spring

| 2015

Your grief story

| by Kate Sproul, grief support counselor conquering losses, let’s consider loss as something we carry. If you have experienced a loss, you likely understand the weight of this load called grief.

Many of us have experienced the physical loss of someone loved, yet we hesitate to share these experiences. The depth of grief is difficult to understand and articulate. No matter how recent our loss is, grief often remains a constant reminder that life will never be the same.

Our society has a misconception that grief is made up of succinct periods of time that we will encounter and conquer. However, the idea of conquering a loss diminishes the importance of that relationship and suggests the bond is no longer valued. Instead of

In This Issue page 2 page 3 page 4

page 5 Kids and Teens Corner Events and Notices page 6 Contact Us Support Groups Standing Together-grief support group for kids and teens

Writer Karen Blixen shares, “All sorrows can be carried if you put them in a story or tell a story about them.” Blixen provides a way to carry this heavy load of grief. When we consider grief as part of our story, there is no arguing about a right or wrong way to grieve. In our story, there is no pressure to move on or to conquer. In our story, there is no judgment if we are not “over it” yet. In our story, there is no shame in the intensity or duration of our grief. In our story, sadness, regret, yearning and confusion become part of the narrative. In our story, our grief reaction and

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Your grief story

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experience become an expression of the bond we shared with the person who died. There is no denying that our stories include loss, heartache, doubt and sorrow. Yet, our stories also include beauty, health, strength and triumph. These stories ought to be shared, honored and celebrated for these stories shape us and lend definition to our lives. We may share our stories personally by writing in a journal, or we may share publically by talking to a friend, asking for support or joining a support group. Healing occurs when we share our experiences and our stories. Telling our stories helps provide strength to carry the heavy load of grief.

As you begin to share your story, consider the topics listed below. I encourage you to write them down or ask a trusted friend, family member or counselor to help you process them within the context of your own grief experience. • • • •

Begin by sharing what happened. Identify the emotions you are experiencing today. Share what has been most difficult for you. Consider what you wish others knew about grief and loss. • Finally, describe what you have found to be most helpful during this time.

Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home. – Matsuo Basho

Events and Notices Spring Memorial Service 1 p.m., Wednesday, May 6

Location United Church of Christ (Formerly: First Congregational) 2624 Rockefeller Ave., Everett, WA 98201 You, your family and friends are invited to join our interfaith celebration of life. The service includes reflections, readings, music and a reading of loved ones’ names. Reception to follow.

Camp Erin Everett 2015 Aug. 21-23, 2015 Please call 425-261-4807 for an application. Camp Erin Everett is a FREE 3-day, overnight camp for youth in grades K-12 who have experienced the death of a significant person. The weekend is a traditional, high-energy, fun camp coupled with grief support and education. Camp Erin is held at Stanwood’s Camp Killoqua, about 20 miles northwest of Everett. Camp is facilitated by professional staff and trained volunteers of Providence Hospice and Home Care of Snohomish County.

A Table of Remembrance will be set aside on which you may place a small remembrance of your loved one, such as a photo or special object representative of that person. We will have nametags for your display. After the Activities include boating, campfires, music, rock climbing, nature walks, arts and crafts, field sports and reception, you may take your display home with you. swimming. Please let us know you are coming. To register, call 425-261-4807.

“At Camp Erin I learned there are others who are going through what I’m going through.” –Teenage camper

Kids and Teens Corner

Helping your child or teen understand their own story | by Hannah Herkert, grief support services intern When someone dies, it can feel as if things are happening to you, things that you are not able to control. This is especially true with kids. Children and teens can feel as if they have very little control over their own lives. This feeling can seep into their grief. Just as it is important for you to unravel and investigate your own story around your grief, it is important for kids to do the same. When children and teens are shown that it’s possible to take ownership of their own story, they are empowered to cope more effectively and grieve more intentionally and meaningfully. As an adult, how can you empower them to understand their story? How can you help them feel some control over an otherwise wildly complex, chaotic experience? Suggestions: • Invite your child to keep a journal. • They can narrate their story of loss in 3rd person (for example, “he saw” or “she felt”). Narrate either out loud, through writing or by drawing. • Ask questions about their story, such as:

o

What character in this story are you (hero, villain, antagonist, a side character, the main character?) o Where do you feel like you are in charge of your story? Where do you feel as though you have no control? o This is YOUR story. Is there anything you would like to change about it? Is it anything I can help you with? Other suggestions: • Enroll in a weekend class or activity as a family with the intention of reconnecting in light of some very difficult changes. • Encourage your child to engage in a new art project, such as painting or pottery, or in a new sport. • Set a “family time” with a snack and/or a game where everyone can discuss difficult feelings without judgment or interruption. Children look to the adults in their lives to gauge the safety of expressing their feelings. By asking questions and keeping a curious ear open, you will allow your child to move forward in the grief process.

Support Groups Individual/family grief support Registration is required for the following:

Mother Loss Group (a group for those who are grieving the loss of their mother)

Standing Together (a group for kids and teens)

(6-week series) April 21-May 26 3-4:30 p.m. For information or to register, please call 425-261-4807.

(2014-2015 school year) April 11, May 9, June 13 Noon-2 p.m. First Presbyterian Church 2936 Rockefeller Ave., Everett To register, please call 425-261-4844.

Ongoing drop-in groups

Individual/family grief support

Registration NOT required for the following:

Individual and family grief support and education is available to those who are grieving the death of a significant person within the past 13 months.

General Loss Drop-In Group Second and fourth Wednesdays 1-2:30 p.m. Providence Hospice 2731 Wetmore Ave., Everett

To make an appointment with one of our counselors, please call 425-261-4807.

Soul Survivors (Spouse Loss) Drop-In Group

For additional information, please call 425-261-4807. All services are offered free of charge.

Second and fourth Thursdays 2-3:30 p.m. Providence Hospice 2731 Wetmore Ave., Everett

Newly Bereaved Workshop for Adults Third Thursday of the month 6-7:30 p.m. Providence Hospice 2731 Wetmore Ave., Everett

Help us go GREEN. . . Receive your newsletter via email. To sign up, please call 425-261-4807.

Standing Together

A grief support group for kids and teens After the death of someone important in a child or teen’s life, it can be a bewildering time. We have heard from many youth that they felt alone and that their peers don’t “get it.” Standing Together exists in order to bring grieving youth together in a safe, supportive and fun environment. At Standing Together kids and teens meet in small groups with others their own age. They have opportunities to share, engage in creative expression activities and learn that they truly aren’t alone.

When asked about Standing Together, kids and teens shared: “The best part about Standing

kids out there like me.”

Together is knowing there are other

Standing Together is a free grief support group for youth in grades kindergarten through 12th grade facilitated by trained staff and volunteers of Providence Hospice of Snohomish County.

“What I want other teens to know about Standing Together is that it’s not a place you go to because something is wrong with you–it’s a place

you go to be safe and understood.”

Meetings are held from noon-2 p.m. on the second Saturday of each month. Pizza lunch is provided.

“I learned it’s

April 11, May 9, June 13

OK to talk about your loved one.”

First Presbyterian Church 2936 Rockefeller Ave., Everett At Standing Together, we realize that children are also part of larger systems that are impacted by loss, too. Parents and guardians at times struggle with how to recognize grief reactions in youth or how support a grieving child. For this reason, we offer a group for parents and guardians that meets while the youth are in their small groups.

When asked about Standing Together, adults shared: “The most helpful part of the parent group for me was hearing how other kids do and don’t show their emotions. Also, it’s been the one place people ask how I feel about the loss.” “Although it can be challenging to walk through the door, the experience of connecting with others is healing.”

For more information or to register, please call 425-261-4844.

Providence Hospice and Home Care of Snohomish County 2731 Wetmore Ave., Suite 500 Everett, WA 98201

NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION U.S. POSTAGE PAID EVERETT, WA PERMIT NO. 88

www.providence.org/phhc

RETURN SERVICE REQUESTED

Would you like a call or visit? If you would like to talk to someone about your grief, please call us at 425-261-4807. We would like to work with you to meet your needs. Our staff include: Rex Allen, MA, manager, grief support services Heather Sessions LICSW, coordinator, grief support services Lisa Freerks, assistant, grief support services Kate Sproul, MA, counselor, grief support services If we are on the phone or away from our desks when you call, please leave us a message. We will return your call as soon as possible. Thank you!

Providence Hospice and Home Care of Snohomish County is a nonprofit organization that relies on philanthropic support to continue providing critical programs and services that are vital to our community. If you would like to make a contribution, please send your tax-deductible donation to: By mail: Providence Hospice and Home Care Foundation 2731 Wetmore Ave., Suite 500 Everett, WA 98201 By phone: 425-261-4822 Online: www.providence.org/phhc You can donate online or download a donation form and mail your gift.

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