The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas Character List Notes: • The following roles are open for casting. • Where gender, race, ethnicity, age and/or body type are indicated, it is a requirement of the characterization. (Age represents the age the character is to be played, not necessarily the age of the performer.) • Where “type” descriptions do not appear, no such requirements exist for casting of that role. Old Library Theatre has an open casting policy, meaning no limitations in casting, except those listed below, impact a performer’s opportunity to be cast. • Where an asterisk appears beside a character’s name (*), this is an indication that the performer will also be a member of the ensemble with additional speaking/singing roles. • The main action of the show takes place in the fall of 1978. FEMALE ROLES Miss Mona Stangley (Age: 36-‐40) Owner and operator of “The Chicken Ranch.” No-‐nonsense, but also very warm, motherly, energetic and personable. Songs: “A Lil’ Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place,” “Girl You’re a Woman,” “No Lies,” “Bus From Amarillo” Jewel Mosley (Age: 50-‐55) African American maid and cook at The Chicken Ranch for more than twenty-‐five years. She is a true golden girl – sassy, sexy and self-‐assured. Songs: “Girl You’re a Woman,” “Twenty-four Hours of Lovin’,” “No Lies” Doatsey Mae Grimes (Age: 40-‐45) Waitress at the Texas Twinkle Café. She’s a trusting, reliable ear, treated by the men of the town more like a man than a woman. Songs: “Doatsey Mae” Imogene Charlene Greene* (Age: 20-‐22) Texas A&M university student, double-‐majoring in Home Economics and Religion. She’s a big-‐haired pageant girl and cheerleader. Energetic, but not very bright. Songs: “The Angelette March” “Angel” – aka, Nancy Jean Drury (Age: 21-‐24) Former teen mom who left home after giving birth to her son Billy, now six years old, when her father beat her up. She’s tough, scrappy and street-‐smart. Songs: “Girl You’re a Woman,” “Twenty-Four Hours of Lovin’,” “No Lies,” “Hard Candy Christmas”
“Shy” – aka, Annamerle Seltzer (Age: 17-‐18) Country, farm girl; young, fresh-‐faced, sheltered and gawky. Naïve and shy, but headstrong and capable. Songs: “Girl You’re a Woman,” “Twenty-Four Hours of Lovin’,” “No Lies,” “Hard Candy Christmas” “Linda Lou” (Age: 29-‐34) Has a “been there, done that” attitude, sarcastic and mouthy. The inappropriate clown of the group. Songs: “A Lil’ Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place,” “Girl You’re a Woman,” “Twenty-Four Hours of Lovin’,” “No Lies,” “Hard Candy Christmas” “Ginger” (Age: 26-‐28) Divorcee; nice, welcoming and the most well-‐adjusted of the “girls.” Redhead. Songs: “A Lil’ Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place,” “Girl You’re a Woman,” “Twenty-Four Hours of Lovin’,” “No Lies,” “Hard Candy Christmas” “Dawn” (Age: 22-‐25) A “Rose Nylund” type: innocent, positive, peppy down-‐home girl-‐next-‐door. Songs: “A Lil’ Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place,” “Girl You’re a Woman,” “Twenty-Four Hours of Lovin’,” “No Lies,” “Hard Candy Christmas” “Ruby Rae” (Age: 25-‐29) Homely and dim-‐witted. Tries everything she can think of to improve her stock at the ranch, but always seems to be the last chosen. Not at all negative about it, though. Songs: “A Lil’ Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place,” “Girl You’re a Woman,” “Twenty-Four Hours of Lovin’,” “No Lies,” “Hard Candy Christmas” “Eloise” * (Age: 25-‐29) A native New Yorker, named by Mona after the precocious and dramatic six-‐year old character in some of her favorite children’s books. Songs: “A Lil’ Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place,” “Girl You’re a Woman,” “Twenty-Four Hours of Lovin’,” “No Lies,” “Hard Candy Christmas” “Beatrice” * (Age: 30-‐34) The tallest and leanest of the “girls”; royal, regal, prim and proper. Songs: “A Lil’ Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place,” “Girl You’re a Woman,” “Twenty-Four Hours of Lovin’,” “No Lies,” “Hard Candy Christmas” “Taddy Jo” * (Age: 22-‐27) Athletic and bird-‐like, she’s the tomboy of the group. Speaks softly and quickly. Songs: “A Lil’ Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place,” “Girl You’re a Woman,” “Twenty-Four Hours of Lovin’,” “No Lies,” “Hard Candy Christmas”
“Durla” * (Age: 19-‐21) Economical, chameleon-‐like and not prone to socializing. Known for turning around clients the quickest. Songs: “A Lil’ Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place,” “Girl You’re a Woman,” “Twenty-Four Hours of Lovin’,” “No Lies,” “Hard Candy Christmas” MALE ROLES “Bandleader” – aka, John Fitzgerald Stangley (Age: 40) A good old boy, full of charm and good feeling. He is the narrator of the story. Songs: “Prologue,” “20 Fans” Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd (Age: 43-‐48) Sheriff of La Grange, Texas. He’s a down-‐home, cowboy type, lovingly curmudgeonly more than a little rough around the edges. He’s a “live and let live” type, though, surprisingly liberal in his thinking and his language. Songs: “Good Old Girl” Melvin P. Thorpe (Age: 50-‐55) Television personality and part-‐time revivalist preacher – more huckster than holy. If Rush Limbaugh and Marcus Bachmann created a child, it would be Melvin. He’s brash, bigger than life and a complete blowhard. Obsessed by sanctity and morality in overcompensation for a rather effeminate manner. Songs: “Watch Dog Theme,” “Texas Has a Whorehouse In It,” “The Sidestep” Governor Briscoe * (Age: 50-‐55) A former rancher and businessman from Uvalde, TX; now a first-‐term Governor in his first year in office. He’s the quintessential politician: Saying a lot of nothing. Amiable and full of charm, he’s dumb about everything but politics. Songs: “The Sidestep” Edsel Mackey (Age: 28-‐35) A big city Houston boy who landed his first newspaper job out of high school with the town paper: The Gilbert Gospel. He’s now Editor in Chief and is, without question, the smartest man in town. Witty, dry and shrewd. Think a young MSNBC talking head. Songs: “Texas Has a Whorehouse In It” Mayor Rufus Poindexter (Age: 45-‐50) Local automobile dealer and youngest son of the town’s richest and most well-‐ known family. Like George W. Bush, he was the son least expected to succeed – but now he’s the only one in town, running the dealership and the town. He doesn’t like, and is overwhelmed by, his job and he’s not shy about everyone knowing it. Songs: “Texas Has a Whorehouse In It”
C.J. Scruggs (Age: 40-‐45) A good, deeply religious insurance salesman. In contrast to his personality, he’s the loudest, worst dresser in town. Songs: “Texas Has a Whorehouse In It” Senator J.T. Wingwoah (Age: 46) Young, short, Napoleonic good ole boy with the personality of Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones. Songs: “The Sidestep” “Aggie 1” – aka, Shane Miller * (Age: 19-‐21) Quarterback of the Texas A&M Aggies. An alpha-‐male, full of bravado and teeming with star power. Knows how to pour on the charm and used to getting what he wants. Songs: “The Aggie Song,” “Good Old Girl” “Aggie 2” – aka, Lonnie Johnson * (Age: 19-‐21) Star running-‐back of the Texas A&M Aggies. Sensitive to having a “girl’s name,” and always trying to prove his masculinity as a result. Songs: “The Aggie Song,” “Good Old Girl” “Aggie 3” – Eugene Williams * (Age: 18-‐20) Freshman benchwarmer for the Texas A&M Aggies. Scrawny and small, but full of enthusiasm and energy. Songs: “The Aggie Song,” “Good Old Girl” “Aggie 4” – Clifford Becker * (Age: 21-‐25) Third-‐year senior at Texas A&M and defensive end for the Aggies. Dumb as a box of rocks. Loud and big. Songs: “The Aggie Song,” “Good Old Girl” “Scandinavian Place Kicker” – Alvar Askelson * (Age: 21-‐25) International recruit and place kicker for the Texas A&M Aggies. Has male-‐model looks, and a sweet, confused disposition. Speaks with a very thick Scandinavian accent. Songs: “The Aggie Song,” “Good Old Girl” ENSEMBLE ROLES Girl 1 (whore) Farmer (john) Announcer (voice-‐over) Dogettes (TV girls) Cameraman TV Colorman (sports reporter) Reporter 1
Reporter 2 Reporter 3 Aide (governor’s assistant) Heckler 1 (holy roller moralist) Heckler 2 (holy roller moralist) Heckler 3 (holy roller moralist) Heckler 4 (holy roller moralist)
