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SPECIAL HOLIDAY ISSUE #6 NOVEMBER/ DECEMBER A NEWSLETTER OF QUIPS, QUOTES, JOKES AND ANECDOTES, TO MAKE YOU LAUGH AND CRY AND ANSWER WHY, AND HOW TO ...
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SPECIAL HOLIDAY ISSUE #6 NOVEMBER/ DECEMBER

A NEWSLETTER OF QUIPS, QUOTES, JOKES AND ANECDOTES, TO MAKE YOU LAUGH AND CRY AND ANSWER WHY, AND HOW TO GET FROM WHERE YOU ARE NOW TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE, THROUGH THE POWER OF A STORY FROM DAN’S BOOKS, RESEARCH, SPEECHES AND SONG HOOKS. One cold December morning two old country boys were bored and decided to hitch up their horse and buggy and go into town to find something to do. As they walked up and down the isles of the General Store one pulled a box off the shelf and said, “Looky here. It says Exlax – Makes You Feel Younger. Wanna try it?” His friend said yes, they bought two boxes, and headed back home on the bumpy country road. Immediately they decided to split a box. Fifteen minutes later one asked the other, “Are you feelin any younger?” His buddy replied, “Nope.” So they split the second box. Fifteen minutes later the old boy asked again, “Feelin any younger yet?” To which his buddy answered, “Nope. But I think I just did a mighty childish thing!”

“A Brother Like That” – by dan clark On Christmas Eve Paul came out of his office to find a disheveled young boy in old battered clothes walking around his shiny new car, admiring it. “Is this your car?” he asked. Paul nodded. “My brother gave it to me for Christmas.” The boy was astounded. “You mean your brother gave it to you and it didn’t cost you nothing? Boy I wish….” He hesitated. Of course Paul knew what he was going to wish for. He wished he had a brother like that. But what the lad said jarred Paul to his core. “I wish,” the boy went on, “that I could be a brother like that.” Paul was astounded and impulsively asked him if he would like a ride. With his eyes aglow he giggled, “yea Mister, and would you mind driving in front of my house?” Paul smiled and again thought he knew what the lad wanted. Surely he wanted to show his neighbors that he could ride home in a big fancy car. But Paul was wrong again. “Will you stop where those two steps are?” the boy asked. He ran in the house and in a minute emerged carrying his crippled brother. He sat him down on the bottom step, squeezed up against him and pointed at the car, “There she is buddy, just like I told you upstairs. His brother gave it to him for Christmas and some day I’m gonna give you one just like it so you can see all the pretty things in the Christmas windows I’ve been telling you about!” Paul got out and lifted the brother to the front seat, the older brother climbed in next to him, and the three of them began a memorable holiday ride that reminds us all, “It’s better to give then

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A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, “I’m sorry I have to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing – forty five years of misery is enough!” “Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father replies. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.” He hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister who explodes on the phone, “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts. “I’ll take care of this.” She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at her dad, “You are Not getting divorced. Don’t do a thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing. Do You Hear Me!” The father hangs up the phone and turns to his wife, “Okay,” he smiled. “They are coming for Thanksgiving and paying for their own airfares. Now what do we tell them to get them here for Christmas?”

A dirty, smelly homeless man holding tight to his weathered and tattered Bible wandered into a posh, upscale, east side church one Sunday morning and the congregation gasped. As the homeless man slid onto one of the benches the people on that row held their noses, moaned and whispered some racist comments and quickly slid away. After the services ended the Pastor came down from the pulpit and confronted the homeless man. “Excuse me, but before you come into a beautiful church like ours you need to ask God what you should wear in a place like this.” The homeless man said thanks and left. On the next Sunday this same homeless man holding the same worn out and much read Bible, wearing the same stinky clothes, walked in this same church. Before he could sit down the Pastor intercepted him, “I thought I told you to ask God what you should wear before you came back here.” The homeless man smiled and said, “I did pray and I asked God what I should wear to your meetings and He told me He didn’t know because He had never been in your church before! Yes I’m poor with filthy clothes, I can’t bathe and you can sense that I smoke.” With a tear falling down his cheek he humbly concluded, “I sure wish everybody’s sins smelled.”

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“Making Memories” – by dan clark It was the holiday season, with the “big three” – Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas just ahead. My father was battling cancer at the time and was very ill. Afraid that he wouldn’t be around for next Christmas, I wanted to make that year extra special. I thought the perfect gift was a grandfather clock, hand built by me. It was one of the things he always wanted but could never afford. Although I had never built anything of that complexity, I felt it would not only make my dad proud of me, but it would give him something from me that he could treasure. I purchased a magnificent self-assembly kit and immediately devoted my time to the overwhelming task of putting it together. Every day after work I went to my brother’s house to secretly work on the clock. Three hours a day, six days a week I labored all alone, trying to follow those complicated instructions. As it started to take form, the anticipation and excitement were almost too much to bare as I visualized how surprised, appreciative, and amazed my dad would be. On October 10th, I finally finished the clock and wrapped it up with the big red bow, ready to be delivered in a couple of months on Christmas eve. The next morning I left on a two-day trip to Seattle, Washington. On October 12th, two days after I had finished assembling the clock, the phone rang in my hotel room. It was my brother. “Dad just died at seven am,” he cried. That was a sad and brutal Christmas for me. Mom had a gorgeous Christmas tree, there were gifts galore, and there in the corner of my mothers living room stood the tall solid oak grandfather clock that I had spent 63 hours building. But there was no dad! The presents meant nothing in comparison to the loss of my dad. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret the time I spent on that clock, now knowing that I should have spent those final, most sacred hours - all 63 of them at my fathers side. What a fool I was to think a “thing” would make him happy. Time spent with loved ones does! Although the holiday season is a sad time that reminds me of my fathers passing, it is also my favorite time of the year when we are reminded that family and friends matter most. Too many of us love things and use people, when we should love people and use things, and remember that the greatest gift we can give anyone at any season is our up close and personal time!

“The Broken Doll” – by dan clark A mother encourages her daughter to come home immediately after school. Thirty minutes late she walks in the door and her mother scolds her, “Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick.” “Oh mommy,” she answered. “I walked my friend Sally home and she dropped her doll and it broke all to pieces. It was awful!” Her mother asked, “So you’re late because you stayed to help her pick up the pieces and put it back together again?” “Oh no mommy,” she said. “I didn’t know how to fix the doll, I just stayed to help her cry!”

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Same God Who Made Me Made You Too by dan clark I heard the screeching cars crash, hurting child and dad Mangled next to one another, both were bleeding bad Dad was white, returning from a meeting of the Klan Child was black, was thrown out of the other mini van An Arab doctor stopped two other rescuers were Jews One got cut and now no one could tell whose blood was whose Who decided who has royal blood and whose is who Are there really four Gods—Racist, Muslim, Christian, Jew Four Gods in the heavens fighting ’bout what’s right for you No way, they all claim the same Almighty Abram knew It’s one world under one God, indivisible and true The same God who made me made you too Two best friends were college roommates, when the war broke out Called to serve their countries, now at war, their leaders shout On the battlefield one aimed to shoot around the bend But luckily he stopped, there in his gun sight was his friend Stepping over fallen soldiers both sides dead from guns Friend and foe had bled so much, the pool from both was one… We’re all made in the image of God So which race, color got the nod Yeah we came on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now Let us pause to question, but then answer with a vow Who decided who has royal blood and whose is who Are there really four Gods—Racist, Muslim, Christian, Jew Four Gods in the heavens fighting ’bout what’s right for you No way, they all claim the same Almighty Abram knew It’s one world under one God, indivisible and true

The same God who made me made you too!

Only heaven knows all answers where and why life flows Interpretation of a book won’t change how it all goes Preachers fight, religions kill, they speak and violence grows All in the name of answers that only heaven knows What about hope, charity, forgiveness and love Is this not pure religion, and for all, and from above Radical fanaticals don’t represent God’s laws It’s only ‘bout our faith in Him and how we serve because The way our fate and judgement goes, only heaven really knows! - by dan clark 4

“THE ART COLLECTION” – by dan clark A father and son were very close and enjoyed adding valuable art pieces to their collection. Priceless works by Picasso, Van Gogh, Monet and many other artists adorned the walls of the family estate. The son's trained eye and sharp business mind caused his widowed father to beam with pride as they dealt with art collectors around the world. As winter approached, war engulfed the nation and the young man left to serve his country. After only a few short weeks, his father received a telegram. His beloved son had died while rushing a fellow soldier to a medic. Distraught and lonely, the old man faced the future with anguish and sadness. One morning, a knock on the door awakened the depressed old man. As he walked to the door, the masterpieces of art on the walls only reminded him that his son was not coming home. As he opened the door, he was greeted by a soldier with a large package in his hand. He introduced himself to the man by saying, "I was a friend of your son. I was the one he was rescuing when he died. May I come in for a few moments? I have something to show you." As the two began to talk, the solider told of how the man's son had told everyone of both his and his father's love of fine art. "I'm an artist," said the soldier, "and I want to give you this." As the old man unwrapped the package, the paper gave way to reveal a portrait of the man's son. Though the world would never consider it the work of a genius, the painting featured the young man's face in striking detail. Overcome with emotion, the man thanked the soldier, promising to hang the picture above the fireplace. A few hours later, after the soldier had departed, the old man set about his task. True to his word, the painting went above the fireplace, pushing aside thousands of dollars worth of paintings. As the stories of his son rescuing dozens of wounded soldiers continued to reach him, fatherly pride and satisfaction began to ease the grief. The painting of his son became his most prized possession, far eclipsing any interest in the pieces for which museums around the world clamored. He told his neighbors it was the greatest gift he had ever received. The following spring the old man became ill and passed away. The art world was in anticipation as his paintings would be sold at an auction. The appointed day soon arrived and art collectors from across the globe gathered to bid on some of the world's most spectacular paintings. Dreams would be fulfilled this day; greatness would be achieved as many would claim, "I now have the greatest collection." The auction began with a painting that was not on any museum's list. It was the painting of the man's son. The auctioneer asked for an opening bid. The room was silent. "Who will open the bidding with $100?" he asked. Minutes passed. No one spoke. From the back of the room came, "Who cares about that painting? It's just a picture of his son. Let's forget it and go on to the good stuff." More voices echoed in agreement. "No, we have to sell this one first," replied the auctioneer. "Now, who will take the son?" Finally, a friend of the old man spoke. "Will you take ten dollars for the painting? That's all I have. I knew the boy, so I'd like to have it.” “I have ten dollars. Will anyone go higher?" called the auctioneer. After more silence, the auctioneer said, "Going once, going twice. Gone." The gavel fell. Cheers filled the room and someone exclaimed, "Now we can get on with it and start bidding on these treasures!" The auctioneer looked at the audience and announced the auction was over. Stunned disbelief quieted the room. Someone spoke up and asked, "What do you mean it's over? We didn't come here for a picture of some old guy's son. There are millions of dollars worth of art here!” The auctioneer replied, "It's very simple. According to the will of the Father, whoever takes the Son, gets it all." 5

“TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS” –by dan clark Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house Things were real mellow, even Irving the mouse Our boots were hung up the incense was lit In hopes that St. Nick would soon do his bit The tree was decked out it was really a sight With love beads and flowers and a flashing strobe light Wearing my t-shirt from Woodstock Nation I was just getting into some good meditation And my chick was doing some yoga in bed Munching a fruit cake while propped on her head Then pow in the light a hullabaloo It shook the water bed and woke up ol’ Blue I stumbled around and tripped on my beard It stuck to my toes and felt really weird When I got to the window I was really uptight Cause the scene I perceived was a mind blowing sight What through my shades did I see through the snow But eight tiny mooses and a wild UFO With a big dude inside looking kinky and groovy I flashed is this Nick or some kind of movie They came from the cosmos like a far-out caboose And this fat cat kept yelling at each midget moose ‘Right on Dasher, on Dancer, Rudolph you be mean Get your bod’s in high gear now and move this machine!’ Then onto the roof they flew with a shout, The whole cosmic crew really freaked me out But before I could say, ‘hold down that loud jive,’ Nick zapped toward the chimney leaped in with a dive His duds were all furtrimmed in leather and such And he came in stone funky he was really too much His backpack was painted with black light festoon Full of albums and posters and a neon balloon His eyes a light show his beard did glow bright A plastic fantastic kaleidoscope sight ‘Don’t want to sound heavy’ he said with a grin, ‘My message is simple so dig it tune in I brought you some goodies but that’s not the thing My real trip is bringing good vibes to this scene’ So we wrapped til dawn about peace love and truth Then he said ‘gotta split or I’m late to Duluth’ He wiggled his nose and finished his bit And straight up the smoke hole this fat cat did split He yelled, ‘Merry Christmas to all and good night And then in a flash he streaked out of sight!

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“Christmas State of Mind” – by dan clark The war was on, the fighting fierce, now in its seventh year But soon they’d ease their anger, cause the holiday was near The generals told their troops to cease their fire Christmas day And so they did, then realized it was still a day away Father’d been away on business, gone for two weeks straight His little family needed him but working wouldn’t wait He hustled home for Christmas Eve to share gifts Christmas day Then realized through time travel change, was still a day away Christmas can come more than once a year A baby born in Bethlehem, began a message clear If one day we can honor foes and love so family knows Everyday can be that kind- it’s all about a Christmas state of mind We sing, let there be peace on earth, and give peace a chance While politicians play their games of power, land, romance Summits here and meetings there they fight to make peace stay Yet every time they’re interviewed, they’re still a day away What if there were not more days except the one today No other chance to take a stance, no other price to pay Even if it wasn’t Christmas, would you serve and give Would you be more than you have been with one more day to live Christmas state of mind is not religion that you find It’s a way of living daily life that Christ started at Christmas time…

“Twelve Twenty-Five-0-Five” – by dan clark Go away, the Inn is full, there is no room tonight I know it’s cold, and your wife’s with child, but I can’t help your plight The inn man shrugged them off and said the stable manger’s free Then wandered to the warmth of his own bed and let them be Years gone by, the bells were ringing outside Macy’s store Salvation Army’s bucket mostly empty by the door I walked right by, when a homeless guy gave everything he had He stopped, dropped ninety cents, and smiled “Merry Christmas lad” I often think about those nights and ponder those deprived And wonder if things would have changed if Christ came twelve twenty-five-o-five Humbly now I know that passing by the bells ain’t right And if Christ came twelve twenty-five-o-five I’d give my bed tonight A poor child has no presents, yet believes in Santa too Her mama prays that the doorbell rings, won’t someone help her through I could’ve stopped but didn’t live my Christianity Yet Jesus taught if you’ve served the least of these you’ve now served me I confess, I now believe, I need Him, not just Christmas Eve He’s my Lord, to Him I reach, Christmas just reminds me I should practice all I preach…

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“JOLLY OLD ST. NICHOLAS” - by dan clark Jolly Old St. Nicholas, sitting in his thong Now retired in Miami, snow suit seems so wrong Checks his list to see whose bad and disregards the good Only cares about the girls gone wild down in the hood Still has toys, delivers gifts, but not in his big sled Reindeer hate humidity, it’s Harley rides instead There’s still Christmas, he just gave his gig to someone new Santa’s now a homeboy hip-hop happnin with his crew He still chuckles ho, ho, ho in South Beach he is right Women throw themselves at him, it’s party time each night Yo, yo Nick has quite the crib, with a backyard boat and dock Tired of the travel, he’s now “Nicky From The Block” Shaved his beard, got a thick gold chain, and a cool Rudolph tattoo Says better not cry then tells you why the mistle toe pulls through He tried out, but was just too stout to be a Chippendale So now he’s a “Chips-A-Hoy” dancer called “Jolly Old Beach Whale!” * One cold November night two Nuns were driving down a country road on their way back from Thanksgiving dinner when they ran out of gas. They walked to a farm house and the man gave them some gas, but the only container he had was a bedpan. The Nuns were happy to take whatever they were offered and returned to their car. As they were pouring the gas from the bedpan into the tank, a Prodestant minister drove by, stopped, rolled down his window and said, “Excuse me good Sisters, I’m not of your religion but I couldn’t help admiring your faith!” * It was Christmas time and a man decided to go in for confession. He humbly admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the wood shop where he worked. “What did you take?” the priest asked. “Enough to build my house and three mountain cottages.” “This is serious,” the priest concluded. “I’ll have to give you a stiff penance. Have you ever done a retreat?” The man suddenly got excited, “No, Father, I haven’t, but if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber!” * It was a family holiday tradition for this father to read Bible stories to his children. In the story about Joseph, Mary and Jesus leaving Bethlehem to go to Egypt, dad read, “Joseph was warned to take his wife and child and flee out of the city.” His little boy interrupted and asked, “What happened to the flea?” * A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin (five) and Ryan (three). The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, “Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.” Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Good, Ryan, you be Jesus!”

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Everything I Needed to Learn in College I Learned Outside Class (Helpful hints when you’re making your “New Years Resolutions”) – by dan clark

Too often the learned discount them because they are simple and ordinary enough for the unlearned to understand. For some reason, we think that unless an answer is complicated, it isn’t sophisticated, and if it’s obvious, it can’t be life altering or an educational experience worth our while. Well, well, well. Apparently they have never met anybody like my big buddy Blain! He was my first roommate at the university. A big, strong, soft-spoken cowboy. He had a huge smile, was always polite, and did not speak much. When we met, I asked, “What’s your name?” “Blain,” he answered. Five minutes of silence later I asked, “Where are you from?” “Idaho.” Five minutes of silence later I asked, “Do you live in the city or the country?” “Country.” Five minutes of silence later I asked, “What is your major?” “Communications.” Yes, Blain was a man of few words, but when he did speak, he was always deep and profound. In our first seven days together, Blain taught me everything I needed to know to succeed for the rest of my life. For the rest of forever I will always know the answers are definitely in the box. Day One: We were late checking into our dorm room, so we got last pick of the accommodations. We were told that the only thing left was an older corner room. I complained all the way down the hall, moaning, “I never get a break.” Then we opened the door and saw a big, oak-trimmed suite. Blain quietly said, “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse always gets the cheese.” Day Two: I had an old car with squeaky brakes. I asked Blain if he knew anything about cars. He said, “I’ll see.” That afternoon he jacked up my car and took off a wheel. He quickly checked it and put it back on. He then opened the hood and fiddled around for a minute. Dumbfounded, I asked him what he was doing? He simply replied, “I couldn’t fix your brakes, so I just made your horn louder!” Day Three: We had the first class of the day together. It was Introduction to Marketing. The professor said, “Take thirty minutes and write an ad. Use as many words as necessary, but keep it to one page.” After a while the professor called on three different people to share. They read full-page, wordy essays. The professor then called on Blain. He quietly read, “For sale: Parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.” We laughed. The professor was intrigued and inquired if he had any other thoughts he would like to share. Blain quietly drawled, “Well I kinda, sorta got a real-estate marketing idea I also wrote here.” The professor said, “Yes?” as we all held our breath. Blain read, “Statistics prove that most people have serious accidents within five miles of their home. So call me as your realtor, and I’ll help you move!” We all burst into belly-shaking hoots and cheers! (MORE)

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(EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED OUTSIDE CLASS– continued) Day Four: The sociology professor ironically didn’t seem to care about anything or anyone. He didn’t call the roll and only talked for one minute at the beginning of class to tell us what chapters to read. Then he sat down, put his feet up on a table, and read a magazine for the next thirty minutes. I commented to Blain, “How can he teach us when he is not even involved in the class?” “He can’t,” Blain replied. “You can’t farm from the city.” I then asked him if he were the professor, what would he teach? Blain replied, “Ninety percent of success is half mental.” I laughed and asked, “What?” With a serious face, Blain explained: “Yep. Success is 10 percent inspiration and 90 percent perspiration—10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent what you do with what happens to you. The half mental is attitude and the other half is action.” Day Five: Already, some of the guys in our dorm had started to party during the week with their wild roommates. I commented, “Mike came in here straight, with high moral standards and high athletic and education goals, but John sure is a bad influence on him.” Blain replied, “Yep. I had to write poetry in English class today and wouldn’t you know it, it pretty much explains what’s goin’ on with these fellas: ‘On top of old Smokey all covered with snow, I lost my best bird dog by aiming too low.’ It’s better to shoot for the stars and miss than to aim for a pile of manure and hit!” I hadn’t seen Blain talk this much all at once since I met him, and I definitely didn’t want to cut him off. I’m glad I didn’t because he then shared this poem: With garbage and junk our big can is well fed, This trash we don’t want we can burn it instead. But what about dirt that you’ve heard or you’ve said, Oh what can be done with a garbage can head? Day Six: It was the weekend, and I asked Blain if he wanted to go to a party. We went. Within fifteen minutes the fraternity boys tried to pressure him with the usual, “C’mon. Chill out. Loosen up. Smoke a little dope, drink a few shots, get down tonight.” I asked him if he wanted to leave. Blain answered, “No. But they shouldn’t try to teach a pig to sing. It’s a waste of your time, and it annoys the pig! Why should I let what others say and do change who I am or what I do?” Day Seven: I was tired and wanted to sleep in. But Blain was up bright and early. I asked him where he was going all dressed up. He said, “Church.” Sarcastically I poked fun. “Why would you go to church? Your parents aren’t here to make you.” Blain put me in my place with his answer: “It’s what you do when the coach is not around that makes you a champion. The Native American Indians say, ‘Short alive, long time dead.’ We shouldn’t just learn and do things that will help us while we’re alive; we should learn and do things that will help us when we’re dead! You should come to church with me.” (MORE)

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(EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED OUTSIDE CLASS – continued) I defiantly demanded, “Give me one good reason why I should.” Blain pretty much summed up the week and the previous in-the-box principles of success he had already taught me when he answered, “It’s better to build a fence at the edge of the cliff than to park an ambulance at its base!” In seven days and in about seven minutes total, I learned patience, never say never, you can only do what you can do, less is more, you must be present to win, choose your influences, be true to your values and yourself, and prevention is always better than rehabilitation—common sense truths that remain right and true regardless of taste, opinion, age, sex, race, belief, language, culture, political party or country. Right has always been right, or we can’t call it right! So, whoever thinks all of our personal growth and corporate advancement opportunities are dictated by our past school room performance or what our IQ tested out to be, needs to think again! We should be willing to pay any price and travel any distance to associate with extraordinary individuals like the “Blains” of the world! (END)

“INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT VERSES EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT” Traditionally, IQ (Intelligence Quotient) has been the predominant measuring stick of success in school and a cause for prestigious job placements after graduation. We need to be lifelong learners. Knowledge is power, and being bright is the single most attractive quality in anyone. But what about EQ (Emotional Quotient), which links strongly to all of the intangible qualities of success previously mentioned. EQ reassures us about love, spirituality, service, the capabilities people possess, and the fact that everybody has value, and it brings compassion and humanity to work through empathy, vision, and integrity. In the early 1990s, Dr. John Mayer, PhD, and Dr. Peter Saloven, PhD, introduced their research data as “emotional intelligence” in the Journal of Personality Assessment. According to the research, success requires both IQ and the attitudinal, behavioral, and maximizing-potential of EQ, which increases stability, continuity, and harmony in relationships. We have all met brilliant people with academic honors who are socially and interpersonally inept and unsuccessful in business. We also know those who are street savvy and common-sense smart whose only degree is from the school of hard knocks, yet they started and are running multi-million dollar corporations. May we take this holiday season to stretch ourselves with New Years Resolutions that increase both our IQ and EQ that we may once again be brilliant at the basics! Success is not about programs, it’s about principles. The purpose of a meeting is to get us away from the regular to evaluate what is extraordinary, give us an emotional experience we can’t get at home or on the job, inspire us to become more of who we already are, and to take us to a place we cannot take ourselves!

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“Don’t even consider hiring Dan Clark to speak at your event - - UNLESS you’re looking for a speaker who will REALLY customize his message, understand your audience and their needs, use humor to reinforce powerful principles, rivet your audience’s attention on practical ideas that improve their lives, and leave a lasting impact. The choice is yours. Get some ordinary speaker, or get a unique blend of power, passion and principles. I saw Dan Clark speak to 8,000 people at a corporate event and then watched the audience give him a well deserved long, cheering standing ovation!” -Joel Weldon, Legendary Hall Of Fame Speaker

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MASTER MOTIVATOR/ EXPERT IN CHANGE

NOTED AUTHORITY ON TEAM BUILDING

HIGH PERFORMANCE SALES TRAINER

We’ve all heard, “Think outside the box.” What if the answers are still in the box? Most are looking for new answers when what we need are right answers. Everything you need to take it to the next level is already inside of you and your organization. Change from the outside-in is reactive and creates pressure. Change from the insideout is proactive and creates power through stretching. You must stretch before you strengthen, as all the strengthening occurs in the area past the point of discomfort. Solutions come when we focus on purposes instead of just setting goals. Once we answer Why, figuring out the How-To is simple. One moment in time really can change forever; challenges prove what we’re made of; adversity introduces us to ourselves!

Dan played American football for 13 years & learned it’s not all about team – teams lose. Companies are going bankrupt as you read this and they have a team. It’s about winning. There is no “I” in team, but there are two “I’s” in winning. The first “I” represents Independent Individual Preparation - a commitment to Clarity, Character, Confidence, Consistency, Change, Cause & Chemistry. The second “I” represents Interdependent Collaboration - a commitment to Contribution, Cohesion & Conclusion. In this context it IS about team, but because it’s what you do when the coach is not around that makes you a champion, the teams that win have the greatest number of “I Players” on them who live all of these Ten Commitments in their personal and professional lives!

Do you strap into a fighter jet or do you strap the jet onto you? High performance flying & living is about feeling, intuition, & emotional connection. Selling is everybody’s business. In tough times everybody must be a producer. Because it’s not what you do, but who you do it with, and we like to do business with winners, there is a sales Process that builds credibility where trust is earned, and a sales Presentation when you close the deal. By avoiding the Seven Deadly Sins That Sabotage Sales, you will make your co-workers and clients feel like they belong to one family, and that loyalty is a two way commitment that you will buy, and I will provide extraordinary service so you always leave saying, “I like me best when I’m with you I want to see you again!”

“Dan Clark is an International Speaker, New York Times Best Selling Author, Athlete, Songwriter, Philanthropist, Adventurer, Screenwriter, singer, he’s everything! Achievers North America & Achievers Europe named Dan one of the Top Ten Speakers In The World. He’s funny, he’s inspirational, he’s changing the world one story at a time!” Larry King, CNN “So far we’ve hired Dan Clark six times to speak to all of our divisions and at an international customer event in Italy. No one is better than Dan at taking his audience on an emotional roller coaster ride and customizing his remarks around our needs. Dan is unmatched by any speaker in the industry. We’ve laughed and cried at every speech and recommend him to everyone!” Amy Hawkins, Events at Georgia Pacific

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