Evidence of Healthy Brother-Sister Relationships Marcus & Amy Overstreet

Please turn to Galatians 5... Introduction • God is relational (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) and he has given us the desire for relationships. • It may be a very obvious statement, but...as human beings, we encounter men & women all day long. So how do we deal with it? Are those opposite sex relationship spiritually healthy? Even more so, are our brother-sister relationships in the church family healthy? • • • •

God created us male & female. We are NOT “a-sexual” nor should we try to be. The men should be “men” and the women should feel free to be “women”. Embrace it! So a significant part of relationships is learning how to build healthy, spiritual relationships with the opposite sex, especially in the church.

Here’s my appeal to you: • Before we dive into this topic... I ask you to please humble yourselves. • Do not take the approach that you are the “smartest person in the room” and you have all this figured out. • Please do not have the mindset that you know “a better way” or you are “too wise and mature as a Christian” so most of this does not apply to you. 1 Peter 5:5–8 says this: 5 All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Here’s the bottom line: We often get the phone calls, the emails, the conversations, the confessions... many times involving brothers and sisters sadly involved in activities such as... • Sexual immorality • “Sexting” over the phone • Secret, deceitful, intimate relationships being formed in isolation from anyone in body (“Let’s be boyfriend and girlfriend... or let’s have this ‘special relationship’ -- no one needs to know right now.”) • Brothers over-sharing impure thoughts with sisters • Foolish talk: couples openly discussing marriage plans early on in the relationship • Inappropriate physical contact such as massaging in an intimate way • Brothers and sisters spending lots of time alone -- with no accountability. • And here’s the excuse often given: “Hey, we’re adults. And this is the only way we’ll really get to know each other.” Oh really, where did you come up with that?

Evidence of Healthy Brother-Sister Relationships Marcus & Amy Overstreet

• Brothers and sisters only giving special attention the opposite sex in our ministry if there’s a physical attraction. Brother-Sister Relationships. What is the evidence of spiritually healthy brother-sister relationships??? Based on what we’ve heard & observed...this is a topic we need to talk about! Let’s take a look at three evidences of healthy, brother-sister relationships. Here’s the first one... 1. Healthy Brother-Sister relationships stay in step with the Holy Spirit. Just because a man and a woman are Christians & they have a relationship or even a marriage, does NOT mean they have a healthy relationship that’s in step with the Spirit! In Broward County, we’re studying out the Francis Chan book, entitled, Forgotten God. • It’s a study of our tragic neglect of the Holy Spirit as Christians. “Having the Holy Spirit is better than having Jesus himself.” Sounds strange doesn’t it? • We say, “If Jesus (God) were here, we could obey better or do more things for Him and His church.” Yet listen to what the Jesus says in John 16:7... But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor [or Holy Spirit] will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. In John 14:15-18, Jesus asks that God the Father send another counselor (comforter), one just like him, -- not less than him -- one just like him -- to be with us and IN us!! So what does having the Spirit look like??? Or more specific... What does having the Spirit look like in the context of opposite sex relationships? Let’s check it out in Galatians 5, verse 16... English Standard Version... Galatians 5:16–26 ESV 16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness,

Evidence of Healthy Brother-Sister Relationships Marcus & Amy Overstreet

self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. When hear Galatians 5, what is the first thing we think about? • The SIN Study!!! Punishment! All of the bad stuff!!! • It is a great study, but is NOT the point of Galatians 5, only a portion of the direction Paul gives to the Galatians. Verses 1-6: We were set free from the tyranny of the Law and trying to keep it. Verses 13-14: But that freedom was never meant to be selfish freedom, but freedom to serve one another, like Jesus. By the way...this is one of the biggest mistakes and false doctrines in American religion!! It creeps into our own thinking in THIS CHURCH... It turns true Christianity into a counterfeit, prosperity gospel... • How can I be happy? • How can this church or this ministry meet my needs for love and friendship??? • How can God meet my needs for intimacy from the opposite sex? • It turns religion into a self-serving way of life. Verses 16-18: The truth is, we are in a monumental conflict that we cannot win on our own!!! (Paul uses similar words in Romans 7:7-25) • We are at war!!! It is our sinful desires or our flesh violently clashing against the Spirit of God within us. • The war is between the flesh and the Spirit. • The imagery is of a MASSIVE conflict. • This is a war we fight every day and every moment or our lives. • We cannot get away from it...and cannot run from it. It is reality and we -- on our own -- will lose every time. Verse 17: We do not do what we want!! (Ever feel that way?) Looking at verses 19-21... • Gal. 5:19-21: Paul used this “sin list” to show the Galatians... • How they could know that they were living on their own power • How they could know they were living on their own understanding • And to provide evidence of when the Spirit was NOT being used in their lives!!! Actually Paul uses the whole chunk of Scripture in verses 19-25 to demonstrate what it looks like to have... • Life in without the Spirit AND • Life in step with the Holy Spirit.

Evidence of Healthy Brother-Sister Relationships Marcus & Amy Overstreet

Challenging Thought: When it comes to our brother-sister relationships, who is leading the choices we make? The Spirit or our sinful nature??? Who is leading the way??? Is it the Spirit? Consider these questions: • Do you run ahead of the Spirit to preserve your relationship at all costs... or is your relationship characterized by patience and faithfulness as you wait on Spirit’s timing? • When it comes to physical purity, are you able to exercise self-control? • When I brother or sister touches you inappropriately, do you listen to the Spirit and run in the opposite direction??? • When it comes to your communication with the opposite sex, are you allowing the Spirit to lead you in a direction of patience and self-control? • Romance or not... are your interactions with the opposite sex loving, kind, gentle, and good as the Spirit leads you? • Often the amount of joy feel is related to the amount of gratitude we feel. Do you respond to the Holy Spirit to be grateful for the brothers and sisters in the congregation? Ephesians 4:30 NIV And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 1 Thessalonians 5:19 NIV Do not put out the Spirit’s fire; Do you add fuel to the Spirit’s fire or are you firefighter against the Spirit??? Question to Ponder: If Jesus were here... would you tell him to “shut up” or to “leave you alone” about your relationships with the opposite sex? Now try that same question with the Holy Spirit... Is the Holy Spirit the true counselor in your brother-sister relationships? Or do you ignore the prompting of the Spirit and the people he sends your way to help??? Back to Galatians 5... The point of the passage is this: “Which dog are we feeding?” • Are we feeding the flesh dog (5:19-21) or the Spirit dog (5: 24-25)??? • Whatever dog you feed, WILL BE THE ALPHA DOG IN YOUR LIFE!!! We feed the flesh dog every day “on accident” with the media, co-workers, and old habits. • Consider how many images you see on billboards on the way to work. • Consider how many dis-respectful comments women make about men at work.

Evidence of Healthy Brother-Sister Relationships Marcus & Amy Overstreet

• Consider how many impure conversations men have at work, on TV shows, on the radio, and in the movies we watch. We must deliberately work hard to FEED the “spirit dog” with prayer, bible study, and surrounding ourselves with SPIRIT-led people!!! The ends (marriage) do not justify means (how you get to marriage)! A “marriage at all costs” mentality will destroy you spiritually!!! The means do matter!!! If we tell the Spirit to “shut up” so we can walk down the aisle for marriage, we are making a tragic mistake!!! Healthy Brother-Sister relationships stay in step with the Holy Spirit. Here’s our second point of evidence... 2. Healthy Brother-Sister relationships have boundaries that will NOT be crossed. At one point in time, nearly everyone in this room said, “Jesus is LORD” and that the bible would be the ultimate authority in our lives. Let’s face it. This is very difficult to maintain all of our lives until Jesus returns. Boundaries are a smart and wise way -- perhaps the only way -- for us to hold up our end of the deal and fulfill our VOW to Jesus!!! Why is it that in nearly every area of our lives we are grateful for boundaries, except when it comes to relationships??? • I’m very thankful when I’m driving that there is a boundary for oncoming traffic to stay out of my lane! How about you? • I really enjoy watching the NBA. Every regulation NBA court is 94 feet long, 50 feet wide. But what would happen if the players said, we’re too smart for these boundaries? Let’s just play the game with no rules, no guidelines! No more boundaries!!! It would be chaos! The game would not be fun!!! What if there were no boundaries to protect the players from fans coming on the court? • What if there was no set time to come to work? What if there were no set wage based on your skill set or position? Let’s throw out all the boundaries! How about this boundary for men and women from the Son of God? Matthew 5:27–30 NIV 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Evidence of Healthy Brother-Sister Relationships Marcus & Amy Overstreet

I don’t know about you, but I’m compelled to set boundaries not to violate the boundary Jesus set in that Scripture!!! Would you rather protect yourself by going on double dates... or cut off your hand??? Would you rather severely limit alone time with the opposite sex... or gouge out your eye??? Here’s another Scripture we know well... Ephesians 5:1–4 NIV 1 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. NOT EVEN A HINT... brothers and sisters, it’s time we stop thinking we’re too good, too mature, and too smart to not take this passage seriously!!! But that’s not fair... why do I have to be concerned what other think they see??? Watch out! That’s not what you signed up for!!! As slaves of Jesus, we do NOT have rights... we have privileges!!! NOT EVEN A HINT of impurity... no foolish talk in our relationships! Paul also instructs us on different types of relationships in... 1 Timothy 4:16–5:2 NIV 16 Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1 Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with [a little bit of purity -- NO!!!] absolute purity. • • • •

How do you treat your BLOOD sister OR BLOOD brother? Treat the brothers and sisters in the church the same way!!! We must take these commands seriously!!! Again, we will STRUGGLE BIG TIME obeying these commands without putting into practice boundaries to protect our relationships!

Healthy Brother-Sister relationships have boundaries that will NOT be crossed. Preach: I’m talking about physical boundaries! But I’m ALSO talking about emotional boundaries!!! • Too many of us are what I call “emotionally promiscuous”!

Evidence of Healthy Brother-Sister Relationships Marcus & Amy Overstreet

• We push the conversations too fast, too long, and reveal too much about ourselves too quick! • We “dance in the darkness” of communication over text or Facebook. • It takes too long and takes too much effort to plan dates... let’s just get to know everything about one another in a matter of a week, a few days, or one long, late-night conversation! We become emotionally promiscuous! • We rush in and give away our hearts because we FEAR we will lose out if we DO NOT act immediately!!! • We live by FEAR, not by faith!!! • The relationship becomes our golden calf (Exodus 32)... or IDOL!!! Here is one of the most disobeyed Scriptures in the bible... Song of Songs 8:4 “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do NOT arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” LOVE... We think we know about love. But you know who REALLY KNOWS about LOVE and it’s proper timing??? THE SPIRIT! LOVE IS A FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT! Often times, emotional promiscuity can lead to sexual sin and compromises! We will begin to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to protect our IDOL! • We don’t just end up somewhere in bed with someone out of the blue! • Compare to response of Aaron in Exodus 32... “How did this happen...well... out popped this golden calf, I guess.” Satan takes us down a slippery slope of sinful compromises that tell the Spirit to “Shut • Up!!! The ends will justify the means. I must have this relationship...MY WAY, NOW!!!” Putting Solid Boundaries in Place... Why not? What holds us back? 1. We’re lazy. 2. We fear that they will impede us. 3. We are too insecure about how you will be perceived by others -- including Christians. I will look weak and weird with boundaries! (holy = set apart = weird) ARE WE TOO PROUD TO SET BOUNDARIES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OPPOSITE SEX??? (this is regardless of whether there is romantic potential or not) PRIDE is KILLER. Do not be too proud to set boundaries to protect your relationship with the Spirit of God!!! Proverbs 11:2 NIV When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Evidence of Healthy Brother-Sister Relationships Marcus & Amy Overstreet

Proverbs 18:12 NIV Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honor. Healthy Brother-Sister relationships have boundaries that will NOT be crossed. Our last evidence tonight is... 3. Healthy Brother-Sister relationships involve other members of the spiritual family. Dave Hsu & his fiancé, Eloisa Obregon shared on this final point. Other Relationships • Advice (not “Rehaboam advice” see 1 Kings 12) • Unsolicited advice (green light for other to give it) • Enjoying have many people around you (not idolatry) • Dave: “I need people around me to say the tough things and spur me on to ‘be a godly man’”. • Family celebration of their relationship • “When one part rejoices, every part rejoices.” 1 Cor 12 • Other relationships with opposite sex • Not on an island • Set up for success as husband and wife, if marriage is God’s will Why do we involve multiple people in bible studies with non-Christians? Why not with romantic relationships? Concluding Challenges: • Do not let weekend go by without setting opposite sex boundaries. • If you are steady dating, you need to have a covenant of boundaries within that specific relationship. Sisters, you need to EXPECT this from your boyfriend, now. • Pray & study how to stay in step with the Spirit in opposite sex relationships; it's a counselor with often ignore (we got to pro counselors, but forget THE Counselor) • Who in your life has the green light to give you unsolicited advice?