COMING HOME: THE EVOLUTION OF SELF By Liz Tucker Transpersonal Integration Paper submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Transpersonal Psychology Sofia University Palo Alto, California December 10, 2012

I certify that I have read and approved the content and presentation of this paper:

Susan O’Connell Susan O’Connell, MTP, Adjunct Faculty

Nancy Rowe, Ph.D.

12/12/2012 Date

12-20-12 ________________________________________________ __________________ Nancy Rowe, Ph.D., Chair of Global Master’s Programs Date

Dedication and Acknowledgements It is from the very depths of my ever-expanding heart that I dedicate this thesis to two very important people. First and foremost, to my partner, Randall Cauley, for his compassionate listening, intelligent feedback, appetite for my work, and fierce love. He has carried me across the many edges of this master’s program where I thought I could go no further. I am eternally grateful. Second, to my mother, Barbara Tucker, who provided me with my very first home in her body and who left hers far too soon. I would like to further acknowledge and offer my sincerest gratitude to the following people for the ways that they have anchored me during this profound journey of self-transformation: To Claire Cauley, for loving and trusting me from the very first moment we met, and for the ways that she reminds me of what is most important in this life: music, laughter, play, art, and telling the truth; To Monica Blossom and Gabriel Hochberg, for their awesome willingness to open their hearts and home to me as they shared so intimately their experience of taking their home on the road; To Shanti Webb, for inviting me to play in her home, and for healing my body with her amazing gifts of touch and sound; To my intimate circle of sisters: Melanie Ferguson, Carla Rudiger, Jessica O’Keefe, Paula Weithman, Jami Rossetto, and Melissa Cantrelle, for bearing witness to my process and tenderly accepting my busyness; To my aunt, Loretta Tucker Smith, for her consistent presence and loving encouragement; To my therapist, Allison Sinclair, for her listening;

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To my mentors, Rosalyn Grady and Annick Safken, and my Anam Cara Rodica Apter, who unconditionally and lovingly supported me during my stroke recovery; To my mentor, Susan O’Connell, for her impeccable mirroring; To my employer, Bo Feagin, for our history together and his genuine concern for my well-being; To Drs. Norma Melamed and Jorge Kizer, for their conscientious commitment to medicine, and for seeing my humanness; and To all of the living spaces that I have called home throughout this evolutionary dance that I call my life, and for the ways that they have held me so beautifully, without condition.

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Preface Think for a moment about your very first home. Not the one that you can remember, but the one that called your soul into being. Indeed, it was your mother’s womb—a place of dark intimacy, a steady heartbeat, nourishment, warmth, and protected aloneness. You explored your embodied presence and the boundaries of the walls that surrounded you. This home expanded as you grew. When you were ready, you entered the world of coldness and light, instinctively knowing what you needed and how to ask for it. You relied upon the environment that supported you until it was safe to explore and expand yet again. In an optimal world, we find this sense of home in our adult bodies, aware of what we need, asking for what will nourish us, and forever exploring our desires for expansion and wholeness. It is from a vertical drop that we come into this life, and it is from a journey to the depths of ourselves that we discover who we are. This thesis explores the embodied evolution of self within the boundaries of this place we call home.

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Table of Contents Dedication and Acknowledgements .………..………………….………......................

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Preface …………………………………..………...….......................................................

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Introduction ………………………...……………………………………………………

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A Personal Account: The Transition From Mill Run Road to Daytonia Avenue …

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Mill Run Road ………………………………...…………………………………

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Daytonia Avenue …………………………………..……………………………

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Ecopsychology: The Human Connection to Home ………………...………………..

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Practical Application: Co-Creating a Blueprint for Coming Home ……..…………

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The Logistics and Practicality of ES ……………………………...……………

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The Psychological and Spiritual Elements of ES …………………………..…

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Systematic Approach: Offering an Inventory of Tools and Practices …...…

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Case Study: Temple Shakti Ma …………………………………………….......

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Future Research and Conclusion ……………………………………………………….

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References …………………………………………………………………………………

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Appendix A: “House of Belonging” ………………….…………………...................…

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Appendix B: Photographs on Mill Run Road and Daytonia Avenue .......…….....…

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Appendix C: “Boundaries” .........................................................................………..……

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Appendix D: “On Houses” ………………………………………………………….....

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Appendix E: Evolution Sanctuary Project Evaluation Form …………….………..…

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Appendix F: Photographs of Temple Shakti Ma and of the Interview with Monica Blossom and Gabriel Hochberg ………………………….....……………..............……

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Appendix G: “At Home” ………………………………………………………..………

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1 Coming Home: The Evolution of Self Introduction Whereas the Heart is used to being the only place where Love is found, a Mind full of joy draws the Heart like a moth into a surprisingly different flame. A flame where nothing burns – no wings are forfeited. As if God stretches the length of The Home to abide in every room at once, simply because We can. (Claire, 2009, p. 29) Dorothy was right. “There’s no place like home” (LeRoy & Fleming, 1939). In a simple act of faith after an exhaustive, meandering journey, Dorothy closes her eyes, clicks her heels together three times, and finds herself safely at home tucked away in her own bed. With her loved ones huddled around her, Dorothy insists that not only were they all there with her on her journey but she does not ever want to leave them, or home, again. Could it be that the home that Dorothy is referring to is the quality of presence within herself illuminated by the courage of the Cowardly Lion, the brains of the Scarecrow, the heart of the Tin Man, and the disappointment of the idealized Wizard (McLean, 2012)? Interpretations of the movie have analyzed whether or not the Land of Oz was an elaborate figment of Dorothy’s imagination in the form of a dream. Regardless, the process of finding home is for each of us very real indeed. The perfect irony that exists as I write this thesis is that I am at the cusp of redefining my own sense of place, contemplating relocation to another city at the end of a two-and-a-half-year journey of intense inward investigation. In living and breathing

2 the concept of home through the course of my research, I have become acutely aware of the familiar colloquialisms that nudge us in the direction of understanding our meaning of home—“home sweet home,” “make yourself at home,” and “home is where the heart is,” to name a few (Dam & Eyles, 2012). Likewise, surrounding me in my community, friends and strangers alike have spoken to me recently of the dichotomy of fear and excitement inherent in home transitions, begging such questions as “Where do I live?” The continual process of discovering what home means and how we arrive in that place is literally everywhere. But is it? Could it be right here, within us? In this paper, I offer my perspective on the meaning of home that I have gleaned from building intimate relationships with the countless places in which I have lived and from the transpersonal viewpoint of ecopsychology. I set the stage with a personal account of a particularly significant transition in my life from one home to another when I divorced. From there I draw parallels between the traditional frame work of ecopsychology as it relates to nature and the alternative perspective of ecopsychology as a catalyst for establishing an embodied sense of place through the home environment. Borne of a passionate desire to combine my real estate knowledge with my intimate understanding of home, I offer a blueprint for co-creating both an outward sanctuary that utilizes creativity and self-expression, and an inventory of psychospiritual practices from which to draw upon to elicit a profound connection between self and home. I conclude with a human-interest story that I was fortunate enough to steward for a family in my close community.

3 A Personal Account: The Transition From Mill Run Road to Daytonia Avenue This is the bright home in which I live, this is where I ask my friends to come, this is where I want to love all the things it has taken me so long to learn to love. This is the temple of my adult aloneness and I belong to that aloneness as I belong to my life. There is no house like the house of belonging. (Whyte, 2007, p. 8; the entire poem is provided in Appendix A.) There was a time in my late twenties when it seemed like a good idea to gallivant around the United States in a valiant effort to somehow find myself. In a desperate search for satisfaction, I went from Chicago, Illinois, to Phoenix, Arizona, to Dallas, Texas, within the startling span of eight months. When I landed in Dallas in April of 1997, I immersed myself in my yoga practice that had begun three years prior. This practice led me to Kabat-Zinn’s (1994) teachings and most notably, his chilling sentiment, “Wherever you go, there you are” (p. 195). I had been living on the “romantic notion . . . that if it’s no good over here, you have only to go over there and things will be different” (Kabat-Zinn, 1994, p. 195). The truth of it smacked me in the face. I realized it was time to stand still enough to grow roots and get to know the person who lived inside my own skin.

4 Mill Run Road Flash forward to late 2005. I was standing in the center of my living room in the house on Mill Run Road that was too big for my husband and me, the house that I resented. Echoing the story that Marcus (2006) recounts of her client Alice, “It was a burden—I always had more things, more work to do. I guess now when I think about it, there was a lot of tension in the house over whose house it was” (p. 229).

It was Christmas and I was in my element, listening to George Winston and hanging ornaments on a beautifully fragrant tree. My husband had passed out from drinking hours before, and I was feeling the familiar weight of my loneliness. The coolness of the pristine travertine floors emanated up through the fleece of my socks, and I felt the warmth of the fire that was crackling in the sandstone fireplace, taking its majestic place in the center of the floor-to-ceiling picture windows that framed the blue

5 glow of our heated swimming pool. The poetry that I was distilling from my surroundings was connecting me to myself and shining a spotlight on how disconnected I felt from my environment. Although gratitude was my specialty, what came forward in that moment, from a deep hunger for self-expression, was disdain. As I looked out at the pool and felt the enormity of the house, I could feel the lead weight of its financial burden thicken my blood. I now understand that from a very young age we begin formulating a settlement identity, where we feel a sense of belonging that is tethered to places where we feel the most connected to the feeling, aesthetics, and energy of a particular setting (Marcus, 2006). That pivotal day in 2005, I looked around and realized that I had displaced myself in an attempt to fill a gaping hole in my marriage. It was my husband’s house. He had pushed for it from a place of spiritual bankruptcy and lust for security through material gain. He denied me the joy of expressing myself creatively through nesting, and even went so far as to tell me that I had no taste. The house was in fact a symbol of the disconnection from myself that I had allowed. It was time to break free. I had to reclaim what I had lost. Daytonia Avenue In March of 2006 I left my marriage and by summer of that same year, the house on Mill Run Road had been sold. I began the search for my new nest. Little Forest Hills was a neighborhood that I knew well, having spent most of my time prior to Mill Run Road in nearby neighborhoods that surrounded White Rock Lake, the jewel of Dallas that reminded me of my home in New Jersey. I answered the call to the house on Daytonia Avenue that came through in an advertisement on the Internet. Parked in front of the house, I saw my reflection in the trees exploding with fresh green leaves after a long winter slumber, and how the house nestled itself into the heart of its

6 gardens. A brief walk-through inside continued to mirror the parts of myself from whom I had become disconnected—the unique, earth-toned walls of sage and terra cotta, and the strength of the fireplace mantle that would house the perfect altar. It was clear. I was home.

I spent four years in the house on Daytonia Avenue and within the womb of her walls, I rediscovered myself. I rolled around on her floors with my dogs. I let the weight of my body drop into her backyard deck, gazing up at the stars through the trees in the sweet serenade of cicadas. I danced through her hallways. I massaged her earth in my hands in the garden. I nourished myself in her kitchen through food and kinship with others. I was baptized in the deep well of her bathtub. I felt my heart open wide as I reclaimed my beauty within the landscape of being fully self-expressed. As Ferrucci (1990) suggests, without anyone around to tell me not to, I decorated the space with sacred objects, inspiring art, spiritual totems, and natural elements. Ferrucci states

7 “When looking at the beauty of a flower or listening to music, we are no longer ourselves: we become the flower, we become the music” (p. 27). I honored the sacred in myself by reflecting it back to me in my surroundings. As Marcus’s (2006) client, Alice, shared of her self-discovery post-divorce, I can express myself here in music and energy and color and tears and courage. The apartment seems to be teaching me about inner contentment; it just sits here, facing the world, taking in the sunshine, and the rain against its windows. (p. 231) In the strength of the unwavering presence of my home, I understood the levity of my aloneness rather than the weight of loneliness and that the nourishment I was looking everywhere for had been there all along, within me. I was the unwavering presence. (Additional photographs of both residences are provided in Appendix B.)

8 Ecopsychology: The Human Connection to Home Someday we’ll live in the sky. Meanwhile, the house of our lives is the world. The fields, the ponds, the birds. The thick black oaks—surely they are the children of God. The feistiness among the tiger lilies, the hedges of runaway honeysuckle, that no one owns. Where is it? I ask, and then my feet know it. One jump, and I’m home. (Oliver, 2007; the entire poem is provided in Appendix C.) There is a reciprocal, interconnected relationship that exists between human beings and their environments that begins at proprioception, where while in utero we identify how our bodies exist within space. We begin to sense the interdependence of movement and touch; how one cannot exist without the other; and how what we do has a direct, corresponding effect on our environment. As Cohen (2012) states, “What occurs within, occurs without. Outside and inside are united. These experiences of motion with constancy of touch are primary factors in establishing our ability to join with and feel one with forces originating outside ourselves.” It is in that fluid, kinesthetic, and quiet place that we begin our embodied evolution. Within the context of this discussion, in its simplest terms, evolution is the process of discovering one’s relationship to the world, how one discerns what is important, deciding what is no longer needed, letting go of what does not serve in order to expand into a state of wholeness, and from there consciously moving into the next stage of life to begin the cycle again. It is a pattern of growth, of a gradual process of development, of forming our identity, of finding oneness with the soul. As Gradle (2007) affirms, “Identity is always a processual concept” (p. 397). Through the process

9 of evolution, we recognize that we long to return to that state of oneness that we experienced in our proprioceptive state. The soul-seed of interconnectedness that is planted in our consciousness as we become embodied continues to germinate over time, and at some point we find that we are drawn to “the environments that seem to trigger that poignant reconnection. Each of us has to find the place of our soul—in our memories, our imagination, or in the material world” (Marcus, 2006, p. 252). Ecopsychology is the study of the interdependent relationship between human beings and their natural or built environments. There is a continuum that exists between the needs of the natural world and the needs of the self that is brought to light when we consider that human beings are an integral part of nature. As Adams (2007) articulates, In walking, we are grounded in and supported by the body of the animate earth. With every bite of food, the flesh of animals and plants becomes our very flesh. In breathing, the earth’s air becomes us. Correspondingly, our breath becomes the air of the earth. Self and nature are spontaneously interpermeating one another. (p. 46)

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While mainstream ecopsychologists focus primarily on the influence of the natural world on the human psyche and relational psychologist Santostefano (2008) argues that ecopsychology fosters dualism between people and nature, at the heart of the definition of ecopsychology is the origin of the root “eco” from the Greek word oikos “meaning ‘household’, ‘dwelling’, or ‘home’” (Gradle, 2007, p. 397) and also “in my house” (Stevens, (2010, p. 267). From this perspective, we recognize that as embodied human beings we are intimately connected to where we are and the living spaces that we

11 inhabit. As Stevens states, “We can only understand who we are by being aware of our physical nature; as ‘embedded’ beings, self-understanding can only come if we are equally aware of our physical environment,” if we resolve the longing to become one with that environment (p. 266). Once the magnitude of that connection is brought to light, the intimacy of the home becomes fertile ground for evolutionary self-exploration and acts as a creative vehicle for self-expression, all within the invaluable psycho-social elements of home that are readily available to us—a sense of refuge, security, safety, privacy, warmth, and heart of our living habitat (Ilesanmi, 2011). In my estimation, the sacramental nature of settling into a home environment and interacting with the home as a catalyst for the evolutionary process itself is grossly undervalued and overlooked. As Moore (1996) affirms, “Establishing a home . . . is always an act of natural religion, and if we don’t bring appropriate sensitivity to the mystery, depth, and sacredness inherent in that activity, then we increase our disenchantment” (p. 49). Marcus (2006) further explains that If the stages of our life and psychological development are best expressed as a journey, this state of reconnection with soul is best described by the metaphor coming home . . . . A newly awakened sense of the higher Self may be nurtured by contemplation or meditation within the house, contacting that still core of the psyche where time and space are seemingly transcended. (p. 14) When we fully embrace its invitation, coming home is a practice that we are called to time and time again, as we transition between environments and reengage with our existing living spaces to evolve through metabolizing the unconscious elements of our psyche that we have projected onto our surroundings. It is through this continual, evolutionary process that we fully come home to ourselves. “Jung expresses poetically what a dwelling can be psychologically: ‘I am in the midst of my true life, I am most deeply myself’” (Yandell as cited in Marcus, 2006, p. XVI). As Gradle (2007) states, “The meaning of being emplaced and empowered cannot be found through

12 haphazard, unreflective wanderings, or in escapism, or in detached or distant observations, or even through unmitigated freedom to roam the wide open spaces” (p. 403). Rather, it is found in the very place that we call home in this moment, a place where we find harmony with our own nature. “It can protect, heal, and restore us, express who we are now, and over time help us become who we are meant to be” (Yandell as cited in Marcus, 2006, p. XVI).

13 Practical Application: Co-Creating a Blueprint for Coming Home And tell me . . . what have you in these houses? And what is it you guard with fastened doors? Have you peace, the quiet urge that reveals your power? Have you remembrances, the glimmering arches that span the summits of the mind? Have you beauty, that leads the heart from things fashioned of wood and stone to the holy mountain? (Gibran, 1915; the entire prose is provided in Appendix D.) Marcus (2006) states that “Leaving home—and returning—is something we do every day and throughout our lives” (p. 279). It is for this reason that we underestimate the magnitude of the daily transitions that we experience every day as we come and go. The situational nature of change causes us to normalize its frequency, thus disallowing the full process of the psychological element of transitions (Bridges, 2004). Marcus further emphasizes this point by stating, “The home is the pivot point of these journeys—the beginning and the end” (p. 279). In light of the complexities of the human experience and our relationship to home, it is apparent to me that there is a societal need for a service that brings the transitional element to the forefront. The fallow yet fertile ground that exists between the ending of our relationship to one set of circumstances and the beginning of another should be consciously cultivated as an agent for deepening one’s awareness of self. This is in fact the very essence of the evolutionary process. My human environmental consulting business entitled Evolution Sanctuary (ES) is being created to meet this need. The primary intention of ES is to provide tools for alignment in a new or recreated space (Bridges, 2004). These tools will encompass a full range of services to include both the logistical and the psychological elements of transitions occurring between homes or within the home. I will incorporate the leftbrain’s sensibilities of my real estate experience and my right brain’s intuitive and

14 creative nature, as well as the emotional capacity that I have captured on the meandering path of my own journey from place to place. The Logistics and Practicality of ES The focus on logistics and practicality will primarily affect those clients who will be relocating from one living space to another as well as those who may be displaced from their homes during significant renovations. From a practical standpoint, I will obtain my real estate license and assist people in finding new living spaces that are reflective of their settlement identity (Marcus, 2006). There is a vacuum in the real estate industry for professionals who are interested in, let alone attuned to, the needs of the clients below the surface of aesthetic desires and material security. As Lawlor (1997) emphasizes, “It is all too seldom that a real estate agent asks, ‘What is the feeling you are looking for in a house or apartment?’” (p. 16). Moore (1996) affirms this by stating, “The need for home lies deep in the human heart. . . . Few things are more important than finding a home and working at it constantly to make it resonate with deep memories and fulfill deep longings” (p. 42). Additionally, my title insurance background will help ensure a smooth closing process. I will be able to leverage my resources in the industry to research property information while anticipating and circumventing last-minute title and lender requests. In addition to real estate and title services, I will create an infrastructure to handle the nuts and bolts of each stage of the moving process. These services will include packing and moving the contents of the home; arranging temporary housing and storage units as needed; providing box breakdown and bulk trash removal; arranging audio-visual electronics installations; and hiring contractors for landscaping, painting, and small repairs. I will also handle utility setup or transfer and mail forwarding, and be present on moving day, if requested, to assist with childcare.

15 The Psychological and Spiritual Elements of ES When we look at the reasons why people change homes or have a desire to reengage with their existing living environments, we recognize there are two principal possibilities—they are either following a longing or responding to a need. For example, a longing may be to grow a family or to live closer to nature. A need could be a change in employment that necessitates relocation or securing a larger space to accommodate an ailing relative. Either way it is a calling of the soul’s longing for oneness and for the embodied evolutionary self to sense its interconnectedness to all that is within the boundaries of home. As Lawlor (1997) states, “Soul is the glue that links mind to body, body to home, home to earth, and earth to cosmos” (p. 24). By intentionally offering practical tools for bringing forth an aesthetic and energetic relationship to home, as well as a range of creative and spiritual practices to assist in the psychological elements of the settlement transition, I aim to integrate Plotkin’s (2003) approach into my clients’ experiences. As he emphasizes, the soul’s embodied state of interconnectedness is not only a vertical climb “upward toward the light and an ecstatic union with all of creation. It is a journey downward into the dark mysteries of the individual soul,”into the investigation of what it means to be fully human (p. 10). From a psychological perspective, the symbolism of the house as presented by Bachelard (1994) echoes this honoring of our desire for spiritual awareness as well as the necessity to function within the demands of the world: I believe that we should consider two principal connecting themes: 1) A house is imagined as a vertical being. It rises upward. It differentiates itself in terms of its verticality. It is one of the appeals to our consciousness of verticality. 2) A house is imagined as a concentrated being. It appeals to our consciousness of centrality. (p. 17) As an innovative psychologist, I recognize that it is my responsibility to understand the potential impact of awakening one’s longing and inviting the admission of need.

16 Throughout the course of the practical details, my intention is to begin the process of journeying into the heart of the human process while connecting my clients to the deepest part of themselves, that part that is unfettered in the midst of the chaos occurring in their external environment (Cole, 2003). Similar to Plotkin’s (2003) reference to the Wanderer’s Bag of Tools (p. 115), in a co-creative process with my clients based in deep listening and active dialogue, we will explore an inventory of practical tools as well as psychological and spiritual alignment practices to formulate a blueprint that will best serve their unique call of the soul (Sawyer, 2007). Systematic Approach: Offering an Inventory of Tools and Practices The project evaluation form that I have developed for working with my clients is provided in Appendix E. It takes into consideration the clients’ goals, interests, existing concepts of home, spiritual beliefs, sensitivities to natural materials, such as essential oils and sage, and their ranking in priority among organization, aesthetics, energetics, and functionality. The completion of this form will begin our co-creation of an approach to the physical elements of the space as well as designing a set of practices for the clients to continue as their relationship to the home develops over time. While each individual project will vary depending on factors such as whether the space is new or if the client is redesigning it, the inventory of tools and practices that I will offer the client are rooted in my exploration of developing personal relationships to home environments and a strong set of practices that I have adhered to in my quest for coming home to myself. It is from this place that my qualities of clear presence and compassionate curiosity will be invaluable elements that I will bring to each project. There will be two practices that I will adhere to as entry points into each project. The first will be either a ritual or ceremony. As defined by Cole (2003), “Ritual . . . includes a structured set of actions developed collaboratively . . . to effect a transition

17 from one psychological state to another” (p. 184). In its most basic sense, ritual is designed to set an intention and tune in energetically to what is desired, whether alone or witnessed by another (Hall, 1999). A simple ritual, such as clearing the space with sage or setting a meditative and then verbal intention with the client about a specific goal or struggle, will set the stage for connection between me and the client as well as connecting us to the flow of creative intelligence that will inspire our co-creation. In particular instances such as death or divorce, a more elaborate ceremony may be appropriate. Farmer’s (2002) shamanic clearing and blessing ceremony, utilizing cedar for cleansing of negative energy, sage as a secondary sweeping of stagnant remnants, and sweetgrass for blessing, all while honoring the four directions, is a ceremony that I will call upon in instances where a significant energetic shift will be useful. The other entry point practice will be creative expression, which offers a wide range of possibilities to assist in opening the hearts of my clients and quieting their analytical minds. In this way clients will be able to non-verbally communicate their emotional connection to the space or soften their defenses around speaking about something difficult that has transpired within the home, paving the way for the evolutionary process to continue by dissolving resistance to expansion (Marcus, 2006). The creative techniques that I will adhere to most closely are free-form writing and the creation of mandala (Cameron, 1992; Goldberg, 1990; Marcus, 2006). An impactful mandala practice that I intend to utilize frequently is the Mandala of the Soul created by Lawlor (1997), who was inspired by Jung’s theory of “separatio as the identifying of the different soul materials that needed attention” (p. 195). It is a mandala that is comprised of three concentric rings of symbols of the soul in the forms of pictures or objects that represent one’s relationship to the eight archetypal rooms of the home. The symbol of the soul exists at the center of the innermost ring, the eight

18 rooms create the second ring expanding out from the center, and the elements of nature and the months of the year form the outermost ring. The Mandala of the Soul is unique in that it reveals the threads of the elements of the relationship between the soul and the self that are in a weakened state and those that are strengths upon which we can build, while connecting these threads to different rooms in the home and what each represents. Lawlor states, “By using the mandala to identify those parts of the soul that need care, we can use our homes as settings to revitalize the wholeness of our lives” (p. 195). The tools that I will offer as building blocks in either the initial setup or rearrangement of space are physical cleaning, assessing functionality, organization, and in the case of move-in, staging boxes in each room or in a large area such as a garage or extra bedroom (Dissanayake, 1988; Hall, 1999; Marcus, 2006). I will also emphasize the importance of basic self-care such as feeding the body with nourishing food, water, sleep, and exercise. Paying attention to these simple baseline needs will increase the capacity for ease during any home transition. The inventory of practices that I will introduce to my clients for creating connectivity with the self through the vehicle of the home are (a) cultivating embodied movement and seated meditation practices; (b) designing a sacred space for solitude; (c) incorporating elements of the natural world and earth-based practices into the home; (d) encouraging beauty through decorating and collecting personally meaningful art, creating altars, and arrangement of sacred objects; and (e) building sacred bonds with community and family through storytelling, play, and music (Dissanayake, 1988; Freeman, 2012; Logan, 2010; Perez-Gomez, 2011). As I develop a relationship with my clients in the course of co-creating the elemental design of the space, I will be able to

19 assess the practices that are most desirable to them as well as those that can be used to expand the clients’ horizons. Case Study: Temple Shakti Ma

Monica Blossom Hochberg (Monica), age 43, and her son Gabriel (Gabe), age 10, landed in their new home on October 16, 2012. They have named it Temple Shakti Ma (TSM). The Hindu word shakti embraces a broad concept that essentially translates as

20 the creative intelligence of the Divine Feminine and the primordial force of empowerment that is an agent for change (Feuerstein, 1998). The name is quite fitting in light of the process of returning to the womb of home that Monica and Gabe are currently experiencing. For the year prior to settling into TSM, Monica and Gabe lived a chosen nomadic lifestyle—house sitting, staying with friends, and traveling—after selling their previous home, called Casa Ziba (CZ), in the fall of 2011. Monica is a steward of sacred community in Dallas, producing ecstatic dance, bhakti yoga, and kirtan events as well as being an ecstatic dance facilitator and an innovator of sacred sharing circles for both the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine archetypes. Monica is also an advocate for creating cohousing communities with an emphasis on sustainability and collaboration (Sanguinetti, 2012). CZ was a gathering place for community and Gabe’s childhood home. In addition to the daily life happenings to which all homes bear witness, CZ held space for Monica’s relationship with Gabe’s father, including its demise, provided a home for Monica’s two adult children, Justin and Andrea, and housed countless conscious community events. Her primary intentions in leaving CZ were to simplify her life and complete past cycles (M. Hochberg, personal communication, November 5, 2012). In the echoing words of Marcus (2006), “She no longer had need of the ego-supports of the ‘right house’. . . . She felt an increasing energy to embark on an actual, physical journey that would parallel her inward exploration” (p. 269). After following this call of letting go and signing a contract of sale, however, Monica felt instant regret and intense fear of having made a mistake. Once she recognized the pain of surrendering the home, she recoiled and doubted her decision. As Bridges (2004) states, “It was almost as if the act of acknowledging an ending as painful was an admission that the change triggering the transition had been a mistake”

21 (p. 9). Once Monica recognized all that had transpired in the home, her sense of identity that was connected to CZ was uprooted and the transition officially began (Bridges, 2004). And I also remember my sense of identity was just, a lot of my identity was tied into place and space, and what I was offering there, because it was not only like our home, but it was also where our community gathered, and I don’t want to say, ‘business,’ but we were building something together there. And I let go. (M. Hochberg, personal communication, November 5, 2012)

While grief, a sense of loss, and anxiety are not unusual emotions to have during a life transition such as changing residences (Brickell, 2012), Monica’s experience was exacerbated by the fact that her stepmother Bonnie, a strong mother figure throughout Monica’s life, was dying of a terminal illness. Wanting to be present with Bonnie during her decline Monica made the decision to live nomadically so that she did not have the

22 financial burden of a home while traveling back and forth between Texas and Missouri, where Bonnie lived. So we house sat, and traveled back and forth to Missouri, and stayed with friends a little bit. And, uh, gosh, even as I’m talking about it right now, such a sense of uprooting, like the mama passing away, and her health declining, and then being, you know, without a house. (M. Hochberg, personal communication, November 5, 2012) Gabe experienced profound sadness leaving his childhood home, the only place that he had lived. Without the future home in sight, it was unsettling for him. Additionally, the nomadic lifestyle for Gabe brought a loss of intimate, alone time with Monica, a sense of displacement in not having a place of his own, and additional grief that surfaced about his parents’ divorce.

Both Monica and Gabe remained in their collective process of reflection and grief. Monica, however, was able to draw upon the effects of her personal evolutionary

23 process to glean the positive aspects of the transition between CZ and TSM. These aspects became sources of strength and expansion as Monica began her settlement into the new, intentional, collaborative community that she was building. I suppose the most pleasurable thing for me was that I feel that I cultivated a lot of strength, and mobility, and capability . . . My body and my heart, my sense of knowing, that solid place, really developed for me. (M. Hochberg, personal communication, November 5, 2012) Monica’s being in the world, displaced from her home environment, brought her into deeper relationship with herself, shifting her focus from the outside in. As Freeman (2012) describes, “I was disrupted; and while the disruption was partly a matter of my own doing . . . it was reality itself . . . the world, in all of its wondrous otherness. . . . That’s really what allowed me to ‘let it go’” (p. 196). In co-creating with Monica and Gabe as they began settling into TSM, my focus was on four primary elements: (a) holding space for Monica’s emotions as she began the physical move-in process, (b) offering creative solutions for her emotional process, (c) spending time in the physical space with Monica and Gabe to assist in arranging rooms and staging boxes, and (d) conducting an interview with them that combined verbal processing with creative expression. In my time with Monica and Gabe, I recognized the value of offering my clear presence and compassionate curiosity that I spoke to in the previous section and an equally important personal practice of listening, both to my clients and to myself. In doing so, the fluidity of my intuition with Monica and Gabe was humbling, and I was amazed at how they would tell me exactly what they needed when I listened with my heart. On moving day, Monica called in a panic, feeling the weight of the physical elements of getting settled. It was clear to me that Monica needed a creative solution to digest her experiences of the transition, and I invited her into the practice of free-form

24 writing for 15 minutes each day, especially for the first week of settling in (Cameron, 1992; Goldberg, 1990). The following is an excerpt from Monica’s journal on moving day: This moment is juicy ripe with potential and I have this old self-sabbotage pattern that kicks on. It comes with a soundtrack that's pretty frantic. It sounds like this: “You don't know how to do this and you sure aren't gonna do any of this right. Especially when it comes to the linear and angular stuff like timelines and deadlines and dates.” It's as if I need a big, emerging catastrophe for my efficiency juices to kick in. . . . This is when that age-old feeling of wanting to drink alcohol comes to call. It's twisted around these feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty and stress . . . a hijacker of the confusion. 15 minutes is up. (M. Hochberg, personal communication, October 15, 2012) When the external environment becomes chaotic or unfamiliar, it is not at all unusual for human beings to reach for homeostasis. They do this by returning to familiar habits that will put them back in a place of control rather than remain in an unpredictable, expansive state that comes from following the energy to see where it takes us (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990). My prescription for Monica was to put written voice to her process in order to reach homeostasis in a way that would keep her open and in the flow of creativity, rather than shutting down through alcohol in an attempt to remain in control. From that place of flux, evolution continued to occur rather than repetition of a destructive pattern. The other emotional state that Monica revealed to me in these early stages of settlement into TSM was her fear of intrusion and violation. It seemed to me that Monica was experiencing the depth of her humanness, for it is human nature to walk into what we deem to be an ideal scenario (for Monica, moving into the new home) with the expectation that the presence of the ideal itself will assuage all of our discomfort. The truth is that “the attainment of a seeming ideal may ultimately prove confining” (Marcus, 2006, p. 113). Once an ideal is reached, there is an expectation that all will be well and in that expectation, a vulnerability is born. That same vulnerability

25 is then projected onto the fabric of the home until trust is built, just as in any relationship (Marcus, 2006). The safe space that TSM is now providing for Monica and Gabe, is there to allow the inner demons to surface so that they may be transformed (Bachelard, 1994; Solomonova, Frantova, & Nielsen, 2011). Throughout the above section I have provided quotations from the interview with Monica and Gabe after they had been in the space for several weeks and had a chance to settle into their environment. During the two-hour interview, it was fascinating for me to witness the transformation that occurred within and between Monica and Gabe, as they each spoke the truth of their individual experiences, with creative process as the pathway into their courageous hearts. Photographs from the interview are provided in Appendix F and in this instance in particular, pictures really do say a thousand words.

26 Future Research and Conclusion Not just this house around me but the arms of a fierce but healing world. Not just this line I write but the innocence of an earned forgiveness flowing again through hands made new with writing. And a man with no company but his house, his garden, and his own well peopled solitude, entering the silences and chambers of the heart to start again. (Whyte, 2007, p. 10-11; the entire poem is provided in Appendix G.) At the start of my research for this thesis, I was coming from the perspective of innovator, as well as one who has had firsthand experience with one-pointed residential real estate brokers and materially- and aesthetically-focused interior designers. The alchemy of those two approaches led me to believe that I had a seemingly well-formed idea of how to innovatively expand the limited spectrum of human environments. In retrospect, I am keenly aware that I underestimated the standpoint of the ecopsychologist, phenomenologist, geographer, architect, ecologist, and ontologist, with the breadth of their explorations into the science of human relationships. As I deepen my understanding of home, I believe that further investigation will include such topics

27 as (a) life stages, (b) gender roles, (c) relationships, (d) renting versus homeownership, (e) working from home, (f) travel, (g) connection to nature, (h) money and status, (i) domestic violence and homelessness as shadow aspects of home, (j) history of how home came to be, (k) how we may be influenced by what transpires in the space before we arrive, and (l) cultural differences. The containers that humans designate as home, as well as the factors that influence their determination of what constitutes their sense of place, are topics that have countless tendrils. I feel profoundly and deeply inspired to walk out into this wild world and offer my contribution to the expansive integration of home into the very center of the human heart. It will be my honor to offer up the idea that the beauty that is all around is a reflection of what is inside. Just as I have done with myself, I will stand before each person with a listening heart, clear presence, and compassionate curiosity. Indeed, there is no place quite like home.

28 References Adams, W. W. (2007). The primacy of interrelating: Practicing ecological psychology with Buber, Levinas, and Merleau-Ponty. Journal of Phenomenological Psychology, 38(1), 24-61. Bachelard, G. (1994). The poetics of space. Boston, MA: Beacon Press. Brickell, K. (2012). “Mapping” and “doing” critical geographies of home. Progress in Human Geography, 36(2), 225-244. Bridges, W. (2004). Transitions: Making sense of life’s changes. Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press. Cameron, J. (1992). The artist’s way: A spiritual path to higher creativity. New York, NY: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam. Claire, E. (2009). Silent sacred holy deepening heart. Ashland, OR: Silvergirl Publications. Cohen, B. B. (2012, June 19). Touch and movement. [Web log comment]. Retrieved December 3, 2012 from http://www.bodymindcentering.com/blogs/touch-andmovement. Cole, V. L. (2003). Healing principles: A model for the use of ritual in psychotherapy. Counseling and Values, 47(3), 184-194. Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. New York, NY: Harper Perennial. Dam, H., & Eyles, J. (2012). “Home Tonight? What? Where?”: An exploratory study of the meanings of house, home and family among the former Vietnamese refugees in a Canadian city. Forum: Qualitative Social Research, 13(2), Article 19. Dissanayake, E. (1988). What is art for? Seattle, WA and London: University of Washington Press. Farmer, S. D. (2002). Sacred ceremony: How to create ceremonies for healing, transitions, and celebrations. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House. Ferrucci, P. (1990). Inevitable grace: Breakthroughs in the lives of great men and women. New York, NY: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin. Feuerstein, G. (1998). The yoga tradition: Its history, literature, philosophy and practice. Prescott, AZ: Hohm Press. Freeman, M. (2012). Thinking and being otherwise: Aesthetics, ethics, erotics. Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology, 32(4), 196-208.

29 Gibran, K. (1915). The Prophet. Retrieved November 26, 2012, from http://www.katsandogz.com/onhouses.html. Goldberg, N. (1990). Wild mind: Living the writer’s life. New York, NY: Bantam Books. Gradle, S. (2007). Ecology of place: Art education in a relational world. Studies in Art Education, 48(4), 392-411. Hall, K. (1999). The place of sacred space. The Journal for Quality and Participation, 22(2), 44-47. Ilesanmi, A. O. (2011). Home and psycho-social benefits: The case of public housing in Lagos, Nigeria. Ife PsychologIA, 19(2), 92-112. Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever you go, there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life. New York, NY: Hyperion. Lawlor, A. (1997). A home for the soul: A guide for dwelling with spirit and imagination. New York, NY: Clarkson Potter. LeRoy, M. (Producer) & Fleming, V. (Director). (1939). The Wizard of Oz [Motion picture]. United States: MGM Studios. Logan, J. J. (2010). “There’s no place like home”: A snapshot of the settlement experiences of newcomer Tibetan women in Parkdale, Toronto. (Master’s thesis). Retrieved from ProQuest Dissertations and Theses. Lunn, F. M. (2011). Patterns of growth and perception: The site, the city and the wild. AI & Soc, 26, 153-161. Marcus, C. C. (2006). House as a mirror of self: Exploring the deeper meaning of home. Berwick, ME: Nicolas-Hays. McLean, C. (2012). The yellow brick road: A values based curriculum model. Nurse Education in Practice, 12, 159-163. Moore, T. (1996). The re-enchantment of everyday life. New York, NY: Harper Collins. Oliver, M. (2007). Boundaries. Orion Magazine, September/October 2007 Issue. Retrieved November 26, 2012, from http://www.orionmagazine.org/index.php/articles/poem/351. Perez-Gomez, A. (2011). Built upon love: Towards beauty and justice in architecture. Mosaic, 44(3), 43-59. Plotkin, B. (2003). Soulcraft: Crossing into the mysteries of nature and psyche. Novato, CA: New World Library.

30 Reese, R. F., & Myers, J. E. (2012). EcoWellness: The missing factor in holistic wellness models. Journal of Counseling and Development, 90(4), 400-406. Sanguinetti, A. (2012). The design of intentional communities: A recycled perspective on sustainable neighborhoods. Behavior and Social Issues, 21, 5-25. Santostefano, S. (2008). The sense of self inside and environments outside: How the two grow together and become one in healthy psychological development. Psychoanalytic Dialogues, 18(4), 513-535. Sawyer, K. (2007). Group genius: The creative power of collaboration. New York, NY: Basic Books. Solomonova, E., Frantova, E., & Nielsen, T. (2011). Felt presence: The uncanny encounters with the numinous Other. AI & Soc, 26, 171-178. Stevens, P. (2010). Embedment in the environment: A new paradigm for well-being? Perspectives in Public Health, 130(6), p. 265-269. Whyte, D. (2007). River flow: New & selected poems. Langley, WA: Many Rivers Press.

31 Appendix A “The House of Belonging” From River flow: New and selected poems by David Whyte (2007, p. 6-8) I awoke this morning in the gold light turning this way and that thinking for a moment it was one day like any other. But the veil had gone from my darkened heart and I thought it must have been the quiet candlelight that filled my room, it must have been the first easy rhythm with which I breathed myself to sleep, it must have been the prayer I said speaking to the otherness of the night. And I thought this is the good day you could meet your love, this is the black day someone close to you could die.

32 This is the day you realize how easily the thread is broken between this world and the next and I found myself sitting up in the quiet pathway of light, the tawny close grained cedar burning round me like fire and all the angels of this housely heaven ascending through the first roof of light the sun has made. This is the bright home in which I live, this is where I ask my friends to come, this is where I want to love all the things it has taken me so long to learn to love. This is the temple of my adult aloneness and I belong to that aloneness as I belong to my life. There is no house like the house of belonging.

33 Appendix B Additional Photographs of Mill Run Road and Daytonia Avenue

4435 Mill Run Road

34 8635 Daytonia Avenue The view from my kitchen window

35

36

37

My meditation and yoga space

38

My backyard sanctuary and gardens

39 Appendix C “Boundaries” by Mary Oliver (2007) There is a place where the town ends and the fields begin. It’s not marked but the feet know it, also the heart, that is longing for refreshment and, equally, for repose. Someday we’ll live in the sky. Meanwhile, the house of our lives is the world. The fields, the ponds, the birds. The thick black oaks—surely they are the children of God. The feistiness among the tiger lilies, the hedges of runaway honeysuckle, that no one owns. Where is it? I ask, and then my feet know it. One jump, and I’m home.

40 Appendix D “On Houses” A chapter from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran (1915) Build of your imaginings a bower in the wilderness ere you build a house within the city walls. For even as you have home-comings in your twilight, so has the wanderer in you, the ever distant and alone. Your house is your larger body. It grows in the sun and sleeps in the stillness of the night; and it is not dreamless. Does not your house dream? And dreaming, leave the city for grove or hill-top? Would that I could gather your houses into my hand, and like a sower scatter them in forest and meadow. Would the valleys were your streets, and the green paths your alleys, that you might seek one another through vineyards, and come with the fragrance of the earth in your garments. But these things are not yet to be. In their fear your forefathers gathered you too near together. And that fear shall endure a little longer. A little longer shall your city walls separate your hearths from your fields. And tell me, people of OrphaIese, what have you in these houses? And what is it you guard with fastened doors? Have you peace, the quiet urge that reveals your power? Have you remembrances, the glimmering arches that span the summits of the mind? Have you beauty, that leads the heart from things fashioned of wood and stone to the holy mountain? Tell me, have you these in your houses? Or have you only comfort, and the lust for comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host and then a master? Ay, and it becomes a tamer, and with hook and scourge makes puppets of your larger desires. Though its hands are silken, its heart is of iron. It lulls you to sleep only to stand by your bed and jeer at the dignity of the flesh. It makes mock of your sound senses, and lays them in thistledown like fragile vessels. Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and then walks grinning in the funeral. But you, children of space, you restless in rest, you shall not be trapped nor tamed. Your house shall be not an anchor but a mast. It shall not be a glistening film that covers a wound, but an eyelid that guards the eye. You shall not fold your wings that you may pass through doors, nor bend your heads that they strike not against a ceiling, nor fear to breathe lest walls should crack and fall down. You shall not dwell in tombs made by the dead for the living.

41 And though of magnificence and splendour, your house shall not hold your secret nor shelter your longing. For that which is boundless in you abides in the mansion of the sky, whose door is the morning mist, and whose windows are the songs and the silences of night.

42 Appendix E Project Evaluation Form

43

!

Ev olution Sanctuar y

Wash your face to feel better; clean your house to free your mind. – Egyptian Proverb ! _______________________________________________________!

Project Evaluation! Name: Address: Phone:

(cell) (alternate)

Email: Other family / household members to consider: Occupation: Preferred method of contact (circle one): Best time to reach you (circle one): Earliest available time: Circle one:

Rent

Email

Day

Phone Evening

Any

Latest: Own

How long?

What is your vision for today’s session? Do you have specific goals you would like us to reach?

!

44

!

Describe 3-5 short-term goals including their timeframe:

Describe 3-5 long-term goals including their timeframe:

Please circle the importance levels of the following categories, 1 being the least important and 10 being the most important ~ Organization

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

Aesthetics

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

Energetics

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

Function

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

What does the word “home” mean to you?

!

45

What does the word “sanctuary” mean to you? !

What does the word “altar” mean for you and what images does it conjure up?

Do you enjoy nature? If so, what elements of nature do you envision in your home?

Do you entertain?

.

.

Do you prefer dark, cozy spaces or bright, open spaces, and/or when do you appreciate elements of both?

What are your favorite colors?

!

46

!How would you describe your style, i.e. conservative, artistic, eclectic, modern

etc.

.

What is your budget, if any, for additional pieces of furniture or decorative items? If there is not one at this time, please describe your wish list for the future. .

Do you read? What are you currently reading? Where do you read?

Do you use or would you consider Christmas lights as decorative elements?

Do you burn candles?

Do you burn incense or sage?

Do you have a sensitivity to smoke or smells, such as essential oils?

!

47

Please describe any recent changes in your life or traumatic experiences. Is !

there a way you envision honoring them or incorporating them into your home?

Please describe any rooms in your home that you currently dedicate to or would like to dedicate to a spiritual practice.

Is there a favorite hobby or pastime that you enjoy? Do you do it in your home? Why or why not?

What else would you like me to know about yourself or your life in this moment?

.

!

48

! I awoke this morning in the gold light turning this way and that! thinking for a moment it was one day like any other. But the veil had gone from my darkened heart and I thought it must have been the quiet candlelight that filled my room, it must have been the first easy rhythm with which I breathed myself to sleep, it must have been the prayer I said speaking to the otherness of the night. And I thought this is the good day you could meet your love, this is the black day someone close to you could die. This is the day you realize how easily the thread is broken between this world and the next

!

and I found myself sitting up in the quiet pathway of light, the tawny close grained cedar burning round me like fire and all the angels of this housely heaven ascending through the first roof of light the sun has made. This is the bright home in which I live, this is where I ask my friends to come, this is where I want to love all the things it has taken me so long to learn to love. This is the temple of my adult aloneness and I belong to that aloneness as I belong to my life. There is no house like the house of belonging. David Whyte ~ The House of Belonging

49 Appendix F Photographs of Temple Shakti Ma, and of the Interview with Monica Blossom and Gabriel Hochberg

Movement studio and community dwelling space upstairs

50 Community bathroom

51

52

Gabriel warming up

53

Monica and Gabriel at the beginning of the interview doing individual creative expressions

54

55

56

57

58

59

60 Appendix G “At Home” From River flow: New and selected poems by David Whyte (2007, p. 9-11) At home amidst the bees wandering the garden in the summer light the sky a broad roof for the house of contentment where I wish to live forever in the eternity of my own fleeting and momentary happiness. I walk toward the kitchen door as if walking toward the door of a recognized heaven and see the simplicity of shelves and the blue dishes and the vaporing steam rising from the kettle that called me in.

61 Not just this aromatic cup from which to drink but the flavor of a life made whole and lovely through the imagination seeking its way. Not just this house around me but the arms of a fierce but healing world. Not just this line I write but the innocence of an earned forgiveness flowing again through hands made new with writing. And a man with no company but his house, his garden, and his own well peopled solitude, entering the silences and chambers of the heart to start again.