Intro    

IDOP for the persecuted husband! Submission: Wife to get out of the way so that God can have a clear shot at your husband. Last week, Brad. Came back from Philippines short-term trip

Let’s look 

Stand and Read 5:25-33

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Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. What we missed   

“profound” or “great”, Gk word “megas” = MEGA mystery Marriage is full of mystery – think back to your first year of marriage! Solomon – Proverbs 30:18-19

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There are three things which are too wonderful for me, yes, four which I do not understand:

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The way of an eagle in the air, the way of a serpent upon a rock, the way of a ship in the midst of the sea, and the way of a man with a maid.    

Comment from Jon: rookie mistake! There are a great many books out there about unlocking the mysteries surrounding marriage – particularly the mysteries of gender I’m all for it, but let me tell you the one mystery that surpasses them all. What we missed: (re-read 5:32) Marriage is about Christ and the Church – specifically as the passage tells us: Christ’s love for the Church. Wait, Paul, I thought we were talking about marriage. We were talking about husbands and wives and love and sacrifice and submitting and all that. We are!

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And when we talk about marriage we are talking about Christ’s love for His chosen people. For most, talking about marriage is talking about honeymoons, and kids, and careers, and anniversaries, and mortgages, and filing jointly, and above all the hope that we can live “happily ever after”. But Marriage is not primarily meant to be about happiness, but about holiness. Don’t get me wrong. Most of the happiest moments I’ve experienced in life took place within my marriage, but that’s not the main thing. Because, in a mysterious way, marriage also introduces us like nothing else could to the issues of dying to self and self-sacrifice, to putting another person’s interests and needs and desires before my own, to somehow (again mysteriously) being one with a person, while at the same time still being very an individual. But we’ve been told it’s primarily about our happiness. No wonder so many marriages end unhappily! Marriage is about holiness because it’s about God, and God is holy and God is love. Marriage is God’s idea. Marriage is in fact the closest human analogy we have to understanding the very heart of God. It CAN and SHOULD be all that. Marriage is ABOUT GOD:

Ephesians 3 14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name 

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But we have made it primarily about our happiness. As a culture, we have looked to marriage to be that one sacred thing that can still fulfill us. The only reason many people will ever enter a church is for a wedding. We watch and celebrate with unbridled enthusiasm a Charles and Diana, a Kim and Chris, a William and Kate, or Harry Potter and Ginny. Despite all the sad outcomes, our culture holds out hope for a happily ever after, for eternal bliss. We have in truth asked too much of marriage and not enough of ourselves. We have tried to find ourselves in marriage, forgetting that “whoever wants to save his life will lose it.” WE forget that our marriages are a temporary arrangement. Jesus told the Sadducees that in heaven we will “neither marry nor be given in marriage” because the real marriage will have then begun. What these earthly marriages point to and prepare us for will then be an eternal reality, a true happily ever after. So as we go into the passage, PLEASE recognize that marriage opens up the door to learn Christ, to imitate Christ, to tangibly demonstrate Christ, to magnifiy and glorify Christ, in ways that nothing else this side of Heaven can – to our spouse, to ourselves, and even to a watching world. Is your marriage a witness to Christ? Do your neighbors see anything different about your marriage? What about your kids? I’m convinced one of the main reasons kids who grow up in Christian homes walk away from the faith is not that they have some intellectual problem, that they see some deficiency in their faith. They see some deficiency in their family. Namely, that Christ wasn’t there. Or rather, that Christ was there in name only, not lived out in everyday life. Wives,

husbands, moms, dads, we have a great responsibility! And husbands, it starts with you. 1. Who: Husbands = “Head”(see Eph. 5:23) The “head”: he IS the head. Leader, Initiator, Pursuer. Takes Primary Responsibility. Gen. 2-3. Make this abundantly clear. It’s God’s design. Myth: He’ll become a tyrant. Not true. For every tyrant, there are 50 passive timid wimps! Sin primarily has made men PASSIVE. Men: 1. Reject Passivity (You’re not passive elsewhere) The first thing God will ask you about when you get to heaven. 2. The only question is: a good “head” or a bad one. 3. I won’t accept the objection: “You don’t know about my wife. You don’t know who I’m married to.”

Romans 5 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. After the fall, Adam, where are you?

What: Husbands, love your wives AS CHRIST LOVED 

Objections: “I never had a good example”. But you have a perfect example. We don’t often think of Christ as a husband, we forget He is the lover of our souls.

When: NOW, obvious but important, esp. when you consider the kind of love agape (unconditional) and sacrificial love. The Greek scholars tell us this verb “love” is: - Imperative mood: it’s a command - Present tense: a habitual and continual action - Active voice: the subject carries out the action Where: duh How: 1. Sacrificially (Eph. 5:1, Gal. 2:20, the story of Robert McQwilken)

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Loved and GAVE HIMSELF UP – it’s not about losing my identity or becoming someone I’m not. It’s about learning to live sacrificially, like Christ.

Ephesians 5: 1 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 

Sacrificial love is what changes the world, that’s what brings out the glory in our wives, that’s what changed us!

Galatians 220 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.  

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That’s what it does: it changes hearts. It’s powerful. Story of Robert McQuilken: 22 years President of Columbia Bible College and Seminary when his wife came down with Alzheimers. Against the urging of friends and colleagues, often for very spiritual reasons, he left his very important position of ministry to care for his wife. QUOTE from McQuilken: “I have been startled by the response to the announcement of my resignation,” he writes. “Husbands and wives renew marriage vows, pastors tell the story to their congregations. It was a mystery to me, until a distinguished oncologist, who lives constantly with dying people, told me, ‘Almost all women stand by their men; very few men stand by their women.’”

2. With Words (not wives)  Contrast this with Adam’s passivity in the garden – he said nothing when Eve was tempted.  Contrast with words to the wife in I Peter. I Peter 31 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives  

Words are very important to your wife. The quality and the KIND of words you use are also very important. HOW you talk to her is as important as what you say (or don’t say).

Colossians 319 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

3. Feed: Nourish/Nurture Ephesians 64 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.    

“bring them up”: nurture/nourish is the same word used It has been suggested that a good way to view the word “HUSBAND” is HOUSEBAND – the one who keeps the house together! Not only to stay together, but to thrive and to grow and to become glorious! ABUSE: precludes and kind of abuse – sexual or physical. Leadership is strong, but nurturing. Paul says here “No one ever hated his own body, abused his own body” In the same way, love your wives. We don’t abuse our own bodies. How could we possibly justify abusing our wives?

4. Care for/Cherish: “to keep warm”  Cherish: Don’t tell me, men, that you don’t know how to cherish. Don’t tell me that’s a “chick thing”! (your resume, your gun collection, your RV, your new convertible, Fred’s iPad)  I Thess. 2:7 translates this same word as “gently or tenderly caring”  Keeping the relationship “warm” is your job, whether she’s a petite 100 pounds or she’s on the Olympic wrestling team You are the relational and spiritual thermostat in your home. Jesus’ Example           

“Come follow me”; they left everything and followed him. “leave father and mother” Constantly together in everything: worked together, ate together, cried together, fished together Listened to and rejoiced with them I have anxiously desired to be with you Prayed for them – sometimes in their own hearing and talked about praying for them Comforted them with his words and his trust in the Father Don’t be afraid – most common He spoke of their future life together; their dreams and preparing a home for them Promised that their needs would always be met and then reminded them that it was God who would meet them Met their needs: physical, financial (even when it took a miracle) Gave up a planned get-away with his Father to be there when they needed him Explained himself (parable of the seeds)

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Didn’t shrink from telling them hard truths – like his death Made clear ALWAYS that his primary relationship was his Father Admitted his great need for their company and support when “Stay here with me for a while) Constantly pointed them back to their primary relationship to their Heavenly Father Died for them, while they were yet sinners

Why: “For this reason” Conclusion My conversation with a trusted godly friend my first year of marriage: “Steve, you have one job in your marriage and one job only. You are called to BE CHRIST to your wife. You are called to die to yourself, to put her first, to pursue her NO MATTER WHAT.” I was floored – literally. Speechless. Young ladies (Sheryl Crow song “Are you strong enough to be my man?” right question for the wrong reasons. Not everything you need him to be, but everything God calls him to be. Don’t settle. It’s true what they say “Real men love Jesus”) Men: You need other Christian men to do this. And you need to hit the floor and fall on your knees to beg Jesus to help you do what is truly impossible apart from him.