Single Man, Married Man Every Man Wants to Get Married - Why Not to You? By Dr. Jean Alerte, Jickael Bazin, Frank Gateau, Rae Holliday, Zangba Thomson, Fadelf Jackson, Kel Spencer, and Pervis Taylor

CHAPTER 5: THE GOOD THE BAD THE UGLY

FRANK GATEAU Another truth of the matter is that a lot of relationships you encounter and build with men are just preparation for that guy to be a better man for the woman after you. It’s like you’re grooming and guiding the perfect guy for another woman. I’ve learned and grown after every relationship I’ve had with women, whether casual or committed. You just have to hope that the man you want has completed that process when you get to him. “Time is what we want most but what we use worst.” —William Penn You can always gain money back but not time. This is why I walk away from a bad situation as soon as I realize it’s not what I want or I notice there are too many games being played, and you should too. Start paying close attention to the amount of time you are spending with someone. Is it a waste of time, or is there real potential for growth? Where time is being spent is a true indicator of what type of relationship you are in. A healthy relationship takes time, effort, and commitment. So don’t focus on things that are detrimental to your relationship, build instead of destroying. Make time for what you really want. No matter how busy your schedule might be, find time. A balanced life is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. People make time for whatever it is that they want, no matter how busy the schedule or heavy the workload. Don’t put 100 percent of your best years into not exploring life.

DR. JEAN ALERTE

The good is also being able to work out problems with your man through thick and thin, the bad is the drama caused by not being able to work out problems with your man, and the ugly is when all hell breaks loose in the aftermath. Expect to experience these three conditions when you are in a committed relationship—know that, when you are unhappy, it’s only for a season, and remember, you are the master of your relationship, so whichever way you go, expect a new situation to arise, and count it as a blessing that you are able to experience the good, the bad, and the ugly. During these happy and unhappy times, you will gain knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. You will grow as an individual and encounter emotions that you never knew existed, and most importantly, you may experience a dream or nightmare, but remember, there is a blessing in the pressing. “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.” —James 1:2 (New Living Translation) How can you appreciate happiness if you haven’t experienced unhappiness? And if you are having problems with your man, know that great joy is on its way to comfort the both of you. But you have to remain patient. Absorb the moment and grow in wisdom. Life is a game and love is the prize. Is being loved the most meaningful thing in your life? If so, then nothing should come between you and your destiny with your man. Challenges will arise in your life. Things will be good in the beginning and can turn bad in the middle, but it’s up to you not to finish on an ugly note. Allow love to minister to you during your turbulent times and be aware of how you respond to life’s events that are detrimental to your well-being, and through it all, you should always strive to have peace of mind.

JICAKEL BAZIN Since all human beings have flaws, let’s get what should be the obvious out of the way—there is no such thing as “the perfect man,” and just like you, any man you date will have his good and bad days. These bad days may vary in cause, but the point is they will happen, and your reaction to his mood swings on these days will have a direct association to whether he keeps the reasons to himself or decides to share his dilemmas with you. Contrary to popular belief, we do have feelings and do sometimes go through our own emotional roller coasters. The last thing a man wants to do after battling the world outside all day is to come home for round two with his lady. The last thing you want to do is turn a bad day into an ugly one. He will look to you for support and sympathy on these days. Although he may not want to discuss the issue at first, you will comfort him and put his mind at ease enough to where he will begin to communicate with you about his sour mood. Your expectations should be that he reciprocate this when you have your bad days. Surely there will be those times when the bad days you both have are due to a disagreement between the two of you. I cannot stress enough the importance of communication. Even in a heated battle with your man, your ability to effectively share your feelings without getting nasty and saying things purely out of anger can make or break your relationship. You never want to get to the point where things get ugly and you begin to verbally or physically abuse each other. I suggest a cool-down period for both of you before you continue your discussion. This break, however, must be communicated and agreed on by you both. One of you must be levelheaded enough to calmly say to the other, “Babe, we are both heated, and rather than yell at each other and say things we do not mean, let’s take a break, calm down, and we can both approach the situation from a calm, thought-out perspective.” This may sound unrealistic, but remember, you are both adults and should act accordingly. Sometimes, in order to correct or resolve a situation,

you must apply an approach that takes you out of your comfort zone.