Dear Dental Fairies This is the last newsletter for 2012. Once again it was great to “meet” you all. I will e-mail your certificates to you as you finish the newsletters. If you have done all your newsletters and have not received a certificate by December, please contact me. We will start again with our CPD program in March 2013. If you join us before May 1st, the membership fee stays R350. Thereafter it will be R450. Please send suggestions for newsletters and topics to me. I would like to tailor make the program for you. The video clip at the end is there to help us count our blessings, but not for the fainthearted! Enjoy summer! Groete Carin

Communication Our lives are filled with relationships, whether it is between you and your partner, your family, your boss, your colleagues and your patients. It is built on the messages we send and receive from each other. Unfortunately the message we send is not always received as it was intended originally. A good example was when a new fuel tanker arrived on location somewhere in the Middle East. The site manager told the fleet supervisor (from different cultural background) to ensure that the tanker is clearly labeled “Diesel Fuel” and “No Smoking” in Arabic. This is what he got:

These lines don’t just cross between different cultures and languages, it also cross between different sexes and generations. Anyone ever living with a teenager can vow for that.

Gender Differences in Communication Communication is the means by which ideas and information are spread from person to person. People use communication to express feelings, emotions, opinions and values, to learn and teach, and to improve their status. Communication is therefore vital to human interaction. The differences and characteristics of those involved in any interaction can thus affect communication. Good communication is difficult to master and can be a major source of strife in any situation or business. Gaps in communication arise when the intended message is not transmitted or the message is misunderstood. Miscommunication is mainly due to the different styles of communication amongst people. In order to understand the differences of communication patterns we should begin by considering the different elements of the communication process between the sender of the information and receiver. In any form of communication, the sender has a message to transmit that becomes encoded. The receiver obtains this encoded message via some medium or channel e.g. verbal, nonverbal or written, which is then decoded and translated. Imagine the situation of an English speaker in Japan. For effective communication either one or both parties should be able to understand and communicate in the language of the other. This is verbal communication Good and effective communication can therefore be affected by many things including the situation, time, culture, and gender. The assertion that gender affects

communication in different ways has been accepted by a large part of the population today. There are different views regarding gender and gender communication, and for the purpose of this newsletter we will not analyse it in depth. If you are interested in the analyses, please read the full article. Dr. Lillian Glass (1992) noted over 105 sex talk differences in her book. Her findings are similar to those of Coates where she noted that men disclosed less personal information and spoke more loudly than women do. She stated that men use the technique of loudness to emphasize points, while women use pitch and inflection for emphasis. Other findings were that men tended to interrupt more often than women do, make direct accusations and statements, and ask fewer questions. Generally, the communication style of women has been described as being more emotional than men. Women focus on feelings and building relationships while men focus on power, and status. This is also shown in problem solving, where men take a straightforward approach compared with women who tend to establish intimacy, show concern and empathy. Additionally women are also seen to foster cooperation rather than competition. The evidence shows that men are more talkative than women in mixed-sex groups (Eckes, 2000). Many linguists will have us believe that women are more talkative than men. Women are also considered to interrupt conversations and finish sentences. However there are studies that contradict the idea of interruptions as the domain of women. (!!) To read the full article, go to: http://www.bodylanguageuniversity.com/public/213.cfm Here follows an abstract on Non-verbal communication from: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq6_nonverbal_communication.htm

What is nonverbal communication and body language? It is an unconscious language that broadcasts our true feelings and intentions in any given moment, and clues us in to the feelings and intentions of those around us. When we interact with others, we continuously give and receive wordless signals. All of our nonverbal behaviors—the gestures we make, the way we sit, how fast or how loud we talk, how close we stand, how much eye contact we make—send strong messages. These messages don’t stop when you stop speaking either. Even when you’re silent, you’re still communicating nonverbally.

Oftentimes, what we say and what we communicate through body language are two totally different things. When faced with these mixed signals, the listener has to choose whether to believe your verbal or nonverbal message, and, in most cases, they’re going to choose nonverbal . Why nonverbal communication matters The way you listen, look, move, and react tells the other person whether or not you care, if you’re being truthful, and how well you’re listening. When your nonverbal signals match up with the words you’re saying, they increase trust, clarity, and rapport. When they don’t, they generate tension, mistrust, and confusion. If you want to communicate better in all areas of your life, it’s important to become more sensitive to body language and other nonverbal cues, so you can be more in tune with the thoughts and feelings of others. You also need to be aware of the signals you’re sending off, so you can be sure that the messages you’re sending are what you really want to communicate. Nonverbal communication cues can play five roles:     

Repetition: they can repeat the message the person is making verbally Contradiction: they can contradict a message the individual is trying to convey Substitution: they can substitute for a verbal message. For example, a person's eyes can often convey a far more vivid message than words and often do Complementing: they may add to or complement a verbal message. A boss who pats a person on the back in addition to giving praise can increase the impact of the message Accenting: they may accent or underline a verbal message. Pounding the table, for example, can underline a message.

Source: The Importance of Effective Communication, Edward G. Wertheim, Ph.D. Types of nonverbal communication and body language Facial expressions Facial expressions are universal. The facial expressions for happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear, and disgust are the same across cultures. Body movements and posture This type of nonverbal communication includes your posture, bearing, stance, and subtle movements. Gestures We wave, point, beckon, and use our hands when we’re arguing or speaking animatedly—expressing ourselves with gestures often without thinking. However, the meaning of gestures can be very different across cultures and regions, so it’s important to be careful to avoid misinterpretation.

Eye contact The way you look at someone can communicate many things, including interest, affection, hostility, or attraction. Eye contact is also important in maintaining the flow of conversation and for gauging the other person’s response. Touch Think about the messages given by the following: a firm handshake, a timid tap on the shoulder, a warm bear hug, a reassuring pat on the back, a patronizing pat on the head, or a controlling grip on your arm. Space We all have a need for physical space, although that need differs depending on the culture, the situation, and the closeness of the relationship. You can use physical space to communicate many different nonverbal messages, including signals of intimacy, aggression, dominance, or affection. Voice It’s not just what you say; it’s how you say it. When we speak, other people “read” our voices in addition to listening to our words. Things they pay attention to include your timing and pace, how loud you speak, your tone and inflection, and sounds that convey understanding, such as “ahh” and “uh-huh.” Think about how tone of voice, for example, can indicate sarcasm, anger, affection, or confidence. Nonverbal communication can’t be faked You may be familiar with advice on how to sit a certain way, steeple your fingers, or shake hands just so in order to appear confident or assert dominance. But the truth is that such tricks aren’t likely to work (unless you truly feel confident and in charge). That’s because you can’t control all of the signals you’re constantly sending off about what you’re really thinking and feeling. And the harder you try, the more unnatural your signals are likely to come across. How nonverbal communication can go wrong Unfortunately, many people send confusing or negative nonverbal signals without even knowing it. When this happens, both connection and trust are damaged.

Setting the stage for effective nonverbal communication Nonverbal communication is a rapidly flowing back-and-forth process. Successful nonverbal Communication depends on your ability to manage stress, recognize your own emotions, and understand the signals you’re sending and receiving. This requires your full concentration and attention. If you are planning what you’re going to say next, daydreaming, or thinking about something else, you are almost certain to miss nonverbal cues and other

subtleties in the conversation. You need to stay focused on the moment-to-moment experience in order to fully understand what’s going on. To improve nonverbal communication, learn to manage stress Learning how to manage stress in the heat of the moment is one of the most important things you can do to improve your nonverbal communication. Stress compromises your ability to communicate. When you’re stressed out, you’re more likely to misread other people, send confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior. Furthermore, emotions are contagious. Your upset is very likely to trigger upset in others, making a bad situation worse. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by stress, it’s best to take a time out. Take a moment to calm down before you jump back into the conversation. Once you’ve regained your emotional equilibrium, you’ll be better equipped to deal with the situation in a positive way. We will start next year with a newsletter on Stress Management. Tips for reading body language and nonverbal communication Once you’ve developed your abilities to manage stress and recognize emotions, you’ll naturally become better at reading the nonverbal signals sent by others. 

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Pay attention to inconsistencies. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said. Is the person is saying one thing, and their body language something else? For example, is the sender making a promise, but avoiding eye contact while sweating excessively? Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don’t read too much into a single gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you are receiving, from eye contact to tone of voice and body language. Taken together, are their nonverbal cues consistent—or inconsistent— with what their words are saying? Trust your instincts. Don’t dismiss your gut feelings. If you get the sense that someone isn’t being honest or that something isn’t adding up, you may be picking up on a mismatch between verbal and nonverbal cues.

Evaluating nonverbal signals Eye contact Is eye contact being made? If so, is it overly intense or just right? Facial expression Is it masklike and unexpressive, or emotionally present and filled with interest? Tone of voice Does their voice project warmth, confidence, and interest, or is it strained and blocked? Posture and gesture Are their bodies relaxed or stiff and immobile? Are shoulders tense and raised, or slightly sloped? Touch Is there any physical contact? Is it appropriate to the situation? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Intensity Do they seem flat, cool, and disinterested, or over-the-top and melodramatic? Timing and pace Is there an easy flow of information back and forth? Do nonverbal responses come too quickly or too slowly? Sounds Do you hear sounds that indicate caring or concern?

As you continue to pay attention to the nonverbal cues and signals you send and receive, your ability to communicate will improve. Should you be interested in a full communication in the dental surgery exercise, look at this link below: http://www.oxforddeanery.nhs.uk/pdf/Effective%20Communication%20Workbook.pdf

In his book Business Etiquette: A Guide For The Indian Professional Shital Kakkar Mehra writes:

How to nurture relationships Business is about relationships. To be successful in your professional life, nurturing relationships is critical — they promote productivity, improve speed of doing business, create referral networks and are much cheaper than any marketing tool. Time spent on building relationships is an investment, with great ROI! To build relationships, follow these tips:

Prioritize: Focus on developing skills that build long-term bonds, e.g. displaying professionalism, respecting others' time, remaining calm and displaying maturity in all your interactions. Clearly, being personable is a career skill - people will always enjoy talking to you!

Invest time: Spend time understanding people, their business, its challenges and their personal stories, making it easier to build lasting bonds. Honesty and Ethics: If you've promised something, deliver on it and if unable to do so, confess ahead of the deadline. Secondly, always provide factual information regardless of how bleak it appears. While people may get upset, they'll respect your honesty, building lasting trust. Listen: Lend them your ears and learn about their interests/needs. Listening offers you quick insights into what motivates them and helps you connect better. Create win-win: Keep communication channels open and clear the air quickly, in case of a conflict. Also, take the initiative to connect with people who have diverse interests and generously link them with others in your network.

Keep in touch: Frequently meet with the important people in your network to show that you value them. Use technology to stay connected, e.g. an occasional email link to an interesting article or a quick phone call to inquire about their wellbeing shows you care. Nurturing relationships is a lot like farming. Like plants, relationships too need investment of time, energy, resources and plenty of care to finally bear fruit!

Questions: 1. Miscommunication is mainly due to the different styles of communication amongst people 2. Females disclosed less personal information and spoke more loudly than men. 3. Woman show more empathy in communication. 4. Men are more talkative than women in mixed-sex groups. 5. If the verbal and non-verbal messages that we send are not the same, the listener will be prone to believe the verbal message. 6. Non-verbal communication can repeat the message the person is making verbally. 7. Non-verbal communication can accentuate the message the person is making verbally. 8. Non-verbal communication can “speak” without words or movement. 9. Stress has a negative impact on communication skills. 10. Chinese people express fear different from Westerners. 11. The meaning of gestures can be very different across cultures and regions. 12. Nonverbal communication can be faked. 13. For maximum benefit of nonverbal communication, plan what you’re going to say next. 14. Never trust your gut feel in communication. 15. Eye contact can be overly intense. 16. Time spend understanding people and their personal stories, making it easier to build lasting bonds. 17. People respect honesty. 18. Listening offers you quick insights into what motivates patients and helps you connect better. 19. In case of conflict, avoid contact. 20. Take the initiative to connect with people who have diverse interests and generously link them with others in your network.

Take a break and watch this. tomorrow morning!

You will feel grateful when you enter your surgery

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