Nehemiah CH 5

“Coping with Conflict in God’s Work”

Intro: One of my favourite programs when I was growing up was called the ‘A Team’. The A team were a group of strange characters who together formed a very effective group in solving people’s problems. One member of the team was a con-artist called Face. He was responsible for finding the right equipment to get the job done. Then there was Murdock who was medically insane but who was an absolute genius at flying planes and helicopters. The third member was called B.A (short for Bad Attitude) Barracus. He was the strong man who would win any fight and a brilliant mechanic. But he was terrified of flying and had to be drugged every time they needed to get him on a plane. Their leader was a man called Hannibal Smith. His ideas were always extremely unorthodox but more often than not they were effective. At the end of every episode of the TV program when the A team had successfully rescued someone from trouble, Hannibal Smith would light a cigar, fold his arms and say, “I love it when a plan comes together!....” When Nehemiah, watched the people of Israel working together to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem there must have been times when he looked up and thought- “I love it when a plan comes together!...” By the time you get to the end of Chapter 3 in Nehemiah, everything looks so positive. All the people are working hard and working together and the walls of Jerusalem are starting to take shape. It all seems too good to be true! And sure enough, as soon as we turn to chapter 4 and 5, we discover that despite their success, the rebuilding project is not without its problems. In Chapter 4 we discover that surrounding nations weren’t too happy that the Israelites were getting things back on track and they try to disrupt the work. Gary will be preaching on that in a couple of weeks. In Chapter 5 we read that as well as having opposition to the work from outside, that there was also a situation of conflict within the camp. 1

Conflict is normal- don’t be afraid of it:

This internal battle was so intense that we read in Chapter 5 v 1 that “there was a great outcry of the people and their wives against their Jewish brothers!” This was no minor problem. It was complicated and it had been going on for a long time. The first issue was that some people were running out of food because there was a famine. In v2 we read, “our sons and our daughters are many, therefore let us get grain that we may eat and live.” The second dilemma was that people who did have enough to eat were only able to put food on their tables by mortgaging their fields, vineyards and homes. So in v3 1

we read that people were saying, “we are mortgaging our fields, vineyards and homes to get grain during the famine.” The third problem was that in order to hold on to their properties, some people were borrowing money from their Jewish brothers and sisters in order to pay the land registration taxes that they owed to King Artaxerxes. So in v4 we read, “we had to borrow money to pay the King’s tax on our fields and vineyards.” This issue was made even worse by the fact that the people who were lending the money were charging their Jewish brothers and sisters exorbitant interest rates. The fourth and final issue was perhaps the worst of all. Rich Jews would lend large amounts of money to their poor Jewish neighbours. When these poor Jewish farmers crops failed and they missed a payment, the person who had lent them money would simply take possession of their land as payment for their debts. Left with no means of income, these poor farmers were then forced to sell their children into slavery. This was a common practice at the time. So in v5 we read, “although we are of the same flesh and blood as our countrymen and though our sons are as good as theirs, yet we have to subject our sons and daughters to slavery. Some of our daughters have already been enslaved but we are powerless, because our fields and vineyards belong to others.” As we read these verses we are left wondering, “How on earth can a group of people who love God and who seemed to be getting on so well and rebuilding the walls together end up treating each other in this way and causing such internal fighting?” Well, there are some logical but inexcusable reasons why these conflicts existed. To start with, many people had dedicated themselves to building the wall free of charge. As such they were working long hours for no money. Second, they were experiencing a famine and many people were unable to produce enough food to sustain their families. Third because of human greed, the rich were exploiting the poor even though they were their own countrymen. Fourthly, the small farms that the Israelites owned were often attacked by people from other countries and tribes who would steal their grain and rob their grapes during harvest time. While we cannot excuse these issues and especially the injustices of the situation, at the same time we should not be surprised that circumstances were difficult, that under these pressures the worst came out in people, and as a result that serious conflict arose. You know it’s the same in life and in the church. Anywhere where you have a group of people living and working together disagreements and conflict will be inevitable. In other words, “Conflict is normal,” even in a Christian context. There is no marriage, no family, no business, no team, where conflict doesn’t happen. Secondly, conflict is neutral! It has the potential to be destructive but it also has the potential for learning important lessons, deepening of relationships and can be the seedbed for positive change. What’s important is not whether we have conflict- we will! What’s important is how we handle it! The good news is that we can all develop the necessary skills to help us deal with conflict. What’s more we’ll discover that the bible can provide us with lots of good advice. That’s one reason why reading and thinking about this part of the book of Nehemiah can be really helpful to us. For in 2

these verses we will discover how one of the wisest leaders in the world faced a problem of serious conflict within a large group of people that threatened to bring all systems of operation to a complete halt. 2

Conflict must not be ignored- it should be dealt with:

You know conflict was a regular part of the A Team that I mentioned at the beginning of my talk. Each member of the A Team was an expert in their own field. Each of them also had their own serious weaknesses. Added to that was the threat of the bad guys they were trying to defeat and the huge responsibility on their shoulders to try and rescue the innocent victim within a short space of time. All of these things resulted in conflicts between different members of the team. It was normal. But what was also really interesting was that they never allowed conflict to stop them from working together to get the job done. Sometimes when BA Barracus was refusing to get on the plane, they would put a sleeping pill in his drink. At other times, when conflict arose, their leader Hannibal Smith would step in and give an order to stop the argument or deal with the situation as swiftly and as effectively as possible. That way, despite their problems and arguments, they were able to keep their focus on the main thing- rescuing the people who were in trouble. That’s exactly what we see Nehemiah doing in his situation. When everyone else in Israel were about to give up working on the walls and possibly start a serious fight with each other, Nehemiah kept his head and dealt swiftly with the situation. He refused to allow this internal conflict to go on until it reached a point when it would be unresolvable. And so he gathered everyone together for a meeting to discuss the issues. There’s a second really important lesson for us to learn here about conflict. It is simply this. While conflict is normal and while it has the potential to bring about positive change, it must not be allowed to go on for a long time. It must not be ignored. A good leader should not be surprised by or afraid of conflict but they need to deal with it as soon as possible. If we ignore the conflicts in our lives and don’t do anything to address them, the danger is that they will destroy our relationships with other people and create in us a deep-seated sense of resentment and bitterness that only forgiveness will heal. In the church, in our homes, in our neighbourhoods and in our workplaces conflict is inevitable. Don’t be surprised by it, don’t be afraid of it. But don’t ignore it. Do something to try and resolve it. For most of us, that’s the bit that we are most unsure of. We know conflict is normal. We know we should not ignore it. But most of us aren’t very sure of how best to go about it. Well if that’s how you feel, you are in good company. If that’s how you feel the good news is that the bible has lots of good lessons to help us to learn how to deal with conflict when it arises.

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How do we Deal with Conflict? i)

Remember that every conflict involves 3 things- the personalities, strong emotions and the main issues.

One day, Sarah stormed in through the front door, barely leaving it on its hinges. She threw her bag in the corner of the room and stomped up the stairs slamming her bedroom door. Within a few seconds the air was filled with the deafening sound of her favourite band! If you were Sarah’s mum or dad you would be thinking- “There’s a problem!” This little story illustrates for us that in any situation of conflict we will discover that there are usually a number of different factors involved. The first thing that alerts us to a possible problem or situation of conflict is the behaviour of the person- in this case the slamming of doors, the refusal to speak to anyone etc. But as well as a change in behaviour, conflict also has a major impact on feelings. It’s not hard to imagine what sort of feelings Sarah might have been experiencing. The reason the person is feeling so strongly and reacting in such a strange way is obviously because there’s been an issue, something has happened. Very often issues involve more than one person. The likelihood therefore is that relationships are also a part of the conflict puzzle. It is very likely that someone else may be involved in Sarah’s issue. In other words, what I’m really trying to say is that in any conflict it’s really important to remember that there are always 3 things involved- there are the people, all of whom may have strong personalities, there are the emotions which can be equally heated and there are the issues. That was certainly the case for Nehemiah. There were lots of different people involved. Emotions were running very high because of the seriousness of the circumstances and there were the issues that were causing this conflict such as famine, having to rebuild the walls, the threat of enemy attack and the issue of exploitation of poor Jewish families by their richer brothers and sisters. As leader Nehemiah was not unaffected by this conflict. The very fact that he was leader meant that many people were coming to him and telling him about the issues. Initially when he heard the reports he became very angry. We read in v6 “When I heard their outcry and these words I became very angry!” ii)

Try to park the personalities and the strong emotions and focus on the main issues.

This initial response was completely understandable and quite legitimate given the selfishness, greed and insensitivity of the people. But to his credit, Nehemiah shows great wisdom in what he does next. Rather than take immediate action in a fit of rage, he takes some time out, he gets control of his emotions and he does some

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serious thinking about the issues that are involved and how they might be resolved. He describes this in v7 where he says, “I consulted with myself.” The Hebrew word translated ‘consult’ here literally means ‘to give oneself advice’ or ‘to counsel oneself’. In order to get all the facts, Nehemiah got distance on the problem. This enabled him to calm down. It also helped him to get perspective on the total problem before deciding what to do. That’s a really important lesson for us too. When conflict arises and our emotions are running high it is so easy to react too quickly or say something on the spur of the moment which actually makes things worse. We must resist that temptation. It is much better to take time out, to try to set aside our strong feelings, to set aside our personality differences that we might have with the other people involved and to focus clearly on what the real issues are. iii)

Talk with the person you have conflict with personally or bring a group of people together who are involved in conflict to talk about the issues.

The next thing Nehemiah does is also very wise. He calls a meeting and gathers everybody together who is affected by the issues so it might be resolved in an arena where everyone can hear what’s being said and where it can be discussed openly and frankly. In v7 we read, “So I called together a large meeting to deal with them.” Once he has everyone gathered together Nehemiah explains to them what has been happening, how some people have been ignoring God’s guiding principles and how these injustices have been affecting their Jewish brothers and sisters. So he says in vs 8-11 “As far as possible, we have bought back our Jewish brothers who were sold into slavery to non-Jewish people. Now you are selling your brothers into slavery again, so that they will have to be bought back a second time. Only this time you are selling them to your own Jewish brothers! What you are doing is not right. Shouldn’t you walk in the fear of God to avoid the reproach of people who are not Jews? I and my brothers and my men are also lending people money and grain. But we should stop imposing interest rates! Give back to your brothers immediately their fields, vineyards, olive groves and houses and whatever money you have taken from them as interest payments in terms of grain, new wine and oil.” The next lesson we learn here from Nehemiah is the importance of getting people together in a forum where issues that are causing conflict can be discussed constructively. Jesus gives similar advice in Matthew’s gospel. There he is talking about how we should deal with situations of conflict between ourselves and one other person. When this happens, often our first reaction is to talk to other people, usually people whom we know will take our side, rather than talking to the person themselves. The problem with this is that it can spread the conflict so wide that people start taking sides and a major division occurs. As a consequence relationships are destroyed between a large group of people rather than two individuals. In contrast Jesus commands us to take a different approach when someone has said or done something to hurt us or where we know we have done something to hurt someone else. Having studied Jesus’ words in this passage let me give you a few pointers as to how I think we can best resolve personal conflicts that we have with an individual person, whether that’s at home in work or in church. 5

First of all- take the initiative by acknowledging that there is an issue causing conflict for you or where you have hurt someone else, rather than brushing it under the carpet. Approach the other person, but as you do that be aware of your own baggage. We may have personal feelings and perspectives that are causing us to view the issue or the person in a particular way. It’s also advisable for us to approach the other person and arrange a time when you can both talk, after a period of time out, rather than dealing with it immediately. You or the other person may need time to cool down. The other person may be unaware that there is a problem and need time to think before discussing. Speak directly to the person. Don’t phone, don’t write a letter and resist the temptation to talk to other people about it. Think beforehand about what you want to say so that you can express how and why you feel and enable the other person to understand. Speak to the other person privately so that no other people will be involved. That will mean choosing a good time and place. Allow enough time. Choose a place which is neutral, where you won’t be disturbed and where you won’t feel trapped. When you do meet, speak to the other person humbly. Don’t focus on the other person’s character. Don’t blame them or tell them what should be done. Focus on the issue or the behaviour rather than personality. Be specific and give specific examples. Listen carefully. Give the other person time to talk and find out how they feel. Let them see that you are listening and are glad that you are both talking together. Give information (about how you see the problem). Talk it through, even the difficult areas that bother you. Don’t forget to ask them if there is something you have said or done which has hurt them or if there is anything else that needs to be discussed. Agree on the best way forward and be specific about what you have agreed. It’s also useful to have a rain check- Meet up again privately a few weeks down the line just to see how things have been improving. If we follow Jesus’ model, in 99% of cases this will help us to resolve our conflicts and in the process it may actually bring us closer in our relationship with other people. It will also help to prevent conflicts spreading between larger groups of people in the family, the organisation or the church. The rest of us have a role to play as well in helping other people to resolve their personal conflicts. We can do this by refusing to get involved and by refusing to take sides. So when Shirley comes to you with a complaint about George, politely say to Shirley, “I think you need to talk to George about that.” In Nehemiah’s situation the conflict had spread so far and wide that it was affecting the entire Israelite community. That’s why he called a congregational meeting as it were. There’s another lesson for us here also. When conflicts arise within a group situation it is wise for us to call a meeting or to set up a forum where all the people affected by the conflict can look at the issues involved in order to resolve the conflict effectively. It’s also important that minsters and anyone in leadership create groups where people can talk and discuss and deal with issues in a constructive way and that will progress the work rather than bringing it to a standstill. This is one of the things I will be trying to promote within Fisherwick. Our hope is to create a few steering groups for different aspects of church life like a Children’s ministry steering group, a youth ministry steering and a student ministry steering group and a worship steering group. These groups are not being set up because there are lots of issues that need to be resolved but in order that people involved in these areas of church life can communicate, provide pastoral support for each other and find a constructive 6

environment to bring their ideas and their concerns which can them be addressed collectively and effectively. 4

Leading by example helps us to resolve conflict:

When Nehemiah gathers the congregation together in one sense he just tells them straight-“You have been treating each other badly, now you need to stop and you need to start loving each other again in the way God has commanded.” I am really impressed at how the people respond. In v 12 we read them saying, “We will give it back and we will not demand any more from them we will do as you say.” How was Nehemiah able to command such respect that a large group of people were willing to follow his lead in this way? Well I think the answer is because of Nehemiah’s integrity. For one thing we read that he got alongside them and helped them in the work. The other thing is that even though as ruling Governor of the area he was entitled to an extravagant food allowance, because the people he was working with were in such need he decided not to use those privileges and not to demand extra payment or extra food supplies from the people he was working with. He could see that they were struggling and despite that they were working hard to rebuild the walls. To gain their respect and to honour their efforts Nehemiah deliberately chose to work alongside them and to try his best not to be an extra burden on them. He people saw this integrity in their leader and as a result when he said “Jump!” they responded with “How high?” There’s a final really important lesson for us here. If we want to advise people about life, about faith or to lead them in any way, including giving them advice about how to resolve conflict, then we need to gain their respect. The only way to do that is to work hard and to live a life of integrity over an extended period of time. That way, they will trust us and be willing to take our advice. Conclusion: “If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team." That’s how every episode of the A Team began. The truth is in life we all have problems. Some of those problems will be conflicts. When that happens we don’t need the A Team. But we do have the example of Nehemiah and the words of Jesus. Through them we learn that conflict is normal but that it’s important to deal with it. To do that effectively we must remember that every conflict involves the people, the emotions and the issues. We must learn to focus on the issues and to set aside our personality differences and control our emotions. If our conflict is with one person then we should talk to them privately and sensitively so that we may resolve the issue instead of talking to other people behind their back. If the conflict involves a group of people then it’s wise to set up a meeting of everyone involved so that the issues can be discussed and resolved constructively. If we want to be able to lead people through issues of conflict then we need to live a life of integrity so that they can trust us and take our advice. 7