255

GROWTH By RUTH

IN P R A Y E R BURROWS

S SOON as we would talk or write a b o u t p r a y e r a n d growth in p r a y e r we are faced with huge difficulties. W e are talking a n d writing not m e r e l y a b o u t the deepest thing in h u m a n life but a b o u t its very essence - - m o r e , a b o u t the m y s t e r y of G o d himself. W e are d a r i n g to use t e r m s such as ' i n t i m a c y ' , ' f r i e n d s h i p ' , for that we are called to such is b e y o n d d o u b t for the believer. W e find a b r e a t h i n g of it in the first pages of Genesis where, i t is i n t i m a t e d , G o d was w o n t to walk with his m a n a n d w o m a n t h r o u g h the g a r d e n in the cool of the day. T h o u g h sin c a m e to r u p t u r e this blessed state, still, t h r o u g h o u t the pages of the O l d T e s t a m e n t with its history of h u m a n s as they really are - - sinful, blind, obstinate, h a r d of h e a r t - - there shine stars, ' friends of God', w h o in s o m e m e a s u r e a t t a i n e d or were g r a n t e d i n t i m a c y with the aweful m y s t e r y . Such i n t i m a c y is still possible. A m i d s t a p e r v e r s e a n d c o r r u p t people ' E n o c h walked with G o d ; a n d he was not, for G o d took h i m ' ( G e n 5,24). H e r e , it is suggested, was s o m e o n e for w h o m G o d m e a n t so m u c h that he was swallowed u p b y him. E n o c h d i s a p p e a r e d , only G o d shone out. I n this p r e g n a n t p h r a s e of scripture we h a v e a s u m m i n g u p of holiness, of the perfection of a h u m a n life. M o s e s spoke with G o d face to face a n d t h r o u g h this terrible exposure was t r a n s f o r m e d in such a w a y that he b e c a m e ' G o d ' for the people at large, a people too sensual a n d selfish to w a n t G o d himself. T h e y were not p r e p a r e d to p a y the price.

A

We have heard his voice out of the midst of the fire; we have this day seen God speak with man and man still alive. Now, therefore, why should we die? For this great fire will consume us; if we hear the voice of the Lord our God any more, we shall die. For who is there of all flesh, that has heard the voice of the living God speaking out of the midst of fire, as we have, and has still lived? Go near, and hear all that the Lord God will say; and speak to us all that the Lord our God will speak to you; and we will hear it and do it (Deut 5,24-27). T h i s is a n a u t h e n t i c h u m a n cry. I f we use the t e r m ' f r i e n d s h i p with G o d ' t h e n we m u s t k n o w w h a t we are doing, we m u s t s p e a k w i t h

256

GROWTH

IN PRAYER

u t m o s t seriousness a n d with deep awe. T h e r e is no place for 'lightness', for trifling. W h a t did it m e a n for Enoch, w h a t did it m e a n for M o s e s - - and, we shall ask, w h a t did it m e a n for J e s u s - - to be a friend of G o d , to be on that lonely, dreadful m o u n t a i n exposed to we k n o w not what? A n d yet i n t i m a c y with G o d is the blissful fulfilment of us all. It is w h a t we were m a d e for a n d for w h a t we endlessly yearn. It is to this that we blindly r e a c h out in o u r h u m a n search for friendship a n d intimacy, b u t whereas e v e n the richest h u m a n friendship, even that which has truly m a d e of two one flesh, is only p a r t of an existence and life; o u r relationship with G o d is o u r very m e a n i n g as h u m a n beings. M a n - - and that means you and me - - is, b y definition, a relation to G o d . W e b e c o m e h u m a n , b e c o m e w h a t we are m e a n t to be, in the m e a s u r e that, like Enoch of old, we are lost to ourselves a n d t a k e n up into h i m . P r a y e r , on o u r side, is a conscious a f f i r m a t i o n of this truth, an effective desire and willing that it be accomplished. H o w do we attain to i n t i m a c y with G o d or rather, h o w do we e n t e r into the i n t i m a c y offered? W e m u s t be certain that no w o o i n g is necessary. W e do not h a v e to find ways of attracting the divine p a r t n e r , of getting h i m to notice us. H e r e is s o m e o n e w h o is love itself and the v e r y fount of o u r own existence, enfolding us, inviting us to receive h i m , d r a w i n g us to his heart. All these h u m a n expressions are totally i n a d e q u a t e . Scripture a n d mystical writers have used the different m o d e s of h u m a n love a n d friendship parent/child, h u s b a n d / w i f e , b r o t h e r , friend - - to tell us s o m e t h i n g of the reality of G o d ' s love a n d desire for us. E a c h is i n a d e q u a t e . All together they are i n a d e q u a t e . It is not easy to s p e a k p r o p e r l y of a deep h u m a n relationship, how m u c h m o r e so w h e n one of the p a r t n e r s is G o d . A n d e v e n if one were able, t h r o u g h p r o f o u n d experience a n d intensive t h o u g h t a n d effort, to give w h a t seems as close a p r o x i m a t i o n to the t r u t h as is possible, its u n d e r s t a n d i n g depends on the h e a r t of the recipient. T r u t h m u s t find an echo in the one w h o hears if it is to be recognized. Put it a n o t h e r w a y , a h e a r t m u s t be really listening, really w a n t i n g the truth, really w a n t i n g God. T h e difficulty is that we do not w a n t h i m . W e w a n t o u r o w n version of h i m , one we can, so to s p e a k , carry a r o u n d in o u r pockets rather as some superstitious people c a r r y a r o u n d a c h a r m . W e c a n hold endless, loving conversations with this one, feel we h a v e a n intimate u n d e r s t a n d i n g with h i m , we can tell h i m o u r troubles, ask for his a p p r o b a t i o n a n d a d m i r a t i o n , consult h i m a b o u t all o u r affairs and decisions a n d get the a n s w e r we w a n t , a n d this god of ours has almost n o t h i n g to do with G o d .

GROWTH

IN PRAYER

257

M o s t of us find it a l m o s t impossible not to think of p r a y e r as a special activity in life, as an art that can be t a u g h t or l e a r n e d r a t h e r as we can learn to play a musical i n s t r u m e n t , a n d so some of us are quick to feel we are proficient a n d others that we are painfully handic a p p e d , are missing out on s o m e secret or h a v e s o m e lack in o u r n a t u r e which m a k e s p r a y e r difficult if not impossible for us. W e feel there are certain laws g o v e r n i n g p r a y e r , a n d techniques to be m a s t e r e d , a n d w h e n we h a v e got hold of these we can p r a y . T h u s we tend to look a r o u n d for the guru, for the one w h o has m a s t e r e d the art a n d its techniques a n d eagerly look to be taught. W h e n we take u p a b o o k or article on p r a y e r , we shall p r o b a b l y detect, if we stop to think, that we are looking for the key, the m a g i c f o r m u l a that is going to put o u r p r a y e r right, enable us ' t o m a k e a go' of this m y s t e r i o u s activity called p r a y e r . W e m a y feel that others seem to take it in their stride b u t s o m e h o w it does not w o r k for m e a n d anxiously I look hither a n d thither for s o m e o n e w h o will h a n d m e the secret. All this is p r o o f e n o u g h that w e are o v e r l o o k i n g the f u n d a m e n t a l facts: that p r a y e r is not a technique b u t a relationship; that there is no h a n d i c a p , no obstacle, no p r o b l e m . T h e only p r o b l e m is that we do not w a n t G o d . W e m a y w a n t a 'spiritual life', we m a y w a n t ' p r a y e r ' , b u t we do not w a n t G o d . All a n y o n e can do for us, a n y g u r u c a n teach us, is to keep o u r eyes on J e s u s , G o d ' s perfect, absolute friend. I f we look at the gospels we shall find that J e s u s n e v e r speaks of us as b e i n g friends of G o d . H e teaches us to call h i m Father. F r i e n d implies equality of status, child or son a total d e p e n d e n c e a n d absolute obedience. W h e n J e s u s gave us his o w n privilege of calling G o d , Abba, t h a t w o r d certainly carried with it e v e r y t h i n g we u n d e r stand of the u n b r e a k a b l e , utterly reliable, tender, c o m p a s s i o n a t e , infinitely involved f a t h e r l y / m o t h e r l y love of G o d . O f this we m u s t be sure to the m a r r o w of o u r bones. But equally we m u s t r e m e m b e r w h a t the father-son relationship was in the jewish culture o f J e s u s ' s time. W e c a n go so far as to say that the son was considered as h a v i n g no life or even existence of his own. H e o w e d absolutely e v e r y t h i n g to the father: we m i g h t say a son was his f a t h e r ' s ' t h i n g ' , and t h e son owed h i m total, u n c o n d i t i o n a l obedience. W h e n J e s u s tells us that we m u s t call G o d , Abba, a n d live as his children, he is d e m a n d i n g of us this decentralization, this ' e x - s t a s y ' , this s t a n d i n g out of self, in o r d e r to t r a n s f e r o u r existence, o u r m e a n i n g , o u r i m p o r t a n c e , o u r weight, to the Father. It is a s u m m o n s to the m o s t radical self-denial.

258

G R O W T H IN P R A Y E R

O n the other hand, J e s u s gives us the title ' f r i e n d ' , his friend, in that we have o p e n e d ourselves to and received his revelation of the Father, that we trust him with our lives, obey him as J e s u s did. T o b e c o m e the friend of J e s u s means to identify with his living for his Father. This alone is prayer, this alone is intimacy with God. Its blissful fulfilment remains hidden from our sight and experience as it was for Jesus in his earthly life. All that concerns us here and now is what concerned Jesus: that G o d should have just whatever he wants. Jesus has b e c o m e o u r W a y , our T r u t h and o u r Life because he declined to have any way of his own, any truth or reality of his own, only the Father's. H e declined to live from his own well-springs but only from the Father. This is what we have to do; this is how we must live. Jesus is with us always not so as to pillow our w e a r y heads on his breast and m u r m u r words of solace in our ears continually, but to share with us his vision, his passionate dedication to the F a t h e r ' s will. H e is with us to brace, reinforce, u n d e r p i n us for o u r life's great task. T r u e , he lifts from our shoulders the crushing yoke of an alien master, the god we have fashioned in our own likeness, b y revealing the true face of the Father. H e breaks off self-made shackles of b o n d a g e a n d sets us free. T h u s his c o m p a n i o n s h i p gives us rest and real happiness. Nevertheless there remains a yoke and a b u r d e n that has to be carried with courage and love. Life-giving, joy-giving knowledge of Jesus and the F a t h e r he reveals does not drop into our lap from heaven. W e have to work for it. ' C o m e to m e ' , says Jesus, and we must go to him, and the prime way of going to him is by intent, loving absorption of scripture, particularly the New T e s t a m e n t . P u t simply, we must strive to acquire an intellectual knowledge of him, of his attitudes, values, teaching. This intellectual knowledge is certainly not intimacy, certainly not a ' k n o w i n g J e s u s ' but it is an indispensable ingredient for intimacy and real knowing: It is work we have to do, a practical expression of earnest desire to get to know o u r Lord. Moreover, it supplies, so to speak, the m a t t e r into which spirit can be infused, or in more h o m e l y words, we laboriously gather the faggots to build the bonfire which only G o d can s e t alight. But it has to be there for him to set alight. A n d we must realize that it is not a case of our having to l a b o u r all b y ourselves until the bonfire is a good size and everything well-dried out and then we can hope for G o d to set fire to it. No, we are never working alone. W h e n we search for him in the scriptures we have already found him. H e is with us, at a level we do

GROWTH IN PR.~YER

259

not perceive and c a n n o t perceive, touching o u r inmost depth and working within, infusing light, inflaming the will. F r o m time to time we m a y be aware of e n l i g h t e n m e n t a n d a stirring of desire but it is utter folly to conclude that, if we do not feel those things 'it has not come off' and 'I a m getting n o w h e r e ' . T h a t might be so were we engaged in secular study or even in sacred scripture in a secular way, but it is certainly not so w h e n we are 'listening' to the word of G o d be it in o u r private reflection or in the c o m m u n a l 'listening' of the liturgy. W e are e n g a g e d in a sacramental action. S o m e t h i n g is h a p p e n i n g as it happens in the eucharist and other sacraments. But as with them, o u r part is essential. W e must b r i n g o u r elements. 'Seek and you will find', J e s u s assures us solemnly. O u r seeking in scripture must be like that of the bride in the Canticles, all heart, n e v e r a m e r e l y intellectual effort. O u r heart must infuse o u r minds with trust, desire, resolution. O u r heart must be in o u r eyes as we read and in o u r ears as we hear. M o s t certainly we shall find him. T h i s search for the beloved in the revealed word m e a n s that o u r times of silent p r a y e r have content. W e have strong motives for perseverance. W e have a growing t h o u g h obscure knowledge of the F a t h e r before w h o m we are trustfully exposed. W e can recognize him as he comes to us in o u r daily lives, quickly discern his d e m a n d s and with ever growing depth and clarity. W e have his own vision by which to interpret the revelation of material creation and h u m a n history. Jesus draws us to himself not for himself but so as to take us to the Father. T h e F a t h e r has asked him to be our friend. H e has confided us to him as a cherished possession and J e s u s considers us m o r e precious than the whole world and his own life. J e s u s was u n i m p o r t a n t to himself. W e are only his friends in t r u t h if we allow him to share his F a t h e r with us. Friendship with him entails absolute loyalty on both sides. H e , most readily, most devotedly, lays down his life for his friends. O n the other hand, his friends n e v e r let him down. T h e y are at his side in all his trials, n e v e r desert him w h a t e v e r happens. T h e y stand u p before ' m e n ' and acknowledge him, n e v e r allowing the opinions, fashions, ridicule or persecutions of ' m e n ' to lead thena to b e t r a y or d e n y their friend. A n d w h e n we are his friends, how confidingly we can a p p r o a c h the Father. J e s u s teaches his friends a p r a y e r that enshrines all he wants to teach them, all he asks of them. It is addressed to Abba. W e are to say ' O u r F a t h e r ' . W e know he is Father, not because we have proof, because, in the course of o u r lives we detect a fatherly care or because we often feel a w a r m loving presence; not because we see

260

GROWTH

IN PRAYER

him granting our little wishes. No, we acknowledge him as F a t h e r for none of these reasons but simply because J e s u s g u a r a n t e e s him. As with Jesus himself, everything can seem c o n t r a r y to what we normally m e a n by father-love and care. By staking everything on J e s u s ' s guarantee, and trying to live always in the faith that G o d is Father, we come to know that he is; that he is Our ground, air, our encompassing, the source of what we are and do. If we reflect carefully we shall find that we catch ourselves out in attitudes, words, actions, doubts, fears, scruples, that belie our notional belief. In actual fact, if not in 'belief', we are assuming that he is difficult to approach, that he is not concerned with us and has to be won over onto our side. A friend told me recently of a little girl who was afraid w h e n she woke up alone at night and frequently disturbed her parents by going along to them. ' B u t y o u are not alone', the m o t h e r reassured her, 'Jesus is with y o u ' . 'I k n o w ' , her d a u g h t e r replied, ' b u t I want someone with skin on'. This heartfelt, vivid declaration echoes our own yearning. W e find it so hard to 'live b y faith alone', as we say. W e too want someone 'with skin o n ' . T h e d a n g e r is that we try to put skin on. Misleading things are often said and written a b o u t the development of p r a y e r and p r o b a b l y the outpourings of the mystics have been misinterpreted. Certainly one picks up the idea that sooner or later we shall realize the presence and love of G o d almost as though it were on the same level and m o d e of perception as h u m a n love. This is to overlook that o u r Abba is 'in h e a v e n ' . T h e s e are J e s u s ' s words. Abba though he is, he is completely other, transcendent mystery. Between him and us there lies an u n b r i d g e a b l e gulf which we could never cross. H e himself has t h r o w n the bridge, his Jesus. O n l y because he has done this can we know him and the breath-taking truth that he calls us to intimacy. O u r a p p r o a c h to him must always be with awe. ' O come, let us worship and bow down, let us kneel before the Lord, our m a k e r ! ' O u r whole being must be b o w e d in worship all day long. A n d we must r e n o u n c e the desire to have a G o d we can handle. W e can be like people at a seaside resort who prefer the m a n - m a d e s w i m m i n g pool with its easy t e m p e r a t u r e , safety and amenities. After all, it is sea-water! A n d a little b e y o n d is the open sea, u n t r a m m e l l e d , u n t a m e a b l e , over which we have no control whatever. But it is to this sea that we must c o m m i t ourselves and let ourselves be carried away. It is terrifying, this immense sea that is God. W h a t will he do with us? W h e r e will he carry us? H e is Abba, says Jesus. F e a r not, trust him.

G R O W T H IN P R A Y E R

261

Faith is not a thing of the m i n d , it is not a n intellectual certainty or a felt conviction of the heart, it is a sustained decision to take G o d with u t t e r seriousness as the G o d of m y life; it is to live out the hours in a practical, concrete affirmation that he is F a t h e r a n d he is ' i n h e a v e n ' . It is a decision to shift the centre of o u r life f r o m ourselves to h i m , to forego self-interest a n d m a k e his interests, his will o u r sole concern. T h i s is w h a t it m e a n s to hallow his n a m e as F a t h e r in heaven. O f t e n it m a y seem as if we only act 'as if', so unaffected are o u r hearts, p e r h a p s even m o c k i n g us: ' w h e r e is y o u r G o d ' . It is this acting 'as if' which is true faith. All that m a t t e r s to faith is that G o d should h a v e w h a t he w a n t s a n d we k n o w that w h a t he w a n t s is always o u r o w n blessedness. H i s p u r p o s e s are w o r k e d out, his will is m e d i a t e d to us in the h u m b l e s t form, as h u m b l e as o u r daily bread. It is p e r h a p s not too difficult to see G o d ' s p r o v i d e n c e in certain areas of o u r lives but it is likely that h o u r follows h o u r , full of little events, decisions a n d choices that are, in fact, d i v o r c e d f r o m him. I f so we are d e n y i n g him as Abba. W e do not allow h i m to reign over us totally a n d we can excuse ourselves with the illusion that in o u r case the requisite conditions for total loving are not present. It would be different if such a n d such were different. O u r situation is far too distracting a n d w o r r y i n g . T h e t r u t h is d e v a s t a t i n g l y simple a n d we are t e m p t e d to shirk the stark, o v e r w h e l m i n g reality that G o d is giving himself to us in the s t r e a m of o r d i n a r y , m u n d a n e events of o u r o r d i n a r y , m u n d a n e life. T h i s is w h e r e he is for us, h e r e a n d not elsewhere. H e r e , precisely here, m u s t we hallow his n a m e . N o t h i n g is w a n t i n g to us. ' F r e s h a n d green are the pastures w h e r e he gives m e r e p o s e ' . It is not for us to j u d g e w h e t h e r they are fresh a n d green a n d sustaining. I f he puts us there, e v e n t h o u g h they s e e m to us b a r r e n a n d h a r d , a place of struggle r a t h e r t h a n repose, they are the pastures we n e e d a n d in which we shall grow. W e p r a y ' G i v e us this day o u r daily b r e a d ' . W h e n y o u pray, J e s u s tells us, y o u h a v e to believe y o u r p r a y e r is a l r e a d y heard. W e c a n n o t j u d g e results. W e are certain that e v e r y t h i n g that comes to us is o u r daily, n o u r i s h i n g bread. T h i s is w h a t it m e a n s to believe: to take that daily b r e a d a n d eat it with love a n d gratitude no m a t t e r h o w bitter the taste. By n a t u r e we, as it were, s t a n d on the v i e w p o i n t of self a n d j u d g e other people, things, w h a t is h a p p e n i n g f r o m that stand. F a i t h d e m a n d s that we deliberately get off that stand a n d m o v e to another, the viewpoint of J e s u s , a n d then, h o w different e v e r y t h i n g looks. T h i s needs constant effort, constant r e a d j u s t m e n t . Unless we u n d e r t a k e this battle against o u r subjectivity, h o w we feel, how things look to

262

GROWTH

IN PRAYER

us a n d so forth, a n d choose to stand on J e s u s a n d live o u r lives in his vision, we shall n e v e r get a n y w h e r e . A n d yet, h o w few do this d a y in d a y out until it is second n a t u r e , their o w n n a t u r e . T h e s e indeed, h a v e put on the m i n d of Christ. J e s u s bids us say ' O u r F a t h e r ' a n d to hallow his n a m e m u s t m e a n taking v e r y seriously that e v e r y o n e is a child of this F a t h e r a n d m y brother. As G o d ' s chosen ones, holy a n d beloved, we m u s t put on c o m p a s s i o n , kindness, lowliness, meekness a n d patience, forgiving one a n o t h e r . . . we m u s t show constant, u n c o n d i t i o n a l love a n d goodness to all no m a t t e r h o w they treat us b e c a u s e this is w h a t G o d is like a n d does. H e is forgiveness - - a love always on tip-toe to give. As soon as we are there to receive he gives himself. W e m u s t be like this, we m u s t r e s p o n d to others like this. Unless we do so, we c a n n o t receive G o d ' s love. W e h a v e t u r n e d a w a y f r o m him. N o w h e r e , except w h e n he is q u o t i n g the Shema does J e s u s speak of o u r loving the Father. H e tells us we m u s t believe in the Father, trust h i m , o b e y h i m , a n d love o u r n e i g h b o u r . It can s e e m p r e s u m p tuous to speak of loving G o d - - as though we can! W e love J e s u s a n d he has spelt out for us w h a t loving h i m m e a n s - - k e e p i n g his c o m m a n d m e n t s . This surrender to Jesus in keeping his words, immediately puts us in the F a t h e r ' s w a i t i n g e m b r a c e . ' I f a n y o n e loves m e , he will keep m y w o r d , a n d m y F a t h e r will love h i m ' (Jn 14,23). A loving fellowship is established. J e s u s loves the Father. T h e F a t h e r loves J e s u s . O n l y in J e s u s can we love the F a t h e r a n d receive his love. W e love the b r o t h e r we see a n d his brothers living with us in o u r m o r t a l life, a n d in d o i n g so, we are loving the u n s p e a k a b l e m y s t e r y , the Father. O righteous Father, the world has not known thee, but I have known thee; and these have known that thou has sent me. I have made known thy name to them and will make it known, that the love with which thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them (Jn 17,25-26). S o m e t i m e s we can feel as if life is j u s t too h a r d , or j u s t too u n i n t e r e s t i n g a n d drab. It can seem that the obstacles within ourselves are m o u n t a i n o u s a n d insuperable. J e s u s ' s o w n u n w a v e r ing faith m u s t be ours. E v e r y t h i n g is possible to h i m who believes, was his h u m b l e boast. W h e n e v e r y t h i n g s e e m e d to be going w r o n g for h i m , w h e n the ' n o ' of h u m a n hearts h a d congealed into h a r d rock which t h r e a t e n e d to grind h i m d o w n , he was certain that his F a t h e r could a n d would m o v e that h a r d m a s s a n d d r o w n it for ever.

GROWTH

IN PRAYER

263

He died in hope, not in hopes realized. The picture of him asleep in the violent storm, when others were frantic, and angered by his seeming indifference, reveals his inmost heart in its perfect trust. If we would be his friends we must live like that. A friend of Jesus dares all and never says such and such is too hard. If God asks something then it is possible of accomplishment. They evade nothing, be it trying situations, uncongenial people, difficult duties. They take each day as it comes with its pleasures and joys, its disagreeable things and pains, shoulder their cross and go with Jesus. The significance of the cross is not suffering but obedience - doing the Father's will regardless of whether it is easy or hard. For the true friends of Jesus evil does not exist. Everything is turned to good. Death itself, the epitome of all that is evil and destructive of man, is transformed. In his wonderful riposte to the Sadducees who denied the resurrection, Jesus, himself still in faith and not in sight, gloriously affirms our everlasting future, simply because he knows his Father and he knows this Father could never abandon his friends. The idea is unthinkable. You are quite, quite wrong, he emphatically declares, and closes the issue. Friends of God? Can it be? Yes, but there is only one way: to become 'son'; to accept the friendship and companionship of Jesus so as to learn sonship from him, share in his sonship. In practice this means being utterly unimportant to ourselves, becoming selfless, empty, nothing but an echo - - like Enoch disappearing. This is the paradox: the one who has consented to be nothing but an emptiness for the Father's love, becomes - - and only now, in this context of nothingness, dare we breathe the word - - somehow 'equal' to God, raised up to be his friend, his beloved. 'The Father and I are one', says Jesus. Lost in his kenosis it can perhaps be said of us.