My Grown Up Christmas List By Rev. Steven Protzman December 7, 2014 © December 2014 First Reading Second Reading:

"Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus"1 Grown Up Christmas List- Recording by Amy Grant Sermon

As children, some of us wrote letters to Santa Claus, asking for some very special things. We may not be children anymore, but as the song says, "our hearts can still dream". What is on our Christmas list as adults? What do our hearts most wish for this time of year? Together we will reflect on the gifts we have to give and what our world most needs from us. Dear Santa, Hi from Iowa. I’ve been very good this year so I’m banking on your goodwill in return for my modest list. First, I'd like my very own indoor skating rink. I hate to drive over to the mall to go ice skating and I don't like being outside freezing to death when I skate. I’d also like a small donation to my retirement fund. A million dollars will do nicely. The house is a mess and I don’t have time to clean properly. Could you please send elves that specialize in cleaning and organizing? And while you’re at it, make sure those elves have counseling skills in letting go of material things. Could one of those elves take charge of walking my dog regularly and cleaning up after him too? Ahh, but where are my manners? Thank you for all you do. The joy you bring on Christmas Day to families around the world is truly a remarkable accomplishment. Although maybe you should be thanking me instead. After all, it was we Unitarian Universalists who recreated Christmas when it had all but died out. Along with the classic tale A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens, I’m sure you remember how in 1823, Clement Moore, a Unitarian professor of Oriental and Greek literature at Columbia University wrote a poem to give parents a vision of what he believed Christmas should look like. The result was “The Night Before Christmas.” By chance, the poem was published in a newspaper in Troy, NY, and circulated widely in the popular press for many years, spreading the image of a red-coated Santa Claus driving a flying sleigh pulled by eight reindeer. So we Unitarians also gave you your jolly-old-fat-man-in-a-red-and-white-suit look long before Coca Cola came along. Remember Thomas Nast, a popular political cartoonist and Unitarian? He helped developed and promote your image, drawing a picture of you for Harper’s Weekly every year from 1863 to 1886. He was also the first person to locate your workshop at the North Pole, poking fun at the British, Russian and Scandinavian explorers who all were competing to be the first to reach the pole.2 Locating you at the North Pole also sent a message that you exist for all the children of the world. And the best part of it? Sarah Palin says she can see the North Pole from her house. You betcha! Thomas Nast was also the one who showed you keeping records of good and bad children. Along those 1

lines, I have a suggestion for gathering information. Along with tapping into the NSA, try facebook. It even has an app that will tell you how good or naughty someone has been. I was 60% good by the way. Just sayin… Looking forward to your arrival, Steven P.S. I really wanted a castle in the south of France, but I hate to be greedy so I didn't ask. But enough about me. Being the public face of Christmas must be tiring- you must hate thinking about all those Santa-wannabes running around at the mall pretending to be you. If you'd like to talk about it, I'll be up late Christmas Eve. Since you probably get tired of milk and cookies, I’ll leave you a glass of scotch and some Godiva chocolate under the tree. Dear Steven, Really? An indoor ice rink? Money? That’s the best you can do? Why not ask for a hockey team of your very own while you're at it? The Minnesota Wild perhaps? So much for not buying in to the materialistic, “it’s-all-about-me” culture you like to rant about in your sermons. Oh, don’t be surprised. After all, Santa not only sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake, he hears you when you’re preaching and he also knows when you don’t footnote your sources. Tsk, tsk. If you’d like to hire an elf or two to clean and organize, you should know they’re not cheap. Here at the North Pole, they receive a living wage plus full benefits, very comfortable living quarters with a Jacuzzi, gym and pool, and lots of time off, along with a travel allowance. As for your dog, who's a very good boy, I suggest you walk him yourself. You could use the exercise and fresh air! Thank you for the offer to talk. I do have a therapist to deal with the challenges of being told I don't exist. And about that jolly fat guy in the red and white suit image. I prefer to think of myself as height-weight proportionally challenged. Crushed red velvet is really pretty but it isn’t much good in the cold. And that white fur? People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has been all over me for years about the fur! What were you people thinking? I would have preferred slender, dark haired, stylish goatee, an Armani suit - think young, hip, metrosexual. Oh, and nice try invoking Unitarian history to make your case. I'm well of aware of how the Unitarians were trendsetters in the 19th century. They were well educated, often wealthy and had both access to and control of the media. They believed, and they were right of course, that Christmas could be a holiday to promote their values of generosity and charity and social good, and would be a wonderful way to build these values, particularly in children. Your ancestors had the right idea! Too bad you don't seem to get it- a castle in the south of France? Get real Rev! Merrily yours, Santa P.S. If you ever try to bribe Santa again with scotch and chocolate, well, if you think the Spirits of Christmas were hard on Scrooge, just wait until I send Krampus after you. In 2

case you don't know, Krampus is the demonic anti-Santa who throws naughty children into ice cold rivers. He'll make the Ghost of Christmas yet to come look like, well, me. To use your phrase: "Just sayin..." Then again, maybe Krampus would be a well earned break from Rudolf, Jingle Bells and Mariah Carey. P.P.S. If you want to write to me again, take a hint from Kenneth David Thomasson, who wrote this letter many years ago: Dear Santa, You probably don’t remember me, but I remember you from many years ago. I used to write you letters. I know it’s a little late in the season to submit my list, but it occurred to me today that I’m missing a lot of the toys I had many years ago, and I need them now. You know how kids break toys, or lose them, or wear them out. I’ve broken, lost, or worn out the best stuff I had when I was a youngster. I had a thing, called “kindness,” that turned brittle with age. It was pliable when I was very young, but it, and I, hardened together and I replaced it with a toy called “so what,” which was much easier to operate, but generally unsatisfactory. Look around and see if you have some more of that stuff in the back room. The twin toys of concern and tolerance were great things to play with because I could show them off to all of my friends. But they didn’t hold up too well, and I’m sad to admit that they have broken several times when the playing got rough. I would prefer something with permanent colors that won’t fade in the sun of complacency or wash out in the flood of popular opinion. “Hope,” I recall, was like a stuffed teddy bear you could sleep with; I always kept that very close. But it wore thin through the years, and the stuffing leaked out and the eyes got pulled off. Sometimes I can’t make it stand up without propping it against some solid object, and solid objects are getting harder to find. It’s a very important toy to own, but if you don’t have a new one, I would be just as happy if you would put some more stuffing in the old one and stiffen the legs a little so it stands alone, and pin the eyes back on it so it can see. Colored lights on a Christmas tree--that was a big favorite of mine, but I buy those in the store. But they never shine as brightly or look so colorful as they did so long ago. There was a wonder in them then, but perhaps it might have been the angle of sight. I was looking up at them in those days, and now I look straight at them. Maybe that’s why they’re smaller and duller, while the stars always stay the same. Please bring me brighter lights like you used to, or tell me the proper angle from which to view the lights I have. I’m asking for these gifts because I need them, not because I deserve them. I hope you'll use this gift list for all the grownups who think they have outgrown the best toys they ever had. Signed, A grownup who hopes they haven’t learned too late!3

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Dear Santa, I was just having fun, Mr. C. -Lighten up- it's Christmas, man. Seriously, in the true spirit of this season, here's my real letter to you: Do you remember me? I sat upon your knee I wrote to you With childhood fantasies Well, I'm all grown up now And still need help somehow I'm not a child anymore But my heart still can and does dream So here's my lifelong wish My grown up christmas list Not for myself But for a world in need No more lives torn apart That wars would never start What I really want for Christmas is an end to all forms of violence. I don't ever want another family torn apart by the grief that comes from the death of a loved one who was killed because of their skin color or religious beliefs or any other difference. I don't want any more wars- I want peace in the world. Maya Angelou describes it this way: In our joy, we think we hear a whisper. At first it is too soft. Then only half heard. We listen carefully as it gathers strength. We hear a sweetness. The word is Peace. It is loud now. It is louder. Louder than the explosion of bombs. We tremble at the sound. We are thrilled by its presence. It is what we have hungered for. Not just the absence of war. But, true Peace. A harmony of spirit, a comfort of courtesies. Security for our beloveds and their beloveds. We clap hands and welcome the Peace of Christmas. We beckon this good season to wait a while with us. Implore you, to stay a while with us. So we may learn by your shimmering light How to look beyond complexion and see community.4

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Santa, there's more on my list: That time would heal all hearts And everyone would have a friend There are so many broken hearts in the world. There are people hurting right here in this room and I want each of them to have the unconditional love and care their hearts need to heal. There are a lot of lonely people in the world too that need to know someone cares about them. This is a poem by Ellen Fay about healing hearts and having friends: It is the winter season of the year, dark and chilly. Perhaps it is a winter season in your life, dark and chilly there, too. Come in to Christmas here. Let the light and warmth of Christmas brighten our lives and world. Let us find in the dark corners of our souls the light of hope, A vision of the extraordinary in the ordinary. Let us find rest in the quiet of a holy moment to find promise and renewal. Let us find the child in each of us, the new hope, the new light, born in us. Then will Christmas come, then will magic return to the world.5 To finish my list: And right would always win And love would never end6 I'm not always sure what's right and what's wrong, but I do know that I want Love to always win, a love that never ends. The kind of love that means at Christmas we make sure that all children receive gifts, that the food banks are full of food, and that at least for these few weeks people everywhere are cared for. The kind of love that isn't limited to a few weeks of the year. I want Christmas to be as real in June as it is in December. I believe in the potential of humankind to redeem itself and that like Ebeneezer Scrooge, as long as we're alive, it's not too late. I believe in a love so powerful that at any point in our lives, even in the midst of our own suffering, loss or struggle, we can take our rightful place as generous, compassionate, loving human beings who can ease the suffering of others, care for all of life and work for peace and justice in our world. I know that any moment can be a moment of Christmas magic because as Victoria Safford's words remind us, we already have everything we need: Now is the moment of magic, and here's a blessing: we already possess all the gifts we need; we've already received our presents: ears to hear music, eyes to behold lights, hands to build true peace on earth and to hold each other tight in love.7 5

And best of all? There's a whole room full of people listening to this letter who join their hands and their hearts with mine every day to work on this grown up Christmas list. Am I lucky or what? Have a merry Christmas Santa. Truly yours in the spirit of Christmas and a love that never ends, Steven P.S. Even though I have everything I need, if it's not too much to ask, please bring the dog a toy he can't destroy in five minutes. So there's my grown up Christmas list. What's on your grown up Christmas list?

References 1

"Is There a Santa Claus?", Letter, The New York Sun, September 21, 1897, http://www.nysun.com/editorials/yes-virginia/68502/ 2 Lynch, Rev. Suzelle, "The Real Truth About Santa Claus", Sermon, November 2007, http://www.uucw.org/worship/sermonarchive?download=26%3Athe-real-truth-aboutsanta-claus&9fa6d4ede198d6143305d31045917126=ipiddbkmk. 3 Thomasson, Kenneth David "Sparky", "An Adult's Letter to Santa: Gifts I Need But Don't Deserve, http://www.atatarot.com/reflections/12-05-08/an_adults_letter_to_santa_g.html 4 Angelou, Maya, "Amazing Peace: A Christmas Poem", Poem, 2005, http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/663997-amazing-peace-a-christmas-poem-by-drmaya-angelou-thunder 5 Fay, Ellen, Untitled Poem, Celebrating Christmas: An Anthology, Ed. by Carl Seaburg, Boston: UUMA, 1983. 6 "Grown Up Christmas List", Song, Lyrics by Linda Thompson-Jenner. 7 Safford, Victoria, "The Moment of Magic", Meditation from Walking Toward Morning, Boston: Skinner House Books, 2003.

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