What Is Love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Written: Sent: Taught: February 14, 2016

First Baptist Ft. Lauderdale Center Point Church

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What Is Love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Bob: Question: If I’m not married, is this message for me?” My Dad and Baseball

Rosemary: This topic is also pivotal to our faith And our interaction with the people around us.

1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 But anyone who does not love does not know God — for God is love. NLT

1 John 3:10 So now we can tell who are children of God and who are children of the Devil. Anyone who does not obey God's commands and does not love other Christians does not belong to God. NLT

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1. What does it really mean to love another person? Love: -seems to be a difficult word for our culture to define

People in my office: I don't feel like I love her anymore I must not love him...I don't have any feelings left

-used very interestingly when talking about marriage "love at first sight" "fell in love" -used interchangeable -romance -infatuation -just plain want "I love chocolate!"

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But are they defining LOVE properly??? Have you ever heard people say they don't like something Yet they've never tried it. Perhaps our culture has mixed up love for something else Perhaps we don't really know what it means to LOVE The One who created LOVE Has also told us what it is

God defines Love for us It's not some illusive energy that we can't figure out He tells us in 1 Corinthians

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LOVE DEFINED BY GOD

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient,

Love in Greek; agape (ag-ah'-pay); love, affection or benevolence; specially (plural) a love-feast: KJV - (feast of) charity (Strongs Concordance: Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright © 1994, 2003 Biblesoft, Inc. and International Bible Translators, Inc.)

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23

gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. ESV

Ephesians 4:2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3

eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. ESV 5

Ephesians 5:2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. ESV

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives , just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her NIV agapao (ag-ap-ah'-o);

Back to our verse 1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient,

love is kind.

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

it is not proud.

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It is not rude,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

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Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

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It always protects, Job 31:1 "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust upon a young woman. NLT

always trusts,

always hopes,

always perseveres. 8

Love never fails. 7

Love never fails???

But people in my office have told me that Love failed We've got a problem here. A problem of definition Our culture tells us love is a FEELING Something you can lose

God's definition, however, tells us it's a CHOICE Something you choose to do. This "thing" called LOVE It's obviously the key ingredient in the marriage and all our other relationships But what is it. How does MAN define love

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2. We have confused “love” with other words in our culture: LOVE DEFINED BY MAN

a. Is it the same as romance? Music "I want You" "I need You" "I can't get along without you" Romance is significant, but it seems to conflict with love Self centered Candle light in the dorm. Is it the same as Infatuation? But those feelings change It said in the definition that real love never fails

b. Is it a feeling? But feelings fluctuate “Love never ends”

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c. Does it happen in stages?

3. There are probably five distinct stages of the marriage relationship. STAGE 1 Honeymoon stage (could also be called THE FEELING STAGE) Passion stage -infatuation -romance -life is really very simple -we "love each other" -my new spouse isn't exactly what I want or thought he/she would be like -but that's okay...I'll change him In this stage spouses are confident they will e able to change their new spouse In fact Change is the prevailing Idea When the Feelings wane... 10

STAGE 2: The Disillusioned Stage This is a stage every marriage must travel through Time of waking up Looking at the marriage more realistically The honeymoon is over It becomes difficult to face the reasons for the tensions in the relationship Blame stage: Blame other person for the conflicts Blame other person for not meeting your needs Quiet thought: "Perhaps I've made a mistake" That's because we don't yet understand what real love is Instead of facing the problem That we have married real people WE face off with each other. Three options at this stage of the marriage: 1) Some couples re-evaluate their marriage and take steps to deal with the differences 2) Some settle 3) some quit 11

Stage 3 The Misery Stage For those who settle... "That's just the way He is" Stop working on the marriage Blessed are the peace KEEPERS NO! Blessed are the peace MAKERS

At this stage: Communication is dead Sexual relationship is dead One spouse might not even know the other is in this stage. Attitude becomes: "I will love you when you love me." Many times one spouse doesn't even know that the other spouse is in this stage.

Disengaged stage

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STAGE 4 The Choose Stage Generally at this stage ONE SPOUSE Chooses to Love If our marriages were still arranged by our parents we would be better able to understand this concept -Of choosing to love After spending a period of time trying to change a partner -CHANGE SELF -Work on marriage your self This is the beginning of real LOVE Examine other person's needs and attempt to meet them Start with: "I love you" "I am sorry" "I want to make this marriage the best it can be" "What can I do?" Change doesn't come over night Might be rejected Taken advantage of

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STAGE 5 The Real Love Stage The individual accepts their spouse the way he is Not for: What she could be When he does this When he fixes this area Acceptance makes possible a love with NO PRE-REQUISITES Real communication can begin Romance can be rekindled "I choose" Choose to accept each other as imperfect people. Choose: Cleave – choose to go to. Forgiveness

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Log in the eye

Story of the GIRL FROM INDIA whose marriage was being arranged

How do you love like that? How do you get past being controlled by feelings? To choosing to Love

4. The real definition of love is a litmus test for me. (I Corinthians 13:4-8) Let's look at God's definition again: This definition is the LITMUS test -am I mature enough -It's not a condition -It's not a feeling -It's an action I must take Grade yourself 1 thru 5

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1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 4

__ I am patient,

__ I am kind.

__ I do not envy,

__ I do not boast,

__ I am not proud.

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__ I am not rude, (doesn't behave gracelessly)

__ I am not self-seeking,

__ I am not easily angered,

__ I keeps no record of wrongs. an accountants term, store up records of wrongs, - I FORGIVE 16

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__ I do not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Desert: Humming bird flies over & finds the flower on the cactus Vulture: finds the dead carcusses What do you look for in your marriage

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__ I always protects, Job 31:1 I made a covenant with God not to look lustfully at girls Protect your marriage by protecting your eyes & thoughts What little foxes do you need to Protect your marriage from Are there Friendships Are there commitments

__ I always trusts,

__ I always hopes,

__ I will always persevere 17

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__ I will never fail you.

Wow! That's a real commitment That's a lot more than... Feelings That's an action I need to take

5. The Bible uses several words for love. Love in the Greek: EROS Close to our idea of Romance "Erotic" "I love you for what you do for me"

PHILOS Brotherly love: Philadelphia Friendship love Shared by two people who have a common commitment in their lives

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AGAPE Love given by God Unconditional love VALUE CREATING LOVE The object of love is made precious by agape Agape doesn't consider whether or not the person being loved is attractive or worthy of love Instead, the person becomes attractive & worthy, because of being loved Eros says: "I love you because you are precious and beautiful."

Agape says: "You are precious and beautiful because I love you." Baby

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There needs to be a balance of all 3 Eros is very strong at the beginning of marriage -when there’s a lot of passion -it does fade however Eros quickly fades Philos needs to be developed – Friendship/companionship As the marriage grows in years They might have a strong Philos - companionship But they’ve let the Eros fade – Eros can fade in the day to day mundane business of our lives They There is a need to rekindle the Eros - to keep passion alive

The 2 are tied together by Agape

Eros says: "I love you because you are precious and beautiful." Agape says: "You are precious and beautiful because I love you."

If you've had a BABY You've experienced this kind of love

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Velveteen Rabbit Two stuffed animals – talking An old skin horse stuffed animal and a brand new stuffed Rabbit The word “Real” instead of the word “love” “What is Real? Asked the rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?” “Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become REAL.” “Does it hurt,” asked the Rabbit? “Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are rael you don’t mind being hurt.” “Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?” “It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are REAL, most of your hair has been loved off, your eyes drop out, you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are REAL you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” “I suppose you are real?” said the Rabbit. And then he wished he hadn’t said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled. 21

The boy’s uncle made me Real,” he said. “That was many years ago; but once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

6. You love by choosing to love It's a verb An action you take toward another person

Bear.

Agape: That’s us That’s me...the way I dream of being loved by my spouse

The Creator of love did that He chose to love you God loved you so much that he did what? He saw your need Your sin that separated you from Him 22

Your sin that blocked the way for you to get to heaven

He loved you so much that He chose to pay the debt for YOUR sin God sent His only begotten son God CHOSE to send His son God chose to love you For God so loved you that He sent his only begotten son so that whoever would believe in Him would never perish but have everlasting life. God Chose to love you God chose to make it possible for you to receive eternal life God chose What about you? The next step 23

is for you to choose to believe God The next step is for you to love God It's not a feeling It's a decision.

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What Is Love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

1. What does it really mean to love another person? 2. We’ve confused “love” with other words in our culture: a. Is it the same as romance? b. Is it a feeling? c. Does it happen in stages?

3. There are probably five distinct Stages of the marriage relationship. Stage 1: Honeymoon stage Stage 2: Disillusioned Stage Stage 3: Misery Stage Stage 4: Choose Stage Stage 5: Real Love Stage

4. The real definition of love is a litmus test for me. (I Corinthians 13:4-8) ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

I am patient I am kind I do not boast I am not proud I am not rude I am not self-seeking I am not easily angered I keep not record of wrongs I do not delight in evil but rejoice in the truth I always protect I always trust I always hope I will always persevere I will never fail you

5. The Bible uses several different words for love. 6. You love by choosing to love

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What Is Love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

1. What does it really mean to love a______ p_______? 2. We’ve confused “love” with other words in our culture: a. Is it the same as r________? b. Is it a f______? c. Does it happen in s______?

3. There are probably five distinct Stages of the marriage relationship. Stage 1: H_________ stage Stage 2: D_________ Stage Stage 3: M_______ Stage Stage 4: C_____ Stage Stage 5: R____ L____ Stage

4. The real definition of love is a litmus test for me. (I Corinthians 13:4-8) ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

I am patient I am kind I do not boast I am not proud I am not rude I am not self-seeking I am not easily angered I keep not record of wrongs I do not delight in evil but rejoice in the truth I always protect I always trust I always hope I will always persevere I will never fail you

5. The Bible uses several different words for love. 6. You love by c______ to love 26