Southern Caregiver Resource Center

Southern Caregiver Resource Center Caring for those who care for others Wavelengths Volume 52, Winter 2013 Excellence in Caregiving Lorie Van Tilb...
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Southern Caregiver Resource Center Caring for those who care for others

Wavelengths

Volume 52, Winter 2013

Excellence in Caregiving

Lorie Van Tilburg, Southern Caregiver Resource Center Executive Director 2012 was an incredible year for Southern Caregiver Resource Center (SCRC). While there are many memories to choose from, there is one moment that stands out as the highlight of our 25th Anniversary. In October 2012, our team was honored to receive the Rosalynn Carter Leadership in Caregiving Award– the highest award given in the caregiving field. Rosalynn Carter has been a tireless advocate for caregiving issues and a leading voice in furthering caregiver support services for more than 25 years. Since 2001, the Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving (RCI) has partnered with Johnson & Johnson in support of family caregivers across the nation. This valued partnership helps expand the work accomplished by RCI, as well as exemplifies the social responsibility credo of Johnson & Johnson to be “responsible to the communities in which [they] live and work” and to “encourage better health and education.” It is an honor to have been recognized by two of the nation’s biggest champions on caregiver issues. RCI and Johnson & Johnson selected SCRC to receive the coveted Leadership in Caregiving Award based on our CALMA and CUIDAR programs, which utilize evidence-based techniques (based on the REACH model– Resources for Enhancing Alzheimer’s Caregiver’s Health) to help Latino caregivers of patients with Alzheimer’s or other associated dementias. I, along with two principal members of our staff, Kurt Buske and Roberto Velasquez, traveled to Americus, Georgia to receive the honors during a special ceremony. Continued on page 2

Updates Page 2 – RCI Award Page 3 – 2012 Year in Review Page 5 – Donor Recognition Event Page 8 – Bastille Day

Features Page 4 – Caregivers of Veterans Page 6 – 8 – Donor List Page 9 – Caregiving Conversation

Resources Page 10 – Learning Self-Compassion Page 11 – SCRC Support Groups – Caregiver Classes

Our Mission: To help families and communities master the challenges of caring for adults with chronic and disabling conditions

Southern Caregiver Resource Center

Wavelengths, Vol. 52, Winter 2013

Continued... The CALMA and CUIDAR programs are particularly unique in that we partner with San Ysidro Health Center and La Maestra Community Health Centers to dedicate Promotoras (community peer counselors) to conduct outreach activities and identify family caregivers for the interventions. The outcomes of the programs have been so significant that the programs are now sustained by the County of San Diego Behavioral Health Services as prevention and early intervention programs. The highlight of the evening was standing next to Mrs. Carter and representatives from Johnson & Johnson as she presented SCRC with a beautiful statuette designed by renowned sculptor Frank Eliscu (designer of the Heisman Trophy). We’re excited for the opportunity to continue working with Latino caregivers in San Diego to help ensure families are well-equipped to care for their own health and well-being while they learn to navigate the role of family caregiver.

“[SCRC’s] implementation of the REACH program in San Diego targeting Hispanic caregivers is the only effort of its kind in the nation. By helping underserved, diverse populations at greater risk for health problems, the program can positively impact future generations as well.” -Rosalynn Carter

The award speaks to the quality and innovation of the work our staff accomplishes day-in and day-out. I am proud to lead a team that is driven by the desire to provide clients with the best caregiver support services there are to offer. Looking ahead to 2013, SCRC has plans to further our work with caregivers of military veterans. We will also see the return of our annual Bastille Day event. You can read about some of our other highlights from 2012, and take a look at what’s ahead for SCRC, in the pages of this newsletter. We’re proud to have been the leading provider of caregiver support services in San Diego for the past 25 years, and we anticipate to continue to do so for the next 25! Thanks again for a great year, and we look forward to sharing 2013 with you.

Sharon D’Agostino, Johnson & Johnson; Kerri D’Aniello, Johnson & Johnson; Dr. Leisa Easom, Executive Director of RCI; Laura Bauer, RCI; Roberto Velasquez; Kurt Buske; Former First Lady Rosalynn Carter; Lorie Van Tilburg; Dr. Rick Martinez, Johnson & Johnson

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Wavelengths, Vol. 52, Winter 2013

Southern Caregiver Resource Center

2012 Year in Review

A look back at some of Southern Caregiver Resource Center’s (SCRC) most memorable moments and accomplishments from 2012. February 11, 2012 March 29, 2012 The Rosalinde and Arthur Gilbert Foundation and the Family Caregiver Alliance presented the Alzheimer’s Disease Caregiver Legacy Award at the ASA Conference in Washington, D.C. SCRC received the award in the Diverse/Multicultural Communities category for its CALMA/CUIDAR programs.

SCRC celebrated 25 years as the leading provider of comprehensive caregiver support services in San Diego County with a ‘Dancing Under the Stars’ fundraising bash at the San Diego Marriott Del Mar. The event helped raise $134,000 to support the direct service needs of family caregivers. July 1, 2012 Based on the successful outcomes of the REACHing Out program (CALMA/CUIDAR), SCRC received an augmentation from County of San Diego Behavioral Health Services to expand services to Latino family caregivers providing care to loved ones with Alzheimer’s disease or related dementias in San Diego’s South Bay. Results from the program continue to show statistically significant reductions in caregiver depression and burden, as well as improved health for both family caregivers and care recipients. December 6, 2012 SCRC honored supporters at the Donor Recognition event at the Law Firm of Mintz Levin. SCRC’s 2012 Leadership Award was bestowed to Larry ‘Labe’ Vigdor for his altruistic and inspirational work in starting Sandy’s Alzheimer’s Respite Fund in honor of his late wife Sandy, which inspired the 2012 Respite Challenge. Almost $40,000 has been raised to date to support family caregivers with respite care. www.caregivercenter.org

June 7, 2012 SCRC and several family caregivers traveled to Sacramento to meet with lawmakers and advocate for the continuation of state funding to the California Caregiver Resource Centers. These efforts, alongside the voices of thousands of volunteers and aging network agencies, saved the funding to keep the California Caregiver Resource Center system in the governor’s budget. September 30, 2012 SCRC successfully completed the Partners in Caring (PIC) project, a three-year family and informal caregiver program funded by The Harry & Jeannette Weinberg Foundation. SCRC was one of 14 organizations nationwide selected to participate in the initiative. PIC partners included the Alzheimer’s Association San Diego/Imperial Chapter, The Glenner Memory Care Centers, Jewish Family Services of San Diego, Elder Law & Advocacy, and Casa Familiar. October 25, 2012 Former First Lady Rosalynn Carter personally presented SCRC with the highest honor in the caregiving field, the Rosalynn Carter Leadership in Caregiving Award. Staff members traveled to Americus, Georgia where Mrs. Carter recognized SCRC.

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Southern Caregiver Resource Center

Wavelengths, Vol. 52, Winter 2013

Caring for the Caregiver of a Wounded, Ill or Injured Service Member

FEATURE

By Alejandra Ceja-Aguilar; M.A. Counseling, Director of Education and Outreach According to a recent study on family caregiving conducted by the National Alliance for Caregiving, 17% of caregivers nationwide provide care for a veteran and 11% have served in the armed forces themselves. While some of the challenges these caregivers face are shared by the general population of caregivers, the nature of the injuries and illnesses faced by some veterans brings forth an array of unique needs. According to the study, 65% of caregivers of veterans face high levels of caregiver stress, a significantly higher rate than other caregivers. This increased level of stress seems to be caused by the need for support with a larger number of activities of daily living (ADLs) such as bathing, dressing, grooming, feeding and transferring. On November 9, 2012, Southern Caregiver Resource Center (SCRC), in collaboration with the Caregiver Coalition of San Diego and the VA San Diego Healthcare System, delivered a conference specifically focused on caregivers of veterans. At this event, some of the caregivers shared the challenges they have faced while navigating the caregiving maze. Common challenges included: • Lack of knowledge regarding the services available for caregivers of veterans, specifically regarding financial, legal and in-home care services • Not understanding enough about the diagnosis, symptoms and ways of preventing challenging behaviors, especially when it comes to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI) • Completing the paperwork required by certain agencies • Lacking support from other family members • The inability to communicate successfully with the medical team

Here are some tips to help you manage caregiver stress: 1. Start by contacting an SCRC family consultant as they are knowledgeable in the areas of support services available for caregivers of veterans and can help steer you in the right direction and connect you with valuable resources. 2. You are a key player in your loved one’s well-being, but it can be extremely overwhelming to manage your caregiving role in addition to other responsibilities you have. Try keeping a caregiver journal which will help you stay organized. Find a large notebook with folders included. Start by keeping track of the physicians, their specialty and contact information. Also include the medications your loved one is taking, along with the dosage and description of the medication. This journal can include everything from the basic information of your loved one’s condition to questions you may have, and may even include personal thoughts. 3. Involving other family members and friends can be extremely helpful, though making it happen can prove quite difficult. SCRC’s family consultants can provide guidance for navigating these conversations. 4. When it comes to speaking with physicians, it’s important to advocate for yourself and your loved one. The physician may see hundreds of patients on a weekly basis and can forget that your experience is unique. In a kind way, remind the physician that this experience is new to you. Ask for clarification when you don’t understand something. It’s always better to ask rather than leave their office feeling confused. Don’t forget to write your questions down in your journal, along with the answers and any suggestions the doctor may have provided. If you or someone you know is providing care for a veteran and could benefit from our services, please contact us at (800) 827-1008 or [email protected]

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Wavelengths, Vol. 52, Winter 2013

Southern Caregiver Resource Center

Donor Recognition Event

By Roberto Velasquez, Director of Business & Strategic Development Southern Caregiver Resource Center (SCRC) hosted our annual Donor Recognition event at the Mintz Levin Law Firm on December 6th. We host this event to bring together those people who help make our work possible year-round and celebrate those who are making a difference in the lives of family caregivers. We had a wonderful evening spent with more than 70 of SCRC’s friends and supporters. Guests enjoyed spirits, hors d’oeuvres and live musical entertainment by Emmy Award winner and Grammy-nominated musician Allan Phillips. This year, we wanted to take a moment to recognize a few individuals who helped make our fundraising focus of the year possible. We launched the Respite Challenge in the fall of 2012, which was made possible by generous matching pledges from our Respite Challenge Champions Ken Fousel, Laurie Edwards-Tate of At Your Home Familycare, and John and Cheryl Lopez of J&C Carpet. Combined, their matching pledges helped SCRC raise nearly $40,000 that will go directly to providing respite care for family caregivers in San Diego. Special recognitions were also given to SCRC’s Year-Round Corporate Partners: ActivCare Living, At Your Home Familycare, UC San Diego Radiation Oncology, BrightStar, InTouch at Home, Classic Party Rentals and Silvergate Retirement Communities. Silverado Senior Living • At Home • Assisted Living • Hospice was awarded the 2012 Corporate Partner of the Year. You could have heard a pin drop as Larry ‘Labe’ Vigdor, our special featured guest and speaker, captured guests’ attention with an inspiring and powerful account of his life as the primary caregiver for his late wife, Sandy, who suffered from Alzheimer’s. SCRC was captured by Larry and his story upon meeting him. Larry launched Sandy’s Alzheimer’s Respite Fund to help raise money to give to “unknown” family caregivers in San Diego. His own trials as a family caregiver motivated him to give back, and he, in turn, inspired SCRC to dedicate our 2012 fundraising efforts to respite services. Larry shared candidly about his caregiving experience from a letter he wrote to friends when launching Sandy’s Respite Fund, an experience that mirrors what many of our clients experience on a daily basis. “I spend 20 to 30 minutes every morning trying to get Sandy out of bed. She is unable to comprehend instructions, so I am bending over to put on her Depends and her legs feel like they are 1,000 pounds to me. I take her to the doctors- Sandy’s blood pressure is perfect while mine is out of control, and the doctor tells me I need to relax! But I would do anything for my sweetheart of 60 years,” Larry read. There was not a dry eye in the room as all gave a standing ovation at the conclusion of his testimony. Larry is a true inspiration and the epitome of altruism. He continues to raise money to help provide respite services to family caregivers through Sandy’s Respite Fund, which is managed by SCRC. To learn more about Sandy’s Respite Fund, please visit www.Sandysrespitefund.com or call Roberto Velasquez, Director of Business & Strategic Development, at (858) 268-4432.

Year-Round Corporate Partners at our Annual Donor Recognition Event at the Mintz Levin Law Firm www.caregivercenter.org

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Wavelengths, Vol. 52, Winter 2013

2012 Supporters: The Lifeline to our Mission Platinum $100,000 + Aging & Independence Services County of San Diego Behavorial Health Services (MHSA/OA PEI) Department of Health Care Services - Long Term Care Division The Harry and Jeanette Weinberg Foundation, Inc. Rhodium $50, 000 - $99,999 National MS Society, Pacific South Coast Chapter Gold $20,000 - $49,999 The Rosalinde and Arthur Gilbert Foundation Rosalynn Carter Institute/ Johnson & Johnson Silverado Senior Living At Home · Assisted Living · Hospice Silver $10,000 - $19,999 ActivCare Living Residential Memory Care The Bravo Foundation Elaine Krieger Larry Vigdor - Sandy’s Alzheimer’s Respite Fund Pacific Research Network Bronze $5,000 - $9,999 Accredited Home Care Services All Valley Home Health Care & Nursing At Your Home Familycare Inc. Brown Marketing Strategies Independa/Dr. Richard Della Pena J&C Carpet Company Ken Fousel The Law Office of Nancy Kaupp Ewin Macy’s, Inc. Corporate Giving Moss Adams Victoria Nenner

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James and Kaplana Rhodes Sempra Energy Foundation SESCO

Health Lorie Van Tilburg Roberto Velasquez

Copper $1,000 - $4,999 AALL CARE In Home Services A Better Solution In Home Care, Inc. American General Life & Accident Insurance Co. Dr. David Bailey Black & Edwards LLP Tom and Donna Bloomer California Bank & Trust Compatible Home Care, Inc. Copeland & Tierman Max & Barbara Dykmans Elder Care Law Firm The Glenner Memory Care Centers Susan Gregory Debby Halliday Heritage Senior Care Don Hunsaker II, Ph.D. InTouch at Home LLC The Larry and Gigie Price Fund of the Jewish Community Foundation Medi-Cal Regulation Specialists Mintz Levin Rod Melendez Tom and Elly Reid The Robert deRose Foundation Lynne Sanders San Ysidro Health Center Senior Care Management Inc. Sharp HospiceCare Irene Shelton Showley Archambault & Alexander Insurance Associates Silvergate Retirement Communities Somerford Place Richard Stanley UC San Diego Radiation Oncology UCSD Senior Behavorial

Friends Level $1-999 A Caring Heart Home Care, LLC Alianza Organization AOL Matching Gifts Program Ms. Rebecca Atkins Susan Baglien Christopher Banno Mr. Jerry Barash Térèse Belanger Linda Benefield Ms. Barbara Bethel Suzanne Bickley Mr. Richard Blackledge Cindy Bledsoe Mr. and Mrs. Don Blevins Cathy Bole Hon. Marianne Bowler and Dr. Marc Pfeffer Ms. Frances Braxton Brenda Brooks Mr. Jeff Brown Mrs. Mildred Brown Mr. and Mrs. Hal Brunson Ms. Rose Bryant Mrs. Marie Bustos Ms. Ellen Caprio Center for Spiritual Living Bonita Mrs. Jan Chadwick Ms. Doris Chamberlain Marlene Chase Mrs. Sharon Chasteen Mr. Ray Chorush Ms. Ruth Comer Mr. John Cronin Mrs. Rizalina David Tom Davis Elizabeth Anne Dell’acqua Mrs. Barbara Diamond Ms. Joyce DiCicco Mrs. Sue Dixon Ms. Ann Drinkwalter Ms. Jean Duncan Elder Care Guides John and Catherine Ellis Stephanie Ellis

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Thomas Evans Mr. and Mrs. Bob Evatt Family Caregiver Alliance Joann Ferguson Jim Finnerty Jan Fischer Ms. Irene Fojtik Karen Formost Mrs. Sydney Fox Ms. Merrie Friberg Ms. Pam Frick Mr. and Mrs. Joe Gallo Dr. and Mrs. Daniel Gardner Mr. Hank Gaus Ms. Ellen Geis Ms. Sara Gengler Mrs. Doria Goocher Mrs. Cindy Grain Ms. Juandalyn Green Mr. Phil Greenblat Harold Hanks Mr. Bob Hauer Scott Hazel Mr. Robert Heighton Mrs. Adrienne Heinzelman Mr. Bill Henderson Ms. Andrea Holmberg Capt. and Mrs. James Hough Incarnation Lutheran Church Pamela Isemann Mr. Norman Jackson Sarah Jackson Ms. Jennifer Jenkins Marcia Jewett Ms. Diane Jolley JRM Architecture Inc. Kaiser Permanente Mr. Maynard Kartvedt Mr. Ken Keller Ms. Nancy Koehler Ms. Carol Kope Ms. Linda Kourtis Mr. and Mrs. Timothy Kunicki Mr. and Mrs. Chris Landry Laurel Nations Designs Mrs. and Mr. Barbara Lang Law Office of Brierton, Jones & Jones, LLP Ms. Randie Lettington Ms. Connie Lippa Janine Lortscher www.caregivercenter.org

Wavelengths, Vol. 52, Winter 2013

Southern Caregiver Resource Center

Mr. Dean Lycas Eleanore Martin Dan McCarthy McCuen & Co., Inc. Mrs. Patricia Mizel Carol Morris Ms. Ernestine Morris Moss Fiduciary Services Susanne Muel Ms. Anne Myers Mr. Bob Myers Ms. Sharon Nagaran Lt. Col. Paul Nau Ms. Shirley Ordway Mrs. Mary Ormson Mrs. Gail Owashi Mrs. Nancy Paff

Parish Nurse First United Methodist Cathy Paulsen Gerry Plotkin Ms. Johnna Pokojni Ms. Donna Price Dolores Pullen Amanda Ramirez Ms. Joanne Rayborn Mr. and Mrs. Daniel Reed Ms. Vashti Ann Reed Greg and Monique Richardson Ms. Rita Rosenberg Dr. Mimi Rothman The San Diego Foundation Ms. Ann Schulte

Mr. Mort Schnabel Quee Seah Mrs. Irene Shelton Lisa Snyder Peter Sofman Ms. Loretta Spano Marta Spencer Mr. and Mrs. Richard Sprigle Beverly Stebbins Olga and Gus Stephens Ms. Rosemary Taylor Florence Thomason Garrett Thompson Linda Trost B. Patricia Twyman United Way

United Way of Central & Northeastern Connecticut User-Friendly Engineering Ms. Marsha Vanetsky Heidi Van Zant Vickie Velasco Linda Wagner Debra Waste The Weiss Family Trust Mary Lou Wenger Dorothy Wheeler Mr. Dean Williams Mr. Ed Williams Mr. Harold Williams Kathy Valasek David and Edna Wallace, Senior Helpers

Donor Name

In Honor of

Donor Name

In Honor of

Mrs. Beth Thompson Helen Brown Shirley Christian Marilyn Colby Mark & Janet Evans Mr. Fred Hernandez and Mrs. Nita Mehta Willard Isaccs

William & Ernestine Barto Helen Brown Pearl Christian Judith Fox Judith Fox Conchita Hernandez Diana Isaccs

Mr. Joaquin Qualin Mr. Keith McQueen Ms. Sharlene Lewis Mrs. Rosalie Tantillo Sarah Sandor Mr. Norman Smith Ms. Leah McNair

Carol Jones Keith McQueen Marian Retzlaff Rosa San Filippo Robert Sandor Bertha Smith Jeff & Lorie Tierman

Donor Name

In Memory of

Donor Name

In Memory of

William Baird Ms. Rosemary Bentley Ms. Sharol Brust Mr. Ed Chappelear Ms. Teresa Garcia Ms. Julia George Paul Godfrey Ms. Francine Zweibel Mrs. Naomi Golub Mr. Gilbert Harrison Ms. Dixie King Ms. Deborah Lee Mr. Anthony Martinez Ms. Olga Nedd Mrs. Yoko Rickard Bea Roth Mr. and Mrs. Richard Miller Mrs. Patty Cordero Mr. Ray Skinner Mr. Harold Sommers

Laverne Baird Jack Bentley Robert Brust Marilyn Chappelear Morris Isabel Garcia Stephen George Ellen Godfrey Myron Godfrey Miriam Golub Delbert Harrison Larry King Muriel Lee Hilario Martinez Vladimir Nedd Donald Rickard Bill Roth William Schwarz William Schwarz Clara Skinner Anne Sommers

Ms. Binnie Brooks 42nd Street Productions Gay Bonilla Joyce Camiel Marsha Lindbeck Mrs. and Mr. Robin Roberts James and Kaplana Rhodes Muncie Hendler Joyce and David Rosenstein Mr. and Mrs. Michael Cohn Dr. Jess Schessel Eileen Popkin Esther Miller Kathy Hebert Lisa Swartwood Mark Carolin Mrs. Nancy Smith-Fairhurst Ms. Barbara Goldberg Ms. Louise Winicki Carol Bloom

Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor

www.caregivercenter.org

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Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor

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Southern Caregiver Resource Center

Wavelengths, Vol. 52, Winter 2013

In Memory of

Donor Name

In Memory of

Harold Kornfeld Kim Kroll Mary Wood Morris Hollander Mr. and Mrs. Curtis Smith Mr. Dan Prough Ms. Myra Harada Richard Klein S Schwartz Susan Brooks Mrs. and Mr. Mary-Anne Donnelly Gerald Mandlowitz

Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor

Mrs. and Mr. Elaine Cantor Mrs. and Mr. Mara Preffer Mrs. Vicki Share Cantor and Mr. Jeffery Cantor Ms. Aileen Hurst Patricia Rodriguera Marshall Friedman Ceil Levy Eve Plotkin Ms. Donna Horwitz-Martin Richard Stanley Larry Vigdor Mr. James Williams

Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor

Save The Date

Donor Name

Sandy Vigdor

Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Sandy Vigdor Ruth Williams

The 21st Annual Bastille Day A fundraising event benefiting Southern Caregiver Resource Center (SCRC)

Date Saturday, July 13, 2013 Location On the lake in the beautiful Fairbanks Ranch Clubhouse San Dieguito Road, Rancho Santa Fe, CA 92067

Time 4 – 8 p.m. About the Event Don’t miss out on our signature event! Join SCRC for an evening of delectable dining featuring exciting wine and food pairings, as well as bid on exquisite wine and gift packages during our silent auction. Wine tasting will be offered from prominent wineries such as Silver Oak Cellars, Duckhorn Vineyards, Ferrari-Carano, Honig Vineyard and more. Guests will also enjoy live entertainment from Emmy Award winner and Grammy-nominated artist, Allan Phillips and Friends. Kimberly Hunt and Steve Atkinson of Channel 10 News will be our event emcees. Please contact SCRC at (858) 268-4432 or [email protected] for further information. SCRC would like to thank Max & Barbara Dykmans for generously hosting the event. Artwork designed by Christopher Lee

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Wavelengths, Vol. 52, Winter 2013

Southern Caregiver Resource Center

How to Start the Caregiving Conversations By Josh Allen, RN, C-AL, Director, InTouch at Home

Talking with your parents or other aging relatives about the need for care and support at home can be challenging. This is especially true for children who may feel like their role in the relationship has been reversed as they have taken on increased responsibility for their aging parents. While this conversation is never an easy one, there are ways to approach this topic with compassion and understanding while maintaining dignity and respect. Start the conversation early – don’t wait It is never too soon to talk about wishes, preferences and desires when it comes to personal care and support. Waiting until the need for help has become urgent can lead to hurried, emotional decisions and poor outcomes for everyone. Choose a comfortable time and place Avoid having this conversation in public places, like a doctor’s office waiting room or emergency room. Choose a time and place for the conversation in comfortable, familiar surroundings. (The living room or kitchen table of the family home is often the best choice.) Enlist other supportive family members Don’t shoulder the entire burden yourself. Ask other family members to get involved, especially if they have a good relationship with the person who is in need of additional care and support.

Show respect and approach the discussion as a partner, not as the person “in charge” or responsible for taking over the decision-making process. Don’t dictate what someone should do Approach this situation with a collaborative attitude, seeking practical decisions that everyone can support. Don’t push or dictate, but offer options and ask your family members about their preferences. Being completely involved in the decision-making process ensures acceptance of the outcome from both a practical and emotional point of view. Seek expert help You don’t have to do this all on your own. Go to sources such as family members, close friends and, if necessary, expert home care professionals who have many years of training and experience in providing services.

Upcoming Caregiver Class

Join SCRC and InTouch At Home for “How to hire when you might need a caregiver “ 4/12 College Avenue Baptist Church 8:30 a.m. - 2 p.m. 4747 College Avenue, SD 92115

Gather important records and documents This can be an emotionally-charged conversation, but it is important to collect some basic information about your loved ones’ personal affairs. Discuss wills, power of attorney, advanced directives and other important information that you will need should the health of your loved one begin to change. If these provisions aren’t already in place, address the need to make these decisions now so your loved ones control these outcomes, not anyone else.

is proud to be a Year-Round Corporate Partner of Southern Caregiver Resource Center and sponsor of this 2013 Winter edition of Wavelengths.

Listen Use good communication skills throughout the conversation. Resist the temptation to take over the discussion. It is helpful to ask open-ended questions that encourage your loved one to openly discuss how they are feeling about their circumstances without any judgment being made. Ask, don’t assume, what their desires are. www.caregivercenter.org

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Wavelengths, Vol. 52, Winter 2013

Caregiver Nourishment: The Power of Self-Compassion By Alejandra Ceja-Aguilar; MA Counseling, Director of Education & Outreach

As my grandmother’s dementia progresses, I find that my patience lessens. Last week, she kept asking the same question so I “validated and redirected,” but it wasn’t working. I reached a point of frustration as I recalled the lack of support from her children and her lack of appreciation for those who ARE there for her. In a raised tone I reminded her that her children were no longer at home and, just as I finished my statement, I realized what I did- I had just vomited hurtful words. Guilt and remorse sank in. “I should be doing more for her. I should be more understanding and patient.” What do you typically criticize yourself for? I’ve found it’s easy for many of us to lack selfcompassion or forgiveness. We may come from cultures that endorse self-criticism and are told that no matter how hard we try, our best isn’t good enough. It’s time to make a change as we can all benefit from learning to be more self-compassionate. Write Honestly We all have something about ourselves we don’t like, something that causes us to feel shame or guilt. It’s the human condition to be imperfect. However, it is not healthy to self-criticize or blame. To start making a change in yourself, write about an issue you have that tends to make you feel inadequate. Explore why you feel this way and what changes you would like to see. This is just between you and the words, so try to be as honest as possible.

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Letter to a Friend If a friend was going through a challenging situation and asked for your thoughts, you would most likely be caring and compassionate. For this step, think about an imaginary friend who is facing challenges similar to yours. You know that he/she is loving, accepting and compassionate, but tends to self-criticize. Write an encouraging letter to this friend. What possible improvements do you suggest your friend should make to embody feelings of unconditional understanding? Try to infuse your letter with a strong sense of kindness and desire for well-being. Read this letter back to yourself periodically. Now is the time to claim your right to love, acceptance and forgiveness. Changing the Self-Critical Voice In order for us to change the way we treat ourselves, we need to notice when we are being self-critical. It may be difficult to identify, but work on hearing and acknowledging the negative self-talk. Once identified, use self-compassionate words that reflect understanding for both your loved one and yourself. It may seem silly, but continue practicing and, with time, it will get easier and can create a change in your wellbeing. Keep a Journal Journaling is an effective way to express emotions, practice self-compassion, and enhance both mental and physical well-being. At some point during the day, review the day’s events and write down anything you felt inadequate about, anything you judged yourself for or any difficult experience. In addition, make sure every journal entry includes at least one note of selfappreciation. What did you do well today? How have you demonstrated compassionate care toward yourself and others? Here are some other ways you can continue to practice self-compassion: • Take a nap • Get a massage, pedicure or other form of pampering • Listen to relaxing music • Practice meditation or yoga • Take a moment to color, draw or play with some playdough

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Wavelengths, Vol. 52, Winter 2013

Southern Caregiver Resource Center

SCRC Support Groups

Upcoming Caregiver Training

Caregiver Support Group* 2nd and 4th Thursday of every month SCRC Office – 3675 Ruffin Rd., Ste. 230, SD 92123 Facilitator: Elizabeth Saldaña, IMFT (5:30 p.m. – 7 p.m.) *This group has a special focus on adult children who are caring for a parent, but is open to all caregivers Caregiver Support Group* – Clairemont 2nd and 4th Wednesday of every month Live Well San Diego – 4425 Bannock Ave., SD 92117 Facilitator: Adrienne Burnette, Ph.D., MFT (1:30 p.m. – 3 p.m.) *On-site supervision is available at this group Caregiver Support Group – Rancho Bernardo 1st and 3rd Thursday of every month The Remington Club, Multi-Purpose Room 16925 Hierba Dr., SD 92128 Facilitator: Adrienne Burnette, Ph.D., MFT (5:30 p.m. – 7 p.m.) Caregiver Support Group – Fallbrook 4th Thursday of every month Fallbrook Healthcare Foundation, Pittinger House 135 South Mission Rd., Fallbrook 92028 Facilitator: Marianna Randolph, LCSW (10 a.m. – 11:30 a.m.) Huntington’s Disease Support Group – University Town Center 4th Monday of every month Scripps Mende Well Being (University Town Center) 4305 La Jolla Village Dr., Suite L-5, SD 92122 Facilitator: Andrea Cangiano, LCSW (6 p.m. – 8 p.m.) Multiple Sclerosis Caregiver Support Group 3rd Thursday of every month SCRC Office – 3675 Ruffin Rd., Ste. 230, SD 92123 Facilitator: Seraphina Galante, MSW (6:30 p.m. – 8 p.m.) Spanish Caregiver Support Group - San Ysidro 2nd Thursday of every month San Ysidro Adult Day Health Center/Casa de Amistad 3364 Beyer Blvd., San Ysidro 92173 Facilitator: Miriam Guillen-Ibarra, IMFT (3 p.m. – 4:30 p.m.) Spanish Caregiver Support Group - Chula Vista 1st and 3rd Wednesday of every month Norman Park Senior Center 270 F Street, Chula Vista 91910 Facilitator: Zulema Casiano, IMFT (4:30 p.m. – 6:30 p.m.)

Our events are always free. Respite is available upon request, please call for more information.

OO Legacy Circle

The Legacy Circle is a special group of individuals who have made a bequest or lifetime gift to Southern Caregiver Resource Center (SCRC). To join these very important friends, simply inform SCRC that you have included them in your estate plan. For more information, contact Roberto Velasquez at (858) 268-4432 or [email protected] www.caregivercenter.org

1 (800) 827-1008

Caregiver Series* Last Friday of every month, 1:00 – 2:00 p.m. First Unitarian Universalist Church of San Diego, Room 113 4190 Front Street, San Diego 92103 • March 22 – Understanding Cognitive Impairments • April 26 – Managing the Challenging Behaviors Caused by Cognitive Impairments • May 24 – Managing Difficult Family Conversations Managing the Difficult Behaviors of Dementia* March 6, 12:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m. Silverado Senior Living – Escondido 1500 Borden Road, Escondido 92026 March 20, 12:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m. Silverado Senior Living – Encinitas 335 Saxony Road, Encinitas 92024 Caregiver Conference and Resource Fair* 3/9 9:00 a.m. – 12:30 p.m. St. Paul’s PACE Chula Vista Location 630 L Street, Chula Vista 91911 Topics include: How to Protect Yourself When Hiring a Caregiver, How to Prevent Caregiver Burnout, How to Prepare a Home for Your Loved One, and Legal and Financial Planning for Family Caregivers. Aging and Driving Conference* 3/21 10:00a.m. – 1:00p.m. Point Loma Library 3701 Voltaire Street, San Diego 92107 Learn the warning signs of when it’s time to stop driving, how modifications may help older drivers continue to drive and how to have a conversation about driving with someone who should no longer be doing so. Speakers from Sharp Memorial’s Adaptive Driving Program, AARP and Southern Caregiver Resource Center will discuss issues about driving and offer resources. Caregiver Conference, Resource Fair and Blood Drive* 4/12 8:30a.m. – 2:00p.m. College Avenue Baptist Church 4747 College Avenue, San Diego 92115 Topics include: Helping Your Loved One with Mobility Issues, Hiring a Caregiver, Responding to Memory Loss and Dementia, Managing the Emotional Issues of Caregiving, Driving and Transportation Solutions, and Legal and Financial Support. Breakfast and lunch will be provided. *To review the full list of caregiver trainings and to register, please visit www.caregivercenter.org or call 1-800-827-1008

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Southern Caregiver Resource Center

NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION U.S. POSTAGE PAID SAN DIEGO, CA

Caring for those who care for others

PERMIT #1

Southern Regional Resource Center Inc. dba

Wavelengths 3675 Ruffin Road, Suite 230 San Diego, Ca 92123

Volume 52, Winter 2013

CONTACT US Email: [email protected] Website: www.caregivercenter.org

The 21st Annual Bastille Day Yes, I would like to purchase a ticket(s) to attend Bastille Day on Saturday, July 13th Tickets are $150 each (FMV* $75 each) Tax ID # 33-0402867 Name(s) _______________________________________________________ Address________________________________________________________ City/State/Zip ___________________________________________________ Phone __________________Email__________________________________ Number of tickets ______Total amount enclosed $_____________________ Please make check payable to SCRC and send to: 3675 Ruffin Road, Suite 230, San Diego, CA 92123 You may also purchase tickets online by visiting our website at: www.caregivercenter.org *Fair Market Value

(858) 268-4432 (800) 827-1008 Toll-Free (877) 303-7037 para Español (858) 268-7816 Fax BOARD OF DIRECTORS Nancy K. Ewin, Esq., President Cindy Lehman, Treasurer Don Hunsaker II, Ph.D. Karen Black, Esq. Alison Sorley, Realtor, SFR Martha Rañón Lawrence Vigdor SCRC STAFF Lorie Van Tilburg, Executive Director Kurt Buske, Associate Director Roberto Velasquez, Director of Business & Strategic Development Alejandra Ceja-Aguilar, Director of Education & Outreach Adrienne Burnette, Family Consultant Andrea Cangiano, Family Consultant Seraphina Galante, Family Consultant Marianna Randolph, Family Consultant Miriam Guillen-Ibarra, Care Manager Elizabeth Saldaña, Care Manager Zulema Casiano, Care Manager Amanda Ramirez, Intake Coordinator Julio Magaña, Promotor/Outreach Coordinator Malea Santos, Development Assistant Kami Shevlin, Admin. Assistant III Josie Gerk, Administrative Assistant I