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Angry boys and gentle girls?

Syria, Ukraine, Gaza, South Sudan. . . We find ourselves in a time of human disasters. And I cannot help thinking that it is almost always men holding the guns.

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on’t get me wrong. I don’t mean that it is men’s fault, that they are born violent. The problem is of course much bigger than that. Conflicts arise in a historical context and perpetrators act in a cultural setting. Obviously, individual perpetrators need to be accountable for their actions against girls, boys, women and men and we must continue to question the injustices that women and girls face. But an important part of the efforts to combat the violence, is also analyzing how we construct masculinity and femininity, that is, what kind of expectations we have on the different sexes.

photo: per-anders pettersson

Editor’s thoughts

64 % of all children in South Africa live without a father present.

All over the world masculinity is associated with being tough, aggressive, strong, brave, sexually active and dominant. For women, the ideals are quite different. The narrow gender roles become straitjackets, not only for women but also for men. They become obvious not only in conflicts, but also within the family. It is still women who take the primary responsibility for the household and children, this is the case even in a relativly gender equal country like Sweden. In this edition of the magazine we talk about how Save the Children is working all over the world to engage boys and men in a conversation about gender roles and fatherhood, for the benefit of girls and women - and boys and men themselves.

Sophie Arnö Editor in Chief Nepal: gender roles are challenged here. p. 4

PER-ANDERS PETTERSSON is a freelance photographer who lives in South Africa. For this edition, he has documented the work with fatherhood groups in Cape Town. - It was inspiring to meet the Lindela family and Nosicelo Mraqisa and their children. It is rare that you meet a whole family in the townships, fathers often disappear when they find out that the woman is pregnant.

LINDA FORSELL is a freelance photographer based in New York with the whole world as her workplace. -Children are incredibly honest in an unexpected way. It is very rewarding to hear them talk about their fathers, many times they manage to pinpoint and exemplify difficult things. For example, how fathers’ and mothers’ roles traditionally differ.

JÖRGEN HILDEBRANDT is a freelance photographer. For this edition, he has been to Nepal. - I have never experienced such an incredibly welcoming country. Driving in Nepal wasn’t always easy, but the view was amazing. It was wonderful to see the children who are involved in the Save the Children projects, and see the progress these projects bring.

SAVE THE CHILDREN Save the Children fights for children’s rights. We deliver immediate and lasting improvements to children’s lives worldwide. Save the Children Sweden is a membership organization supported by 280 000 members, sponsors and donors. Save the Children Sweden’s main corporate partners are Accenture, the law firm Vinge, Axfood, Clas Ohlson, God El/God Fond, IKEA, Swedish Postcode Lottery, Santa Maria and Swedbank Robur. CHAIRMAN: Inger Ashing SECRETARY GENERAL: Elisabeth Dahlin

Their relationship was saved. p. 20

BARN: Barn is a magazine about children’s rights published­ by Save the Children Sweden with four issues per year. Members and sponsors get free subscriptions. We do not accept responsibility for unsolicited material. The editorial staff reserve the right to edit submitted material, and to publish the material electronically. Reproduction and extracts is permitted provided the text includes a reference to the source. If the article is signed by the author he/she is responsible. ISSN 1404-8965

THE EDITORIAL TEAM: +46 8 698 90 00 EDITOR IN CHIEF: Sophie Arnö, sophie.arno @rb.se THEMATIC ADVISOR (For this Particular English Issue): Laxman Belbase, [email protected] REPORTER: Annika Rydman, [email protected] ART DIRECTOR: Pompe Hedengren DESIGNER: Josefin Gahmberg REPRO: Jeanette Andersson PUBLISHER: Elisabeth Dahlin

Children about their parents. p. 10

SUBSCRIPTION ISSUES: Jessica Juselius, [email protected] + 46 8 698 90 93 ADDRESS: Barn, Rädda Barnen, 107 88 Stockholm Visiting address: Landsvägen 39, Sundbyberg Email : [email protected] Website: www.raddabarnen.se/ tidningenbarn ADS : Sophie Arnö +46 8 698 67 01 COVER PHOTO : Masi Losi

PRINTING: Sörmlands Grafiska, on environment friendly paper, TS- controlled edition of 124 200 copies CONTRIBUTING TO THIS ISSUE: Jonatan Arnö, Johan Augustin, Linda Forsell, Jonas Gratzer, Jörgen Hildebrandt, Per-Anders Pettersson.

CHALLENGING GENDER ROLES Can a girl be loud and domineering? Can a guy come close to tears? These issues are being discussed by children in Nepal’s remote villages. It has had a major impact.

Reejan DC, 15 years old, has become more involved in the household work since he took part in the conversation group for boys. For his mother Chandra Kala it is a great support. »Now I have time to also do other things,« she says.

writer SOPHIE ARNÖ photographer JÖRGEN HILdEBRANDT

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winding road with to fight, etc, says Laxman Belbase. Howeragged edges takes ver boys and men can also be soft, show us to the remote emotions, be loving, fearful, sensitive, villages beyond the and cry. mountains in Surk- We need to bring boys and girls het, one of Nepal’s together, and bridge the gap that separapoorest and most tes them. The goal for both boys and girls remote areas. Once is to learn to listen to each other and to upon a time, criminals were sent here express their own needs and feelings, and as punishment. There are still problems understand each other’s hopes and rights. with poverty, huge gender gap, tension Different forms of gender based between Hindus and Muslims and traffickviolence, sexual violence, masculinities, ing across the border to India. But it is also and gender equality are common topics breathtakingly beautiful with rice paddies for the discussion and reflection in the Child marriage is still common in Nepal’s and blooming yellow mustard fields. groups. poorest areas. Samita, 17, refused when The village Chinchu is located in a -A girl got beaten at home because she her uncles tried to marry her off. broad valley. joined our group. Then we went to her Now she is studying to become -It’s very difficult to be a girl here. home, talked to her parents and explained an engineer. There is a lot of violence and many child the purpose, so now she’s allowed to come marriages, says Rishi Raj Kharel, an old man who is an active here, says Sarasowati Regmi, 13. member of the village child protection committee. Another topic is gender roles. Save the Children has been working in the area for a long time, -Here in Nepal girls are regarded as sub-ordinate to boys in partnership with a local partner. and men, men’s property, rather than people who can contribute, -We began with starting groups to strengthen girls selfconfisays Reejan DC, 15. dence and raise awareness of their rights, says Laxman Belbase There is also a strong focus on child marriage, a common who’s been responsible for the work. phenomenon in the area. -Then the girls suggested that young boys also should have Samita, 17, refused when her uncles tried to marry her off. the opportunity to reflect on how they are treated and expected Now she is studying to become an engineer. to act as men. The idea was to make those who were part of the -It was my uncles who planned it, she says. They arranged problem, part of the solution! a meeting at their house for me and the boy, who came from another village. I felt so pressured that I couldn’t think clearly. Uttam Sharma, 24, is chairperson of the first boy group But she still said NO to the marriage. created under the project »Allies for Change: Together against -I thought about what I had learnt in the group about my Violence & Abuse«, where the participants are now over 20 years rights. It had convinced me to stand up for myself, my rights and old and still continuously working on the same issue and getting to think about my own needs. together to challenge the existing gender stereotypical norms -At first, my parents and uncles were really angry. But then and values. I explained my arguments; I want to be independent and finish -It was incredibly exciting when we started to think about my studies before I get married. Mom understood. My family has how we as boys and young men can play a role and stand up dropped it now and only talk about my studies. against the violence, he says. Samita’s courage is a radical example of the change that is -I think in a completely different way now. I have realized that underway. Naturally, there are still huge challenges. Many still my language may contribute to repression. I am aware of my believe that boys and men should make all decisions. Sons are body language and how I express my feelings. I will definitely preferred, female fetuses are aborted. Girls are harassed, raped behave differently with my life partner once I get married than I and trafficked. would have done if I had not participated in the group. -One of the challenges is that the police and other authoriHe plans to support his wife in her studies and work by partities in the district didn’t always want to cooperate with us, says cipating himself in the housework at home, which he has already Laxman Belbase. They protect the perpetrators when they hold started to engage in. politically important positions in the local hierarchy. Bribes are -By looking at myself and changing my behavior, I can be a common. role model, he states. But many have also begun to see how the whole family can The girls who were in the first conversation group have started benefit from building girls self-confidence and strength, and their own NGO, Safer Society, which now operates 92 children’s that boys and men stop using violence. clubs in nine villages in the area, supported by Save the Children. The elders, community leaders, attending the children’s When the children’s club in Chinchu meet they discuss issues group’s meeting have seen great changes; an increase in women’s such as: Can a girl be loud and domineering? Can a guy be close literacy and awareness of their rights, are two examples. to tears? -In my day, we weren’t even allowed to leave the house, says -In this culture being ‘a real man’ means being; tough, strong, Ganga Devi Taisi, 58 years old and the children’s group’s treasurer. brave, sexually active, dominating others, daring, always ready -Now boys and girls even play football together! *

survey

In what way are expectations on boys and girls different? What have you learned from participating in the children’s group?

Sarasowati Regmi, 13

-I can do what I want, although I’m a girl. It depends entirely on one’s own self-confidence what you can and what you can’t do. My parents want both me and my brothers to become independent and make money so that we can look after the family. -Through the group, I have become stronger. Before, I didn’t even dare say my own name out loud.

Reejan DC, 15

-Men are expected to show strength and not weakness. If you show weakness, you get harassed and teased for being feminine, a guy that »cannot even do the slightest thing.« But guys can and should cry. They cannot always be strong. Now I even think that women can become prime ministers. And that guys can cook and take care of the household.

Meena BK, 14

»I have become aware of my rights and obligations, such as the right to play, go to school, participate and influence and move freely in a violence free environment. I realize that girls can do the same things as boys, we need to prioritize our studies and study as hard as they do.«

Jiwan Oli, 11

-Guys have always been forced to support the family, but women can do that too. I have started doing housework, washing dishes, washing my clothes and cooking. There is nothing that girls can do that we guys cannot.

Sunita Gurung, 15

-I think things have changed a lot. Nowadays, girls can do the same things as boys. Except during our period. Then we have to be and sleep in a separate room, we can’t be in the kitchen or in the prayer area, no one can touch us. It’s not right.

Children, regardless of where they live, think that fathers are just as important as mothers. Here, six young people from five continents, explain how they think a good father should be.

What makes a good father? RUTH, 13 years old GUATEMALA

»It has happened that my father has beaten me. He should talk to me instead, that’s better.« Ruth Guadalupe Sosa Valencia, lives in San Lucas Sacatepequez with her parents and six siblings, one is older and the others are younger. The father is working with service in stores for Sabritas and her mother is a housewife. What should a good father be like? - He should work, buy things that are good for you, and treat you well.

When do you like your father the most? - I always like my dad a lot, when he is happy and when he is angry. And when he hugs me and we laugh together. Are fathers and mothers different? - I think mothers and fathers have the same function. They shall not treat their children badly and they shall not beat them. What should a father do if his child has done something wrong? - It has happened that my father has beaten me. He should talk to me instead, that’s better. How would you like to be as a parent? - If I become a parent I want to be understanding and love my children a lot. I want to look after them and treat them well. WRITER AND PHOTOGRAPHER LINDA FORSELL

LIU, 12 years old CHINA

»He shouldn’t be stressed out or violent.« Liu Mulin, 12, lives in a three room apartment in the city of Wuhan with his mother and father, and now the family is on vacation in Beijing. Both parents have office jobs. What should a good father be like? – He should be tolerant and forgiving. He shouldn’t beat anyone. Are mothers and fathers different? – Dad is more concerned about money and education. Mum gives more of herself, she takes care of others and enjoys life more. When do you like your dad the most? – When he takes me on adventures and travels. When he tells me about exciting things. What should a father do if his child has done something wrong? – Raise his voice and say what he thinks is wrong. What shouldn’t he do? – He shouldn’t be stressed out or violent. How would you like to be as a father? – Everyday life is important, to come up with fun things to do. I also want to bring my child on trips and discover the world. WRITER JOHAN AUGUSTIN PHOTOGRAPHER JONAS GRATZER

NICOL, 16 years old USA

»To be able to confide in your father, he needs to make you feel that he loves you no matter what.« Nicol Alfonso lives with her parents in Brooklyn, New York. Her father is a teacher for students with special needs, her mother is a housewife. Nicol is studying at an arts high school with a focus on graphic design and illustration. What should a good father be like? - A good father is a good person who can be seen as a role model, and who you can trust and tell things that you cannot tell other people. If you want to be able to confide in your dad, he needs to make you feel that he loves you no matter what. No matter what you do. I would say I have a great dad. Are mothers and fathers different? – There is definitely a difference between a mother and a father. A mother cares for her child in a more instinctive way. There is something about the love that comes from a place inside the body, which makes a mom worry a little too much. A father can let you stay out longer, while the mother who has been carrying the baby inside her own body, cares in a different way. But I don’t think you can compare a mother’s and a father›s love, because ultimately they care just as much, just in different ways.

When do you like your father the most? – I like my parents the most when they give me their undivided attention. When we don’t have to worry about their problems and their work. Of course I like to feel that I’m able to help them too, yet I think I feel the greatest appreciation towards them when they focus on me. What should a father do if his child has done something wrong? – I recently got a tattoo, and I didn’t tell my dad. Though I don’t really think it would have been that bad if I had told him, because he took me to get my first piercing. He›s pretty relaxed about things like that. But instead, he found out about the tattoo when he saw a picture of me on my computer. At first he was very worried because you can get infections and diseases. But in the end he said that if I would have told him about it before I had it done, he would have come with me and given me money to go to a reliable place. How would you like to be as a parent? – I know for certain that I want to be a tough parent. Tough, but at the same time I want to give my children a bit of slack sometimes. I feel that if you are too generous to your children then you spoil them. When my parents let me get too much I go off the rails. But I would definitely have a close relationship with my children, as I do with my parents. They are my best friends. WRITER AND PHOTOGRAPHER LINDA FORSELL

ONON, 11 years old MONGOLIA

»I want to be like my

father. Take care of my family in the first place.« Onon Bat-Khuleg lives in a two room apartment in the town of Sharyn Gol, 300 kilometres north of Ulan Bator, with his mother, father and little brother, 3 years old. His mother works in a coal power plant and his father is a security guard, employed by the government. What should a good father be like? – He should work hard and provide for his family. He should treat his family in a good way. Are mothers and fathers different? – They have different genders and their attitude and faces are also different. But otherwise they are the same. When do you like your father the most? – When he’s at home, watching TV and spending time with the family. What should a father do if his child has done something wrong? – If he gets angry he should speak up. What shouldn’t he do? – He shouldn’t drink, fight or steal. If you become a father one day, what do you want to be like then? – I want to be like my father. Take care of the family in the first place. WRITER JOHAN AUGUSTIN PHOTOGRAPHER JONAS GRATZER

ZETHU, 16 years old SOUTH AFRICA

»He shouldn’t underestimate his child. He must believe in and trust his child. « Zethu Phicane lives in a house with her family in Khayelitsha, a township outside Cape Town. Her father is a driver and her mother takes care of the laundry at a local hospital. Zethu spends most of her free time enjoying her great interest which is modern dance. What should a good father be like? – He should be a caring person. One who understands your feelings and how you work. Are mothers and fathers different? – My parents are very different. My mother always supports me, no matter what. Fathers are not always present

in the same way. Things that concern me as a teenager aren’t as easy to talk about with dad, but he’s always there for me and for the family and protects us. He is the best father in the world. When do you like your father the most? – When he shares his love for me. I like dad when he makes me happy. What shouldn’t a father do? – He shouldn’t underestimate his child. He must believe in and trust his child. How would you like to be as a parent? – If I was a man and became a father, I would treat my children in much the same way as mine because he has never made me sad, or treated me badly. He is strict but fair. My dad is a very strong person. He’d never show that he ponders over something or that he has a problem. He always plays the »cool guy« and I wish I could be like him. I think I have the best parents in the universe. They give me unconditional love and they love me for who I am. We are a strong family. WRITER AND PHOTOGRAPHER PER-ANDERS PETTERSSON

the land of many absent fathers South Africa is a country characterized by violence. Every year around 15.000 murders are reported. Every 26 seconds a woman gets raped. – Working for men’s presence and involvement in the family not only benefits the children. It also counteracts the violence, says Wessel van den Berg, Program Manager at Sonke Gender Justice. writer SOPHIE ARNÖ photographer PER-ANDERS PETTERSSON

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thin veil of cloud clings to the Table Mountain ridge. People are sipping local wine in chilled glasses at outdoor restaurants in Camps Bay while the waves are rolling onto the perfectly curved, white beach. It is easy to understand why Cape Town is named destination of the year by the editors of the New York Times. But it is a divided city. If you follow the highway a couple of miles outside the city center, into the poverty stricken townships, it’s beer instead of wine. Early in the afternoon you find groups of men among the rickety shacks, already heavily drunk. Children are playing

alone in the muddy alleys and there are few women around. The gender roles here are still stereotyped. Violence is widespread against the women, against the children, but is highest between men. For every woman killed, seven men are killed. Cape Town is the city in the world with the largest number of murders committed in relation to the number of inhabitants. -We live in a collective trauma after the apartheid regime, says Wessel van den Berg, Child Rights and Positive Parenting Manager at Save the Children’s partner organization, Sonke Gender Justice. -The effects of the systematic violence exerted will take generations to heal.

survey What has the Fatherhood group meant to you?

Aviwe Mike, 19 Has not become a father yet, but would like to have two to four children. -Being part of the Fatherhood Group has strengthened my belief that it is important to be a responsible and loving father. My own father was rarely home because he worked far away. I was alone with my mother and grandmother and lacked male role models. In the township where we lived there was a lot of abuse and violence. It has made me think about life and to realize that I can choose how I want to be. men too can contribute in other ways. They can be engaged, Culturally, fatherhood is also often associated with take their children to school, give them a bath, understand violence. A father should be the superior, the one who disciwhat is wrong…. and thus also increase the equality in the relaplines the family by using physical punishment. In a survey 57 percent of parents admitted to having used tionship so that women can have more time for other things. violence to punish their children, 37 percent of them with Many men would also like to be more involved and present implements such as belts and sticks. in their children’s lives. In the efforts to improve fathers’ contribution to care it was -When we talk to people about the harmful effects of physical punishment they listen, but they are skeptical. It’s discovered early on that the first meeting with the child, the because they don´t realize there are better alternatives, says initial connection, is crucial for the continued involvement. Wessel van den Berg. Therefore, Sonke Gender Justice, among other things, try to There are also many men who are completely absent in engage young men in Fathers’ Groups during their partners’ pregnancies. Thulani Velebayi, is employed by Sonke and their children’s lives. In South Africa, a staggering 64 percent of children live without their biological fathers present. recruits participants at the local maternal health clinic in the township of Mfuleni, where he also lives himself. In 16 percent of these cases, the fathers are deceased. In the remaining 48 percent the -I recruit via the women when they are there fathers have left the family. for a visit, he explains. He is already seeing results of his work. The -Unfortunately the popular opinion here is that being present requires financial resources, word about the Fathers’ groups has spread and there is an increase in fathers who want to take says Wessel van den Berg. As a father you are expected to support the family. You are more or part. less seen as an cash machine. One Sunday, when a group gets together in an empty classroom at the local primary school, the The mother’s family often denies the man participants are asked to reflect on long distance access to his children if he hasn’t paid for pregrelationships and polygamy, which is something nancy, marriage and livelihood. -We try to help all parties understand that traditional leaders endorse. Wessel Van den Berg

Mcebisi Elliot, 37 Father of a boy who is four and a girl who is ten. -When I meet this group, I feel happiness! The bond I have with my children grows when I get the opportunity to focus on them. We talk more now. I teach them things.“ “Before, I was one of those who often went out and drank, even in the middle of the day. I only thought of myself, not about the kids at home. Now I just go to bars for a couple of hours, and only if my wife is at home. Because I have a family to look after!

-For me, what is interesting is whether you would allow your partner to have a second man, says Thulani, somewhat teasingly, and everyone starts laughing. The atmosphere is intimate and familiar. The harsh attitude the guys have when they are outside this room is left outside. The conversation gets going. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of having just one partner? The conversation starts being about the risk of HIV and AIDS, about fights and conflicts, about the feeling of being betrayed, the anxiety when you are not sure if a woman is pregnant with your own or someone else’s child. One of the guys in the group wants help with controlling his anger towards his girlfriend. -You have to be humble and talk to her, things might not be what you think they are, says one of the other participants. During the session there’s a part included when the young fathers in a circle mark how they allocate their time. How much of their time is allocated to work? To friends? To the children? To listening to their partner and maybe do something fun together? -Your wife doesn’t only need you at night! Thulani’s

Thozamile, 23 Father of a two year old son. -Before I came here I used to always lose my girlfriends and I did not understand why. Now I have learned to question who I am. I understand that I can’t make decisions for others, I have to respect them.“ “I’ve also changed my view on spanking. I used to use a rod. Now I know it only makes things worse. I know it is better to talk to each other.

Masixole, 24 Father of an eight months old baby girl -Every time I come here I learn something! I grew up without my dad. It wasn’t easy. When the others were called in for talks at school, they came there with their dads. I was alone. I was about to become someone who didn’t care about anything. But now I’ve realized that I shouldn’t do the same thing to my children. Since I joined the Fatherhood Group, I’ve come to understand that I am important.

kidding. And everyone starts laughing again. As usual, the conversation also touches the participants’ own upbringing. What are they repeating? What could they do differently? What do you need as a little child? One of the guys, who recently became a father for the first time, says: -I don’t know my own dad. He didn’t care about me at all. I started messing about in school and was called into meetings. I couldn’t care less. I might as well just carry on. There was no one who cared. No one stood up for me. So I didn’t care. And quit school. The talks in the Fathers’ group has meant a lot to him. -I’ve learned that a nice man is a good man. I need to find a responsible way to relate to things around me. And I want to be there for my child. Now, men join their partner’s visits to the maternal health clinic. -Before, even the nurses thought it was a stigma for men to come there, says Thulani. As if the clinic was only meant for pregnant women, not for the fathers to be. -I like seeing men getting involved!

photos: sophie arnö

Thulani Velebayi is employed by Sonke Gender Justice and recruits participants to the Fathers’ Groups in a local bar in the township of Mfuleni

»»Traditional gender roles were about to break our relationship««

His attitude was macho. She thought he should be punished. Now they’ve learnt to talk to each other. »We don’t want our children to grow up in a warzone,« says Lindela and Nosicelo Mraqisa. Like most men in the township of Gugulethu, Lindela Mraqisa, 32, liked going out to party with his friends after work. The fact that he had two little children at home didn’t stop him. -I always wondered why he didn’t bring me, says Nosicelo Mraqisa, 27, and looks teasingly at her husband. When I asked him to help me with the laundry he just said, what will people think? They might believe that I had bewitched him. Seriously! Traditional gender roles and the expectations of what it means to be a man constantly challenged their relationship. There was always trouble. -We couldn’t talk about anything. Sometimes I asked myself why we married at all, she says. It felt as if we had nothing in common and I didn’t know how to cope with it. -If one of our children was crying, he would just hand it over to me. He did the dishes once a month, at most. But after Lindela attended the Sonke Gender Justice Fathers’ group, things started changing. He stayed at home more, and became more involved in the housework and with the children. -He does everything now! He was even present when I gave birth to our youngest child, something he flatly said no to the first two times, says Nosicelo. -Wow, that made me realize what women go through, the sacrifices they make. It’s not a child’s play, he says. It was a difficult birth. -Had he not been there encouraging me, I don’t know what had happened, says Nosicelo. Now the couple share everything, not only the care of their three children, they’ve also joined group counselling together

- a continuation of the Fathers’ group. It has led to that Nosicelo has also started to think about what kind of patterns she has brought into the relationship. -When I grew up there was always trouble in my family. I used to witness my father abuse my mother. Both my brother and I were terrified, she says. When she and her brother got older her brother started to hit back. In order to protect himself and their mother. When he became an adult, got married and had children, he continued to beat. Even Nosicelo ended up in the same kind of pattern. -Things that I was beaten for as a child, I would beat my own children for, she says. I didn’t know what to do. . . Oh, it feels like I want to kill myself when I think about it. Through the group counselling, she has understood that it was wrong and she’s received tools to do things differently. Both in regard to her children and the relationship with her husband. -We used to never give the other time to speak. Now we practice listening to each other, to meet halfways and to involve each other in decision making. -It’s like learning a whole new language to me. I grew up without that kind of communication. I couldn’t even say sorry before when we had been fighting. Instead, I would be quiet for a week just to punish him. It was downright torture, says Lindela. Their new skills have led to fewer rows. -We are happier! And I think that our children will benefit from everything we’ve worked on. We’ve set a good example for them. PHOTO: SOPHIE ARNÖ PHOTOGRAPHER: PER-ANDERS PETTERSSON

-To be part of the Fatherhood group has made me want to be more involved and I was there when my youngest child was born, says Lindela.

Foto: Pernilla norström, rädda barnen

the final word

many are interested in an ENGAGED FATHERHOOD!

Låt någon som längtar efter att gå i skolan ärva dig.

»Childrens childhood cannot be a concern for women only. Fortunately, there are many men who want to make a difference!« families, neighbors or with acquaintances. Children need safe, reliable adults when growing up. If not, they are always at risk of being exploited in different ways and this is something many of the parents who work far away from home are worried about. Can you be a good parent even if you don’t live with your children? This is exactly what we are working with in China, not least through parental education in various forms, in order to strengthen parenting including working with corporates on ensuring a child-friendly parental policy. Children need both the parents. Even if you don’t live together. And parents want to be good parents and gain knowledge. This particular training about positive parenting for migrant parents, was developed earlier on in Moldova. It has now been adapted to China, and we are working with it through our Centre for Child Rights and Corporate Social Responsibility there. I’m incredibly glad that my own father was very active as a parent and this in a time when it wasn’t common for fathers to take care of their little newborns. He was a father who discussed all kinds of matters and issues with me and my sisters and inspired us to find out about facts. He encouraged his children and taught me not only how to find worms for angling/fishing but also how to clean a perch properly and add the right amount of salt (as much as you think and then double that). To be confirmed and acknowledged as a child gives you a good start in life. Fathers are important in this. That is why we work with boys and men and fathers’ roles as a way of ensuring children›s rights. Both here at home and in the United Nations.

Elisabeth Dahlin Secretary general

Världens näst största privata givare Varje månad har våra lottköpare chans att få dela på många miljoner med sina grannar. Samtidigt bidrar de till vårt överskott som vi skänker till Rädda Barnen och övriga organisationer som vi stödjer. Tillsammans med våra systerlotterier i Holland och Storbritannien är vi världens näst största privata givare till ideella ändamål. Alla har vi våra drömmar. En del går att köpa för pengar, andra kräver ett socialt engagemang. Med en lott i PostkodLotteriet har du chans att uppfylla både dina egna och dina medmänniskors önskningar. Ny vinstchans varje dag De högsta veckovinsterna lottar vi ut till helgen – en miljon kronor på fredagen och ytterligare en miljon på lördagen. Du har också chans att vinna upp till 100 000 kr per lott plus en bil varje fredag. Dessutom lottar vi ut många miljoner i GrannYran tre gånger per år och i flera vinstrika extradragningar under året. photo: Johan Jeppson

What role do men and fathers play in order for children to have a safe home and positive upbringing? That’s what this edition of our magazine is about and it is an issue that has been attracting more and more attention around the world. Families can look very different, but something that has become very obvious is men’s importance for children. Recently, during the Commission of Status of Women (CSW) Summit at the UN, we invited people to a seminar about the role that boys and men play for women’s and children’s rights and gender equality at large. The hall inside the UN building was so full that many had to sit on the floor and along the walls - and the majority of those who came were men, mainly from countries outside Europe. It was quite a sight to lead the seminar with all these men in fancy suits who edged down on the floor. Participants from Rwanda, Indonesia, South Africa and Brazil talked about how they, in different ways, have involved boys and men to be good role models and dedicated husbands and fathers and how this had changed children’s opportunities in a profound way. Children’s life/childhood cannot be a concern for women or mothers only. Fortunately, there are a lot of men who want to make a difference. ”We don’t want to be just cash machines, we want to play an important role in our children’s lives, even if the family doesn’t live together,” said a participant. In many parts of the world parents are forced to leave their children behind in order to get a job and many children grow up with relatives. Every morning, 61 million Chinese children wake up without their biological or immediate parents. Best case, they live with their grandparents, but sometimes they live with extended

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