News  Letter  July  2011     R.I.P          

Mirko  Schmidt  

 

Petter  Bergsjø  

 

 

Tedd  Rudd  

Czech  Dave      

Ash  White    

 

     

Hey  all  you  crazy  motherfuckers  out  there!   Is  there  any  one  still  alive  to  read  my  bullshit;  and  who  is  going  to  be  the  last  man  standing.   That  is  fast  becoming  the  million-­‐dollar  question!     But   fear   not,   while   I   still   have   hands   to   type   and   a   glorious   drug   and   alcohol   problem   I   will   continue  to  rant,  so  sit  back  because  here  it  fucking  goes…   My  lack  of  contact,  bullshit  and  videos  of  late  is  the  result  of  one  thing.  I  have  been  having   the  ‘time  of  my  life’  for  the  last  8  months…way  better  than  that  pissy  Green  Day  song!   Lets   start   from   December   and   I   will   inform   to   you   the   reasons   why   I   have   been   having   more  fun  than  any  other  cunt  on  the  planet!   After   finishing   another   shitty   stint   in   sea   jail,   West   Africa   I   headed   back   to   my   Beloved   Switzerland  for  a  couple  of  days  of  the  sickest  snowboarding  I  have  ever  done  with  super   hot   chicks   all   around   us.   2   foot   of   powder   all   day   and   not   the   expensive   kind   that   our   nostrils  love.  It  was  fucking  sick  fun!   Getting  home  as  per  usual  turned  into  an  epic,  as  yet  again  I  fucked  up  my  flights  royally!   This  was  a  personal  best  though  as  I  was  booked  to  fly  from  a  country  I  wasn’t  even  in  at   the   time.   Thank   fuck   all   the   airports   were   closed   because   of   massive   storms   and   after   spending  a  night  in  a  free  hotel  room  the  airlines  sorted  out  my  lack  of  grey  matter  and  I   was  on  my  way  home!   Xmas  day  was  pretty  mellow  but  my  Dad  was  in  fine  form  and  showed  me  exactly  how  to   make  5  foot  high  flames  come  out  of  a  pork  roast  on  the  bbq!  What  did  it  ever  do  to  you   dad?  

   

 

After   Xmas   we   went   on   out   traditional   camping   trip   to   the   Victorian   highlands   for   lots   of   beer,  bombs  and  motorbikes.  My  cousin  Adam  totally  rules  on  a  motor  bike  and  completely   ripped   me   to   shreds   showing   me   why   I   should   stick   to   base   jumping.   Fuck   me   it’s   hard   work  and  it  fucking  hurts  when  you  fall  on  your  head!  Thanks  BT  for  the  loan  of  the  bike!!   Dads  Great  to  drink  with  but  no  so  keen  on  the  drugs  so  it  was  off  to  the  DZ  for  new  years   eve   to   party   with   all   the   Aussie   crew   and   get   completely   fucked   up   for   a   few   days.  We   took   pride   in   our   messiness   and   were   totally   professional   about   it,   spending   $1200-­‐   and   not   even  doing  a  skydive.  The  recovery  arc  is  a  little  longer  these  days  I  must  say.  Stupid  body   can’t  keep  up  with  the  mind  and  the  jaw!   My   whole   reason   for   coming   home   was   to   do   something   that   I’m   really   shit   at,   but   really   love,   and   that  was  to  record  some  of  my  original  music.     I  hooked  up  with  producer  Matt  Koan  who  can  turn   my   shitty   voice   and   guitar   playing   into   gold,   well   fools  gold  anyway!  It  was  an  intense  3  weeks  but  we   came   out   with   6   great   tunes   by   the   end   of   it   all.   Although   it   may   not   sound   like   much,   they   are   a   huge   improvement   from   my   last   2   albums,   which   were  recorded  12  years  ago.  If  you  can  bear  to  hear   it,   go   to:   http://soundcloud.com/douggs/sets/live-­‐ to-­‐dare-­‐album/   I   am   hoping   to   finish   recording   the   last   6   songs   at   the   end   of   this   year   to   complete   the   album.    Lyrics  to  the  songs  are  at  the  very  bottom  of  this  rant  of  shit!   Thanks  heaps  Matt  and  Janelle  for  putting  up  with  me  down  there!   Whilst   in   Melbourne   I   got   to   party   hard   and   also   jump   from   a   balloon   and   a   super   low   power   tower.   Fuck   that   balloon   jumping   is   a   bit   scary   even   after   all   these   years!   Cheers   Ossie  Khan  and  Mark.  

 

I   also   got   a   3-­‐hour   crash   course   in   Kite   surfing   with   my   buddy   Mick   O’Leary.   We   fucked   off   all   the   safety   bullshit   for   the   day   and   just   got   stuck   right   into   it.   It’s   fucking   hard   that’s   for   sure   but   I   managed   to   get   up   and   surfing   by   the   end   of   it.   Next   time   I   will   have   to   learn   how   to   go   the   other   way   to   save   Mick   the   trouble  of  getting  the  kite  back,  oops!!   With  a  quick  trip  to  Wollongong  before  heading  back  

 

   

 

to  Europe  for  the  year  I  got  to  do  a  couple  of  jumps  with  the  worlds  ugliest  convicted  felon,   Feral  and  the  gang.  Remind  me  never  to  say,  “if  you  go,  I  will  go”  again  as  the  bastard  made   me  free  fall  a  50  m  cliff.  I  still  recon  it  was  smaller  than  that  as  I  could  clearly  see  two  koalas   fucking  because  I  was  that  close  to  the  trees!   I  also  did  my  first  skydive  in  3  years  in  perfect  ‘what  could  go  wrong’  fashion  into  a  mates   40th.  No  license,  borrowed  gear,  no  ditter  and  leading  a  tracking  dive  although  I  don’t  think   I   was   moving   forward   much.   A   brake   off   on   opening   with   a   tiny   canopy   ensured   that   I   landed  shaking  like  a  leaf.  Fuck  that  shit;  too  fucking  scary  for  me,  I’m  going  back  to  base-­‐ jumping.  Happy  B’day  Poo  Smith  you  old  cunt!   So   it   was   off   to   Africa   again   to   hang   with   people   that   have   only   just   learnt   to   walk   standing   up  and  earn  some  cash  for  the  year.  But  not  long  after  getting  there  I  was  told  we  lost  the   contract  and  I  was  soon  going  to  be  unemployed.  Some  might  get  stressed  about  this  sort  of   situation   but   for   me   it   was   a   blessing.   After   a   day   of   wanting   to   kill   everyone   in   sea   jail   I   decided   to   embrace   the   shit   out   of   it   and   not   work   ever   again,   well,   at   least   for   2011   anyway!!   I   said   my   goodbyes   to   all   the   people   I   have   nothing   in   common   with   and   headed   to   Switzerland  to  live  for  the  next  6  months.    I  didn’t  realize  you  cant  stay  more  than  3  months   in  the  Schengen  region  but  I’m  sure  I  will  write  more  about  this  issue  once  I  get  busted  and   thrown  out  of  the  EU.  But  until  then,  read  on….   After  a  few  days  of  epic  jumping  in  the  snow  it  was  time  for  my  Morocco,  Spain  and  Turkey   trip.  I  was  not  disappointed.     Myself  and  the  Italian  super  stud  Giamma  had  a  ball   in   Morocco   jumping   from   the   awesome   750m   La   Cathedral   that   lies   deep   in   the   heart   of   the   Atlas   Mountains.   Expecting   desert,   we   were   confronted   with   a   ton   of   snow   but   also   beautiful   contrasting   colours   of   white,   brown   and   green   that   the   desert   mountains  had  to  offer.  The  colours  were  so  vibrant   that  I  felt  like  I  was  on  mushrooms.  It  was  beautiful.   The   food   was   simple   but   awesome;   who   knew   goat     could   taste   so   amazing!   The   people   were   awesome   too   even   though   they   were   a   bit   spooky   in   their   wizard   uniforms   appearing   in   the   night,   cool   shit!   And   yes,   I   did   smoke   Moroccan   hash.   Mmm,  lovely!   The   Spanish   leg   of   the   journey   was   awesome,   I   was   able   to   hook   up   with   Spanish   legend   Emilio  and  his  crew  to  jump  some  big  wingsuit  walls,  some  low  cliffs,  a  dam  and  a  chimney!  

   

 

But  yet  again  there  was  a  heap  of  snow  for  what   I  thought  would  be  desert,  I  was  a  little   underdressed!   After  a  week  of  epicness,  it  was  off  to  explore  Turkey  and  fuck  me  that  place  is  big!  With  4   internal  flight  in  6  days  we  were  run  ragged,  but  we  got  to  open  up  and  jump  some  amazing   objects  including  a  safer  and  legal  version  of  Australia’s  Bungonia  George,  although  I  nearly   tracked  into  the  other  side,  it  was  pretty  fucking  intense.     It   was   great   to   hang   out   with   old   school   jumper   Ronald   again   as   well   as   meet   Tracy   and   Beslan  and  the  rest  of  the  crew.  As  well  as  eating  and  partying  like  a  rock  star  I  also  got  to   do   my   2000th   jump   off   a   sketchy   little   building   with   Tracy.   It   was   intense   and   stupid,   but   awesome.   Still   no   broken   bones   in   this   sport   after   so   long   but   don’t   worry   I   know   a   big   accident   is   coming   and   I   must   say,  I'm   not   really   looking   forward  to  it!!   For   at   least   a   short   time   I   am   calling   Wengen,   Switzerland  my  home  as  I  now  share  a  place  with  Chris   and  Dom  above  the  stunning  Lauterbrunnen  Valley.  It  is   great   to   be   able   to   jump   a   1800   ft   cliff   just   so   I   can   go   and  have  breakfast!     After   a   week   of   speed   flying,   paragliding   and   base-­‐ jumping  with  my  mate  Deano  and  the  gang  it  was  off  to     Mt.   Brento,   Italy   to   celebrate   Easter   in   style   with   some   awesome  wingsuit  base  jumping  and  partying,  in  the  rough,  unemployed  style  that  I  have   grown  to  love!   Although   a   simple   drive   to   go   get   Gelato   turned   into   a   full-­‐blown   chopper   rescue   as   one   of   the   lads   chose   to   grab   onto   the   cliff   rather   than   fly   away   from   it.   Lucky   Spacey  Tracy  was  there  to  make  jokes  and  sweet  talk  the  ladies  and  the  police!!  Shorts  are   not  good  tracking  pants  was  the  tip  of  the  day  on  that  one!!       If  you  have  the  same  attention  span  as  I  do  then  you  are  probably  pretty  much  fucking  over   reading  this  boring  bullshit.    Go  and  roll  yourself  a  big  fat  spliff  and  chug  down  a  couple  of   beers  and  rub  your  nuts  for  a  bit.  I’m  off  to  do  the  same…  (That  means  you  too  DJ  Higgins!)       So  are  you  suitably  baked  and  half  cut?  Good….me  too,  now  keep  fucking  reading….    

   

 

Once  back  in  Swiss  I  yet  again  found  out  why  paragliding  scares  the  absolute  shit  out  of  me   when  I  had  a  collapse  that  wouldn’t  come  out  and  I  nearly  went  into  the  trees.    Throwing   the  reserve  is  not  an  option  as  that  is  even  scarier.  I  wish  they  would  invent  a  better  way  to   go  up  in  those  dam  things  rather  than  bumpy  thermals.  When  in  doubt…panic  and  turn  the   music  up.  It  seemed  to  work  this  time!   Luckily   before   my   paraglider   could   kill   me   I   headed   off   to   the   USA   again   for   3   weeks   of   jumping  and  hanging  out  with  my  beautiful  Jackie.  First  stop  was  AZ  to  catch  up  with  Matt   Frolich   and   gang   to   do   a   tour   of   all   the   jumps   I   could   be   doing   if   it   wasn’t   so   fucking   windy!!!     We   had   a   great   time   climbing   and   exploring   anyway   and   managed   to   get   a   couple   of  jumps  in  on  my  way  to  the  airport  to  head  to  SLC.  Yet  more  wind  in  SLC  so  we  headed   down  to  Moab  to  hang  with  all  the  crew  and  managed  to  get  a  few  awesome  jumps  done   including  ‘Dragons  Nest’  and  ‘Well  Done’.     If  you  wanted  to  meet  legendary  climber  Lynn  Hill,  where  would  be  the  best  place  do  it  you   think?  Well,  I  thought  it  would  be  on  top  of  Castleton  Tower  during  a  very  crazy  electrical   storm.  There  is  nothing  like  going  “  hey  Lynn  Hill,  nice  to  meet  you”  while  you  are  getting   electrical  shocks  in  your  ears  and  hands  with  50  knot  winds  blowing  as  your  exposed  on   top  of  a  400  ft  tower  1500ft  above  the  ground.  I  didn’t  feel  exposed  at  all,  NOT!  The  only   thing  scarier  was  the  7  hours  before  that  where  we  had  to  climb  up  the  bloody  thing,  talk   about   being   out   of   your   comfort   zone…Jesus..   luckily   super   woman   Ellen   Brennen   was   there  to  give  myself  and  Jamie  girlfriend  belays  all  the  way  up  as  she  led  the  shit  out  the   climb.  You  can  stick  that  up  your  arse  for  a  first  lead  on  Trad  gear.  Love  your  work  Ellen,   you   have   more   balls   than   a   plate   full   of   rocky   mountain   oysters.   It   was   back   to   SLC   for   some   tunnel   flying   with   the   legend  that  Is  Kai  Kai  and  some  cool  hang  time  with  all   the   awesome   SLC   crew.   I   finally   learnt   to   sit   fly   in   the   tunnel  although  it  was  pretty  rough.  Love  all  you  guys!   After  a  9  year  hiatus  I  finally  made  it  back  to  Portland   to   catch   up   with   the   old   school   crew   of   legends   that   are   in   alphabetical   disorder:   DJ   Higgins,   ‘Shotgun’   Ray   Losli   and   Spence   Bisley.   My   goal   was   simple,   to   make   DJ   drink  a  beer  smoke  a  joint  and  cry.  I  will  make  him  cry   next   time   hee   hee.   We   started   out   in   true   old   school   fashion   with   a   cluster   fuck   of   a   jump   off   Crown   Point,   which   ended   up   in   a   cliff   strike   by   Michael   the   Nike   boss  whom  I  cant  name  because  his  wife  will  kill  him.       People   just   don’t   appreciate   a   simple   cliff   strike   these   days   like   me   and   Spence   do.   There   were   cops   and   fire   trucks   and   rescue   planes   and  

   

 

choppers,  and  for  what,  he  was  fine  and  it  was  no  big  deal.  But  of  course  it  made  the  news   with  the  old…”here  we  are,  live  at  Crown  Point”  I  love  the  media!  All  involved  were  fine  and   it  made  for  a  great  reason  to  drink  beer  at  9  am!     It   was   great   to   see   DJ   out   of   semi   retirement   so   we   decided   to   head   north   for   what   I   consider  to  be  one  of  the  coolest  and  more  epic  base-­‐jumping  missions  to  date.  Lets  just  say   it   involved   slingshots,   balls,   and   real   base   jumping   skills   and   ethics,   not   like   all   this   Lauterbrunnen   and   Prienne   bridge   bullshit   jumpers   that   are   being   produced   for   profit   these  days!!!  thanks  heaps  to  DJ,  Spence,  Dr.Dan  and  Bill  Beck  for  your  legendary  efforts,  it   will  not  be  forgotten!!!!   Also  thanks  to  Ray  for  showing  me  his  arsenal  of  weapons  and  well  aged  whiskey!  I  know   where  I  will  be  hiding  if  it  all  kicks  off!  A  huge  thanks  to  Spence  and  Mable  for  having  us!   From  Portland  it  was  time  to  head  to  the  party  town  of  Las  Vegas  to  finish  the  holiday  in   style.   People   kept   asking   me   what   I   will   be   jumping   off   there?   Ummm   duh!!!   Drugs   and   alcohol   will   be   the   only   things   I   will   be   doing   there   thankyou   very   much!   What   a   stupid   question  to  ask!!!   We  did  take  the  time  out  though  to  see  2  amazing   shows   that   I   highly   recommend.   The   ‘Blue   Man   Group’  were  fucking  awesome  as  were  ‘Cirque  du   solei’   with   the   Beatles   theme   of   ‘Love’.   I   must   be   getting   old   as   the   show   was   so   full   of   emotion   it   brought  me  to  tears,  fucking  awesome  stuff!!!   After  leaving  the  USA  it  was  a  super  short  stop  in   Swiss   for   some   jumps   before   heading   back   to     Spain   for   the   Benidorm   event.   An   awesome   450ft   building  just  waiting  to  be  raped  and  rape  it  I  did,   20   jumps   in   2   days   and   a   2nd   place   in   the   competition   although   that   was   questionable   thanks  to  a  dodgy  target.  Not  that  I  give  a  fuck  because  win  or  lose  it  was  party  time  once   again!!  But  not  before  doing  a  super  cool  jump  from  the  roof  of  an  elevator,  sounds  boring   except  for  the  fact  that  you  had  to  break  onto  the  roof  of  the  elevator  and  ride  it  up  400+   feet.   It   was   pretty   intense   but   a   nice   gainer   off   the   top   gave   me   some   comfort!   Thanks   Carlos  for  the  fun!!  and  thanks  to  all  the  Spanish  crew  for  looking  after  me  in  my  paralytic   state  once  again!   Here  is  a  film  clip  from  the  cool  band  ‘Peachy  Joke’  that  played  while  we  were  jumping.  Cool   guys,  cool  song!     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=assfKmVjMj0&feature=youtu.be  

   

 

It   has   been   a   crazy   6   weeks   in   our   world,   which   has   seen   the   deaths   of   5   of   my   friends   through   different   circumstances.   Whether   it   be   by   their   own   hand,   going   hard   or   a   random   act   of   our   amazing,   yet   harsh   sports,   I   have   been   left   with   an   empty   feeling   inside   and   a   puddle   full   of   tears   as   have   many   others   as   each   one   of   our   friends   touches   the   world   in   their  own  special  way.     When  I  found  out  the  news  that  my  best  friend  Ted  Rudd  had  gone  in  on  a  tracking  jump,   my   heart   sank   and   a   piece   of   me   has   flown   forever.   For   those   of   you   who   knew   Ted   he   was   a   true   legend   and   an   inspiration   to   all   around   him   and   of   course,   a   messy   and   twisted   unit.   He  knew  the  game  he  was  playing  and  the  high  risks  involved,  but  he  played  it  anyway  until   the   very   end,   sticking   to   his   path   whilst   knowing   what   his   fate   was   most   likely   going   to   be.   But  in  true  Ted  fashion  he  touched  people  from  beyond  the  grave  with  his  awesome  sense   of  humor  and  lust  for  life.  His  last  wishes  are  below  this  rant  for  all  to  read  and  all  will  be   carried  through.     Although  I  was  heading  to  Heli-­‐Boogie,  Norway  anyway,  it  was  a  perfect  place  to  have  the   one  of  many  memorials  for  the  great  man.  Perms,  wigs,  mustaches  and  200  people  on  acid   saw  for  one  of  the  coolest  and  messiest  send  offs  of  all  time.  Oh  yeah,  and  some  great  base   jumps  were  done  as  well  through  it  all.  Check  the  photos  below  for  some  of  the  costumes!     The   legendary   Midget   Base   crew   chose   this   time   to   release   the   coolest   film   clip   in   base   history  called  “Back  on  my  Bullshit”  check  it  out  here:     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSTZ9PobH6s&feature=related   Next   it   was   off   to   Voss   for   ‘Expense   Vekk’   and   a   shit   ton  of  rain.  We  got  a  couple  of  jumps  in  but  basically   it  was  yet  another  week  long  party  with  great  friends.   A   huge   thank   you   to   Midget   base   for   giving   me   the   honor  of  being  ‘Phony  Ted’  during  this  time!   I’m   now   in   Scotland   sorting   Ted’s   house   out   with   Jackie   and   seeing   the   beautiful   countryside   for   one   last  time,  before  sneaking  back  into  the  EU  for  some     more  good  times!    Finally  my  segment  of  Nat  Geo’s  ‘Tabo’  programme  came  out  as  well,  its  pretty  funny  and   all  the  doctors  speaking    are  full  of  shit,  but  at  the  end  of  the  day  they  paid  me  to  have  fun   and  that’s  all  I  give  a  fuck  about.  Judge  as  you  want,  it’s  like  water  off  a  ducks  back  to  me  as   to  be  disliked  is  way  more  interesting  than  to  be  loved  hee  hee!  Check  it  out….   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16qqLykmrjY&feature=BFp&list=WL1E2F43132663E D52&index=1  

   

 

So  it  seems  the  only  people  making  any  cash  off  my  book  are  the  dealers  so  good  luck  to   them.   http://www.basedreams.com/Index.aspx?id=21   But   the   good   thing   is   that   it   has   broken   even   now   and   I   hope   that   the   man   behind   it   all,   Jeremy   Samson   can   make   a   few   bucks  off  it  as  well  as  you  deserve  it  brother  for  all  your  hard  work.  Fingers  crossed  they   sell   out   before   I   go   in   so   I   can   reply   to   peoples   emails   saying,   “Get   fucked   mate,   they   are   all   sold  out”  ha  ha   So  what’s  coming  up  you  ask,  surely  I  must  be  out   of   cash   by   now…   well,   pretty   much   yes,   is   the   answer  but  it’s  not  going  to  stop  there.  No  fucking   way!   Not   now,   not   never!!   I’m   off   to   Austria,   Greece   and   Slovenia   before   the   summers   out   as   well  as  the  Dolomites  for  this  years  “Flight  Club”   with   the   legendary   Dr.   Willy   Wonka   and   gang.   Bring  that  right  fucking  on!!!  Then  it’s  off  to  China   with  some  legendary  crew  led  by  the  dark  master   Jeb   Corliss,   as   he   attempts   to   fly   his   wingsuit     through   a   hole   in   the   rock   near   the   floating   mountains   of   Zhangjiajie   that   inspired   the   movie   “Avatar.”  Whether  he  makes  it  or  not,  it  is  certainly  going  to  be  remembered!  Isn’t  that  right   Dwain  Weston!  Check  this  link  out  to  see  the  beauty  of  this  place:     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_mIJJNqqTk&feature=related   Then  it  looks  like  I  will  have  to  head  back  to  Oz  again  only  to  be  back  in  China   yet  again  for   another  event  in  the  same  region.  Then  and  only  then  I  will  start  looking  for  work  unless  I   decide  to  go  back  to  my  old  evil  ways  and  do  a  month  long  credit  card  holiday  to  the  USA.     May  as  well  finish  the  year  like  it  began…living  large  and   living  free,  after  all,  life  is  not  a   trial  run,  this  is  the  only  chance  we  get  to  live  so  why  not  grab  it  by  the  short  and  curlies   and  go  as  fucking  hard  as  possible  because  once  your  dead,  that’s  it.     Shit,  it  seems  I  haven’t  mentioned  god  and  religion  in  this  rant…  Well  fuck  God  and  religion   and  all  its  stupidity  and  bullshit.  Phew…..  That  was  close     I  leave  all  you  finger  fuckers  with  a  few  quotes,  photos  and  lyrics…   Remember   to   hug   everyone   when   you   great   them   and   when   you   say   goodbye,   for   those   who  are  truly  living  out  their  dreams,  it  maybe  the  last  time  you  ever  see  your  close  friends   and  loved  ones  again!   Stay  True…   Stay  Hard…   Stay  Free…      

   

  Hugs  and  love  to  you  all   Douggs        

Quotes     Four  things  you  can't  recover:     The  stone.........after  the  throw.     The  word........after  it's  said.     The  occasion........after  it's  missed.     The  time.........after  it's  gone.   -­Tom  Begic     I  feel  sorry  for  people  who  don’t  drink,  when  they  wake  up  that’s  about  as  good  as  they  are   going  to  feel  all  day     -­Pernilla  Ahnstrom     Landing  is  a  given,  it's  easy,  it's  just  when  u  hit  something  and  your  parachute  stops  flying.     -­Alex  Duncan     The  one  who  wanders  is  not  lost   ‘unknown’     "If  you're  lucky  enough  to  find  a  way  of  life  you  love,  you  have  to  find  the  courage  to  live  it."     Owen  Meany     When  I  was  5  years  old,  my  mum  always  told  me  that  happiness  was  the  key  to  life.   When  I  went  to  school,  they  asked  me  what  I  wanted  to  be  when  I  grew  up.   I  wrote  down  “happy.”   They  told  me  I  didn’t  understand  the  assignment  and  I  told  them  they  didn’t  understand  life!   -­Unknown     “God  watches  me  shit  and  wank  and  I’m  not  comfortable  with  that”   -­Ted  Rudd      

 

   

 

“Ted  watches  me  shit  and  wank  and  I’m  not  comfortable  with  that”   -­GOD   Ted’s  Last  Wishes    

A  few  things  that  probably  shouldn’t  be  run  in  front  of  a  lawyer  but  I’d  like  to  happen   anyway.  If  I  should  have  an  accident  leading  to  my  untimely  death  on  any  of  my  adventures,   I’d  like  my  belongings  that  I  have  with  me  to  be  distributed  amongst  the  people  I  set  out  to   travel  with.  My  rigs/wings/boards/skis  go  to  who  ever  is  in  the  most  debt  (excluding  home   loans),  wing  suit  and  tracking  gear  to  the  person  who  can  produce  the  longest  nipple  hair.   Music  equipment  is  for  who  can  recite  the  longest  poem,  judged  by  the  group.  Camera  gear   goes  to  who  ever  was  last  videoed  by  me.   Any  money  I  had  in  my  possession  is  to  be  spent  on  preferably  illicit  drugs,  if  none  to  hand,   alcohol.  Cremate  me  in  the  country  I  died  in  if  it  is  legally  cool,  makes  the  return  trip  easier,   and  I’m  guessing  I  won’t  be  fit  for  an  open  casket  anyway.   At  my  funeral,  I’d  like  the  song  ‘I  Just  Want  To  Celebrate’  by  Grand  Funk  Railroad  played,   and  £2000  of  my  money  to  be  spent  judiciously  on  what  ever  substances  the  crowd  feels   like  ingesting.  Everyone  present  should  get  a  perm,  wear  sweatbands,  aviator  sunglasses   and  a  false  moustache.  That  is  not  negotiable  for  anyone.  It  is  a  celebration  of  life  and  it’s   absurd  nature.  Don’t  like  it,  don’t  come.  God  is  not  to  be  mentioned,  unless  in  a  sentence   like  ‘My  god  this  MDMA  is  powerful’.   My  ashes  are  to  be  handed  over  to  my  wife  Jackie  to  be  dispersed  amongst  my  friends  in   part  at  a  southern  NSW  reef  break  of  their  choosing.  An  appropriate  portion  is  to  be  mixed   with  liquid  acid  and  taken    just  before  the  jump  where  the  remaining  ashes  are  distributed,   north  Norway  please.   My  will  is  well  out  of  date,  so  my  house  in  Scotland  and  my  van  should  be  sold,  the  profits   divided  between  my  brother  Ole  Rudd,  my  darling  wife  Jackie  Dodd  and  Dave  Packham.   Should  be  enough  for  three  great  parties  in  exotic  locations.  I  would  prefer  if  not  a  penny  of   it  was  spent  wisely.   That  all  said  and  done  I’d  like  to  say  what  a  wonderful  life  it  has  been,  I  was  constantly   baffled  by  the  enormous  beauty  of  it  all.  I’d  like  to  thank  my  Dad  for  my  drive,  and  all  my   friends  who  made  me  the  wealthiest  man  alive.  I  was  a  lucky  co-­‐participant  with  some  of   the  most  inspired  people  in  their  fields.  I  love  every  one  of  you.   Kia  Kaha.   Ted  Te  Hau  Rudd  

   

    Song  lyrics  from  my  3rd  album  “Live  To  Dare”   LIKE  YOU     I  don’t  need  to  be  interested   I  don’t  have  to  be  committed   Everyday  my  decisions  change   I’m  all  right  but  they  think  I’m  strange     I  prefer  to  be  on  my  own   To  be  myself  I  must  be  alone   Living  life  to  conformity   I  wish  someone  would  set  me  free     I  don’t  need  to  be  anyone  like  you   I  don’t  need  to  be  anyone  like  you     Only  noticed  by  your  outside  view   Your  lights  aren’t  on  but  that’s  nothing  new   Inner  self  is  nothing  these  days   So  fuck  you  all  and  your  self-­‐image     Just  be  yourself  do  what  pleases  you   Don’t  let  the  sheep  try  and  conquer  you   Be  comfortable  and  just  be  your  self   High  on  life  don’t  need  no  one  else     I  don’t  need  to  be  anyone  like  you   I  don’t  need  to  be  anyone  like  you     NOT  ALWAYS  EASY  TO  SMILE     Who  put  out  the  light  that  shined  down  on  me,   All  the  pain  here  you  cannot  see,   All  the  things  that  they  want  me  to  be,   Seems  like  I’m  always  on  trail    

 

   

Not  always  easy  to  smile  (for  me)     Picking  up  the  pieces  of  misery.   Soon  the  nightmares  will  turn  to  dreams,   Slowly  slip  into  history,   I  need  to  rest  for  a  while     Not  always  easy  to  smile  (for  me)     It  feels  this  time  it’s  all  gone  wrong,   Give  me  the  strength  to  carry  on,   This  life  we  choose  the  friends  we  lose,   It’s  not  the  end,  but,   With  everyday  the  pain  will  fade,   Although  it  never  goes  away,   But  this  shining  star  will  rise  up  in  the  end.     So  now  the  days  are  not  filled  with  tears.   Just  remember  the  good  old  years.   Looking  forward  not  looking  back,   Almost  found  me  a  smile     Not  always  easy  to  smile  (for  me)   Not  always  easy  to  smile     Find  A  Way     Try  to  speak,  I  wont  be  warned,   Far  to  deep,  I  will  be  harmed   And  I  know  I’m  fighting  hard  here  just  to  stay     I  wear  these  clothes  to  keep  me  warm   I  try  my  best  to  do  no  harm   But  at  the  end  of  it  all  my  life  is  mine  to  make     While  I  know  which  world  to  take   When  I’m  free  my  odds  are  well  against  me   With  time  elapsed  I  contemplate   So  many  years  ago  I  chose  my  fate    

 

   

No  lies,  just  fantasize,   You  know  you’ll  find  a  way   Surprise  and  with  no  compromise   Tomorrow  will  be  a  better  day     My  time  seems  short  I  need  to  run   This  adventure  ends  the  next  will  come   But  I  hurt  the  ones  I  love  the  most,  it  aches     I  wake  each  day  my  life  is  torn   On  these  rust  filled  rigs  a  new  day  dawns   And  again  I  know  my  life  is  mine  to  make     While  I  know  which  world  to  take   When  I’m  free  my  odds  are  well  against  me   With  time  elapsed  I  contemplate   So  many  years  ago  I  chose  my  fate   And  I  love  my  fate.     No  lies,  just  fantasize,   You  know  you’ll  find  a  way     Surprise  and  with  no  compromise   Tomorrow  will  be  a  better  day     LIVE BEFORE YOUR DEAD     WAKE  UP  EACH  DAY  WITH  YOUR  DREAMS  IN  YOUR  EYES   YOU  BELIEVE  YOU  CAN  FLY,   LIVE  YOUR  LIFE  CAUSE  WE  DIE.     SO  SHORT  THIS  TIME,  MUST  MAKE  USE  IN  YOUR  PRIME   THE  WORLDS  NOT  ON  YOUR  SIDE,   BUT  BE  STRONG  DO  NOT  HIDE.     (CH)   DON’T  LISTEN  TO  ANYONE  WITH  THEIR  NEGITIVE  WAYS   BE  TRUE  TO  YOURSELF  AND  BE  KING  FOR  A  DAY  EVERYDAY   DON’T  LET  THEM  BREAK  THROUGH  YOUR  HEART  AND  YOUR  HEAD   ‘CAUSE  ONE  DAY  YOU’LL  BE  DEAD  THEN  YOUR  DEAD  

 

   

THEN  YOU’RE  DEAD,  THEN  YOUR  DEAD,  THEN  YOUR  DEAD     DON’T  GET  SO  SAD  OR  LET  LIFE  TREAT  YOU  BAD   JUST  EMBRACE  WHAT  YOU  HAVE,   AND  JUST  SMILE  ‘CAUSE  LIFES  RAD     THE  JOURNEY  IT  SEEMS  IN  THE  END  MEMORIES   THEY  BUILD  FEAR  DRIVEN  SCHEMES   BUT  PLEASE  SEE  THROUGH  THEM  AND  DREAM     (CH)   DON’T  LISTEN  TO  ANYONE  WITH  THEIR  NEGITIVE  WAYS   BE  TRUE  TO  YOURSELF  AND  BE  KING  FOR  A  DAY  EVERYDAY   DON’T  LET  THEM  BREAK  THROUGH  YOUR  HEART  AND  YOUR  HEAD   ‘CAUSE  ONE  DAY  YOU’LL  BE  DEAD  THEN  YOUR  DEAD   THEN  YOU’RE  DEAD,  THEN  YOUR  DEAD,  THEN  YOUR  DEAD     FIND  YOUR  WINGS             Thoughts  and  words   Of  dark  and  light   Shine  and  pray   In  the  realm  of  night     Out  we  fly   To  feast  on  fear   Stand-­‐alone   My  cross  to  bear     To  fly  the  line   In  dreams  you  see   Find  your  wings   And  follow  me     Lead  astray   So  far  from  home   Endless  lands   On  which  I  roam     Born  to  reign  

 

   

Without  a  cage   Forever  more   We  will  fly  through  the  ages     To  fly  the  line   In  dreams  you  see   Find  your  wings   And  follow  me     LIVE  TO  DARE     When  I  sleep  the  threatening  voices   Whisper  from  my  past   But  I’m  protected  by  the  unknowing   Of  an  ever  changing  world     The  thought  of  losing  the  life  I’ve  lead   Or  gasp  my  final  breath   The  invisible  path,  it  guides  the  way   To  my  life  or  maybe  death     (CH)   Live  to  dare   Rocking  chair   Can’t  believe  that  I’m  still  here   All  the  doubts,  the  ups  and  downs   Whilst  always  scared,  I’ve  never  fucking  cared     This  battle  has  been  won   Whilst  fighting  this  unconventional  war   Maybe  solace  now  lies  ahead  (for  me)   With  no  possessions  and  no  home     On  this  long  straight  dusty  road   The  many  corners  hide  the  path   And  just  when  you  think  you’re  through  (the  worst)   It  comes  bites  you  in  the  arse     (CH)    

 

   

Each  and  everyday  a  fork  appears   And  this  road  becomes  unclear   But  don’t  just  stick  with  what  you  know   Or  this  journey  then  will  steer     You  down  to  the  point  of  no  return   With  too  much  time  to  count  the  cost   Of  all  the  journeys  missed   And  all  the  journeys  that  now  are  lost     (CH)     Even  now  I  can  look  back  and  say   That  I’ve  never  missed  a  day   Of  living  large  and  living  free  and  living  life  my  way     Once  again  I  can  look  back  and  say   That  I’ve  never  missed  a  day   Of  living  large  and  living  free   I’m  fucking  stoked  that  I  am  me!     (CH)   Live  to  dare   Rocking  chair   Can’t  believe  that  I’m  still  here   All  the  doubts,  the  ups  and  downs   Whilst  always  scared,  I’ve  never  fucking  cared