Lindsey Sivaslian
ENG 653 Error Analysis 1
April 8, 2013
Error Analysis #1: Sentence Boundary (Run-on Sentences and Unfocused Sentences with Multiple Clauses) I. Student Data and Description Hanako is in her third year of University at SFSU and is majoring in Recreation, Parks, and Tourism. She came from Japan just after completing high school and is now in her third year of college. She is enrolled in ENG 214: Second Year English Composition. The skills focused on in this class are expository-argumentative composition and critical reading skills through the study of literature. Through a journal entry she submitted I learned from her that this is the only such writing class she is required to take for her major. This professor referred her to the English Tutoring Center and she was assigned to me after she submitted her first essay, “Myself, the English Writer”. Upon contacting her professor, I learned that he was very frustrated with her level of performance and was concerned he’d have to fail her if she didn’t show signs of serious improvement. He shared that he was tired of arguing with international students who he believed should be in ESL classes but insist on being in the general English composition classes instead. Over the course of the semester, Hanako has shown great improvement and an ability to remember and apply key concepts from her classes and tutoring. She is easy to work with and shows great potential! Hanako has many positive affective features toward English that began with early exposure to English in Japan. Her father is an English teacher there and from the time of her childhood always spoke to her in English and provided other auditory simulants (like cartoons). While her listening skills grew this way, her speaking and writing skills had yet to be cultivated. For this reason, in tutoring sessions Hanako can often identify her own errors when read out loud and they sit uncomfortably with her, but she is often unable to discern why. She is hoping to use her English skills in the tourism industry in Japan upon graduating and so is highly motivated to make the best use of her time and classes in the states to further her chances of success in that field. II. Error Identification From Hanako’s essay and journal writing samples a whole host of errors became evident. It was difficult to know where to start. A lengthy analysis revealed certain errors to be more 1
Lindsey Sivaslian
ENG 653 Error Analysis 1
April 8, 2013
prevalent than others. From three one-page typed journals and two three-page typed essays analyzed, particularly salient errors were as follows: 27 collocation errors, 29 prepositional errors, 29 adverbial errors, 45 singular/plural errors, 15 ambiguous subject errors, and 19 sentence boundary errors. I concluded that of all the errors, the sentence boundary errors were the most global errors interfering with the overall meaning of her writing and thus should have a higher priority for correction. Her professor likewise listed it as one of the major concerns he saw in her writing. Lane & Lange (1993) state that giving priority to such errors is a must because of their obviousness and hindrance of meaning. Between her two journal entries (each one typed page) and one essay (three typed pages) I analyzed, I found that 30% of her sentences contained at least one form of sentence boundary issues. I identified 3 different ways Hanako had made these sentence boundary errors: (1) unfocused, multi-clause sentences, (2) comma splices, and (3) and punctuation and conjunction omitted run-on sentences (run-on sentences). The following sentences illustrate the following errors according to the corresponding number listed above: Example Error 1: When I work with group members, I tend to be a listener because I do not want to miss anything and it takes time to translate in my head, but I noticed that it would not help my speaking skill and if I did not change, it will be harder to tell them own opinion. Corrected Example 1A: When I work with group members, I tend to me a listener because I do not want to miss anything. It takes time to translate in my head, but I noticed that it(being a listener) would not help my speaking skill. If I did not change, it will be harder to tell them (my) own opinion. Corrected Example 1B: When I work with group members I tend to be a listener. I do not want to miss anything and it takes time to translate in my head. But I noticed that it (being a listener) would not help my speaking skill. So if I did not change, it will be harder to tell them (my) opinion. Example Error 2: However, the US is different, especially when a movie has fighting scenes, most of the people laugh and get very excited. Corrected Example 2: However, the US is different. Especially when a movie has fighting scenes, most of the people laugh and get very excited. Example Error 3: It is hard for me to write in English I used to live in the different environment such as language, study styles, culture which builds people’s opinions, and etc.
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Lindsey Sivaslian
ENG 653 Error Analysis 1
April 8, 2013
Corrected Example 3: It is hard for me to write in English. I used to live in the different environment such as language, study styles, culture which builds people’s opinions, and etc. Example Error 4: From this class, I found that it is hard for me to have very strong opinion and write it, and also hard to figure out how to make better essay because I did not understand which was good part and bad part in my essay though the teacher taught me. Corrected Example 4A: From this class I found that it is hard for me to have very a strong opinion and write it. It is also hard to figure out how to make a better essay … Corrected Example 4B: From this class, I found that it is hard for me to have very strong opinion, to write it, and to figure out how to make a better essay….. III. Error Analysis A. Linguistic Description of the Problem: Hanako has shared with me her desire to be a strong writer. It is evident from her writing that she is reaching high and trying to string complex ideas together without a developed knowledge of how to do so. While not completely random, her error pattern is difficult to identify. It is evident that she has multiple independent and dependent clauses within the same sentence (see example 1), but no one of these sentence boundary error sentences contains the same number and type of clauses (two independent and 3 dependent, one independent and 3 dependent, etc). There are a few different ways to correct Error 1. Hanako has three independent clauses, three dependent clauses, one comma splice, and uses the conjunction “and” twice in place of a period. This is by far her most common style of sentence boundary error. Early on in our tutoring sessions, she shared confusion over semi-colon usage. She learned that it could be used in the place of a period, similar to “and”, to connect independent and related clauses. The variations of multi-clausal errors leads me to conclude that, while she understands how to link dependent and independent clauses, she has not fully grasped how many ideas a sentence should contain. When Hanako has read over some of these sentence errors, she definitely senses that there are errors, but she struggles to know how to get her intended meaning across. This also could account for the length as she is grasping for the words to communicate her thoughts in English. Regarding comma splices (see example 2), since this was only a sentence boundary error three times, its helpful to note that she is frequently utilizing coordinating and subordinating
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Lindsey Sivaslian
ENG 653 Error Analysis 1
April 8, 2013
conjunctions with commas, decreasing the frequency of this kind of error. Error 2 is therefore a mistake error and more straightforward to correct. The comma is simply switched out for a period. This Hanako can self-correct through oral reading. Her main challenge lies in the number of these clauses she links together within the confines of one sentence. Other boundary issues were traditional run-ons (occurring 2) and fragments (with 7 occurrences). Error 3 is what traditional grammaticians refer to as a run-on sentence. Here, two compound sentences are fused together. A simple period separating them will solve the problem. The traditional run-on sentence error only occurred a few times, indicating that Hanako has a stronger handle on the idea of clause content and length, just not how many of them should be making up a sentence. The fragments (see example 4) for the most part lacked a subject and sometimes the verb in a dependent clause. The use of the coordinating conjunction “and” lent to the need for these components, but her intention may have been to create an additional noun phrase or adverbial phrase instead, in which case the error would be in her use of “and”. Listing the verb phrases in the infinitive form in parallel structure also works nicely as a correction. Baine & May (1996) suggest fragments with missing subjects could be a transfer issue from the L1 for Japanese students. B. Relevant Linguistic Rules and Guides 1.) Unfocused sentences from multiple clauses A. Braine & May (1996) offer the following tips for writers with multi-clausal sentences that lose their meaning due to length (paraphrased): 1. Since long and complicated sentences are difficult to construct, limit every sentence to the expression of one or two ideas. 2. If a sentence is getting too long, stop and divide it into shorter sentences. 3. While it’s a good idea to vary sentence length for interest and style, try limiting sentences to 15 words and be careful when going beyond that. B. Yarber & Yarber (2007) state the following about complex sentences and distinguishing clauses that will be of help to my tutee: 1. In complex sentences, writers can shift their ideas around and express more complex ideas with greater precision. They must, however, be able to distinguish independent clauses from dependent clauses.
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Lindsey Sivaslian
ENG 653 Error Analysis 1
April 8, 2013
a. Independent Clause: has a subject and verb; can stand alone as a complete sentence. b. Dependent Clause: has a subject and verb; cannot stand alone as a complete sentence; introduced by subordinating conjunctions and relative pronouns that make them dependent. See Appendix A. C. Dr. Olsher recommended student writers should aim for no more than three clauses per sentence as a rule of thumb. D. The meaning and use of coordinating conjunctions is also important to consider. This will support students in connecting clauses in ways that reflect their intended meaning (Celce-Murcia & Larsen-Freeman, 1999). See Appendix B for chart. 2.) Comma Splice (from Lane & Lange, 1993) A comma splice is a type of run-on sentence in which two independent clauses are incorrectly separated with a comma instead of a period or semicolon. X One option is to listen to music, another option is to watch a video. ✔ One option is to listen to music. Another option is to watch a video. Avoid run-on sentences and comma splices by making sure that complete sentences end with either a (.), a (?), or a (!) or by joining two independent clauses with a coordinating conjunction or a semicolon. 3.) Run-on Sentences (from Lane & Lange, 1993) This is a sentence that consists of two independent clauses without any punctuation. These clauses must be separated by a punctuation mark or be joined with a connecting word. X Living away from home for the first time has been a learning experience for me I have become a much more independent and self-sufficient person. ✔ Living away from home for the first time has been a learning experience for me. I have become a much more independent and self-sufficient person. 4.) Fragments (from Lane & Lange, 1993) Avoid fragments by making sure that your sentences have at least a subject and a main verb and one independent clause. Avoid this by connecting such sentences to an independent clause. X Even though employees generally have a four-day weekend for Thanksgiving.
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Lindsey Sivaslian
ENG 653 Error Analysis 1
April 8, 2013
✔ Even though employees generally have a four-day weekend for Thanksgiving, some will have to remain on call for emergencies. IV. Feedback/Follow Up I would start by showing my tutee 2 or 3 sample error sentences from her own writing typed up in one column and corrected versions in the other column (See Appendix C). Without telling her which side was correct, I would ask the student to read them aloud, consider the different between them, and see if the error column could be deduced. I would then ask her to describe within each sentence what the differences were and why she thought the sentences in the corrected column were better. From there I would ask her to explain to the best of their ability what grammar rules we could deduce from the sample sentences. From there, I would clarify any student questions, teach the formal rules listed above, and introduce the following controlled practice activities (or excerpts, depending on the rate at which my tutee was performing and comprehending the lesson): A. Controlled Practice I would then do one or more of the following activities, as time allowed. 1. Writing from Sources Exercise 4.1 (pg. 58-59) Two long sentences are given below. Rewrite them as shorter sentences using a variety of lengths and structures. But with high unemployment, as Western Europe has today, strong nationalism and criminality tend to grow and immigrants become a target for those who need to have someone to blame for being without a job and for having the same social benefits. Because alternative energy sources such as solar, wind, and hydrogen fuel are showing their potential to replace petroleum and coal, countries and utility companies are encouraged to increase their research funding and investments in alternative energy sources in order to improve efficiency and utilize more nonpolluting energy sources. 2. Reviewing Basic Grammar: Exercise 8.3 (pg. 173-174) See Appendix D B. Communicative Activity For this activity (potentially assigned as homework with a follow-up the next lesson) I would assign my tutee the following writing assignment from Lane & Lange’s (1993) Writing Clearly:
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Lindsey Sivaslian
ENG 653 Error Analysis 1
April 8, 2013
Write about something you have always thought about doing but have never done, perhaps because the opportunity never presented itself or you were afraid or reluctant to carry out your plans. Explain what you have wanted to do and why you would like or would have liked to do it. Once my tutee completed the writing task, I would ask her to do the following: 1. Identify longer sentences and notice the number of clauses, dependent and independent in each. Does each one have an independent clause? If there are too many total clauses (more than 3), consider revision. 2. Do all clauses have a subject and a verb? 3. Do the connectors chosen accurately communicate the relationship between ideas? 4. Consider how many ideas are presented in each of these sentences. If there are more than two, consider revision. 5. Find a friend to read the composition out loud. Where do they stumble on your words? Does anything “feel” awkward to them? Consider revision.
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Lindsey Sivaslian
ENG 653 Error Analysis 1
April 8, 2013
IV. References Braine, G. & May, C. (1996). Writing From Sources: A guide for ESL students. Mountain View, CA: Mayfield Publishing Company Celce-Murcia, M. & Larsen-Freeman, D. (1999). The Grammar Book: An ESL/EFL teacher’s course (2nd ed.). Boston, MA: Heinle Cengage Learning. Lane, J. & Lange, E. (1993). Writing Clearly: An editing guide. Boston, MA: Heinle & Heinle Publishers. Yarber, M.L. & Yarber, R.E. (2007). Reviewing Basic Grammar: A guide to writing sentences and paragraphs (7th ed.). New York, NY: Pearson Longman.
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Lindsey Sivaslian
ENG 653 Error Analysis 1
April 8, 2013
Appendix A ** Source: Yarber and Yarber (2007). Reviewing Basic Grammar.
Most Common Words That Introduce a Dependent Clause
after although as, as if as though because before how if in order to once since so that
than that though unless what, whatever when, whenever where, wherever whether which, whichever while who, whose, whoever whom
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Lindsey Sivaslian
ENG 653 Error Analysis 1
April 8, 2013
Appendix B Source: Celce-Murcia and Larsen Freeman, (1999). The Grammar Book. (p.472)
The Grammar book pg. 472
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Lindsey Sivaslian
ENG 653 Error Analysis 1
April 8, 2013
Appendix C: Student Inductive Grammar Activity Sentences
1. Books have a lot of information and we are able to learn a lot of things from them. I think that they helped me to make my personality. 2. I do not understand why they laugh when they watch a fighting scene. But I learned that they will laugh and I am not surprised anymore. 3. There were many students to watch the movie. I don’t remember the title, but we watched an action movie.
1. Books have a lot of information and we are able to learn a lot of things from them, and I think that they helped me to make my personality. 2. I do not understand why they laugh when they watch a fighting scene, but I learned that they will laugh, and I am not surprised anymore. 3. There were many students to watch the movie, and I don’t remember the title, but we watched an action movie.
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Lindsey Sivaslian
ENG 653 Error Analysis 1
April 8, 2013
Appendix D * Source: Yarber and Yarber, (2007). Reviewing Basic Grammar (p.173-174)
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