GOOD MORNING! CHECK-IN & PICK UP PACKET HELP YOURSELF TO BREAKFAST & COFFEE WE’LL START AT 8:00 AM
WHEN GRIEF AND LOSS ENTER THE CLASSROOM
PAULA BUSCH, LMSW, ACSW SCHOOL SOCIAL WORKER DISTRICT TIG FACILITATOR WEBSTER CENTRAL SCHOOL DISTRICT
FIRE DRILL!
Benefits of Responding to Grief & Loss
Proactive Mediates risk Opportunity for life learning
Understanding Grief & Loss
•Loss
•Mourning
•Grief
•Bereavement
Loss Activity
“The only way to the other side is through.” - Helen Keller
Tasks To accept the reality of the loss To experience the pain or emotional aspects of the
loss To adjust to the environment where the deceased is missing/not present over time To relocate the deceased within one’s life & find way to memorialize
Factors Influencing Grief Response Relationship to the Deceased Status of “Unfinished Business”
Social support system
GRIEF
Emotional & Developmental Age
Personal History
Religious & Cultural Background
Nature of Death
Factors Influencing Grief Response Social support system
Relationship to the Deceased Status of “Unfinished Business”
GRIEF
Emotional & Developmental Age
Personal History
Religious & Cultural Background
Nature of Death
Factors Influencing Grief Response
Relationship to the Deceased Status of “Unfinished Business”
Social support system
GRIEF
Emotional & Developmental Age
Personal History
Nature of Death
Religious & Cultural Background
Factors Influencing Grief Response
Relationship to the Deceased Status of “Unfinished Business”
Social support system
GRIEF
Emotional & Developmental Age
Personal History
Religious & Cultural Background
Nature of Death
Factors Influencing Grief Response
Relationship to the Deceased Status of “Unfinished Business”
Emotional & Developmental Age
Personal History
Social support system
GRIEF
Religious & Cultural Background
Nature of Death
Loss History Graph John Born: February 16, 1961
1964 Dog died
1973 Move 1977 Brother 1980 Breakup
1999 Lost job
2002 Dad
2009 Divorce
Loss History Graph Jillian Born: May 22nd, 1997
2000 Dog died 2006 Moved 2006 Dad deployed 2011 Aunt died/Cancer
2011 Broke up w/1st boyfriend
Factors Influencing Grief Response
Relationship to the Deceased Status of “Unfinished Business”
Emotional & Developmental Age
Social support system
GRIEF
Personal History
Religious & Cultural Background
Nature of Death
Factors Influencing Grief Response
Status of “Unfinished Business”
Relationship to the Deceased Social support system
GRIEF
Emotional & Developmental Age
Personal History
Religious & Cultural Background
Nature of Death
Key Points: Children and Grief “If one is old enough to love, one is old enough to
grieve.” - Alan D. Wolfelt
Children grieve sporadically Every child’s grief experience is unique and
individual
Grief Reactions
Normal Response
Warning Signs
Red Flags
Responding to Grief & Loss THE ROLE OF SCHOOL PERSONNEL
Activity: Confronting Fears
What School Can Provide
Immediate support Modifications as needed Observation over time
The Language of Grief “It has been said that a child who loses his parents is an orphan, a man who loses his wife is a widower, a woman who loses her husband is a widow. There is no name for a parent who loses a child, for there are no words to describe this pain.” -Mayor Bloomberg
Needs of a Grieving Child To be allowed to grieve To have their loss acknowledged Normalization of grief Accurate information Careful listening Help with overwhelming feelings Continued routine activities Opportunities to remember
Role of School Personnel
Acknowledge grief Listen Normalize grief response Maintain limits on behavior Keep established boundaries Facilitate healthy coping Be aware of and sensitive to “trigger” events Identify resources (support groups, counseling)
Modifications at School Reduce length of assignments. Break up tasks into small, specific steps. Allow extra time for completion. Work 1:1 with student. Use physical proximity to keep student on task. Encourage group work. Reward attention and completion of tasks.
Modifications continued Provide alternatives to sensitive assignments
Family tree, particular books, family gifts/days
Provide a safe place within and/or outside of
classroom. Allow calls home or visits to nurse for reassurance
Grief Over Time No matter how well a child copes at any given age
with death/loss, he or she will reprocess the experience and feelings about it at each developmental level, even into adulthood New questions arise with new understandings Milestones often bring new grief response
- 5th grade girl, almost 4 years after father’s death.
Memorial Guidelines
Compassion Fatigue “The loss of a loved person is one of the most intensely painful experiences any human being can suffer, and not only is it painful to experience, but also painful to witness, if only because we’re so impotent to help.” -Bowlby
Wounded Healers Exhaustion & loss of energy Irritability & impatience Cynicism & detachment Physical complaints & depression Disorientation & confusion Omnipotence & feeling indispensable Minimization & denial of feelings
REMEMBER… THE MOST IMPORTANT TOOL THAT YOU BRING IS YOURSELF.
What GIfT will You give yourself?
Thank you for all that you do!
Last Thoughts ….
Practice active grieving Reach out for support Know your limits Use stress management
Acknowledgements Many thanks to: Elizabeth Meeker who shared her original presentation Cherie Conte for her support and sense of humor
