4/16/2012

Lakeview Church Marriage and Family Ministry Setting A Vision and Goals For Our Marriage

4/16/2012 3:47 PM

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Vision and Goals for Marriage • Purpose / Objective for this Series – To set an overarching, guiding vision for our marriage. – To begin setting goals for our marriage that are aligned to our vision.

• Outcome – “Each person gets heard and gets their needs validated. It cuts down on a lot of misunderstanding, resentment and conflict.” – Establishing common visions and goals makes spouses accountable to each other. – We are headed in the same direction. 4/16/2012 3:47 PM

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Vision and Goals for Marriage • Referring Back to “Built to Last” series: – Help set the Navigation System of our marriage – Enhance Communication – Sharing of our hearts; expressing our desires and concerns. – Communicate and address some unmet expectations – Thing “Just Don’t Happen” – A marriage without goals causes “drift”. – “Every System is Perfectly Designed to Achieve the Results That It Yields.” The same goes for our marriages. 4/16/2012 3:47 PM

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Vision and Goals for Marriage • Goals and Marriage: – In the course of life’s daily routine, it is easy to forget to nurture our marriages and to think about the future. – Setting goals for your marriage, both short, intermediate, and long-term provides a better chance of making our marriages fulfilling. – Setting goals forces us to ask: What do I/we want our marriage; What do we want our marriage to look like in the future? – Setting goals together allows both parties to work together for the enhancement of their marriage. 4/16/2012 3:47 PM

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Vision and Goals for Marriage • Our Starting point is with God! This Includes: – Glorifying Him in all that we do! Matt. 5:16, John 15:8

– To Be Conformed to His Likeness - Romans 8:29 • Molding - Being shaped, broken, reshaped • Develop qualities obvious in the character of Christ

– To Follow His Will • This means to Walk with Jesus Christ every day. • He is your source of strength, happiness, comfort, blessing, and instruction.

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Vision and Goals for Marriage Key Strategies to Successful Goal Setting (1): 1. Assess your personal values – what is important to YOU •

Do not set your marital goals to please other people

2. Prepare Mentally •

Am I / Are We ready to commit to this. “Buy-in”, Commitment

3. Write down your goals, which helps to: •

Clarify; make them Concrete; and Avoid Confusion later.

4. Prioritize your goals in order of importance

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Vision and Goals for Marriage Key Strategies to Successful Goal Setting (2): 5. Create SMART goals action plans 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Specific – Know Exactly what you want to accomplish with details. Measurable – Quantify your goals to track your progress. Action Oriented – Use “Do It” words that keep you moving. Realistic – Goals should stretch you, but are possible to achieve Time-Bound – Have clearly defined time frames / target dates.

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Vision and Goals for Marriage Key Strategies to Successful Goal Setting (3): 6. Share your Goals – Accountability 7. Keep your Goals in front of you 8. Take action now and maintain the momentum •

Remember, there is no such thing as an “Ideal” time to begin!

9. Evaluate you progress and make changes if needed. •

Reviewing your goals consistently will gauge whether you are on track (measurable)

10. Reward yourself when you achieve your goal(s) • •

Reward yourself for your achievements. This will motivate you to work harder and strive for your goals.

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Vision and Goals for Marriage A Few Other Thoughts • Brainstorm – Feel free to talk about your dream and desires. • Create a Mission / Vision Statement for Your Marriage. – – –

This is the overarching guiding principle for your marriage. It will be the framework, the boundaries for setting your goals. Best if it is agreed upon and embraced by both spouses.

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Vision and Goals for Marriage Test for Setting Your Goals (Individual and Marriage) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Can I honestly ask God's help in striving to reach this goal? Are these goals in keeping with God's purpose for my life? Will it keep me from serving Christ and His church? Will I be a better Christian, husband, wife, father, mother, parent… when I/We accomplish this goal? Will it help me to be a better steward of God’s gifts? Does it align with the vision for my marriage? Will it violate my conscience or any Christian principles? Will it violate the rights of others? Will my family be able to enjoy the rewards of my accomplishments?

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Vision and Goals for Marriage • When you begin to plan, ask God for His wisdom for establishing the vision, goals and action steps. • Pray as a couple for God to direct your plans.

Let’s Begin

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Vision and Goals for Marriage • Let’s begin by talking about a Mission or Vision Statement for our marriage. • Remember the purpose of the Mission / Vision Statement is to: – To set an overarching, guiding vision for our marriage. – It will be the framework, the boundaries for setting your goals.

• Let’s Brainstorm 4/16/2012 3:47 PM

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Vision and Goals for Marriage 10 Steps to Goal Setting Should Motivate – Not Frustrate 1. On 7 pieces of paper, label each page and write summary of present status for each: a. b. c. d. e. f. g.

Spiritual Family Work/Profession Social Health Education Financial

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Vision and Goals for Marriage 10 Steps to Goal Setting 2. Write down the accomplishments I want to make now and in the future. Be Specific: a. Tangibles b. Intangibles

3. Prioritize the lists, from the most important to the least 4. Compile a separate Master List of the top 2 or 3 from the 7.

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Vision and Goals for Marriage 10 Steps to Goal Setting 5. Prioritize a new “Master List” of Goals a. You can select various goals from each of the 2-3 lists b. Check the new Master List for balance and conflict. c. Make sure that the top 10 goals are not too heavily weighted towards one or two areas. •

That is, the first 6 all have to do with finances or work.

6. Make SMART Goals for the goals on your Master List a.

Write a detailed description of how you are going to accomplsih them.

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Vision and Goals for Marriage 10 Steps to Goal Setting 7. Decide on a time-table for each Goal a. b. c. d.

Short-term (within 12 months) Intermediate-term (13-24 months) Long-term (3+ years) For each timetable, write down short-term activities and deadlines. e. Include monthly, weekly, and daily activities.

8. Share Goals with Others a. Solicit input and insight from others.

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Vision and Goals for Marriage 10 Steps to Goal Setting 9. Review Goals Regularly – Track Process 10. Be Persistent – Don’t quit, realign when necessary a. b.

Give yourself grace when you fall. Don’t beat yourself up when you have a set-back

11. Celebrate Achievements.

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Vision and Goals for Marriage Let’s Work on Our Goals

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Vision and Goals for Marriage Homework •

Spent time over the two weeks to: 1. 2.

Establish your Marriage Mission Statement Begin the discussion and writing process to set goals for at least two areas of your marriage. 

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One must be “Spiritual”

Next session we will spend sharing with one another.

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