is one of the most powerful ways to deepen an encounter with them You can also pay attention to how quickly or slowly a colleague performs tasks while seated at their desk and how quickly or slowly they move around the office. People show their energy levels in the way they move. Before you approach a specific colleague watch them for a while; notice how quickly or slowly they are moving and imagine yourself making similar movements. Slowly ease yourself into your sense of their movement and get a sense of their rhythm and their flow. As you begin to synchronize with them you will already have established deep rapport without saying a word and you will be in a position to pace them and then lead them to an energy level that suits both of you so that you can communicate more effectively.

If you can match a person’s energy comfortably you will gain instant rapport with them

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How to pace and lead your colleague Pacing and Leading involves matching your colleague. Once you have built rapport through the process of matching (pacing) you can slowly start to change your posture to lead (leading) a colleague into different body postures. If your colleague follows your lead unconsciously you have built good level of rapport. If your colleague does not follow your lead go back to matching again, observing more attentively (pacing) before leading again. When you join a colleague in their model of the world in this way, you gain their trust; you can pace them, and lead them, and ultimately influence their thinking.

How to recognize when you are ‘in Rapport’ with your colleague    

Says Something – assuming that you haven’t met before a colleague or client may say something like, “Have we met before?” Colour Change – your colleague experiences a colour shift. Feeling - you get a ‘feeling’ of rapport. Leading – when you begin Leading your colleague they follow you

How and when to break Rapport There are times when it is important to establish and maintain rapport, and times when you need to break it. Both are useful. For example, it may be useful to gently mismatch towards the end of a meeting with a colleague or client to let them know their time is drawing to a close.

When a colleague is in a negative state it is important to keep your distance and avoid getting too closely into Rapport with them.

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So far we have looked at how you can build Rapport by Matching and Mirroring, and Pacing and Leading a colleague’s physiology:their posture, gestures, breathing and energy level (55% non-verbal communication).

Rapport isn’t just about matching a person’s physiology it’s about matching what you hear, as well as what you see. It’s about understanding and matching a person’s preferences.

How to match 45% verbal communication Now we will look at how you can build Rapport by Matching, and Pacing and Leading what a colleague has to say and how they say it (45% verbal communication). Let’s consider Tonality (38%) before moving on to look at how you can match their actual words (7%).

How to match 38% tonality – how your colleagues say what they say Another great way to build Rapport with a colleague is to match how quickly they speak, as well as the tone of their voice. You can start by noticing how quickly or slowly they are speaking and then match them. If they are talking too fast or too slowly for you, once you have matched their level, you can gently slow down or speed up a little. Provided you do it gradually you will be able to bring them and yourself to a mid-level that is comfortable for both of you

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How to match 7% words – the words your colleagues use When you listen carefully to your colleagues you will notice the type of descriptive language that they use according to the way they sense the world. We all use a rich variety of sensory language based on the senses of sight, sound, touch/feeling, smell and taste. Through these five senses we re-present the world to ourselves internally. This is how we experience our world. Consequently in NLP they are called Representational Systems and there is a system for each of our senses.

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Session 18: The Four Pillars of NLP 4. Rapport / Assignment Please ensure that you have read Pages 51 - 62 and have listened to the MP3 recording before completing the following exercises.

Exercise 1 Have you ever experienced a situation where you just seemed to hit it off with someone and the interaction flowed. Discuss your experience in small groups Have you ever experienced moments where you just couldn’t seem to relate to someone. Discuss this experience in small groups Now answer these questions:    

What was present when in the first scenario, when the interaction flowed? What was missing when the interaction flowed? What was present in the second scenario when you couldn’t relate to someone? What was missing in the second scenario?

Exercise 2 Think about times when other people have tried to influence you. Think of a specific time when you experienced a ‘pushy’ sales assistant. 

How did you feel at the time?

Now think of a specific time when you were enticed by a sales assistant. Please answer the following questions:   

What did he or she do that enticed you? Would you feel comfortable with a person whom you felt had no respect for you? Would you warm to someone who makes no attempt to understand your needs?

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Session 19: Representational Systems We all use a rich variety of sensory language based on the senses of sight, sound, touch/feeling, smell and taste. Through these five senses we re-present the world to ourselves internally. This is how we experience our world. Consequently in NLP they are called Representational Systems and there is a system for each of our senses. Most of us however have our preferences and we give out clues to these preferences. The words that we use often reveal through which sense, or mixture of senses, we primarily experience the world.

Visual If this looks good to you we will go ahead and focus on moving forwards with the project. Auditory If this sounds good to you we will go ahead and discuss how to move forwards with the project. Kinaesthetic If this feels good to you we will take the necessary steps to move forwards with the project by handling the paperwork. Auditory Digital / Thinker If this makes sense to you we will move forwards with the project.

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During the process of building our models of the world, language is attached to our experiences. The collection of word symbols and the rules that govern their use make up a unique and distinct, sixth representational system. This is called our Auditory Digital (Ad) system or how we talk to ourselves. It is not related to any specific sensory organ. Consequently Ad language is neutral. Translating across Rep Systems These people are going to find it difficult to see ‘eye to eye’ because they are operating in different modes – visual, auditory, kinesthetic and auditory digital. Or, to put it another way, things won’t ‘sound harmonious’ or ‘feel right’ to them. Miscommunication between individuals is often simply the result of a difference between their preferred rep systems. The art of translating information into the listener’s preferred system will allow you to enhance rapport and overcome difficulties. This technique is especially productive in mediating conflicts.

Getting to Know your Colleagues: Making Sense of it All! We have discussed how we interact with the world and gather information using our five senses. We have also discussed how most people tend to favour one sense over another and how we can identify their preference by listening carefully to what they say. When we watch our colleagues closely we can also observe certain physiological characteristics that indicate their preference. Then, we can match these physical traits as well as their words.

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How to recognize your colleagues’ preferences Your Visual Colleagues:           

Stand or sit with their heads and/or bodies erects, with their eyes up. Breathe rapidly from the top of their lungs. Fast talkers. Tend to be organised, neat, well groomed and orderly. Appearance is important to them. Memorise by seeing pictures. Often have trouble remembering verbal instructions. Use picture descriptions during conversation. Must see things to understand them. Like visually based feedback. Interested in how a project looks.

Your Auditory Colleagues:            

Will move their eyes sideways. Breathe from the middle of their chest. Medium to fast talkers. Typically talk to themselves and some even move their lips! Are easily distracted by noise. Can repeat things back to you easily. Learn by listening. Usually like music and talking on the phone. Memorise by steps, procedures, and sequences. Like to be TOLD how they’re doing. Respond to a certain tone of voice or set of words. Will be interested in what you have to say about a project.

Your Kinaesthetic Colleagues:        

Breathe from the bottom of their lungs Often move and talk very slowly. Respond to physical rewards and touching. Stand closer to people than a visual person does. Memorise by doing or walking through something. Check out their feelings prior to expressing their thoughts. Like to walk through something before doing it. Will be interested in a project if it “feels right”.

Your Ad Colleagues (Thinkers):      

Spend a fair amount of time talking to themselves. Breathing patterns like an auditory, higher up in the chest. Speak in a clipped, crisp monotone. Dissociated from feelings. Can exhibit characteristics of the other groups. Will want to know if a project “makes sense”.

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Session 19: Representational Systems / Assignment Please ensure that you have read Pages 64 – 66 and have listened to the MP3 recording before completing the following exercises.

Exercise 1 Get to know your preferred Representational System. When you think about something, what typically happens first? Do you talk to yourself? (A/Ad) Do you visualise (V) Do you remember what it feels like? (K) Based on your answers to the above questions, and your physical traits, what do you think / feel your preference is? Would you say you are Visual, Auditory, Kinaesthetic or a thinker (Auditory Digital), and why?

Exercise 2 What is your weakest Representational System? Play to your weaknesses and use the exercises on Pages 43 to develop that sense. Your thinking will be the more creative and flexible for it.

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Session 20: Sensory Based Language (Predicates) So the next time you are in a meeting pay attention to what your colleagues say and make a point of listening for the type of sensory language they use. When you listen carefully, it is possible to identify patterns in their language that indicate a preference for one representational system over the others. You may discover that most of the words that are used refer to one sense more than any of the others. This is a clue to that person’s model of the world. In NLP these sensory words are known as Predicates. Pay attention and then you can match a particular colleagues’ preference and start using those words back to them. By being able to understand and speak to colleagues in their own representational system, you will heighten the sense of rapport between you and pave the way for the trust that is so important in any close relationship.

Great communicators instinctively pick up on a person’s language and use it in their conversation so that the person they are engaging feels comfortable with them

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Sensory Based Words (Predicates) and Short Phrases Visual

Auditory

Kinaesthetic

ad

see look view appear show dawn reveal envision illuminate imagine clear foggy focused hazy crystal picture flash fade vivid

hear listen sound(s) make music harmonise tuni in/out be all ears rings a bell silence be heard resonate deaf melodious disssonance question unhearing attune silence announce

feel touch grasp get hold of slip through catch on tap into make contact throw out turn around hard unfeeling concrete scrape get a handle solid impression sensation expansion

sense experience understand think learn process decide motivate consider change perceive insensitive distinct conceive know describe question perceive be conscious

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Sensory Based Phrases Visual

Auditory

Kinaesthetic

An eyeful

Afterthought

All washed up

Appears to me

Blabbermouth

Boils down to

A shadow of a doubt

Clear as a bell

Chip off the old block

Bird’s eye view

Clearly expressed

Get to grips with

Catch a glimpse of

Call on

Control yourself

Clear-cut

Describe in detail

Dim view

Earful

Firm foundations

Flashed on

Give an account of

Get a handle on

Get a perspective on

Give me your ear

Get a load of this

Get a scope on

Grant an audience

Get in touch with

Hazy idea

Heard voices

Get the drift of

Horse of a different colour

Hidden message

Get your goat

In light of

Hold your tongue

Hand in hand

In person

Idle talk

Hang in there

In view of

Inquire into

Heated argument

Looks like

Keynote speaker

Hold it!

Make a scene

Loud and clear

Hold on!

Mental image

Manner of speaking

Hothead

Mental picture

Pay attention to

Keep your shirt on

Mind’s eye

Power of speech

Know-how

Naked eye

Purrs like a kitten

Lay cards on table

Cool/calm/collected

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Paint a picture

State your purpose

Pain-in the neck

See to it

Tattle-tale

Pull some strings

Short sighted

To tell the truth

Sharp as a tack

Showing off

Tongue-tied

Slipped my mind

Sight for sore eyes

Tuned in/tuned out

Smooth operator

Staring off into space

Unheard of

So-so

Take a peek

Utterly

Start from scratch

Tunnel vision

Voiced an opinion

Stiff upper lip

Under your nose

Well informed

Stuffed shirt

Up front

Within hearing

Too much of hassle

Well defined

Word for word

Topsy-turvy

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Session 20: Sensory Based Language (Predicates) / Assignment Please ensure that you have read Pages 68 – 71 and have listened to the MP3 recording before completing the following exercises:

Exercise 1 Please indicate whether the following phrases are Visual (V), Auditory (A), Kinaesthetic (K), Olfactory (O) or Gustatory (G). Get up your nose Keep an eye on things Develop a taste for Music to my ears Take a long term view On the tip of my tongue Tune into new ideas Crystal clear Sound people out Have it drummed into you Turn your nose up at things Keep a balance in your life A different perspective Bit off more than you can chew Hold on tight to reality Pick up the scent of a scandal Speaking the same language Get sniffy Clear as mud Get a flavour of a new experience Crystal clear Keep things sweet Dig your heels in Avoid souring relationships Get a feel for things A way of looking at Calling the tune Point of view Get to grips with new trends Paint a picture Maintain harmonious relationships Sketch an outline Fill in the details Shed some light on Give me a buzz See right through him Get your teeth into Keep an ear to the ground

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On the same wavelength Rattle around in my head Have exquisite taste in things Tone it down Rub you up the wrong way Look after yourself On the same wavelength In harmony Making a spectacle of himself Shouting the odds A bitter pill to swallow Get to grips with Get a handle on See your way clearly Chew it over A pain in the neck Get a flavour of Put it in your pipe and smoke it Allow it to settle

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Exercise 2 Write a short marketing piece about your company and / or company’s products in 5 or 6 lines. Then rewrite it, first with only Visual words, then with only Auditory words, then with only Kinaesthetic words and, finally, with only Auditory Digital – Thinker words.

Original Topic:

Visual:

Auditory:

Kinaesthetic:

Auditory Digital:

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