POW Brainstorming Techniques “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.” —Steve Martin

Like most creative people, humor writers spend a lot of time looking for the right figure of speech. Occasionally, the blank “I’m thinking” gaze progresses to the comatose state known as writer’s block. Unfortunately, humor writers can not only suffer from writer’s block, but also from humor block: unavoidable moments when the comedic juices stop flowing. As comedian Marty Feldman overstated, Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.” Even when a writer’s imagination is going full steam, the rule of ten in, nine out applies: For every ten jokes written, only one might be acceptable. The high ratio of successful to unsuccessful jokes explains why most late-night talk shows, such as The Tonight Show and Late Night, employ teams of gag writers. A five-minute monologue may be written by as many as six writers. There are ways to jump-start the creative process. The most common brainstorming methods are association and listing. These techniques allow you to generate multiple options for humor, thereby improving your chances of uncovering a successful play on words (POW). Brainstorming can be time-consuming, and most of the items you come up with will be discarded, but brainstorming is nonetheless an invaluable tool for writing humor. It also explains why humor writers are better at wordplay than foreplay.

ASSOCIATION A humorist’s funny bone is like an athlete’s muscles or a singer’s vocal cords. It works best when it’s warmed up first. Writing instructors insist “ that students do fifteen to thirty minutes of brain-stretching exercises each morning to clear the mind. Developing new associations is a creativewriting technique that can help you discover humor in unexpected relationships, and create POW jokes. Association is putting two activities that haven’t been previously associated into a plausible but audacious scenario. Association is a more formal word for teaming, humor’s variation on metaphor. You combine

two simple elements that are logical alone but impossible together. The humor comes from the unexpected, offbeat relationship. Associations have several formats. One type of association begins with a cliché or expression that the audience is likely to interpret one way, but then the performer gives an illustrative example that reverses the anticipated meaning. My opponent has done the work of two men: Laurel and Hardy. —Governor James A. Rhodes

Another type of association is the teaming of two clichés. This technique is the backbone of improvisation. Wife to friend: I call Herb’s salary a phallic symbol even though it only rises once a year.

A third type of association is the Tom Swifty, the teaming of a quotation with a verb or adverb of attribution that puns on the meaning of the quotation. “I want to renew my membership,” Tom rejoined. “I hope I can still play the guitar,” he fretted. “All the twos are missing from this deck,” she deduced. “You’re burning the candle at both ends,” he said wickedly. “I think he’s dead,” she said mournfully. “I’m as tired as a sled dog,” he said huskily.

Robert Orben, one of the most prolific humor writers, warms up by writing twenty-five POW jokes inspired by the morning paper. Then, he gets to work. Others like to imagine funny captions to news photos. Humor lecturer Art Gliner gets his seminars going with a POW association exercise. He has attendees write down words that might describe how tired firefighters, police, dogcatchers, plumbers, etc. feel when they get home at night. For example: FIREFIGHTER

burned up alarmed torched fired up like a plugged nickel steamed like a ladder day saint not too hot

like he had made an ash of himself POLICE OFFICER

beat flat-footed half-cocked run down blue shot charged holed up badgered it was a riot that’s the ticket DOGCATCHER

muzzled bone tired bitchy run down pooped hounded licked dog tired collared the paws that refreshes GARDENER

hosed potted plowed under bogged down bushed raked over mulched dug up seedy all wet rocky

Comedy writer Gene Perret likes to associate puns on famous names. First, find a name with homonym possibilities. Then, write an anecdote to fit. Before she became Madonna, she was a pre-Madonna. —K.C. Conan An Italian-American farmer erected a tombstone for his beloved wife, Nellie, that read: “Here Liza Minnelli.” Take pity. I’m Jung and Freud-ened. “I just can’t Handel the Messiah.” “Then you’d better go into Haydn.” “Oh, get off my Bach, or I’ll give you a karate Chopin the neck.” A microcomputer that draws geometric patterns on the screen is called a Micro-Angle-O.

Here are some slogans (based on the same principle) for famous artists. Seurat: Que Seurat, Seurat. Monet: A lasting impression. Van Gogh: Lend me your ear. Warhol: The new Warhol—uncanny. Gauguin: Here we Gauguin. Goya: You can be Jewish and still love a Goya. —Advertising Age

Humorists take only themselves seriously, no one else. The more you can combine realism and exaggeration, the more humorous you will be. That’s why disrespectful association of the rich and famous with book or movie titles is a frequent POW warmup for professionals. Britney Spears in Once Is Not Enough Dick Cheney in Raging Bull Hillary Clinton in Cold Mountain George W. Bush in Lost in Translation

Associating the last names of two different celebrities is another exercise in association. If Isadora Duncan had married Robert Donat, would their child be a Duncan Donat? If Betty White had married Soupy Sales, would they have called her Betty White Sales?

If all this is just the first step in humor writing, you’re probably reminded of the ancient warning: Watch out for that first step—it’s a bitch! But with

patience and practice, you’ll soon be skipping down the sidewalk without missing a crack.

REVISING FOR SURPRISE It takes a good deal of testing to create a joke with a surprise ending. So much so that jokes aren’t written—they’re rewritten. Precision and brevity help make a surprise ending effective. A well-constructed joke: • uses as few words as possible • does not reveal key words in the setup • preserves the funniest word until the end

When you write humor, your first draft can be as long as you wish. The second draft should cut every nonessential phrase. The final draft should cut every nonessential word. No machine has needless parts, and no good comedy routine has needless words. Your mantra should be: Make every word work. As you’re revising, trim redundant phrases—such as old adage, exact same, really essential, continue on, four short years, absolutely necessary, advance planning, brief respite, future plans, and interact with each other—down to the one necessary word. If surprise is home plate, good humor writing runs the bases as fast as possible. Normal speech is clocked at two and a half words per second, so if you can erase just twenty redundant words from your final draft, you’ll save eight seconds that will help keep your audience alert.