SESSION 3 STICK WITH FORGIVENESS

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The Point Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness.

The Passage Matthew 18:21-28,32-33

The Bible Meets Life Even in the best of relationships, we will hurt or disappoint each other. It’s often easy to forgive a misunderstanding or an unintentional mistake, but it’s harder when the person “knows better” and does it anyway. Or, it’s a repeated blunder done again and again. Some of us become hesitant to forgive because by doing so it feels like we’re saying what they did was okay. But just as Jesus forgave us, we are called to forgive others.

The Setting Jesus had begun preparing the disciples for His coming death and would soon begin His journey toward Jerusalem for that God-ordained appointment. In that process, He laid out for His followers the steps for attempting reconciliation with anyone who sinned against them (see Matt. 18:15-17). Perhaps Jesus’ teaching sparked a question in Peter’s mind, or perhaps the discussion surfaced a question he had pondered for some time. In any event, Peter asked Jesus how many times one person should forgive another.

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What does the Bible say?

Matthew 18:21-28,32-33 (HCSB) Talents (v. 24)—A talent is a large amount of money, about 6,000 denarii (see below). It would take a common laborer around 16 years to earn a single talent.

21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how many times could my brother sin

Denarii (v. 28)—A denarius was a Roman coin, the daily wage a Roman soldier or a day laborer earned at the time Jesus told this story.

24 When he began to settle accounts, one who owed 10,000 talents was brought

against me and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 “I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus said to him, “but 70 times seven. 23 For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted

to settle accounts with his slaves. before him. 25 Since he had no way to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his

children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt. 26 “At this, the slave fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I

will pay you everything!’ 27 Then the master of that slave had compassion, released him, and forgave him

the loan. 28 “But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him 100

denarii. He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you owe!’ 32 “Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked slave! I

forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?’

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THE POINT

Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness.

GET INTO THE STUDY

10 minutes

DISCUSS: Question #1 on page 109 of

Notes

the PSG: “When was the last time it cost you a lot to fix something?” GUIDE: Call attention to “The Point” at the top of page 110 of the PSG: “Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness.” GUIDE: Direct group members to “The Bible Meets Life” on page 110 of the PSG. Continue highlighting the importance of forgiveness by reading or summarizing the text—or by encouraging group members to read on their own. ACTIVITY (OPTIONAL): When discussing an abstract concept such as forgiveness, it can often be helpful to connect that concept with a concrete object or image. For this activity, provide group members with a deflated balloon. Ask them to inflate their balloon, but not to tie it. Direct group members to let go of their balloons on the count of three, and then watch as the balloons zoom around the room and settle to the floor. Encourage group members to remember that image of “letting go” as you work together to engage the concept of forgiveness. Note: As a transition, assure group members that forgiving those who harm us is much more difficult than simply “letting go” of something, but you want them to hold that image as you explore what Jesus taught about forgiveness. PRAY: Transition into the discussion by affirming that God has forgiven you for your sins. Pray that His Spirit would grant you and your group members courage as you engage the difficult topic of forgiving others.

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TIP: With some discussions, it’s easy to chase a rabbit. Always bring the group back to “The Point,” which is the main focus of the study.

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5 minutes

STUDY THE BIBLE Matthew 18:21-22

Notes 21

Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how many times could my brother

sin against me and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 “I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus said to him, “but 70 times seven. READ: Matthew 18:21-22 on page 111 of the PSG. Read the text out loud or ask a volunteer to do so. RECAP: Highlight the first two paragraphs on page 112 of the PSG: In these verses, Peter was basically asking if there’s a quota on grace. How many times are we called to let the same person slide off the hook? The rabbis of that day challenged people to overlook an offense up to three times. To Peter’s way of thinking, he was being generous. Forgiving someone seven times more than doubled the cultural expectations for grace. Jesus surely stunned Peter with His response. “70 times seven” or “77 times” ALTERNATE QUESTION: How dependent is your forgiveness on someone else’s apology?

are both possible interpretations of Jesus’ forgiveness formula. Either route you take, the point is that grace should have no limits. Few people are ever offended 50, 60, or 70 times by the same person in a short time. The Lord is exaggerating here for effect. Don’t keep track; just keep forgiving. DISCUSS: Question #2 on page 112 of the PSG: “What actually happens when you forgive someone?” Note: The goal of this question is to help group members think of forgiveness in a more concrete way. We often consider forgiveness to be an abstract idea, similar to peace or love. But what actually happens throughout the process of forgiving another person? GUIDE: The final paragraph on page 133 of this Leader Guide offers a corrective for those who feel that unlimited forgiveness opens people up for abuse. TRANSITION: While Matthew 18:21-22 offer a principle on forgiveness, verses 23-27 introduce a story Jesus used to illustrate that principle.

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THE POINT

Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness.

Matthew 18:21-22 Commentary [Verse 21] Peter had just heard Jesus teaching His followers to seek reconciliation when wronged by other believers. The Lord’s words stirred an important follow-up question in Peter’s heart. Verse 21 begins with a word that means then or “at that time,” showing us that Peter’s question may have been prompted by what he had just heard Jesus say. Peter wanted to know how far Jesus expected him to go in forgiving, especially when the other person repeated the offense. Peter asked specifically about how to respond to a brother who sinned against him repeatedly. Though the principle Jesus taught in this passage applies to how Christians are to forgive all people, it speaks most directly to how Christians are called to forgive one another. Peter had his own idea about how far forgiveness needs to go. He may have known that some rabbis of his time taught that you should forgive someone as many as three times for the same offense, but no more. Peter, realizing that Jesus was calling believers to practice forgiveness in a greater way, asked where the new line is to be drawn. When he asked Jesus if he should forgive others as many as seven times, he was trying to find the higher standard Jesus required. [Verse 22] Jesus answered Peter by telling him that believers must always practice forgiveness, no matter how many times others sin against them. Believers can’t draw a line at any number of offenses and claim that forgiveness is no longer the disciple’s way of dealing with being wronged. The number Jesus gave in His reply to Peter can be translated“seventy-seven times” or 70 times seven, but the specific number doesn’t change the meaning of His answer. For Christians, forgiveness must be unlimited. Teachers of this passage must be mindful of how some learners may misunderstand or misapply its message. Jesus was not teaching Christians to remain in abusive relationships. Christians are called to accept moments of mistreatment from the lost in the process of sharing the gospel, but not to resign themselves to being dehumanized or endangered by another person’s constant abusive behavior. When a believer ends a destructive relationship, forgiveness remains a critical issue. Staying in an abusive relationship and seeking reconciliation may not be wise or safe. Forgiving the offender in the privacy of one’s own heart allows the injured person to make peace with the past and move forward in life. LifeWay offers an excellent resource for those dealing with these issues. Making Peace with Your Past by Tim Sledge offers practical help for those who need to learn the difference between forgiving and surrendering to abuse. © 2014 LifeWay

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5 minutes

STUDY THE BIBLE Matthew 18:23-27

Notes 23

For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king

who wanted to settle accounts with his slaves. 24 When he began to settle accounts, one who owed 10,000 talents was brought before him. 25 Since he had no way to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt. 26 At this, the slave fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything!’ 27 Then the master of that slave had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan. READ: Matthew 18:23-27 on page 111 of the PSG. GUIDE: Use the first paragraph on page 135 of this Leader Guide to help group members see the connection between this parable and Jesus’ earlier statements. SUMMARIZE: Highlight the key points from page 113 of the PSG:

ALTERNATE QUESTION: How are grace and mercy connected to forgiveness?

>> “To drive home His shocking ‘70 times seven’ statement to Peter, Jesus told a parable. This was not an historical story, but an illustration of the truth Jesus wanted to teach.”

>> “In Jewish parables, a king symbolized God and the idea of settling accounts symbolized judgment. Each of us is like the servant with an incredible debt.”

>> “Jesus paid the debt in full for us, and God has forgiven our rebellion—our sin. We don’t deserve forgiveness, but God in His grace and mercy has extended forgiveness to us through Jesus. We are free!” DISCUSS: Question #3 on page 113 of the PSG: “Since Jesus has forgiven us, what hinders us from forgiving others?” Note: This is one of those rare times when you don’t want group members to be specific. Encourage everyone to speak about general obstacles that hinder us from embracing forgiveness. TRANSITION: Next, we’ll find the end of Jesus’ parable and an important lesson on the necessity of forgiving others in Matthew 18:28,32-33.

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THE POINT

Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness.

Matthew 18:23-27 Commentary [Verse 23] This verse begins with Jesus saying, For this reason. This phrase means, “In order to present this truth in a way you can understand, I will tell you an earthly story that illustrates the spiritual truth about forgiving you need to learn.” Jesus often introduced parables by saying He was making a comparison between a familiar life experience of His hearers and the lesson He wanted to teach them about God’s kingdom (Mark 4:30). Jesus told a story about a slave’s accountability to his king. A king in Jesus’ time had absolute authority over his subjects, the right to make any decision about them, including the choice of sparing or taking their lives. [Verses 24-25] Though scholars have differing ideas about the exact value of a talent as a unit of money, they all agree that a debt of 10,000 talents represented an astronomical figure that no one could hope to repay. This would be like an hourly worker in our time attempting to pay off our national debt. This incredible sum represents the debt each of us as sinners owes to God—a debt so large that we have no hope of paying it off. In the ancient world a creditor had the right to sell a debtor and his family into slavery and sell all of the debtor’s possessions to recover some portion of what he was owed. In this case, selling everyone related to this debtor and everything he owned would recover only a very small portion of this slave’s debt. This part of the story illustrates that while each of us stands alone in our accountability before God, the sins we commit threaten to enslave not only us, but everyone close to us and everything we value. [Verse 26] Frantic to keep himself and his family out of prison, this slave made promises he had no way to keep. He fell facedown before his master, showing that the slave recognized his king’s authority and his own helpless position. He realized this was not a conversation between equals. His master had all the power and the slave had nothing with which to bargain. [Verse 27] Jesus described two important aspects of the master’s response to his slave’s desperate pleas for patience. First, the master had compassion on his hopelessly indebted slave. This same word, compassion, is often used to describe Jesus and His attitude toward the needs of people. But for Jesus, compassion was always more than an inward feeling. Every time Jesus is described as feeling compassion, He acts on that feeling by ministering to the person in need (see Matt. 20:34; Mark 1:41; 6:34; Luke 7:13-15). This leads us to the second truth Jesus teaches in describing the master’s response to his slave: the master’s compassionate attitude motivated him to act in mercy. The master released his servant from the sentence of imprisonment his indebtedness had rightly earned him. The master also forgave the unpayable loan. Another form of this same word is often used in the New Testament to describe God’s forgiveness of our sins. © 2014 LifeWay

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20 minutes

STUDY THE BIBLE Matthew 18:28,32-33

Notes 28

But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him

100 denarii. He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you owe!’” 32 “Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?’” READ: Matthew 18:28,32-33 on page 111 of the PSG. DISCUSS: Question #4 on page 114 of the PSG: “How do the king’s actions in this parable mirror God’s actions toward us?” DO: Direct group members to complete the activity “Barriers to Forgiveness” on page 115 of the PSG. Think of someone who has wronged you or hurt you. Circle any of the following obstacles that are preventing you from forgiving that debt. ALTERNATE QUESTION: Why is forgiving others an act of worship?

Pride / Pain / Bitterness / Revenge / Fear / Apathy / Anger / Guilt / Pleasure / Stubbornness What’s one step you can take to begin knocking down these obstacles and move toward forgiveness?

RECAP: Highlight the final paragraph on page 114 of the PSG: No, forgiveness isn’t always easy. It’s costly, too. Look at what it cost Jesus! But even as Christ has forgiven us, He empowers us by His Spirit to extend that same forgiveness to others. With God’s help, we can overcome past hurts and set our relationships free from unforgiveness. DISCUSS: Question #5 on page 114 of the PSG: “How have you seen forgiveness deepen a relationship?”

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THE POINT

Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness.

Matthew 18:28,32-33 Commentary [Verse 28] Had Jesus concluded this parable at verse 27, we could celebrate a happy ending and learn a great truth about God’s mercy toward sinners. But the story is not over. Verse 28 begins with the word but, signaling a sudden detour and an unexpected destination. The slave who had just been forgiven a debt he could never hope to repay encountered one of his fellow slaves who owed him 100 denarii. This second slave owed about three months wages—not a trivial amount, but a debt that could be paid back over time. When the forgiven servant realized he was in the presence of someone indebted to him, he reacted in anger and arrogance. He grabbed him, thinking so little of his fellow slave that he assumed he would run away if not physically restrained. He began choking him, acting as though repayment of this small debt was more important to him than his fellow servant’s life. Though his debtor offered the same plea for patience, in almost the same words the first slave had spoken to the king, the slave did not even consider the request. Instead, he had his fellow slave thrown in prison. [Verse 32] The king heard from some of his other slaves that the slave he had forgiven imprisoned a fellow slave for a small debt. He summoned the slave he had forgiven to appear before him to give account of his behavior. We, too, will stand before God and give account of our lives, including the way we, as people forgiven by God, have treated those who have wronged us. The king declared this slave was wicked. In what way had this slave been proven wicked? He failed to make the connection between receiving mercy from his master and giving mercy to his fellow slave. [Verse 33] Verse 33 summarizes the central truth about forgiveness Jesus was teaching through this parable. The master told his wicked slave that the gift of forgiveness he had received should have changed his life. He should have remembered the king’s great act of mercy and allowed that lifechanging moment to guide him in every relationship. When the king said “Shouldn’t you also have had mercy” he was calling the slave to make the connection between receiving mercy and offering it to others. Jesus, when asked to name the greatest commandment, brought together two Old Testament Scriptures, one calling us to love God with all that we are (Deut. 6:5), and the second calling us to love others as we love ourselves (Lev. 19:18), to form what we commonly call the Great Commandment (see Matt. 22:34-40). In so doing, Jesus created a connection that cannot be separated between our relationship with God and our relationships with others. We cannot claim to belong to God on the basis of His grace while relating to each other in terms of keeping a record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5). © 2014 LifeWay

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5 minutes

LIVE IT OUT GUIDE: Direct group members to page 116 of the PSG. Encourage them to consider the

Notes

following ways to incorporate forgiveness into their lives this week:

>> Evaluate. Consider your current

relationships and spend time identifying areas of unforgiveness in your heart.

>> Take a small step. Make an effort to

extend forgiveness in a relationship where you’ve been wronged or slighted. Take the first step even if you’ve done nothing wrong.

>> Take a large step. Identify a relationship in which you need to be

forgiven—one where you’ve contributed to bad feelings, or even where you’re completely in the wrong. With humility, make an effort to bridge the gap.

Wrap It Up TRANSITION: Read or restate the conclusion from page 116 of the PSG: “Your sin is a 10,000 talent debt forgiven by God. The debts others may owe to you are insignificant in comparison—as are the debts you may owe to others. God forgives. You can, too.” PRAY: Conclude the discussion by thanking God for the debt He has forgiven on your behalf. In turn, ask the Holy Spirit to grant you, and the members of your group, the courage required to forgive those who wrong you.

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My group's prayer requests

Additional suggestions for specific groups (women, men, boomers, and singles) are available at BibleStudiesForLife.com/blog. And for free online training on how to lead a group visit MinistryGrid.com/web/BibleStudiesForLife.

Remember Them No More Keith had been married 20 years when he sat in my office and said, “I’ve never shared this with anyone, but I must find an answer, or it’s going to destroy my marriage.

To continue reading “Remember Them No More” from HomeLife magazine, visit BibleStudiesforLife.com/articles.

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