Grief & Loss
What is Grief? ! Grief is the normal internal feeling one
experiences in reaction to a loss. ! Although people often suffer emotional pain in
response to loss of anything that is very important to them (for example, a job, a friendship, one's sense of safety, a home), grief usually refers to the loss of a loved one through death.
Grief ! Loss of a loved one through death. ! Loss of a job ! Loss of a friendship ! Loss of a marriage ! Loss of a animal ! Loss of status • Almost any loss!
What is Grief? ! Simply stated:
Grief is the pain of the loss
What the Word Says ! Eccl. 3:1-8
"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven ~ 2 A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted. 3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to tear down, and a time to build up. 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance. 5 A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing. 6 A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep, and a time to throw away. 7 A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together; A time to be silent, and a time to speak. 8 A time to love, and a time to hate; A time for war, and a time for peace.
Stages of Grief • Kübler-Ross—5 stage model
! Denial ! Anger ! Bargaining ! Depression ! Acceptance
Stages of Grief 7 stage model: ! Shock or disbelief
! Anger
! Denial
! Depression
! Bargaining
! Acceptance/hope
! Guilt
Stages of Grief 3 stage model: Ø Impact Ø Recoil Ø Recovery
Impact ! The impact stage is the one where maximum
stress is experienced. The time orientation of the bereaves is the immediate present. He/she is temporarily cut off from both his past and his future and can only deal with the present. This stage varies in length from a few hours to a month or even 6 months or more.
Recoil ! When the initial shock and numbness of the
impact phase begins to lift, the person experiences the first awareness of what has happened. Now the loss is felt most acutely and the bereaved feels restless, tense, and in turmoil. Now the first overt expression of emotion occurs. The time orientation of the bereaved has now shifted to the past or immediate past. The length of this stage can vary for one month to a year or longer.
Recovery ! This phase of the grief response entails getting
back to normal insofar as that is possible. The person begins to feel the stress is passed and has come to face the matters of everyday living in the new environment without the deceased. The permanence and fact of the loss are accepted, and the attempts to recover the deceased are given up. The bereaved now has to develop a new set of functioning roles which involves letting go of the past and the building of a new life.
How Long Should One Grieve?
How Long Should One Grieve? ! You can t tell a person how long to grieve, you
can t tell them how to grieve……it is very individualized.
! All we know is that the faster a person gets
through the grief process and into mourning, that is when the healing starts.
Why do People Get Stuck? ! When people get stuck in the grieving stage it
is usually not because of the loss, but rather, because of their attachment to the loss. Basically—they can t let go, and this is where depression can set in.
Overcoming Grief 1. Take time to accept death, we can't deny it. (Remember Eccl.3) 2. Take time to let go: Letting go indicates that
we are not in control of life. 3. Take time to make decisions.
Overcoming Grief 4 Take time to share: ! Loss of parents, grieve for our past ! Loss of spouse, grieve for our present ! Loss of a child, grieve for our future
Overcoming Grief 5. Take time to believe: There is a difference between fact and faith. Faith works because it is totally illogical. It is 28 to nothing in the last of the fourth quarter. Faith can win. Facts would say it is impossible to win. 6. Take time to FORGIVE: Non-forgiveness is bitterness. It traps people in their past. Forgiveness is not pardon but it helps in looking at things differently.
Overcoming Grief 7. Take time to feel good about your self 8. Take time to laugh: laughter and humor
is medicine.
What does the word say?
What the Word Says Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine……….. But a broken spirit dryeth up the bone.
To be unhappy is to be unhealthy!
Overcoming Grief 9. Take time to meet new friends.
10. Take time to give: time, energy, effort. Getting involved and helping others helps life go on.
Helping Others • Just be there– “A ministry of presence” • Help get their support system in place • If you can’t improve on silence—don’t try • Don’t be afraid of saying the wrong thing • However, don’t use cliché’s
Things Not to Say--Clichés ! I know how you feel. ! Time heals all wounds. ! You ll get over this. ! You must go on with your life. ! He didn‘t know what hit him. ! You can always find someone worse off than yourself. ! You must focus on your precious memories. ! It s better to have loved and lost than never to have
loved at all.
Things Not to Say--Clichés ! It must have been his / her time ! You can have other children ! Someday you ll understand why ! It was actually a blessing because...... ! God must have needed her / him more than you did. ! God never gives us more than we can handle. ! Only the good die young
Remember ! God understands our pain and suffering—
He was a Man of Sorrows “Acquainted with our grief.
What the Word Says ! Isaiah 53:3
He was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and like one from whom men hid their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
When to follow up…. • If your loss was traumatic or violent • If your grief symptoms last more than 6
months and you just seem to not be getting over the loss.
• If you’re sleeping all the time or not sleeping at
all.
• If you re self medicating
Seek out a trained counselor!
Q&A
