Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow The Compassionate Friends Mandurah Chapter

Volume 12 Issue 4 December 2015

Rm 2, Mandurah Lotteries House, 7 Anzac Place Mandurah 6210

ABN: 412 610 911 81 Founded in England by Rev Simon Stephens 1969

Ph (08) 9535 7761

Australian Founders Lindsay & Margaret Harmer, 1978

E-mail: [email protected]

WA Patron Graham Mabury OAM Cit WA FECU BA (Hons) Grad. Dip. Ed.

www.tcfmandurah.com

Our Grateful thanks to Drum Print for the Sponsorship of this Newsletter.

WELCOME It’s that time of year again when we are surrounded by Christmas music and happy carols, on the radio and in the shops. For those who are approaching the first Christmas without their son or daughter this season can be very painful. The newly bereaved parent often wonders how it is possible for so many to seem so happy when all they want to do is escape from the nightmare that is daily life with a precious person missing. Once the first Christmas has passed you can give yourself the reassurance that you did survive that first Christmas and so you can again. People have many different ways of handling difficult times. Sometimes a family will choose to go on a holiday, away from the familiar environment. Others might set a special place at the table, light a candle or make a family outing to a special place. Whatever you do, make it something that sits easily on your shoulders and remove any stress. Our family always had a Christmas tree, even when we lived in Paua New Guinea. There we would decorate a few branches and the children helped with each step. After the death of my son I did not put up a tree for several years. It was something I could not bring myself to do. However I remarried and with the husband came some new grandchildren. They provided the reason and incentive to once more have a tree and on the tree each year are special ornaments including one to my son and one to my grandson. The greatest source of strength and healing comfort at this time for me is our annual Candlelight memorial service which is held on Worldwide Candle lighting Sunday. Details of our service are in this newsletter and I hope to see many of you there. If wishes came true I would wish you all Peace of mind, heart and soul. Margot McAllister Mother of Kevin, Nana of Jackson

Worldwide Candle Lighting The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites family and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honour the memories of the sons, daughters, brothers, sisters and grandchildren who left too soon. As candles are lit at 7:00 pm local time, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honour the memory of all children gone too soon. Now believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe, the 19th annual Worldwide Candle Lighting, a gift to the bereavement community from The Compassionate Friends, creates a virtual 24 hr. wave of light as it moves from one time zone to time zone. Started in the USA in 1997 as a small internet observance, but has since swelled in numbers as word has spread throughout the world of remembrance. Hundreds of formal candle lighting events are held and thousands of informal candle lightings are conducted in homes as families gather in quiet remembrance of children who have died, but never forgotten. The Compassionate Friends and allied organisations are joined by local bereavement groups and community centres. Services range in size from just a few people to many. Every year you are invited to post a message in the Remembrance Book which will be available, during the event, at TCF’s national website. The Worldwide Candle Lighting gives bereaved families everywhere the opportunity to remember their children so that Their lights may always shine!

21 Rafferty Road Mandurah

Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

DISPLAYS

A.G.M

We welcomed the opportunity to take part in the “Wellbeing” display held at Arcadia Waters retirement village on Monday 26 October. It was a good opportunity for networking with the other agencies there.

Lovely to have a good turnout again for our AGM. Our thanks go to all retiring members, for their time on the committee and we welcome the 2015/2016

Gina Conway and Susan Lynch from the events team did well promoting TCF with distribution of our information pamphlets, raising funds via a raffle and the sales of TCF items.

management committee as follows:

Two agencies have requested a guest speaker, a reflexology therapist expressed interest in attending a future retreat and Wendie Adams, a resident of the village, offered to donate some handmade decorated bags which we can use to raise funds. This was a very successful morning.

Vice President : Carolyn Lee

President : Gary Withers Treasurer : John Lawrence Secretary : Tina Pearce P. R. Manager : Margot McAllister

Murray Seniors Expo

Committee Members : Lyn Richards

This expo was well attended. Our events team volunteers, Gina Conway and Susan Lynch set up the display as shown in the photograph. They distributed our TCF literature, sold TCF items and raffle tickets. The raffle of a large plastic basin packed with lots of items useful as Christmas gifts was won by a very surprised and pleased lady Zandra Taylor.

We would welcome one more member so if you are over 2 years bereaved & would like to join us in our bi-monthly meetings, please let us know.

Mandurah Seniors Expo Held at the Accent centre, this expo was also well attended with lots of activities and entertainment. Our TCF sale items were popular and the raffle was won by Mr & Mrs John Cox. Again lots of TCF literature was distributed and the networking with other agencies represented resulted in an invitation to guest speak. Positive feedback was received from two agencies who had referred people to TCF. Margot McAllister set up the display which was then manned by events team volunteers Diann Gibbs, Gina Conway and Elsma Rubery.

Thank You Our grateful thanks go to those who manned the displays, contributed to the raffles and helped with the organization. The four beautifully decorated shopping bags which were made and donated by Wendie Adam proved to be good sellers. Thank you Wendie, we appreciate this support. Margot McAllister

ROCKINGHAM SENIORS EXPO We had a stall at the Expo on Wednesday 4th November at the Mike Barnett Sports Centre. The venue was excellent, spacious and very well organized. There were many stalls from a huge range of agencies. The Expo was well attended. We handed out lots of leaflets, chatted about our services and met some bereaved people who hadn’t heard about us. It was a rewarding day. Thanks to Barb Spriggs who assisted me. Tina Pearce.

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International Children's Memorial Day—A 24 Hour World Wide event for TCF . TCF Mandurah warmly invites you to our “Flowers on the Estuary Memorial” Date: Sunday 31 January 2016 Time 8.15a.m. Place: Dalrymple Park, near the old Mandurah bridge We gather together to remember our children, siblings and grandchildren. Flowers will be provided with cards for you to write your special message. If you would like to share a poem or special memory please feel free to do so. We leave our flowers on the water and spend a time of quiet reflection. A sausage sizzle will be provided for a gold coin donation. Our beautiful memorial quilt will be there for you to write a special message. RSVP for catering purposes to 9535 7761 by 29 January 2016 Tina Pearce

Members Corner Members are welcome to submit any items such as poems and stories or experiences, which can help other bereaved parents, to the centre for possible inclusion in a newsletter. Please mark the items “Attention Newsletter Editor”

Angel WA Sisters Angel WA Sisters is a non- profit charity community service. We have an amazing team of volunteers’ working in their own time (around the clock), to create some of the most stunning Angel Gowns (burial gowns for babies). These beautiful Angel Gowns are lovingly hand created from donated wedding gowns by our beautiful Volunteers’ for babies that grow their heavenly wings far too early. We donate all our handcrafted gowns to families who have suffered the tragic loss of their baby. Contact to Tracy can be made on 0438 901 791 or at [email protected].

REGISTRATIONS NOW OPEN

Waroona Outreach

On 11 November I was able to travel with the Peel Mobile TCF 6 International Gathering Health Services bus to the Waroona Resource Centre. I “Mourning in Motion” shared a table with Sharon McMiles, coordinator of the Registration to attend the gathering is open “Stronger Families” project, which is currently being conducted in the community and schools. Our literature was until 21 April 2016. distributed and several people stopped to talk and take Venue: Hotel Intercontinental, Frankfurt on information to grieving families they knew of. It was good Main. Germany. to also have time with people who had previously been in touch. I gave out some flyers about the coming CandleDates: 28 July to 31 July 2016 light Memorial Service and left some at the resource cenAccommodation: The organising committee tre for distribution and inclusion in the centre newslethave secured a special price at the Hotel Inter. tercontinental for TCF members attending the We are very grateful to the PMHS for their partnership Gathering. which has assisted us in our outreach to Waroona & The program is currently being finalised and District. Gail Frater, who coordinates the service which will include a range of presentations, seminars and workshops. With International operates under GP Down South, has included us in the guest speakers and a mix of professional and roster and also in the publicity sent to her wide network of community agencies and media contacts. The networkTCF attendees. ing, the increased community awareness of TCF and More information at the web site most importantly the contact with people who needed our www.mourninginmotion. services, has all been achieved through this partnership, thank you Gail. Margot McAllister th

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PRESIDENT’S LETTER At this time of year our thoughts turn to our children. How much those that have gone enjoyed the holiday period and the getting together with family and friends. What those that are still with us will be doing. We hope we can get through without coming apart in front of others. There are many things we can do to help ourselves. One is by attending The Compassionate Friends Candlelight Memorial Service. This is a good way to dedicate time to our departed, in a peaceful relaxed and understanding atmosphere with people who feel a similar way. Another is finding new or adjusted traditions for the period. Setting a place for all at the table, visiting a happy memory place, getting together with other bereaved parents or families. Sometimes we feel like hiding away, sometimes we want to hide in a crowd where no one knows us, who don’t know how much it hurts to be us. I have recently attended the annual Retreat, with my wife and one of my twins, held at Dwellingup and coordinated by members of our group. A very pleasant weekend was had, plenty of food, lovely therapists, nice conversations and cries with friends who are walking our walk, and support by the bucket load. We released rose petals on the river to honour all the children. I came home Sunday very relaxed and refreshed ready to face the world again. Another event coming up is the International Children's Memorial Day. A beautiful morning service to honour our children in a peaceful place by the water with a breakfast after. Please remember that our annual Walk To Remember is on in March. A big chance to get our name out to the community and raise funds to support the services that we as a group supply. Gary Withers, Father of Kris and Gary Jnr

2015 WEEKEND RETREAT The retreat was enjoyed by everyone who attended. Even though we were a small group the weekend was a great success. Our special thanks go to Wendy Nani who organised the decorations, the raffle prizes and the butterfly stands on which we wrote the names of our loved ones. We then placed the butterfly stands in the garden and hung butterfly scarves around the decking. Gary Withers and Wendy organised the catering and prepared our meals for us. Our thanks to the therapists, especially to Nancy Blaasch, who organised them to come on such short notice. We had four people who came for the Saturday so we scattered some petals on the river. The rest we scattered on Sunday. We went on the obstacle course after lunch. Gary, Dave and Ursula went paddling in the canoes. Most of us left for home at 1430 agreeing we had all enjoyed the retreat. - Carolyn Lee Mother of Christopher.

2016 Walk to Remember Our 2016 walk will take place on Sunday March 13. Please note that date in your diary and ask relatives and friends to do so also. The walk will start at 10a.m. from Dalrymple Park. Please plan to arrive at 9.30 to register, pin name badges on your polo shirts and write personal messages on the hearts which can be carried with you than planted on return to the park. We will follow our piper Viv Riley along the Mandurah foreshore to the performing Arts centre. After stopping there for group photos we will walk back to socialise over a sausage sizzle prepared for us by the members of the Mandurah Lions Club. Each year we see family groups welcome others. The route is level so that pushchairs etc. can be easily negotiated and we have two wheelchairs which can be used if needed. Bottled water is provided by Westpac Bank and please remember to wear hats and sunscreen. The walk aims to provide a meaningful memorial event, to increase community awareness of our services and to raise funds so that our work can continue. Pledge forms and flyers will be distributed in January 2016. Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

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Please Hear What I’m Not Saying Don’t be fooled by me. Don’t be fooled by the face I wear,

STORYTIME

For I wear a mask, a thousand masks. Masks that I’m afraid to take off, and none of them is me.

Storytime came early this week, i.e. on a Monday (25/11/02) at lunchtime instead of on a Tuesday evening.

Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me, but don’t be fooled, for God’s sake don’t be fooled. I give you the impression that I am secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that Confidence is my name and coolness my game. That the water’s calm and I’m in command and that I need no one.

Aidan was awake (or conscious anyway) so I asked whether he would like a story, or to listen to some music. He said he would like a story. I raced out to the large book collection to try and find a suitable story. I selected the “Rhymes for Annie Rose and read a few poems to him.

But don’t believe me. My surface may seem smooth. But my surface is my mask, my ever-varying and everconcealing mask. Beneath lies no complacence. Beneath lies the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness. But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it. I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed. That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated façade, to help me pretend. To shield me from the glance that knows; but such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only salvation.

Dad was waiting to take him up to the school to see classmates and as the awake time did not last long, I could not delay his departure for school for very long.

And I know it. That is, if it’s followed by love. It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from the barriers I so painstakingly erect. It’s the only thing that will assure me of what I can’t assure myself, that I’m really worth something. But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare to. I’m afraid to. I’m afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance and love. I’m afraid you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh. And your laugh would kill me. I’m afraid that deepdown I’m nothing, that I’m just no good and that you will see this and reject me. So I play the game, with a façade of assurance without and a trembling child within. And so begins the parade of masks. The glittering but empty parade of masks, and my life becomes a front. I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that’s really nothing. And nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me. So when I’m going through my routine, do not be fooled by what I’m saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying. - Author not known.

Over the past week I was extremely fortunate to be able to spend some quality time with Aidan, sitting with him listening to music, massaging his tiny back or holding his hand. Various family members and close friends also spent quality time with him. He was not left alone and he was aware of family and friends being with him. He acknowledged a person’s presence with a nod or a hello or a hug. He was that sort of special child. One day when I asked how he was, he gave me a thumbs up. Aidan has always been a ‘man’s man’ but we had a good relationship nonetheless. I used to take him shopping on a Saturday morning and whilst he was sitting up like Jacky in the baby seat ( and later the booster seat ) we used to play a game about how many people loved Aidan. He has a very large family and it was quite a task to remember all the names. I followed up the game at our weekly storytime and ’tuck into bed’ time. I freely told him how much I loved him and how much he was loved. For anyone lucky enough to have grandchildren, they will know about the special bond between a grandparent and a grandchild. Aidan died just a few minutes after midnight on 27/11/02 after a courageous 3 year battle with a brain tumour. He died physically but his spiritual presence is very much still here. On the day of Aidan’s funeral one of our rose bushes called ‘Joyfulness’ was brimming with blooms, so I took two roses ( one each for my husband and me ) to place into his grave. After Aidan died, various friends bought special roses for me to plant in the garden. The roses were bought for their names. My Aidan memorial rose garden now contains: Angel Face’, ‘Superstar’, ‘Happy Child’, ‘Hero’, and ‘The Children’s Rose. Having a special area set aside has been very healing for my husband and me. The garden also provides us with roses to take to the cemetery to place on Aidan’s grave.

Why not join us as a friend on Facebook? If you have something special you would like to share, please email to the office and we will post on the main page with your first name only.

We had no sooner put the roses down when a couple of kangaroos came forward and took the tops off the roses. Initially I was upset but my husband pointed out that, as Aidan had a real sense of mischief about him, he would have laughed at the antics of the kangaroos. Tricia Engler Grandmother (Ganma) of Aidan

Here’s our link: The Compassionate Friends Mandurah Inc Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

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Five Candles For A Loved One Who Has Died

CANDLE GLOW. As we light these five candles in honour of you, When I gaze upon a candle glow When I look into its light I think of my youngest dearest son His eyes so shining bright. It makes my mind turn To another time and place A lifetime, it seems has passed Since I’ve seen his youthful face I’ll always be remembering, when I gaze on candle glow That the flame that burns so brightly Will remain me, it will show

We light one for our grief, One for our courage, One for our memories, One for our love, And one for hope. This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you. This candle represents our courage. The courage to confront our sorrow, To comfort each other, and to change our lives.

That the life that being extinguished Like a candle strong and true

This candle is in your memory.

Will be a lasting memory,

For the times we laughed,

Of a life that I once knew.

The times we cried,

Author unknown

The times we were angry at each other, The silly things we did,

PARENTS

And the caring and the joy you gave to us.

We are two of many parents Whose wonderful child has died. We may find support and kindness But we still hurt deep inside.

This candle is the Light of Love.

We walk the path not chosen We live each day with grief Still the days come and go And we feel no relief.

That will always be reserved for you.

We cannot change what has happened Although we wish we could go back To times we could have hugged our child And talk and love and laugh.

And this candle is the Light of Hope.

This Christmas time my wish would be That we share the love we’ve lost With those who need that helping hand For kindness and caring with no cost. Emily Pinnell, mother of Haydn

As we enter this Christmas season, Day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts We thank you for the gift your living brought to each of us.

It reminds us of the love and the memories of you that are our ours forever. May the glow of the flame of Christ be our source of hopefulness now and forever. We love you. We miss you. Submitted by Helen Hitchcock in memory of her daughter Maria. Author Unknown

Changed Your Contact Details Please let us know if you have changed your telephone number or your address. If you would like your newsletter e-mailed,

UNSUBSCRIBE If you no longer require the newsletter please e-mail or phone to cancel.

Quote from The Editor Time is the physician that heals every grief. Diphilus Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

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Volunteers Wendy Nani has resigned from the management committee but remains the contact for the Bunbury region. Our thanks go to Wendy for her contribution to the committee over the past years. As our Bunbury contact Wendy will still be kept busy and we appreciate all the work she does for TCF in the region. Many thanks Wendy. We warmly welcome three new volunteers. Jill Tyler and Tricia Engler both help out in the centre on a roster basis. Lynne Struthers has come on board to assist Diann Gibbs in the resource library. Thank you all for giving your time to assist TCF Mandurah. We need your help so much.

The Compassionate Friends Items for Sale

$5.00 Notebooks

The Suicide Survivor’s Bill of Rights As you huddle around the torn silence, Each by his lonely deed exiled To a solitary confinement of soul, May some small glow from What has been lost Return like the kindness of candlelight. As your eyes strain to sift This sudden wall of dark And no one can say why In such a forsaken, secret way, This death was sent for… May one of the lovely hours Of memory return Like a field of ease Among these gravelled days. May the Angel of Wisdom Enter this ruin of absence And guide your minds To receive this bitter chalice So that you do not damage yourselves By attending only at the hungry altar Of regret and anger and guilt. May you be given some inkling That there could be something else at work And that what to you now seems Dark, destructive and forlorn, Might be a destiny that looks different From inside the eternal script. May vision be granted to you To see this with the eyes of providence. May your loss become a sanctuary Where new presence will dwell To refine and enrich The rest of your life With courage and compassion. And may your lost loved one Enter into the beauty of eternal tranquillity, In that place where there is no more sorrow Or separation or mourning or tears. By – John O’Donohue TCF Kamloops, B.C. Summer 20145

Butterfly Badges Sock it to Suicide Badges …………………………………………………………….. Butterfly Rocks $2.00 Blue + Squiggle Pens $3.00 Sun visors $10.00 Water Bottle Holders $12.00 Sibling Grief DVD $16.50 Cassette Tapes $9.00 CD’s $24.00

Closure Drop in Centre The centre will be closed over Christmas and New Year from C.O.B. 18 December. It will reopen on Monday 11 January 2016. During this time the emergency contacts will be as per the list of contacts detailed on the back page of the newsletter.

Hats & Caps $12.00 Polo Shirts $25.00 To purchase any of the above contact the office during normal hours. All revenues earned go towards the provision of your support services.

TCF Membership Reminder Annual Membership Fee is now $20 and is due on 1st July. This is only payable after the first year of bereavement and can be paid by cash, cheque, money order or directly into The Compassionate Friends Mandurah, Westpac BSB 036-157, Acc No 225050.

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Remembered With Love December,January,February 2015 ~ 2016 NOTE: TCF Mandurah has decided to adopt the policy, held by the USA and other countries, of omitting the full details of birth and death dates from our newsletter. This policy is required to help prevent the risk of “Identity Theft”, which is becoming more common. We have a responsibility to avoid placing our members families at risk. Therefore the year/years will not be included. Michael Gareth ASHLEY 12th December to 26th March Happy birthday Michael, our beautiful Son and Brother. Forever in our hearts, and one day we will meet again. Love you forever Mum, Dad and brother Chris. Christopher Glen Bright 8th February to 20th March You have taken a large part of our hearts. We will miss you always. James Philip FULLER 21st December to 26th February Jim we will always remember you with love. Robert John GALLAGHER 2nd February to 27th November Dearly loved son of Margaret and Ned, loved brother of Leesa. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. Forever in our hearts . Xxx Dylan Robert GREEN

26th February to 11th July

Son of Glen & Vicki, brother of Nick & Zoei, uncle of Bailey & Regan. I still see you walking thru the door with your beautiful smile and giving me a hug. It feels like yesterday to me that you went without saying goodbye. Now you are our Angel. We miss you so much and will love you forever. Steven Wayne HEDLEY 12th September to 19th December Time passes, memories stay as near and dear as yesterday. Loved always, from Mum and Family. Leah Denise HEGARTY 14th April to 13th December Our dearly loved Leah is in our hearts forever. Love Mum, Dad, Brennen, Bryce, sisters Donna, Sharon and Janine Aunty of Luke, Callum, Jett, Kirralee , Eleanor and Jaxon. Love and miss you everyday xxx Ruben John HODDY 9th June to 1st January Forever in my heart my beautiful son. Always in our thoughts, Mum and brother Tama oxox Karen Louise HUTT

28th October to 15th February

My beautiful daughter. I miss you every moment of everyday. You are in my heart, always and forever. Loved always from Mum and family. Xxxx William (Bill) Joseph HUTT 12th March to 25th January Dearly beloved son of Barbara and Bill (dec’d). Loved younger brother of Jayne, Tim, Sally, Jill and Terry (dec’d). “He’s just a thought away”. Philip IRVING

31st December to 31st December

Love you, and remembered always Christopher LEE 10th February to 21st September Son of Carolyn & Dave and brother of Jessica. Our special Supernova who burned brightly, but whose circle of life was too short. Xxx Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

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Julie McKENNA 21st February to 17th March Always smiling, loving and kind, what beautiful memories you leave behind. Mum, Dad & Jeff and your loving children Daniel Stephen NANI 4th December to 4th December Daniel, forever our sleeping angel. Hugs Nanna and Nonno Amanda Suzanne NANI 6th February to 10th May Happy birthday Sweetheart. Always on our minds. Love Dad, Mum, Jason, Melinda, Craig, Stephen, Trent and Caitlin. xxxx Cameron Marc NICHOLLS 19th March to 9th February Our tears are easier, but our hearts still ache. We remember you in different ways and share a hole in our hearts that you once filled. I know you are still here and we will see you again. Love from Mum Rick O’GRADY 20th January to 16th November Treasured memories of you will live in our hearts forever. Always loved and remembered. Mum, Dad, Alison, Ken, Jordy, Shaylah, Tayah & Trenton xxx Daniel Silvio PENCO 16th March to 29th February Son of Danica. Always in our heart, never forgotten, love Mama & Tania Jackson PERRY-ELLIS 20th January to 5th May Our angel Jack, always remembered and always loved by his Mum Lorraine, sister Samara, brothers Lewis, Harry and Tommy, and Nanna Margot. xxxxxx Haydn John PINNELL 22nd January to 23 February Our love for you has no ending, for you are always in our hearts everyday and always will be. Brooke Lyn RICHARDSON 6th March to 4th December Miss you Brooke, You are my Sunshine—Love from your Mummum, Granddad and Western Australian Family. Fiona SADLER 17th June to 15th January Remembering you is easy, missing you is hard. We hope you have found your peace. Lots of love Mum, Dad and Jemma. Jacqueline (Jacquie) Adele SEBBAGE 8th October to 29th January Jacquie was determined to make her life count. A thoroughly beautiful woman of singular gifts and talents, she enriched our lives. Loving and loyal wife, mother, sister, daughter and a Teacher of exceptional calibre We will always remember her infectious giggle and her ability to enjoy life in the face of much adversity. An inspiration to many! Jacqueline Adele, always remembered. Helen & Roy Karen Louise SPARKMAN

20th December to 17th June

Cherished memories of our beautiful Karen. Dearly loved and missed daughter of Robyn, step-daughter of Richard, sister of Justine, Callum and Jarred, step-sister of Carina, Aunt of Liam & Dylan. Nathan (Nat) STUBBERFIELD 6th January to 21st March My beautiful son. Gone so suddenly and far too young. My heart has been torn apart, but through the precious memories and the 4 bundles of joy you’ve left us, we will learn to smile more and cry less. Thank you for being my son. You are forever in my heart ~Mum Kris Ronald WITHERS

22nd January to 21st August

Remembered Forever Gary David WITHERS

21st January to 31st October

You touched us with your light, your infectious giggle, your cheeky smile. You made us whole. While we are here, you are here, in our minds, in our hearts, in our memories. We think of you long and often. Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

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BOOK REVIEW From Grief to Grace, A Mother’s Story By Robyn De Long This story leads the reader on a ‘journey’ of spiritual connection that the author Robyn De Long is able to establish with her son, from the moment of his tragic death, until her pain begins to ease some eight months later. Her story inspires you to believe that there is something more than this physical world we know and where we possibly move on to once our own life ends on this earth. Many of those who read her story may well be able to learn her secrets to communicate with our loved ones who have passed from this world. The reader may as I did at times, question whether there were other circumstances involved that caused this young man’s tragic death. When people face the loss of a child, each person copes with their grief differently and Robyn De Long has certainly shown a different way of handling this very raw emotion and her determination to successfully turn her grief into a positive outcome.

SYLVIA WATTS Mother of IVON

Did You Know? In our quiet room we have a library which contains a selection of books on many grief related topics. There are also a number of video & cassette tapes, DVDs, CDs and other items. These are all available to borrow free of charge. Some of the books are written by professionals and others by bereaved parents, siblings or grandparents. We are constantly purchasing new items for the library so call in and see what’s available. We welcome donations of books which have proven to be helpful. Members can also come in and spend a quiet time reading or listening to music (or both).

SUPPORT GROUPS Bunbury Coffee Morning When: Contact:

Held as required Wendy Ph: 97250153 or centre 95357761

Evening Support Group When: Dates: Where:

Contact:

December 3rd for dinner at Last Drop Tavern. No January meeting. Next meeting February 4th. Eastlake Church crn Lakes Road and Murdoch Drive, Mandurah (Opposite Peel Health Campus) Contact Centre 95357761 The Centre on 9535 7761

Metro Groups: - TCF WA PH: 94868711 for details Rockingham Coffee Morning: When:

TBA

Contact the Centre 95357761

Bereaved by Suicide Group When: Dates: Where:Contact:

December 18th for brunch at “Decadence Café”. meetings January 15th and February 19th From January, Main meeting room Lotteries House, 7 Anzac Place, Mandurah The centre on 95357761 Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

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Telephone Friends - The Compassionate Friends Please call a telephone friend whenever you need to talk

BUNBURY BUNBURY

Russ Wendy

9797-0625 9725 0153

BUSSELTON & DONNYBROOK

Judy Sue

9764-1232 9764-1262

HALLS HEAD Robyn 9582-9354 KOJONUP Roberta 9833-6232 MANDURAH Drop-In-Centre 9535-7761 MANDURAH After / Hours 9582-8113 MANDURAH Rosemary 9535-9054 NARROGIN Keith & Kathy 9881-4152 WARNBRO Barbara 0433-816-445 TCF WA

Drop-In-Centre

9486-8711

“We need not walk alone”

Siblings Mandy

0413-168-301

Bereaved Fathers Gary Phil (Evenings Only) Russ (Bunbury)

9593 2317 9525 3340 9797 0625

Suicide Margot (Centre) 9535 7761 or (a/h) 9582 8113 Russ 9797 0625 Miscarriage/Infant/Stillbirth Joanne 0403 336 392 or 9535 7092 (After 6pm & Weekends) Lisa (before 8pm) 0428-615-066

TCF Interstate and Overseas Contacts Telephone

Web Site

ACT/QUEANBEYAN (02) 6286-6134 www.thecompassionatefriends.org.au/ACT.htm NEW SOUTH WALES (02) 9290-2355 www.thecompassionatefriends.org.au NORTHERN TERRITORY (08) 8927-1320 QUEENSLAND (07) 3254-2657 www.compassionatefriendsqld.org.au/ SOUTH AUSTRALIA (08) 8351-0344 www.compassionatefriendssa.org.au TASMANIA (03) 6261-4250 VICTORIA (03) 9888-4944 www.compassiontefriendsvictoria.org.au UNITED KINGDOM (08) 45120 3785 www.tcf.org.uk UNITED STATES OF AMERICA www.compassionatefriends.org SOUTH AFRICA http://compassionatefriends.org.za/cms/index.php?index SWITZERLAND www.verin-regenbogen.ch CANADA www.tcfcanada.net/

Some Internet Resources www.dougy.org www.grieflossrecovery.com www.silentgrief.com www.bereavement-poems-articles.com www.bereavementmag.com www.alivealone.org www.beyondblue.org.au www.parentsofsuicide-aunz.com www.mesotheliomaweb.org www.gonetoosoon.org

National centre for grieving children & families; this is a non-profit re source Poems, articles, memoirs, memorials, links - professional site For those who have suffered a miscarriage and later child loss For childless parents National depression initiative Suicide grief support internet community Resource information & support A forum for questions, answers and support from others with similar loss.

www.recover-from-grief.com www.gratefulness.org/candles/enter.cfm?l=eng Light a virtual candle and/or leave a short message

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Other Useful Contacts Alcohol & Drug Information Services

Free-Call

1800-198-024

Allambee (Sexual Assault Counselling) [email protected]

9535-8263 Gowns for born still babies

0438-901-791

ARAFMI (Mental Health Carers & Friends Association (WA) Inc) - Country Callers Beyond Blue Depression Helpline

9535-5844

Free-Call

1800-811-747

www.beyondblue.org.au

1300-224-636

Centre Care

9721-5177

Coroners Counselling Services

9321-2491

Crisis Care

Free-Call

1800-199-008

Coronial Enquiries

9420-5200

Lifeline

131-114

Mensline Australia; Professional & Online support

1300-789-978

for men. Mental Health Emergency Response Line

Peel Region

1800-676-822

Relationships Australia

9535-5711

Samaritans

Free-Call

1800-198-313

Suicide Call-Back Services (SCDS) - Bereaved by Suicide National Free Counselling

1300-659-467

S.I.D.S & KIDS Western Australia

Free-Call

1800-199-466

S.I.D.S & KIDS Mandurah

Helen

9535-3804

S.I.D.S & KIDS Bunbury

Narelle

0406-630-119

www.schs.com.au

9550-0900

South Coast Women’s Health Services – Rockingham State Coroner

9425-2900

Peel Legal Services

9581-4511

Palmerston Counselling Services

Drug Related

Peel Youth Services / Family Support Officer

Tanya

Victim Support Services

Rockingham

9527-7699

Youth health Services

Rockingham

9527-7464

Widow’s & Widower’s Association

Meet Mandurah RSL, 3rd Ave., 1-3pm every

9354-7134 or

Second Monday

9586-1503

Ruth

0407-983-093

Young Widow & Widowers Association

9581-4010

Or 9581-8443 If any TCF member has found an agency or counsellor, other than those listed, To be helpful, please advise us and we will consider their information for inclusion in future issues.

Material in this newsletter is copyright@ The Compassionate Friends Mandurah Chapter unless otherwise indicated. Editor’s Note – Opinions expressed in articles in this newsletter are those of the writers and not necessarily of T.C.F. Mandurah. It is not always possible to publish all articles received. The editor reserves the right to edit any articles. T.C.F Mandurah gratefully acknowledges all contributions to the newsletter, including any of which we have not been able to find copyright disclaimer. Every effort has been made to ensure that this information is accurate and up to date but the Mandurah Chapter of The Compassionate Friends will not be liable for any loss, damage or injury arising from any incorrect information or services listed herein. Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

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