Review of cohesion and coherence Cohesion (connecting each sentence to the next): • begin sentences with the familiar (either something just mentioned in the preceding text, or something you can safely assume readers will recognize), and • end sentences with the new or complex (something you’re first introducing, or anything that involves lengthy, potentially flow-wrecking, phrases)

Coherence (maintaining consistent topics throughout a paragraph): • place somewhere near the beginning of each sentence a concise indication of that sentence’s topic, and • keep the topics of sentences in a passage related to each other (not necessarily identical)

“Cohesion” paragraph-rewriting exercise from last time: The Hart Queen is one of the best skis for beginning skiers. A thin layer of tempered ash from hardwood forests of Kentucky makes up its inner core. Therefore, two innovations for strength and flexibility are built into its outer construction. Also, two sheets of ten-gauge steel reinforce a layer of ash for increased strength. A wrapping of fiberglass thus surrounds the two steel sheets for increased flexibility. In fact, most conventional bindings can be used with the Queen. The Salomon Double is the best, however. A cushion of foam and insulation firmly cradles the foot and ankle, yet freedom of movement is still permitted. One of the best skis for beginning skiers is the Hart Queen. Its inner core is a thin layer of tempered ash from the hardwood forests of Kentucky. Built into its outer construction are two innovations for strength and flexibility. For increased strength, the layer of ash is reinforced with two sheets of tengauge steel. For increased flexibility, the steel sheets are wrapped with fiberglass. The Queen can be used with most conventional bindings, but the Salomon Double is best: it firmly cradles the foot and ankle in a cushion of foam and insulation that still permits freedom of movement.

Coherence: How could this paragraph be rewritten to give its sentences a more consistent set of topics? The power to create and communicate a new message to fit a new experience is not a competence animals have in their natural states. Their genetic code limits the number and kind of messages that they can communicate. Information about distance, direction, source and richness of pollen in flowers constitutes the only information that can be communicated by bees, for example. A limited repertoire of messages delivered in the same way, for generation after generation, is characteristic of animals of the same species, in all significant respects.

Current (scattered) set of topics: The power to create and communicate a new message to fit a new experience is not a competence animals have in their natural states. Their genetic code limits the number and kind of messages that they can communicate. Information about distance, direction, source and richness of pollen in flowers constitutes the only information that can be communicated by bees, for example. A limited repertoire of messages delivered in the same way, for generation after generation, is characteristic of animals of the same species, in all significant respects.

One possible revision, establishing a focused set of topics: In their natural states, most animals lack the power to create and communicate a new message to fit a new experience. Their genetic code enables them to communicate only a limited number and kind of messages. Bees, for example, can communicate only information about distance, direction, source and richness of pollen in flowers. In all significant respects, animals of the same species are able to communicate a limited repertoire of messages delivered in the same way, for generation after generation.

Another, choosing a different focus for the topics: The power to create and communicate a new message to fit a new experience is not a competence animals have in their natural states. The number and kind of messages that they can communicate is limited by their genetic code. All that bees can communicate, for example, is information about distance, direction, source and richness of pollen in flowers. A limited repertoire of messages delivered in the same way, for generation after generation, is characteristic of animals of the same species, in all significant respects.

More on sentence endings: stress We’ve seen that sentences should begin with the familiar and end with the new or complex. The end of a sentence is also the location for anything you want to emphasize; the reader’s ear will give whatever you place there special weight. Compare these two versions of the exact same material, just re-ordered to alter the stress (Williams found the second, and created the first): The administration has blurred an issue central to arms control, the issue of verification. Irresponsible charges, innuendo and leaks have submerged serious problems with Soviet compliance. The objective, instead, should be not to exploit these concerns in order to further poison our relations, repudiate existing agreements, or, worse still, terminate arms control altogether, but to insist on compliance and clarify questionable Soviet behavior. The issue of verification—so central to arms control—has been blurred by the administration. Serious problems with Soviet compliance have been submerged in irresponsible charges, innuendo and leaks. The objective, instead, should be to clarify questionable Soviet behavior and insist on compliance—not to exploit these concerns in order to further poison our relations, repudiate existing agreements, or, worse still, terminate arms control altogether.

To sum up: Sentences should begin with the topic (related to those of the other sentences in the paragraph) and end with what you wish to stress. They should begin with the familiar, the short, and the simple, and end with the new, the long, and the complex (which then becomes the “familiar” that can begin another sentence). Return to the revised version of the Hart Queen paragraph, and look for these characteristics.

Stress and a paragraph’s first sentence We’ve discussed how whatever appears at the end of a sentence will be heard with special emphasis. This fact is particularly important in writing the first sentence of a paragraph: the end of that introductory sentence often identifies the ideas that the rest of the paragraph will develop. Readers will be looking to whatever appears in that location for guidance on how to understand the paragraph as a whole. Which is the best opening sentence for the paragraph that follows? 1. The next century the situation changed, because disputes over succession to the throne caused some sort of palace revolt or popular revolution in seven out of eight reigns of the Romanov line after Peter the Great. 2. The next century the situation changed, because after Peter the Great seven out of eight reigns of the Romanov line were plagued by turmoil over disputed succession to the throne. 3. Because turmoil over disputed succession to the throne plagued seven out of eight reigns of the Romanov line after Peter the Great, the situation changed in the next century.

…The problems began in the year 1722, when Tsar Peter the Great passed a law of succession to the throne that brought to an end the principle of succession by heredity and required the sovereign on the throne to appoint someone to succeed him when he died. But because many of the Russian Tsars, including Peter, died before they were able to name successors, those who aspired to rule over Russia had no authority of legal power by appointment from the Tsar, and so their succession was often disputed by the boyars, who were lower level aristocrats in Russian society. There was turmoil and turbulence even when successors were appointed by Tsars, usually. In the year 1740, Ivan VI was adopted by Czarina Anna Ivanovna and named as her successor at two months of age, but his succession to the throne was challenged by Elizabeth, who was daughter of Peter the Great. In the year 1741, she defeated Anna and ascended to the throne herself instead. In the year 1797 Paul tried to eliminate these disputes over succession to the throne by codifying and instituting a new law: it stated that the oldest born in the male line would succeed to the throne. But trouble and turmoil continued to occur. Paul was strangled to death by conspirators, one of whom was probably his son, Alexander I.

The following paragraph probably includes a lot of unfamiliar terms. But even though it may be difficult to understand the substance of what it says, you can still make it more readable. Revise the paragraph to give its sentences—especially the first—an appropriate topic at the beginning, an appropriate item to stress at the end, and better connections between sentences: Mucosal and vascular permeability altered by a toxin elaborated by the vibrio is a current hypothesis to explain this kind of severe condition. Changes in small capillaries located near the basal surface of the epithelial cells, and the appearance of numerous microvesicles in the cytoplasm of the mucosal cells is evidence in favor of this hypothesis. Hydrodynamic transport of fluid into the interstitial tissue and then through the mucosa into the lumen of the gut is believed to depend on altered capillary permeability. One current hypothesis to explain this kind of severe condition is that a toxin elaborated by the vibrio alters mucosal and vascular permeability. In favor of this hypothesis are changes in small capillaries located near the basal surface of the epithelial cells and the appearance of numerous microvesicles in the cytoplasm of the mucosal cells. It is believed that when capillaries become more permeable, fluid is hydrodynamically transported into the interstitial tissue and then through the mucosa into the lumen of the gut.

For next time, revise the following paragraph for coherence (i.e., give it a more consistent set of topics across the sentences) and for stress (put items that should be emphasized at the end of clauses and sentences). I’ve marked the topics in the initial version so you can see how inconsistent they are. Before making your changes, decide who or what the main character of this story should be, so you can make it the topic of most sentences. Some potential threats exist in the modern mass communications media, though there are many significant advantages. If a powerful minority should happen to control it, public opinion could be manipulated through biased reporting. And while a wide knowledge of public affairs is a great advantage that results from national coverage, divisiveness and factionalism can be accentuated by connecting otherwise isolated, local conflicts into a single larger conflict as a result of showing that conflicts about the same issues are occurring in different places. It will always be true, of course, that human nature produces differences of opinion, but the threat of faction and division may be reinforced when national coverage publicizes uninformed opinions. According to some, education can suppress faction when the true nature of conflicts reaches the public through the media, but history has shown that as much coverage is given to people who encourage conflict as to people who try to remove conflict.

For next week 1) Read Williams, Lesson Six 2) Rewrite the paragraph for coherence and stress. 3) On the web site are links to three brief articles, two by me and one by Chris Bigum. For each, see if you can distill a one-sentence thesis statement and then construct an outline, showing the structure of the argument (i.e., how each portion of the article helps support the thesis statement).