Creative Conflict Management Purpose The purpose of this program is to help you use the mindsets and behaviors associated with a creative approach to conflict management and negotiation.

Objectives We will focus on the following:  Conflict goals, interests, and patterns;  Conflict management styles; and  Collaborative approaches to managing conflict.

Learning Outcomes As a result of the program, you will be better able to accomplish the following goals:  Identify and incorporate conflict goals and interests in your negotiations;  Alter patterns of dysfunctional conflict;  Apply a flexible, situational approach to managing conflict; and  Use collaborative techniques more frequently and effectively.

Mark Isabella, Isabella & Associates [email protected]

2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

Four Common Beliefs About Conflict 1. 2. 3. 4.

Conflict is bad by its nature. Conflict is all about personality differences. All that matters in a negotiation is the bottom line. People should just give me what I want!

Three Key Principles (and Associated Challenges) 1. Effective conflict management can help us get what we want and improve our relationships. The challenge: We don’t fully empower ourselves to manage conflict effectively. 2. Successful conflict management and negotiation requires creativity. The challenge: Conflict tends to make us more rigid and less creative. 3. Specific strategies and behaviors tend to contribute to a more creative approach to conflict management The challenge: These strategies don’t come naturally, and we may be reluctant to try them.

A Definition of Conflict An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011).

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2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

Two Systems of Thinking System 1       

Automatic Little or no effort Intuitive and emotional No sense of voluntary control Freewheeling impulses and associations Quick assessments Relies on perception and memory, as well as expert or heuristic answers

System 2      

Effortful Slower More deliberative, logical, and orderly Complex computations, problem solving, and decision making Focused attention, concentration Relies on explicit beliefs and deliberate choices

Discussion Questions 1.

What are the strengths of System 1 thinking? What are its weaknesses?

2.

What are the advantages of System 2 thinking? What are its drawbacks?

3.

How do research findings associated with System 1 and System 2 thinking relate to our topic of conflict management?

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2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

Conflict Goals

Content

Identity/ facework

Relationship

Process



Content—What we want; what to do; where to go; what decisions to make.



Relationship—Who we are to each other; how we want to be treated; the amount of influence and interdependence in the relationship; the extent to which we are respected, liked, or loved (depending on the nature of the relationship); the amount of status and power in the relationship.



Identity or facework—Who I am in this interaction; how identity is protected or repaired within the conflict; maintaining one’s sense of identity; protecting against loss of face; seeing oneself as competent, reliable, trustworthy, honest, principled, etc.



Process goals—The interactional process that is used; the level of formality that exists; how decisions are made; the amount of “talk time” each party receives; how open the parties are with one another.

The four sets of goals are connected to one another and typically overlap, resulting in high levels of complexity.

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2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

Conflict Goals—Case Studies 1. Veruca has invited two important business clients to her home for dinner. Her son’s bedroom and the rec room are a mess, and he has ignored her instructions to clean them. She has tried bargaining with him and has even offered an incentive if he completes the task. The dinner is two days away, and her son has made no progress. Veruca, angry and frustrated, doesn’t want to strain her relationship with her boy, but she is worried about making a good impression on her clients. a.

What content issues are pertinent in this case?

b.

What are the relationship, identity, and process issues that may arise?

2. Al and Robert are managers in a midsized service agency. They have always been friendly with one another and have collaborated in the past, teaming up on a number of successful projects. Now, they find themselves competing for a bigger slice of the agency budget. They have both decided to change their collaborative approach and compete aggressively for additional funding for their programs. They are “in it to win it” and nothing will stand in their way. a.

What content issues are pertinent in this case?

b.

What are the relationship, identity, and process issues that may arise?

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2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

How Relational Patterns Form 

All communication between parties defines, maintains, or changes the relationship.



The existence of mutual dependence, and the impact of the actions we choose, influences the thoughts, feelings, and behavior of the other party.



In this way, behavior breeds behavior. Over time, relational patterns form.



In functional relationships, those patterns are positively reinforcing. In dysfunctional relationships, those patterns can make us feel “stuck,” trapped in a negative spiral of negative—and often destructive—emotions, assumptions, and behaviors.



In the midst of conflict, we tend to behave in a predictable manner. In doing so, we further reinforce the dysfunctional relationship pattern.

Changing the Direction of Our Relationships 

To interrupt or break these destructive cycles, we need to behave in ways that deviate from the normal manner in which we communicate with the other party. By doing so, we create the possibility of freeing ourselves from unproductive relationship patterns.



If the changes we make are noticeable and consistent, they can breed different responses from the other party and alter the relational pattern.



There are four steps to creating this ripple effect: 1. ___________________________________________ 2. ___________________________________________ 3. ___________________________________________ 4. ___________________________________________

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2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

The Melee in Marketing Charlie and Mike both work for the marketing department of a major company that makes household appliances. Due to the nature of their work, the members of the department are expected to be team players. Charlie and Mike’s boss, Veronica, believes that the best ideas are the result of group creativity, planning, and execution. Charlie was hired three years ago, and has risen to the position of Senior Marketing Representative. Mike was hired six months ago by a panel of interviewers made up of staff from the Marketing Department and Human Resources. Charlie was opposed to Mike’s hiring due to his lack of experience. He was outvoted by the rest of the panel, and Mike was hired. Since then, Mike has distinguished himself as an up-and-coming member of the Marketing team. As a result, he hasn’t been shy about using his influence to contribute to major campaigns and projects. He has gained a reputation as a competent, but egotistic, innovator. Charlie has grown increasingly angry and frustrated with Mike, calling him a prima donna behind his back. Charlie has also begun criticizing Mike’s work in front of others and lobbying to keep him off of major campaigns. Veronica had heard that Charlie was resentful of Mike, and the news disturbed her. While she knew that conflict in a creative environment was to be expected, the dynamic between Charlie and Mike was clearly unhealthy. She had talked to Charlie on a number of occasions about the importance of teamwork. When he resisted her direction, she became more forceful, telling him that as Senior Rep he was expected to set an example for others. Charlie told Veronica that he would work to improve his relationship with Mike. Secretly, he planned to undermine him at every turn. Recently, Mike and Charlie were assigned to make a pitch to a major department store for the sale of a revolutionary model of can opener. While Mike was thrilled with the assignment, Charlie was not. He first tried to get Mike booted from the team. When that effort failed, he volunteered to be reassigned to another one. Veronica firmly denied his request. “Do you not remember our earlier discussions about this issue,” she asked. “I expect you to work effectively with Mike, regardless of your personal feelings, understood?”

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2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

“You don’t get it Veronica,” Charlie responded. “Mike is a showboat. He won’t take direction from me, and he’s always trying to make himself look good at my expense. When I try to draw boundaries, he tells me that I’m not his boss. And he does so in front of other people, which undermines my authority as Senior Rep.” Veronica was unmoved. “The two of you need to find a way to work together. I expect teamwork from both of you. I’ll be talking to Mike as well.” Veronica’s discussion with Mike was also difficult. Mike told her that Charlie micromanaged his work and positioned himself not as a senior adviser, but as his supervisor. “He treats me like an inexperienced hack. I’ve proven my worth on this team, but he’s constantly putting me down. I feel like I have to show everyone how good I am just to counter his insults. I heard that he wanted off of the can opener project. I’d be thrilled if you let him work on something else.” Veronica was as firm with Mike as she was with Charlie. “No one is being reassigned,” she said. “I expect the two of you to work collaboratively and respectfully with one another. There will be no reassignments and no excuses.” Predictably, Charlie and Mike came to the meeting with a combat mentality. Three minutes into the discussion, Charlie made a snide remark about an idea that Mike suggested. Mike responded by saying, “Charlie, I have more good ideas before 6 a.m. than you have all day.” The insults escalated. The other members of the team looked on with a combination of discomfort and amusement. And it got worse. After a few minutes of verbal sparring, Charlie and Mike were nose-to-nose, swearing and threatening one another. A member of the executive team heard the commotion, separated them, and called an end to the meeting. Later, Veronica was called to CEO’s office. Rumor had it that she was chewed out for not maintaining control of her team. The CEO was aghast that two employees almost came to blows in the workplace. If something like that happened again, not only were Charlie and Mike’s jobs in jeopardy—her career was on the line as well. If you were Veronica, what would you do?

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Mapping Interactions Person A’s Actions

Person B’s Thinking

Person A’s Thinking

Person B’s Actions

Interrupting and Disrupting the Existing Pattern What can be done to change the existing relational pattern? What steps can be taken to make it more difficult for the existing pattern to continue?

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2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

Managing Emotion in the Midst of Conflict One of the most challenging aspects of conflict involves the management of emotion.

I often deal with hysterical

The challenge can be formidable: You have your own emotions to monitor and control. In addition, the emotions of the other person are in play. And you may find yourself in a difficult environment that is fueling high emotion and volatility.

people in the ER . . . The

Your ability to deal effectively with this aspect of conflict will, to a great extent, determine your long-term success as a negotiator.

leader, using a calm, rational

one thing you should never do is match their hysteria. Just take control and be a

voice in quiet surroundings.

What are some approaches that we can take to address this challenge? Reflect on your experience and record your answers in the box below.

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-- Travis Stork, M.D.

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2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

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2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

Choosing a Style Here are some factors to consider when choosing a conflict management style in a particular situation: 

Your goals;



The other party’s goals;



Previous approaches with the same party and the outcomes of those negotiations;



Your belief as to whether a collaborative solution is possible; and



The probable consequences associated with your choice and your willingness to live with them

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2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

Elements of a Collaborative Approach 

Take a ____________________________________ approach.



Negotiate from



Take a “helicopter view” of the negotiation.



Work hard to help the other party achieve his/her goals.



Know your _____________________________ alternative



Encourage openness, respect, balanced participation, and creativity by using the STATE & ASK approach.

Advocacy Share your data. Tell others about your reasoning. Acknowledge your assumptions. Test your conclusions, rather than stating them as facts. Explore alternative interpretations of the data.

__ _

, not _________________________.

Inquiry Ask questions that surface reasoning and data. Search for alternative views. Keep your curiosity going.

Source: Noonan, W. R. (2007). Discussing the undiscussable: A guide to overcoming defensive routines in the workplace. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

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2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

POUNCE—A Collaborative Approach Pounce: To seize something swiftly and eagerly: pounce on an opportunity. 1.

Plan  

2.

Open positively   

3.

Make clear that nothing said at this stage represents a commitment. Generate a number of possible solutions. Eliminate options that are clearly unacceptable. Refine remaining options into possible solutions.

Choose the best solution 

  6.

Avoid the tendency to look for solutions before understanding the problem. Use the STATE & ASK approach to your communication. Look at the problem from both sides—examine data, perceptions, interests, and assumptions.

Negotiate options    

5.

Set a respectful and affiliative tone for the negotiation. Describe the conflict as a problem to be solved, and express your commitment to finding a mutually satisfying solution. Establish ground rules for the conversation.

Understand first, then seek solutions   

4.

Assess the conflict, and develop a plan for the negotiation. Identify key elements of the negotiation from your perspective and the perspective of the other party.

Identify objective criteria to evaluate potential solutions (cost, ability to satisfy both sets of interests, acceptability to constituent parties, practicality, etc.). Choose the best idea(s). Identify commitments and prepare an action plan.

End positively  

Highlight the progress that’s been made. Express appreciation and a desire for future partnership.

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2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

Four-Part Action Plan

What motivates me to improve my conflict management skills?

What behaviors will be key to my future success?

What changes in my thinking would help me be a better conflict manager?

Who will support my efforts to improve my conflict management skills?

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2012 Conflict Management Conference—Creative Conflict Management

Works Consulted Caritas.org. (2010). Role play: Smith vs. Patel. Retrieved from http://peacebuilding.caritas.org/index.php/Role_Play:_Smith_vs._Patel Fisher, R., & Ertel, D. (1995). Getting ready to negotiate. New York: Penguin Press. Fisher, R., Ury, W., & Patton, B. (1991). Getting to yes: Negotiating agreement without giving in. New York: Penguin. Fisher, R. & Shapiro, D. (2005). Beyond reason: Using emotions as you negotiate. New York: Penguin. Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, fast and slow. New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux. Kohlrieser, G. (2006). Hostage at the table: How leaders can overcome conflict, influence others, and raise performance. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. Noonan, W. R. (2007). Discussing the undiscussable: A guide to overcoming defensive routines in the workplace. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. Schlesinger, L. A., Kiefer, C. F. (2012). Just start: Take action, embrace uncertainty, create the future. Boston: Harvard Business. Smith, D. M. (2008). Divide or conquer: How great teams turn conflict into strength. New York: Portfolio. Thiagarajan, S., & Isabella, M. (2003). Let’s deal with conflict! Card games for mastering the 5 TKI conflict modes. Palo Alto, CA: CPP. Ury, W. (1993). Getting past no: Negotiating your way from confrontation to cooperation. New York: Bantam. West Virginia University: Division of Human Resources, Training & Development

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- - -. (1999). Getting to peace. New York, NY: Viking. Weeks, H. (2010). Failure to communicate: How conversations go wrong and what you can do to right them. Boston: Harvard Business. Wilmot, W., & Hocker, J. (2011). Interpersonal conflict. New York: McGraw-Hill.

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