HAVE YOUE HEARD TH ONE...
LOL! 2016 JOKE BOOK
FOREWORD Speech, language and communication skills are fundamental to developing good literacy and numeracy. Without good communication skills, children will find it harder to make friends and do well at school.
In this book, we have gathered together the entries from the 2016 competition. We hope that you will use it as part of a class or whole-school activity. Hopefully, it will remind you of the fun aspects of communication and the importance of building children’s communication skills and confidence whatever their starting point.
Developing good communication can be fun and to demonstrate this, the Speaker of the Northern Ireland Assembly and the Royal College of Speech and Language Therapists have, for a fourth time, hosted the Northern Ireland Voice Box Awards, a joke-telling competition for school children.
Although there can only be one Voice Box Champion, we wanted to say thank you and well done to all the schools and the speech and language therapists who took up the 2016 Voice Box challenge. We look forward to having you join the competition next year!
This year, thousands of pupils from primary, postprimary and special schools got involved by holding their own mini Voice Box competitions to select a pupil to represent their school. Out of all the entries received, 20 finalists were shortlisted to tell their jokes in front of MLAs and other invited guests in Parliament Buildings Stormont.
Yours sincerely,
Anne Gamble Chair of Voice Box 2016 Judging Panel RCSLT Country Representative
PICTURED ON FRONT COV ER
:
The Royal College of Speech and Language Therapists is working with the Northern Ireland Assembly to raise awareness of speech, language and communication difficulties. Visit www.givingvoiceuk.org for more information.
2016 Voice Box Cham pion Lily Barlow from Glen craig Integrated Primary Sc hool.
2016 JOKES eteor Why are m est? jokes the b re out ey a Because th orld. of this w AI
hes, Y8, RB
Aaron Hug
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of the football team? Because she ran away from the ball. Alicia Jones, P4, St Dallan’s Primary
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn’t concentrate!
you et when h g u o y What do ne principal wit cross o r principal? anothe it, principals ’t do . I wouldn to be crossed e k li don’t Fulton Fleming
8, Winner rson, Yr Bob Pea mary Category ri P ts 2016 Po
Post-primary category winner Bob Pearson, accompanied by his teacher Mr Johnston, receives his trophy from Deputy First Minister Martin McGuinness and Alison McCullough MBE Head of RCSLT NI, at the 2016 Voice Box Awards final.
Anthony May, Y12, Beechlawn Special School
all a o you c ? d t a h W odle fake no (imposter) asta! An imp n, P4, sto in John Benjam mary P tock ri McClin
Two flie football s are playing in a sau c one say er and s , “Make a d we are p ecent effort, layin cup tom g in the orrow.” Ashto n Morris, P5, Rege Prepara tory Dep nt House artment
LOL!
say ne hat ? o id d What e other hat oing to th , I’m g e r e h y You sta n a head. o P2, Breen, Callum Primar y e’s St Ann
What happened to Ray when he was eaten by a monster? He became an X-Ray! Bryce Metcalfe, P5a, Thornfield House Special School
. His teacher at his nursery school d an y bo a s wa abet. So e Ther ree letters of the alph st letter th st fir e th n ar le to told him at the fir he asked his mum wh “Be quiet!” when he got home id phone so she sa , was. She was on the is was obsessed with Elv o wh r te sis s hi to nt e Then he we letter of th , “What’s the second Presley and he said d, “Elvis Presley, Elvis Presley.” ie alphabet?” She repl ked him, little brother and as replied, Then he went to his He r of the alphabet?” tte le ird th e th t’s ha “W rrum car!” “In my little brrrum br and the ol the next morning So he goes into scho the first three letters of the t are says, teacher asks, “Wha quiet.” The teacher e “B , ys sa He ?” et ley, alphab He replies, “Elvis Pres ” e? ar u yo k in th u u going to “Who do yo her says, “How are yo ac te e Th y.” le es Pr is Elv And he replies, get away with this?” rrum car!” “In my little brrrum br ry
, Grange Park Prima
Charlie Magrath, P6
BAHAHA Why did take th the farmer ec bumpy ows on a Becau r se he wide? milksha anted a ke. Cheya nn
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese. Chloe Spence, P4, Towerview Primary
e Satc h Sion M ells- Gentles, P3, ills Prim ar y
LOL!
Why did the down th toilet roll e hil To get t o the b l? ottom. Camero n Clem ents, P5 , tegrate d Prima ry
Acorn In
Why did th cross the e sheep road? Because it w anted go to the baaa…r to bers! Caoilain Glennon , P4, Fleming Fulton
Teacher “what should you say to a cheeky giraffe? Wind your neck in!” P7, Brooklands Primary
walking through Two friends were, looking at the the graveyard came upon a y headstones. The id, “Here lays a sa t a th headstone nest man.” politician, an ho the other, to One friend says o men buried “There must be tw!” there ar y
, Bessbrook Prim
Cody Walker, P7
BAHAHA
A wife asks her husband to de scribe her. He said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.” She asked, “What does that mean?” He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionab le, Gorgeous, Hot!” She said, “Oh that’s so lovely , but what about I, J and K?” “I’m just kidding,” he said. Connor Gaw, P7, Dundonald
Why did the school boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake! Culann Brennan, P5, Wallace Preparatory School
Primary
What did to his un the mouse say “ You kno wanted friend? w two’s co what they say, mpany, a crowd cheese !” Damon Corbett, St Josep Y10, h’s Boys High Sch ool
in sts sing o h g ’t n Why ca church? have y don’t e h t e s Becau ny organs. a Th
9, Millar, Y l School Daniel c Spe ia House ornfield
Did you hear the news? Wee boy at Sacred Hear t PS gives cheek to teacher. This is what happened: So this wee boy went to sc hool and his teacher as ked him, “What are the first four letters of the alpha bet?” He said he didn’t know, so homework, learn the firs his teacher said, “For your t four letters of the alpha bet.” He went home. That night he asked his Mumm the alphabet was. His mu y what the first letter of m was on the phone. She answered, “Be quiet .” Next he went to his Dad. He asked his Dad what the second letter of the alp habet was. He shouted, “Yes.” because his favourite fo otball team, Mancheste r United, had just scored . After that he asked his sis ter, “What’s the third lette the alphabet?” She wa s listening to Michael Ja r of ckson on her iPad, so she repli ed, “Michael Jackson.” Then he went to his little brot the fourth letter of the alp her and asked him what habet was. He was playin with his toy cars, so he re g plied, “In my little brum brum car.” The next day he went to school and his teacher asked him, “What is the first let ter of the alphabet?” He said, “Be quiet.” His teacher said, “Go to the principa l’s office now.” So he went to the principal’s office and the principal said, “Who do you think you are?” The wee boy replied, “Mich ael Jackson.” The princ ipal said, “How do you think you are going to get aw ay with this?” The wee boy repli ed, “In my little brum br um car.” Da mian McGuiness, P5, Sac
red Heart Primary
HAH
A!
LOL!
lind ou call a b What do y saur? dino -us? ink-he-saw h -t u o -y o D , SLC2, David Ross Primary Ebrington
LOL! My daddy sat on his iPhone but when he stood up he found an iPad. Eoghan Murray, P7, Harberton Special School
What do you call a million rabbits walking backwards? A receding hareline.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose? Nobodynose. Jack Kelly, Y8, St Joseph’s Boys’ School
Eden Haycock, Y9, Ashfield Girls High School
A boy rin g and say s a restaurant s, “Do take aw you do ay?” The lady replies, “ Boy says y , “What’s es.” five take aw The lady ay four?” hangs u p. Fion n McMa nus, P5, Holy Trin ity Prima ry
Where d oes a go to da snowman nc A snowb e? all.
Jo Jo Be
rr y, Y11,
A!
mes De Muelem eester, J1, Glen veagh
Killard H
ouse
e did tho the t a h t W y nd sauake? ” u o r g ! q earth ck me up cra ulla Rosst “ You Y10, Josh
HAH
What d o yo flying jeu call a A jellyc lly? opter. Ja
n, Letso
Who is the most m agical pig in the world? Harry Porker! Jude McKernon, P5, St Bernards Primar y
ght traffic li g e h t id What d e man walkin h say to t past? ok! I’m “Don’t lo ing.” chang
n ent to a ble w y o b able flata An inflat school, with in ff. One ta le inflatab nd inflatable s und the a o r pupils ran amok a g pin. day he l with a drawin eflated schoo t! Pssst! The d o her t ss Pssst! Ps al called him inlet me princip nd said, “ You down, study a ou let yourself wn!” o down, y let ever yone d Primary you’ve tegrated
6, nning, P Kaci Ca aul’s Primary s & St P St Peter’
e ber m m e rem l you rs’ time? l i W : Killian in 10 yea: Yes. r me Sean remembe ill you year? W : n Killia next : Yes. r me Sean remembe u Will yoe month? : n a i l Kil in on n: Yes. r me Sea remembe ill you minute? W : n Killia in one n: Yes. ber me Sea remem u Will yoe second? : n a i l Kil in on an: Yes ck. Se ck, Kno ere? : Kno Killiann: Who’s thotten me Sea u’ve forg : Yo lready! n Killian a ysara ’s Tull r Lady Winner u O , P7 ry Duffy, r y Catego a Killian im r P 2016
raig In n 4, Glenc P , w hampio o rl Lily Ba x 2016 C o B e ic o V
Primary category winner Killian Duffy shares his joke with compere Eamonn Mallie and the audience at the Voice Box awards final in Stormont, March 2016.
LOL!
Why d id the boy his com puter? eat Becau se it w Apple. as an Katrina Nicholl ,P Kilmoy le Prim 2, ar y
What did the snowman say to the other snowman? “Do you smell carrots?” Luca Gallagher, P1, St Coleman’s Primary
What favou is a koala’ s rit Koalit e sweets? y Stre et. Luke M cClur e, y Prim P1, ar y
Coole
BAHAHA
r to a ba k, in s lk a oom w a drin A mushr the waiter for s, y s and ask d the waiter sar kind” an you ’t serve m says, n o d e “W shroo And mu I’m a fun-guy!” t? , “Why no ghlin, P4 McLau mary Matthew rated Pri ve Integ ro g k a O
crossings, e r a s k e uc Three d . One duck go d the roa uack quack”. , ys “Q r one sas e h t o e h T ing a “I am gos I can.” quack a
Knock Who’s knock. the Knock. re? Knock who? Knockm ore M
, Y15, aughan H n a th Na House Mitchell
Dear algebra, please stop telling me to find your X. She’s not coming back and I don’t know Y either.
ax Nel, Knockm SCU3 Y7, ore Prim ar y
Owen McKinley, SCUD, Killard House
A BAHAH
Knock kno ck. Who’s there ? Ivan. Ivan w I’ve an itc ho? hy nose. Molly McLa ughlin, P7, St Mary’s P rimary
Where d o ra learn to bbits fly? The Roya l Hare Fo rce Natalie J ohnst Downshir on, Y10, e Schoo l
!
One day I was show and the watching a wildlife m lion in its most an said, “This is a said, “I can do natural habitat.” I be So I went up totter than that.” my Mum’s bedroom and sa id, “This is my mum in her mo st n a tural hab eating some to p notch toast.”itat, Re
en, er asked B The teach you call a “What do arries on tc person tha no one is n e talking wh r listening?” o interested “A teacher.” , s e li Ben rep id nn, P5, Stra Robbie Du
Primary
ece Allingham Groves, P7, St Oliver Plunke tt Primar y
HEHE
What does th say to the fl e bee ower? “Hello hooooneee eyyy” Rosanna Be attie, P3, Holy Family Primary
iet and u Q e B , ers oes n, Mann nd Manners g g, e m e e r a alkin lips re th There a ne day Poop s iet keeps on w e asks, Poop. O him up. Be Qu e officer, and hes, “Be to help meets a polic me?” He repli Excuse “ soon he what is your naer gets angr y, !” The t , ic uie “Hello e police off ?” “Be Q xcuse me! e h m T a ” ! n t r E ie Qu mper, “ at is you plies, me? Wh ficer loses his tes?” Be Quiet re .” f r p police o re your mannepicking up Poo a r e e Wher Primary the corn grated “Around illen Inte inn, P7,
u Taeya Q
y into m. e k o f br ight A thieuse last nhing for d rc ho s sea ot up an a w g ! He y so I m ith hi e w n o d m he , P7, searc urray ry M a Ryan vale Prim n a h g u Fa
difference What’s the cher and a tea between a ain? tr t ys, “Spit ou a s r e h c a in The te And the tra that gum.” ew chew!” goes, “Ch vine, Senan De
’s Primary P5, St John
Why do rob play ten bers Because nis? th always in ey are court. Sarah Je ss Brookfield , P7, Primary
Ennisk
What do you think was the last thing my granny said before she kicked the bucket? “How far do you think I can kick this bucket?” Tony Luby, Class 5/6, Ardnashee School & College
A boy puts “Miss I neeup his hand and sa The teach d to go to the toil ys, er e alphabet. says, “First, tell me t.” ” the S o the alphabet, “A B C D E boy says the FGHIJK NOQ Then the te RS T U V W X Y Z.” L M the P?” An acher says, “Whe d the bo re is down my y says, “Half way leg miss!” Una Ke arney, P6,
St John’s P rimary
Afasic UK who have children with ents par ts Suppor language difficulties talking and understanding Helpline: 0300 666 9410
FURTHER INFORMATION Royal College of Speech and Language Therapists Tel: 028 9044 6385
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Email: janet.mcgookin@rcs
lt.org
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3 2510
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The Communication Trust Tel: 0207 843 2526
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