The art of communication September 2011 Monthly Bulletin
Communicating in today’s world Your body language speaks volumes Did you know that over 50 percent of communication is sent through body language?¹ Words carry only half the message. The rest is sent through gestures, eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice and the way we carry ourselves. More...
Worklife balance Listen up for better communication At work, home or in any other situation, your listening skills affect your relationships and interactions. Here are some ways to improve your communication through better listening. More...
Communicating with teens Improving communication with teens The teen years — what a challenge for parents and kids! Teens struggle to break away from the family “nest” and fit in with their friends. Yet they still have childhood needs for your protection and care. More...
Getting past getting your way A guide to cooperation Have you ever thought or said, “It’s my way or the highway?” More often than not, this is not a good stance to take. Why? More... ¹ www.changingminds.org
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44.22.909.1-HH (09/11)
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September 2011 Monthly Bulletin Communicating in today’s world
Your body language speaks volumes Did you know that over 50 percent of communication is sent through body language?¹ Words carry only half the message. The rest is sent through gestures, eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice and the way we carry ourselves.
Making verbal and nonverbal messages match
Why is this important? We interact and build relationships through communication. Since body language is part of communicating effectively, it’s essential to learn about it.
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What does your body language say? Do you ever read the newspaper while someone is trying to talk to you? If so, you’re likely sending a non-verbal message that you’re not listening. Do you jump up and down or clap when your team scores? These are also non-verbal messages. Here are some other samples:
This body language:
Body language can add or detract from your message. It can also be puzzling if what you’re doing doesn’t “match” what you’re saying! If you look happy while giving bad news, it can cause confusion. Are you joking? Are you being uncaring or cruel? It would be clearer if you looked happy when giving good news and seemed concerned when giving bad news. The same goes for other messages — for clear communication, words and body language need to match.
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Getting Help For help with personal or workplace issues, contact your Employee Assistance Program (EAP). These confidential services are available 24/7 to employees, their eligible household members and adult children under age 26, whether they live at home or not. ¹ www.changingminds.org
Speak volumes with good communication We can all use body language to make communication more effective. Start by
Says:
Making eye contact when talking or listening to another person
You’re really focused on the communication
Looking away or at something else while talking or listening
You’re feeling uncomfortable or distracted
Extending your hand or making casual contact while talking or listening
You’re showing friendship, understanding and support
Standing with your arms crossed over your chest while talking or listening
You’re trying to intimidate or place a barrier between you and the other person
Smiling, giving a thumbs-up or high five
You’re showing agreement or saying “nice work!”
Rolling your eyes or turning your back while someone is talking to you
You strongly disagree or don’t care what the other is saying
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paying attention to what you’re “saying” with your body language, and make sure those messages are what you mean!
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September 2011 Monthly Bulletin Worklife balance
Listen up for better communication At work, home or in any other situation, your listening skills affect your relationships and interactions. Here are some ways to improve your communication through better listening: Give your full attention to the speaker. Stop whatever else you’re doing and tune in.
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Show that you’re listening —— Make eye contact. This shows you are paying attention.
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—— Empathize. You can say something like, “That sounds pretty amazing/ upsetting/exciting” or “What a moment that must’ve been.” —— Give verbal encouragements like “Ummhmm,” or “I see” while you’re listening. ■
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Try not to think about what you’re going to say next while the other person is talking. Then you’re not really listening!
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Respond. Once the speaker is finished, it’s your turn. Try to stick with “I” messages rather than “you” messages. For instance, “I wish I had known how you felt” rather than “You should’ve said something sooner.” Ask questions. Good questions show that you’ve been listening and want more information. Keep questions openended by avoiding “why” questions since they often make the other person feel defensive. Try “how,” “what,” or “when” questions.
Getting Help For help with personal or workplace issues, contact your Employee Assistance Program (EAP). These confidential services are available 24/7 to employees, their eligible household members and adult children under age 26, whether they live at home or not.
It’s not easy! Listening “by the rules” is difficult. At times, we all interrupt, get distracted or make assumptions. Like any skill, practice helps. Over time, you’ll find that effective listening leads to better communication and relationships.
Don’t interrupt. You’ll get your chance for questions later. Right now, the speaker has “the floor.” At the end, restate what you’ve heard. This lets you check out your understanding and gives the speaker a chance to clarify. You can use phrases like, “So what I think you’re saying is…” or “Let me make sure I understand. You’re feeling….”
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September 2011 Monthly Bulletin Communicating with teens
Improving communications with teens The teen years — what a challenge for parents and kids! Teens struggle to break away from the family “nest” and fit in with their friends. Yet they still have childhood needs for your protection and care.
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Teetering between adolescence and adulthood, teens can come across with lots of bravado. They may really want your advice but hesitate to ask for it. They may believe that adults won’t “understand” or will step in and tell them what to do.
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You can work on staying connected to your teens by using the communication tips below.
Be a good listener ■
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Listen with an open mind.
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Be honest but not hurtful.
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Listen to teens and also observe body language for the deeper meaning behind the words.
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For help with personal or workplace issues, contact your Employee Assistance Program (EAP). These confidential services are available 24/7 to employees, their eligible household members and adult children under age 26, whether they live at home or not.
Avoid saying the dreaded “I told you so.”
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Ask for your teens’ input on family issues so they feel their ideas are valued.
Never attack or put down your teens or their friends.
Getting Help
Help teens feel comfortable talking to you
Teens are sensitive. Even if their problems seem minor to you, express sympathy and understanding.
Increase teens’ sense of responsibility ■
Avoid hurting feelings
When your teen wants to talk, stop and listen. If you’re too busy, set a later time to talk – and keep the date!
Focus on conversation, not confrontation.
Guide your teens in the right direction and give choices. Rather than tell them what to do, try to allow them to make some decisions for themselves.
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Use open-ended questions. For example, instead of “Was the party fun?” try “Who was at the party?” That way, you’ll learn who attended and, if you nod and stay quiet, you may even hear more! If you have a strong, negative reaction to something your teen says, take some time to calm down before commenting. Focus on the positive and work together to solve problems. Stress that mistakes are stepping-stones to successes. Use times like running errands, exercising or cooking together as opportunities to talk. Pay attention and support activities in which your kids are involved. While they’re trying to be independent, they still want you to love, support and be interested in them!
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September 2011 Monthly Bulletin Getting past getting your way
A guide to cooperation Have you ever thought or said, “It’s my way or the highway?” More often than not, this is not a good stance to take. Why? It can hurt relationships and limit your ability to explore other viable options.
Keeping an open mind to others’ ideas allows you to: Send the message, “I care about you and what you think”
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Grow and expand your own thinking
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Getting Help For help with personal or workplace issues, contact your Employee Assistance Program (EAP). These confidential services are available 24/7 to employees, their eligible household members and adult children under age 26, whether they live at home or not.
Create harmony with others at work and at home
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Gain respect as others come to know you as a team player
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Feel good about yourself as you develop acceptance and appreciation of others’ opinions
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For all of these reasons, cooperation is the way toward healthier relationships. Try it today!
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The art of communication September 2011 Monthly Bulletin
All EAP calls are confidential, except as required by law (i.e., when a person’s emotional condition is a threat to himself/herself or others, or there is suspected abuse of a minor child, and in some areas, spousal or elder abuse). Information is believed to be accurate as of the production date; however, it is subject to change. 44.22.909.1-HH (09/11)
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