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Session Summaries: Units of Study The Craft of Revision (K-2) Good writing deserves to be revised. In this unit, Pat and Lucy offer lessons to teach children both how and why to revise their work. As children learn how to use cross-out lines, carat marks and stapled extra strips of paper, they also learn that honing or adding details, images, and dialogue, for example, can improve the quality of their writing. Unit Targets Students will be able to: • • • • • • • • • • • • •

revise their work by rereading it and asking, "How willi make it better?" add on or add a flap to revise their writing. add dialogue to give their story detail. take away details that don't add to the main idea of their story. plan the revisions they are going to make in their story. look to other authors to get strategies for writing great leads. tell the topic and exactly the work they are doing in a conference. show how they are feeling in their story by writing exactly what they did. show the events in their story by writing exactly what happened. write an ending that shows resolution. shift between writing and revising. meet with a partner to confer. change the genre of their writing.

PREFACE: A committee of instructional coaches and teachers with deep understanding of and experience with Units of Study, have created one page summaries of each writing session with clear targets. They want to emphasize, however, that they are not a substitute for reading the lessons; they are a guide to help teachers when planning and teaching. And they are working documents-feel free to revise them and make them your own. In addition, the following support materials have been created for you: • • • • •

A grade to grade scope and sequence. State Standards student tracking sheets for each grade level. An alignment of State Standards to Units of Study Anchor papers for each grade: this is what a proficient writing sample is. A K-2 Scoring Guide (in draft stage)

Providing writing instruction for students is a collaborative effort of K-12 teachers. It is important that each teacher uses our core writing program. A core curriculum allows students to build on what they learned the year before. Consistency in language, formats, and models allows students to focus on deeper understanding of concepts and skills. What a student did last year connects to what he is doing this year. The second or third time a student experiences a unit of study, keener insights lead to a more thorough transfer of skills to their writing. Teachers also know what concepts were taught. Writing samples can be passed on from grade to grade. Ellen Chaimov, Jennifer Darlington, Dawn Relin, Kari Tunstill, Kalei Ostreim Jessica Orth, Jennifer Dove Kiltow, Bev Guttag, Rose O'Brien, Vicki Beraka Tara Black, Gary Peterson

2.1.10

Units of Study and English Language Learners: Before the Mini-Lesson Teach brief pre-mini-lessons (5-7 min.) for English-Learners prior to the whole-class minilesson to introduce new vocabulary, sentence frames, language structures, organization or other information. To make this manageable, keep in mind: • Pre-mini-Iessons are not needed before every mini-lesson (use them as needed to teach key vocabulary, specific writing/editing skills, introduction to new writing genres, etc.) • On days that you do teach a pre-mini-Iesson, have the rest of the class rereading their writing with their partner during this time. This benefits the rest of the class by reminding students of the prior day's writing as well as providing students with a focus for continuing their writing during the current day's workshop.

Mini-Lesson • Use examples of experiences you KNOW students have had (e.g. use the example of your class field trip on the bus rather than an airplane ride to Disneyland). • When modeling writing for students during your mini-lesson, add sketches whenever possible to aid comprehension. e.g. sketch/label new vocabulary, sketch your "small moment" story, use pictures and/or realia • If you are using a graphic organizer, model its use step-by-step. • Use a lot of wait time as EL students will need to process the spoken and written English of the mini-lesson prior to making personal connections for their writing. • In addition to verbal and written directions, it is critical for English-Learners that you provide a clear model of the directions. Keep in mind the multiple modalities of all learners, and use best practices to provide directions in the modality and frequency that meets each student's learning-style.

After the Mini-Lesson • Provide students with sentence frames to start their writing, and post the sentence frames in a place where students can see them from their desks. Model for students how the sentence frames can be used to write about the content displayed on charts throughout the room. • Check-in daily with English-Learners as they head out to Writing Workshop to make sure that they have a focus for writing and that they understand the day's directions. • Give students a choice of topics, but provide support for students in making their choice so that they are picking topics that fit with the language they know. • Engage students with real world purposes. e.g. writing a letter to a family member, writing a story to read to a younger sibling, retelling stories they have heard or read, etc.

Writing Workshop • Allow students to brainstorm/plan in their first language, rather than in English, as this may be the best way to get their ideas flowing. This could look like: o Peer conferencing with a buddy who speaks same native language o Brainstorming lists of topics in native language; use picture files and books in native language to help generate ideas o Completing a graphic organizer in native language • When the curriculum suggests assigning writing partners, pair English-Learners with someone they will feel comfortable sharing/speaking with, and also with someone who will provide a good model of spoken English; in this situation the best partner for an English-Learner is not necessarily another student of the same native language. • Personal Word Walls (Lucy Calkins Writing/or Readers: Teaching Skills and Strategies, K-2 Unit 3, pg. 57) can be effective tools for English-Learners when they are created for individuals rather than used with table groups. Individual students can add sketches or prompts to their word walls to aid their comprehension. • Set student-specific writing goals or develop a student-specific editing checklist. Select one to two editing goals to focus on at a time. • Allow beginning English-Learners to write in their native language, to represent ideas pictorially and with labels, and to dictate their writing to the teacher or other adult. Eventually they might be willing to share the dictation orally (during the After the Workshop Share), and then perhaps even write the simple story themselves. • Keep expectations high, but modify assignments and expected outcomes to accommodate for students' language proficiency levels. If the only way a student can complete an assignment is with significant 1: 1 support, then the assignment is neither appropriate nor meaningful. • Make use of other adults to provide multiple opportunities for feedback and student writing conferences, but ensure adults have been trained in conferring with writers. • Help advanced EL students to refine their writing, spot errors, and expand their vocabulary.

After the Workshop Share • Celebrate students' writing, as well as the individual writing proficiency levels of each student. It is okay to publish and celebrate writing that is not perfect andlor writing-in-progress. • Allow sharing options: • Share in native language • Share in a small group or with a partner • Share with younger students • Choosing not to share or choosing to have the teacher share for them

Unit: The Craft of Revision Lesson # I

Lesson Title: Introducing Revision

Target: I will revise my work by rereading my work and asking, "How will I make it better?" Connection -

Celebrate children's published writing from the previous unit. "When we like our writing, writers revise. We reread our writing and ask, 'How can I make this even better?'" Teaching Point Show students revision folders and revision pens. Model rereading a teacher piece and asking, "Is there anything I could do to make this even better?" Use the revision strategy of adding on to the story. Active Reread a teacher story again out loud and have students Engagement turn to partners and talk about ideas for revising the teacher story. Have students share out ideas and emphasize that writers reread and add on details to make their story even better. Show students, "Writers Revise Chart." (Attached) Link Have students reread their duplicated published piece and have them ask themselves, "How could I revise, what could I add?" Have students share their piece with their writing partner and discuss changes that could be made. Mid Point None Lesson

Materials Needed: New revision folders labeled "Needs to Be Revised" and "Revised" Copy of students' published works from previous unit Revision pens (something that shows that revisions have been done, for example a purple pen) Copy of a finished writing sample from the teacher of a shared class moment Writers Revise Chart

Writers Revise ;:·We reread and make plans. ;:·We reread, make a movie in our minds, and add words. ;:·We add details to our drawings. ;:·We add missing information. ;:·We add dialogue. ;:·We subtract things that don't build our main idea. ;:·We reread and think, UWhat parts will be confusing?" ;:·We show, not tell. ;:·Writers turn true stories into poems, letters or ...

U nit: The Craft of Revision Lesson # II Lesson Title: Adding into the Middle of Text Target: I can add on or add a flap to revise my writing. Connection

Tell students that just as construction workers wear tool belts that have all the tools they need in them, writers need a lot of tools. "Today, I'm going to teach you about tools writers use when we revise." Teaching Point Share. either the story, "When I Saw Falcon Eating a Pigeon" OR a piece of student writing where the student has revised by adding on. (See Attached) Share with students that this writer reread, added on, and then ran out of space. His strategy was attaching a strip of paper and finishing his story and taping it on to his writing piece. Have students share with partners two ways they can Active Engagement revise their writing. 1. Adding on. 2. Adding a Flap. Link Encourage students to reread their stories and add details or add on to their story.

Mid Point Lesson

None

Materials Needed: Flaps Tape Enlarged copy of either attached example stories

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Unit: Craft of Revision Lesson # III

Lesson Title: Adding Dialogue

Target: I can add dialogue to give my story detail. Connection

Remind students of the revising work they have done so far. Tell students that we add details for a purpose. "One reason to add is to put the actual words that a character says into text. This is called dialogue." Teaching Point Point out to students about a part in Owl Moon when Jane Yolen could have used action to describe what happened next but instead used dialogue to enhance the story. For example, when the Owl flies away. Reread shared teacher story from Lesson I and invite Active students to find a place where they could add dialogue in Engagement to the story. Have students share the exact words they heard or said. Write dialogue on a sticky note and add it to the story. Have students reread their stories and find a place where Link they could add dialogue.

Mid Point Lesson

Discuss alternatives for the word "said." Encourage students to use alternatives such as whispered, yelled, begged ect.

Materials Needed: Owl Moon by Jane Yolen Sticky Notes

Unit: Craft of Revision Lesson # IV

Lesson Title: Revising by Taking Away

Target: I can take away details that don't add to the main idea of my story. Connection

Tell students that revisions can involve taking away as well as adding on.

Teaching Point

Show students the shared story with added details. "Some of my additions help the story and some of them don't." Read the story aloud and model thinking, "What's the most important idea in my story and what's my story really about?" Reread story and have students share with a partner if they notice parts of the text that aren't about the main idea of the story. Have students share ideas whole group. Model crossing out lines that aren't important and emphasize that writers subtract, as well as add. Add to Writer's Revise Chart We subtract things that don't build to our main idea. Have students reread their revised writing and see if there are any parts that don't go with the main idea of the story.

Active Engagement

Link

Mid Point Lesson

If you notice that students are throwing their writing away, tell students to keep all their writing.

* Tell students that if they have made their published piece as good as it can be, they can choose 3-4 other writing pieces to start revising, using all the strategies that they have previously learned.

Materials Needed: Teacher needs to add unnecessary details to the shared story without student input.

Unit: Craft Of Revision Lesson # V

Lesson Title: Planning Revision

. my story. t I can plan I th e reVISIOns I am 20m2 to ma k em T ar2e: Connection Make sure that all students have chosen a few pieces to reVIse. Teach students that the word revision means to look at your writing a~ain. Teaching Point Read aloud a sparse small moment written by teacher and jot quick notes on sticky notes about things you would like to revise. For example, if there is a part in the story that dialogue could be added, jot on a sticky note dialogue. Active Have students turn to partners and share what they saw Engagement you doing as you reread and revised. Have a student tell in order what they saw you doing (reread slowly and write notes about things you want to revise.) Link If students are done revising a published piece from previous unit, encourage students to reread one of their new selected pieces to revise, and make a plan for revising. Mid Point Have students share with their partners their plans for .. reVISIOn. Lesson

Materials Needed: A very sparse small moment teacher written story about a topic that the children know, written on chart paper. Large sticky notes for revising teacher copy Sticky notes for students

Unit: Craft Of Revision Lesson Title: Revising Leads Lesson # VI Target: I can look to other authors to get strategies for writing great leads. Connection Tell students that today they will study how authors write great leads and then experiment with the leads in their own writing. Teaching Point Read aloud the lead from A Chair For My Mother and encourage students to think" How is she starting her story? Could I do that in my own writing?" Have students share with partners. (She tells exactly where she is and what she's doing.) Read aloud the lead from Owl Moon and have students share with their partner what they noticed. (using pretty, songlike words reveals the weather.) Active Engagement

Link

Read aloud a student's story and encourage students to borrow one of the strategies they heard from the mentor texts to help make the student's lead better. Have students share with a partner. Tell students that if they are revising their lead today to try to: *write a strong lead *Write with detail *Show the weather *Make it sound like a song

Mid Point Lesson

Materials Needed: A Chair For My Mother by Vera B. Williams Owl Moon by Jane Yolen A student's piece to share To Write A Strong Lead Chart

How To Write A Strong Lead ~:~Write

with detail.

~:~ Show

the weather.

~:~Make

it sound like a song.

Unit: Craft Of Revision Lesson # VII Lesson Title: Teaching Children To Confer About Writing / Target: I will tell the topic and exactly the work I am doing in a conference. Connection

Tell students that today you will teach them their job in a writing conference.

Teaching Point

Tell students the structure of a conference. Teacher Student * Teacher observes * Student keeps writing * "What are you doing as a * Student tells the topic writer?" and exactly the work that they are doing." Model with a student playing the teacher role and you playing the student role. Show NON example (very brief, just telling about topic), then what you'd prefer (detailed) Have students share with partners about WHY it's more helpful to say the topic AND the work that your doing. Have students plan in their minds what they would say in a writing conference. Model with a student and have the class critique how the student did in the conference. Have partners share what they would say in a writing conference. Tell students that you will tell them ahead of time if you will be conferring with them, so they have some time to plan what they're going to say.

Active Engagement

Link

Mid Point Lesson

Materials Needed:

Unit: Craft Of Revision Lesson # VIII

Lesson Title: Showing, Not Telling

Target: I can show how I am feeling in my story by writing exactly what I did. Connection

Remind students of the strategies for revising they have learned so far. Tell students that writers also have reasons to revise. "We revise to add details or dialogue. We

also revise to show how we felt, not just tell our feelings." Teaching Point Share a student's piece of writing where the student has told how he felt. " Writers instead, try to use words to show the reader how the character felt. To do this, they will need to reread and make a movie in their mind of exactly what they did." Reveal the student's writing on chart paper. Have the student reread their writing to the class and show how they acted in the story. Have students tell their partner exactly what the student did. Have students look at their writing and find a place where Active Engagement they could show, not tell.

Link

Remind students of all the ways that they can revise.

Mid Point Lesson

Materials Needed: • Students piece of writing where student told how they felt. • Students writing on chart paper.

SHOW,

Tell

I was happy.

DON'T

I

TELL

Show I skipped all the way home, hum-

ming glad songs as if my heart would burst.

The classroom was a mess.

Books, papers, and tools were strewn everywhere across the classroom, making the place look rather like a teenager's bedroom.

We lost. I was sad.

We lost. I walked slowly along, my head down, my hands in my pockets, dragging my feet along the ground.

I was sad.

My heart felt heavy; I tried not to cry.

The cute, frisky dog looked at me.

The dog caught a leaf and turned a somersault. Then it spun around in a circle.

I was really excited and nervous.

I kept going to the window every five seconds to check and see if the taxi was there yet. I thought every little sound in the hallway might be him. I was so jumpy that when the phone rang I nearly fell off my chair. My feet kept tapping and I read the same sentence in .my book six times in a row!

May be copied for single da5Sroom use. C2oo3 by lucy Callcin~ and Beth Neville, fmm Resources for Primaty i'Witing; Units of Study for Primaty JilTitmg: A Yearlong Curriculum, Lucy Calkins, Heinemann: Ponsmouth. NH

Writers Revise ~:·We

reread and make plans.

~:·We

reread, make a movie in our

minds, and add words. ~:·We

add details to our drawings.

~:·We

add missing information.

~:·We

add dialogue.

~:·We

subtract things that don't build our

main idea. ~:·We

reread and think, IIWhat parts will

be confusing?" ~:~We

show, not tell.

~:~Writers

turn true stories into poems,

letters or ...

Unit: Craft Of Revision Lesson # IX

Lesson Title: Learning More About Showing, Not Telling

Target: I can show the events in my story by writing exactly what happened. Connection

Compliment students on their revisions so far. Tell students that for most writing, writers show instead of tell.

Teaching Point Read aloud Mike Mulligan and tell students that they could have written there was a lot of noise and dirt, but instead she wanted to show it. Active Engagement

Reread teacher written story. Have students share with a partner how they would revise one part of the story to show what happened. Have students share with the class.

Link

Have students find a place in their writing where they can show, not tell.

Mid Point Lesson

Share a students piece where they have tried to show, not tell.

Materials Needed: * Mike Mulligan by Virginia Lee Burton * Teacher written piece used previously in the unit

Excerpt from Mike Mulligan Dirt was flying everywhere, and the smoke and steam were so thick that people could hardly see anything. But listen I UBing I Bang I Crash I Slam I"

Unit: Craft Of Revision Lesson # X

Lesson Title: Revising Endings

Target: I can write an ending that shows resolution. Connection

Tell students that when writers write an ending your voice needs to close ... down ... the ... story. Read aloud the ending of Koala Lou. "Notice how I read endings as if they are the most special words in the world." Tell students you will show them how to make their endings special. Teaching Point Tell students that when they find an ending they love, they can reread it and think, "What did that author do that worked well?" Read aloud, Eric's Story (Attached). Emphasize that at the end of the story, everything turned out to be OK, just like in Koala Lou. "One lesson we could learn is that in many stories, the problem gets solved at the ending. More importantly, endings matter." Read aloud Lisa's Story (Attached). Have students talk to Active Engagement their partner about what made this ending work.

Link

Mid Point Lesson

Remind students of the revision strategies that they have learned so far. Encourage students to revise the ending of their story so it works even better. None

Materials Needed: Koala Lou by Mem Fox Eric's Story Lisa's Story

16r ~named ' Eric. It goes

, I think I love it because are ti me, Pat refuses,

Telling the children that you love to read and study the work of authors-and then turning to the work of an author from the class-is a nice twist! Try to read the child's writing with as mpch reverence as you brought to Koala Lou.

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Eric

One day me and my class went to the garden to plant bulbs. "How long do we have, Pat?" I said. I was jumping and jumping, hoping I'd have a long time, when Pat said, "Ten minutes." I was so mad, I stomped my foot. Steam was coming out of my ears, "I want more time to plant." In my head I was saying, "I need more time," it went on and on. "Pat, I need more time," I said. "Eric, you're starting ,to !,ai;J.floy me )~.Jo ot~~'r Ji,d is '._ . annoying me," [Pat said.l j, .. t" :. " "~~,,, 'f" ;~, All the ~kids ran 'to-,Pat,' ~ Pat, Erk told " " " ... ",.,.,c_...." .have tEm minutes. ;;?:Pa! ,' " Pat, " " pat, " " Pat, " it '

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