Daddy Doesn’t Live With Us

Daddy Doesn't Live With Us 1 videocassette . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13 minutes

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2 Executive Producer: Jean Robbins

Learning Objectives. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3

Producer/Writer: Carolyn Vanderslice

Using the Program. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4

Video Production: Bossert and Company New York, NY

Summary of the Program. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Guidelines for Discussion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

Teacher's Guide: Barbara Christesen Questions for Discussion. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 Suggested Activities. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 Using the Worksheets. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 (Reproducible worksheets are in folder that comes with video )

Bibliography. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29 Script . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31 Copyright 1994 SUNBURST COMMUNICATIONS, INC. Pleasantville, NY 10570 ISBN 0-7805-4143-X

INTRODUCTION One of the most significant changes taking place in American family life today is the growing number of single-parent and blended families, largely due to divorce. Family settings that were once referred to as “nontraditional” are becoming more and more commonplace as the divorce rate continues to soar. And so, unfortunately, are the number of children whose lives have been suddenly and permanently changed. Divorce is a painful and traumatic event for everyone, but particularly so for the children, because they lack both the ability to express their feelings and the skills needed to cope with them. Children in the primary grades may be the hardest hit of all because of their inability to fully comprehend what has happened to them. DADDY DOESN'T LIVE WITH US is designed to assist teachers in guiding very young children through this crisis in their lives. The video helps children understand what divorce is, and to see it as a change in their world rather than the end of their world. They learn that it is a problem between adults, that it is never their fault, and that there are people in their lives to whom they can reach out for support. DADDY DOESN’T LIVE WITH US also contains valuable lessons for those children who have not been affected by divorce. It teaches them to understand and empathize with their classmates’ situation, and not to look upon them as inferior, or “different” because they do not live with both of their parents. But even more importantly, it gives them ways of identifying and dealing with their own feelings about other kinds of disruptions in their lives. -2-

LEARNING OBJECTIVES After viewing this program children will be better able to: •

Understand the meaning of separation and divorce.

•

Understand that divorce happens in many families.

•

Understand that the children are not at fault when their parents separate or divorce.

•

Understand that the children of the family do not have the power to reunite the parents.

•

Define their feelings and develop coping strategies for dealing with sad and angry feelings.

•

Understand the feelings of peers who are having problems in their families.

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USING THE PROGRAM DADDY DOESN’T LIVE WITH US will give children a better understanding of the sensitive subject of divorce. Whether or not children have experienced divorce themselves, they will find the characters and situations depicted easy to relate to. The true-to-life scenarios depicting feelings, events, and situations will help children to better understand their own feelings and foster open discussion. Questions to discuss and reproducible worksheets have been developed for individual as well as classroom use. It is suggested that the program be viewed in its entirety before any class discussion is held. Questions for discussion and instructions for related activities can be found on pages 9 through 12 of this guide. You will find the worksheets that accompany this package reproduced on pages 17 through 28. Worksheets 1 through 7 deal with feelings and thoughts about divorce, and change in general, and can be used in a classroom setting. Worksheets 8 through 11 are designed to be used specifically in a one-onone or group divorce counseling environment. Suggestions for using the worksheets are also included.

SUMMARY OF THE PROGRAM Kevin is an only child who until now has lived with his mother and father. He lives just down the street from his Uncle Brian and Aunt Denise and their children, and spends a lot of time playing with his cousin Michelle. Most of the time he is happy, but lately he has been noticing that his father and mother are fighting and arguing a lot, and it seems to him that it is mostly about him. One evening when he is playing with his food at dinner and knocks over his glass, his father sends him to his room. He overhears his parents arguing over the situation and then hears his father leave, slamming the door angrily. This confirms his fears that it is all his fault. The next day on the way home from school, he asks his cousin Michelle and some of her friends what to do. He wants to tell his father that he is sorry for making a mess, but he doesn’t know how. One of his friends suggests writing a letter and leaving it on his father’s pillow, and they all agree that will be a good idea. But when he gets home, his father is there. His parents tell him that his father has decided to move out. It will be a separation at first, because they will be living in separate houses. They tell him that it is not his fault, that they just can’t seem to get along, but when they start arguing again, he slips away to his room, convinced that it really is all his fault because he doesn’t behave and his father doesn’t want to be around him. Then he has an idea, which he checks out with his friend Deren, whose parents are already divorced. Kevin says he will be so good that his father will never get mad any

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more and will come back home to live–“I'll be real quiet, and I won't be silly, and I’ll do everything he says, and I’ll try to make him happy,” he says. Deren insists that it probably won’t work, but Kevin decides to try anyway. However, the scheme backfires when his father misinterprets his behavior and thinks Kevin doesn’t like being with him. Kevin’s father accuses Kevin’s mother of telling Kevin to act bored, and they are off into another fight. Kevin doesn’t see how he will ever get them back together. His cousin Michelle comes up with an idea. When she fell off the monkey bars, her parents were very worried and were “kissing and hugging and everything.” She says he can pretend that he fell off the ladder to the tree house. Kevin is enthusiastic because he thinks if his parents are worried enough about him they will get back together. Their friends agree to help, and they arrange Kevin on the ground at the base of the ladder with his eyes shut as if knocked out. Michelle runs to get his mother, who is terribly upset until she notices that Kevin’s eyelids are fluttering. To test him, she suggests that they should take down the tree house because it is too dangerous. Kevin immediately sits up, giving away the play. The other children leave hurriedly, and Kevin’s mother tells him that he shouldn’t play tricks like that because it’s very important for her to be able to believe him.

way his fault, and that it isn't up to him to try to fix things up. He says it’s important for Kevin to think about his feelings and talk to his parents about them. He also suggests that Kevin can talk to him. He asks what else Kevin likes to do, and Kevin tells how much he likes to draw pictures and write stories. Then he decides he can make a book of things he can do to make himself feel better when he's sad. Uncle Brian also suggests that he make a picture for his father's new apartment, and he'll help Kevin frame it. Kevin does this and soon finds that he is beginning to feel a little better. He has learned an important lesson: Even though he can’t have his family back the way it used to be, he now knows that there are things he can do that will help him feel better.

She sends him to his room to think things over. Kevin soon comes to the conclusion that pretending to be hurt was not a good idea. When Uncle Brian comes in to talk to him about what happened, Kevin tells him how much he wants his father to come back home. Uncle Brian agrees that it is a very sad thing, but reassures Kevin that it is no -6-

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GUIDELINES FOR CLASS DISCUSSION

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION (1)

Kevin thought that his parents' arguing was his fault. Why do you suppose he blamed himself? Have you ever blamed yourself for something that wasn't your fault?

(2)

How did Kevin feel when his parents told him about their separation?

(3)

Do you think Kevin's dad loved him? What makes you think that?

(4)

Do you think Kevin's mom loved him? What makes you think that?

(5)

If your mother and father lived in different places, how do you think you would feel? What might be good about it? What might be not so good?

(6)

Kevin tried to get his parents back together. Why do you think his plans didn't work?

(7)

Have you ever tried to trick someone into believing you were sick or hurt? Why did you do it? Did the person believe you? Do you think Kevin's mother had a right to be upset? Would your mom or dad have been angry if you tried to fool them that way?

(8)

When Kevin's mother realized that he was only fooling, his friends suddenly went home. Why do you suppose they didn't want to stay around?

Group discussions are an invaluable way to explore ideas and issues, foster creativity, and build communication and social skills. The following guidelines can help you maintain a "discussion-friendly" classroom. • Create a climate of openness and acceptance. Encourage students to show respect for the opinions of others and model this behavior yourself. • Establish ground rules. Allow students to participate in formulating them. Rules will vary, but should include some form of these: - No put-downs, ridicule, or sarcasm. - Everyone may speak without interruption. - Everyone has the right to pass. • Guard against inappropriate self-disclosure. Be aware that discussing divorce and other changes in children's lives may lead students to reveal inappropriate information about themselves or others. Be prepared to handle the discussion without allowing anyone to expose too much personal information within the group. • Probe beyond the neat and tidy answers. Children are good at telling adults what they think they want to hear. To find out what students really think, it is often helpful to prolong a discussion and search for greater depth. Offer a "what if…"; bring out issues of feelings in various situations. Help children name their feelings about divorce and other changes in their lives. Children have a remarkable capacity to discern complexities and subtleties, and their discussions can be very rich. -8-

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(9)

How did you feel about Uncle Brian? Do you like him? Why? How did Uncle Brian's advice make Kevin feel better? Do you think it is good advice for anybody? Why?

(10)

When you're upset, what are some of the things you do to try to help yourself feel better? How do they help you?

(11)

Do you have a favorite person that you like to talk to when you're unhappy? Why do you like talking to this person? How does he or she help you?

(12)

What could you do to help a friend who felt bad because his or her parents were getting divorced?

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SUGGESTED ACTIVITIES (1)

Make a class “When I Feel Sad” book. Have children draw and color, or paint a picture of something when they were feeling very sad. When they have finished their “sad” pictures, ask them to draw another picture showing something they did to make themselves feel better. Put the pictures together in a book, and then invite children to tell a story about their “sad” and “glad” pictures. [Note: As with any class discussion of sensitive topics, be on the alert to guard against anyone exposing too much personal information within the group.]

(2)

Provide old magazines for children to find pictures of adults and children in various family group situations. Discuss what the members of each group are doing, and whether or not each picture could represent a divorce situation. Working individually or in groups, children could make up some family groups using the pictures, and then write a story about that family.

(3)

Help children make finger-puppets of construction paper, felt, ice cream sticks, or other scrap materials, and use them to act out some of the situations below. The use of puppets can help children keep a little distance, yet still respond safely about their feelings. Again, guard against inappropriate disclosure.

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•

•

•

Your best friend comes to school one day and she looks very, very sad. When you ask her what's the matter, she starts to cry. Her father moved out of their house last night. What can you tell her that can help her? There is a new boy named Andy in your class and some of the other kids make fun of him because he lives with his mother and he never talks about his father. One day you hear some of the other kids saying mean things about him and it makes you angry. What do you say to the other kids? What do they say? Is there a way you can help Andy? You are playing with your friend one day. Suddenly he falls down on the ground and yells that his leg is broken. There is no one around to help. You are very frightened and don't know what to do. You start crying. All of a sudden your friend laughs and gets up and tells you he was only kidding. What do you say? What does he say?

USING THE WORKSHEETS Worksheets for this program may be found in the large folder that came with the video. The levels of skill and maturity required for the worksheets are varied so that you may select those that seem most appropriate for your students. Many of the worksheets will be too difficult for younger children to use on their own. You may want to furnish larger sheets of paper for drawing pictures, and in many cases, use ideas from the worksheets for discussion rather than having children do the writing or puzzle solving. The guidelines below include suggestions for adaptation and approaches for younger students, as well as those who are more mature and better able to work on their own. Worksheets 1 through 7 are intended to be used in the classroom or in small groups. They focus on Kevin's experience, and on identifying feelings and learning how to deal with change. Worksheet 1 - Who Lives in Your House? This worksheet will help children see that families are different in their make-up even if divorces are not taken into consideration--the number and age of children vary, and other people such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and so on. Of course, some children will have stepfamilies or blended families. If it seems appropriate for your group, have children talk about their pictures. You might like to make up a class book, or a bulletin board display entitled "Who Lives in Your House?" Younger children may need larger sheets of paper for drawing or painting their pictures.

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Worksheet 2 - Kevin's Family This worksheet emphasizes that Kevin's family still remained a family even through Kevin's father lived in a different place. It is important for children to understand that a divorce or separation does not necessarily mean the end of the family, but a change. You might like to talk about other changes that can happen in a family--having a baby sister or brother, having a grandparent come to live with you, moving to a different house, getting a pet, an older child going away to school. Worksheet 3 - How Did Kevin Feel? Recognizing and coping with feelings that arise when any change happens in the family is very important. Children often have difficulty giving names to feelings beyond happy or sad or good or bad. Drawing the pictures showing how Kevin felt will help children relate facial expression to feelings. With both younger and older children you may want to have a discussion of some words to describe Kevin's feelings and list them on the board. Then you may want to discuss how children can show these feelings in their drawings. Worksheet 4 - Kevin and the Ladder This worksheet will help children explore the issue of trust among family members, and why it was important for Kevin's mother to be able to believe him. A class discussion hopefully will lead children to the realization that it is better to tell someone how you are feeling and what you need, than to try to manipulate people into doing what you want. This may be a difficult idea to discuss with very young children. An alternate activity would be just to draw the picture, or to draw any favorite scene from the video. -14-

Worksheet 5 - All Mixed Up! Children will be able to use this worksheet to recall what happened in Kevin's story while practicing language skills. Younger children will find this activity too difficult, and if it is used at all, should be done as a group project. First graders may be able to complete it if they receive help with the reading. You might want to tell them the first letter of the word that goes in each blank. This will make it easier for them to unscramble the words. Worksheet 6 - Feeling Sad, Feeling Better This worksheet gives children a chance to use some of the things Kevin learned in their own lives. With younger children, you may want to develop a list of things to do and let children choose their favorite one to write down. With any age, you can make a class "Feeling Better" book using some of the ideas that come up, as well as the pictures that children draw. Worksheet 7 - Can You Help? With this worksheet, children can apply what they have learned from the video to figure out how they would help other children who were going through a divorce. However, it may be hard for younger children to take the other child's point of view. A group discussion may help them come up with some ideas. *** Worksheet 8 - Before the Divorce This worksheet gives children a chance to express how they felt about things before their parents broke up. It can serve as a reminder of the good things about the family. -15-

Worksheet 9 - After the Divorce This worksheet helps children understand that even though the circumstances of their family have changed and things are not the same, there are still things that they like to do with either parent. If you are working with a child who essentially has only one parent, adapt the worksheet accordingly. It is still valuable for a child to identify something they like about the relationship with a parent (or parents), whatever the circumstances.

Who Lives In Your House? Worksheet 1 Name _____________________________________________________

Draw a picture of the people who live in the same house with you. Write who the people are under the pictures.

Worksheet 10 - How I Feel About the Divorce Worsheet 10A - A Letter to Dad Here children are given an opportunity to key in to their feelings about what is happening in their family. It is important for children to identify their feelings, and writing them down can make them seem more manageable. Be sure children understand that no one (not even you) has to see what they have written unless they desire it. They may want to keep their letters to read over at a later date, or to add to, sort of as a journal of their feelings during the divorce process. Worksheet 11 - Something Good It is important, if possible, for the children to learn to look at all sides of the situation when there are big changes in their family. This worksheet gives children a chance to think of some ways that things are actually better after the change, and may help them feel more optimistic. Their thoughts may be personal, so it is important for them to know that they don't have to show their paper to anyone if they prefer not to.

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Mother

Father

Grandmother

Grandfather

Sister

Brother

Aunt

Cousin

Uncle

Friend

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Kevin’s Family

How Did Kevin Feel?

Worksheet 2

Worksheet 3 1.

Here are the names of the people who were in Kevin’s family. Draw a picture of each person. Then draw a circle around the names of the people who lived in Kevin’s house after the divorce.

Draw a picture of how Kevin’s face looked when his father went away. Write some words about how he felt.

_______________________________________________

Kevin

_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________

2. Kevin’s Mother

Draw a picture of how Kevin’s face looked after he talked to Uncle Brian. Write some words about how he felt.

Kevin’s Father _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________

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Kevin and the Ladder

All Mixed Up!

Worksheet 4

Worksheet 5

Draw a picture of how Kevin and his friends tried to make Kevin’s mother think he was hurt. Then write a story about why Kevin thought it would make his parents get back together.

Unscramble the letters in the box to spell a word that belongs in the blank. Write the word on the line. 1.

When parents get divorced, it can make a child feel very _________.

ADS

2.

Sometimes one parent goes to ______ somewhere else.

LVEI

3.

When his father moved out, Kevin went to _________ him sometimes.

IVTIS

4.

Kevin thought it was his _________ that his mother and father were getting a divorce.

TLAUF

5.

Kevin wanted his father to live at _______ again.

MOHE

6.

When he felt sad, sometimes Kevin would _______.

RYC

7.

Michelle helped Kevin try to _______ his mother.

LOOF

8.

Kevin found out there was nothing he could do to _________.

LEHP

9.

Uncle Brian told Kevin something that made him feel ________.

ETTBER

Kevin thought of things he could do to make himself ________ again.

PPAHY

10.

________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________

Here are some words that can help you.

HAPPY

SAD

LIVE

FOOL

FAULT

CRY

HELP

BETTER

HOME

VISIT

________________________________________________________________________________________

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Feeling Sad, Feeling Better

Can You Help?

Worksheet 6

Worksheet 7 Pretend that a friend wrote you a letter about their parent’s divorce. How would you answer? Write in the spaces below the letters. Use the back of this page if you need more space.

Here are some things Kevin decided to do to help himself feel better when he felt sad.

❂ ❂ ❂ ❂ ❂

Talk to his parents Talk to Uncle Brian Play with his friends Draw pictures Write stories

Write down some things you can do when you feel sad and want to help yourself feel better. Draw a picture of your favorite way to help yourself on the back of the paper. _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear _______, Last night my mother and father told me they are getting a divorce. That means my father will not live with us any more. I am sad. I think it is my fault. What do you think I should do to stop them from getting divorced? Nancy

_____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear ________, _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________

My father moved to a new house. He and Mom are separated. Sometimes I feel like the other kids are making fun of me because my family is different. I feel very sad. I want a family like everybody else. What can I do? Bobby

_____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________

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Before the Divorce

After the Divorce

Worksheet 8

Worksheet 9 Draw a picture of something you like to do with your Mom. Write something about it.

Draw a picture of what you and your family liked to do before the divorce. Then write a story about it

_____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ Draw a picture of something you like to do with your Dad. Write something about it.

______________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________

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How I Feel About The Divorce

A Letter to Dad

Worksheet 10

Worksheet 10A

Sometimes it’s hard to tell your Mom or Dad how you feel. Writing down your feelings in a letter can help. Write a letter to your Mom and tell her what you think and how you feel about the divorce. Then on the other sheet of paper, write the same kind of letter to your dad. You can give the letters to your Mom and Dad if you like, but you don’t have to. You don’t have to show them to anyone. Mostly the letters are to help you think about how you feel.

Dear Dad, _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Mom, ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________

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_______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________

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BIBLIOGRAPHY

Something Good Worksheet 11 Sometimes something is better after a divorce. Draw a picture that shows something you think is better since the divorce. Then write a story about why it is better.

Baum, Louis. One More Time. William Morrow & Company, Inc., 1986. Berger, Terry. A Friend Can Help. Raintree Publishers Limited, 1974. Brown, Laurene and Marc Brown. Dinosaurs Divorce. Little, 1988. Caines, Jeannette Franklin. Daddy. New York: Harper & Row, 1977. Dragonwagon, Crescent. Always, Always. Macmillan Publishing Company, Inc. 1984. Drescher, Joan Elizabeth. My Mother's Getting Married. Dial Press, Inc., 1986.

_____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________

Goff, Beth. Where Is Daddy? The Story of A Divorce. Beacon Press, 1969. Hazen, Barbara Shook. Two Homes to Live In: A Child'sEye View of Divorce. Human Sciences Press, 1978.

_____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________

Lexau, Joan M. Emily and the Klunky Baby and the NextDoor Dog. Dial Press, Inc., 1972. Perry, Patricia and Marietta Lynch. Mommy and Daddy Are Divorced. Dial Press. Inc., 1978.

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SCRIPT

Rogers, Helen Spellman. Morris and His Brave Lion. New York: McGraw-Hill, 1975. Simon, Norma. I Wish I Had My Father. Albert Whitman & Company, 1983. Stinson, Kathy. Mom and Dad Don't Live Together Anymore. Annick Press Ltd., 1984.

STORYTELLER: Once upon a time there was a boy named Kevin. He lived with his mother and father. He didn’t have any brothers or sisters, but his Uncle Brian’s family lived just down the street… and he got to see his cousins almost every day. Especially Michelle, because she was almost the same age as he was. Most of the time he was happy, except for one thing—it seemed like his mother and father were fighting a lot, and that made him sort of unhappy.

Thomas, Ianthe. Eliza's Daddy. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanvich, Inc., 1976. Vigna, Judith. Grandma Without Me. Albert Whitman & Company, 1984.

When Kevin thought his parents were fighting about him, that made him feel very unhappy. MOM: Kevin, stop playing with your food. Sit up straight so you can reach the table . . . You know, you’re going to spill your drink if you don’t keep it in the middle of the table. DAD: That’s it! Your mother gave you an instruction. Now you’ve dropped your glass on the floor. I’m going to have to send you to your room. That’s it. Dinner’s over. KEVIN: It was an accident! -30-

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DAD: Go to your room. Dinner’s over. MOM: You didn’t have to send him to his room. DAD: Why are you attacking me? I’m trying to help you and support you here.

TITLE: DADDY DOESN’T LIVE WITH US STORYTELLER: Kevin heard his mother start to cry. That made him cry. If his father didn’t come home, when would Kevin ever see him? He decided he would ask his cousin Michelle and some of his friends what to do. KEVIN: Hey, do your mom and dad ever fight?

MOM: I’m not attacking you. I’m just trying to teach him something. How is he ever going to learn any manners if you send him to his room every time he does something? DAD: You call this manners—cup here, cup here, cup here? Look at his plate. Obviously, your method isn’t working. Try something else. MOM: At least one of us is trying to teach him something! DAD:

KATIE: Yeah, sometimes. But they get over it. DEREN: My mom and dad used to fight all the time before they got divorced, but I used to go in my room and slam the door. KEVIN: I think it’s my fault that my mom and dad fight. Like when I made a mess at dinner last night. I want to tell him I’m sorry. So when will I be able to tell him?

You know, I’m not going to take this any more. MICHELLE: I know, why don’t you write him a letter?

MOM: Oh, that’s just fine! Every time there’s a problem here you just get up and leave. That’s wonderful! That’s typical! What am I supposed to do? Just handle it all by myself all the time?

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KATIE: Yeah. Put it on his pillow. KEVIN: Hey, that might work. -33-

STORYTELLER: But Kevin didn’t have to write a letter, because it turned out his father came home that evening after all. *** KEVIN: Hi, Daddy.

DAD:

DAD:

KEVIN: Is it like a divorce? Deren’s family?

Hi, Kev. KEVIN: I’m sorry I made you mad.

MOM: You and I will still live here.

But I’ll come and see you sometimes. And you can come see me.

MOM: Well, for right now it’s called separation because we’re going to live in separate houses. If Daddy and I can get so we don’t fight so much, then we’ll see what happens.

DAD: It wasn’t your fault. KEVIN: But you told Mom it was my fault.

Like what happened to

KEVIN: You mean Daddy would live at home again?

MOM: He didn’t really mean it, Kevin. Sometimes grownups have problems that make them get mad at each other. And sometimes they take it out on their kids.

MOM: We don’t know that, Kevin. DAD:

DAD:

Don’t get his hopes up. That’s why we wanted to talk to you. You know, Mom and I have been getting mad at each other a lot lately, and we thought it would be a better idea if I lived somewhere else, and then we wouldn’t have to be so mad all the time.

KEVIN: But what about me? -34-

MOM: Why not? Why are you always so negative? How do you know what’s going to happen? . . . STORYTELLER: Kevin had a funny feeling in his stomach. His mom and dad were starting another fight. He ran to his -35-

room and hid. He tried not to cry, but when he heard the door slam and the car drive away, he couldn’t help it. He was very sad.

DEREN: Yeah, that part’s okay. And at least they don’t fight anymore. But I still wish we all lived together.

After that, things were different. Kevin’s father moved to an apartment and Kevin missed him a lot. Sometimes Kevin visited him. But he didn’t really like it. He wanted his father back in his own house.

KEVIN: Me, too. My dad is still right here in the same town. Why can’t he live at home?

Then Kevin got an idea. He decided to see what Deren would say about it. *** KEVIN: So how about this? I’ll try to be so good that Dad won’t get mad and fight with Mom anymore. And then he can come home. DEREN: I don’t know. When my mom and dad were gonna get divorced I tried to get them to stay together. But it didn’t work. KEVIN: But your mom got a new job and had to move to a whole other town. That’s different.

DEREN: So what are you gonna do? KEVIN: I’m gonna be real careful and quiet, and I won’t act silly. And I’ll always say yes when he wants me to do something. I’ll try to make him feel good. DEREN: I bet it won’t do any good. STORYTELLER: But Kevin wanted to see what he could do. So he worked really hard to be good whenever he was with his father. DAD: Hey, what’s up? You didn’t even finish it!

DEREN: Yeah, I guess.

KEVIN: It was starting to drip.

KEVIN: At least you got to stay in the same school and we can still be friends.

DAD:

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But it was your favorite kind. KEVIN: I didn’t want to make a mess. *** -37-

DAD: Did you have a good time? KEVIN: It was lots of fun. DAD: You don’t sound like it. KEVIN: Oh, yes. It was fun. I really liked it. ***

KEVIN: I guess you were right, Deren. Nothing works. It always ends up with my father getting mad at me and yelling at Mom. MICHELLE: I’ve got a really good idea! Remember when I fell off the monkey bars and Mom and Dad took me to the doctor? And they were both so worried? And they were hugging each other and everything? You could fall off the ladder.

I want to talk to you.

KEVIN: I’m not falling off the ladder!

What about?

MICHELLE: You’re just going to pretend.

DAD: MOM: DAD: Kevin. What have you been telling him? He acts like he’s bored when he’s with me, like he’s not having any fun. MOM: That’s not my fault. He certainly has enough fun when he’s home. STORYTELLER: Oh, no. Kevin could hear them getting into another fight, and it was about him. He was really sad. He thought his father just didn’t like being with him. Now what could he do?

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KEVIN: Okay, but I better not get hurt. KATIE: You’re not really going to fall. You just have to lie down and close your eyes! STORYTELLER: So they all helped Kevin lie down at the bottom of the ladder. Kevin closed his eyes and pretended he was knocked out. Michelle ran to get Kevin’s mother. MICHELLE: I’m going to get Aunt Suzy. -39-

MOM: Oh, Kevin, what happened? MICHELLE: He can’t talk, Aunt Suzy.

could she if he was going to play tricks like that? She kept on talking for a long time. Finally she slowed down a little. MOM: And I think you'd better have some time in your room alone to think about what I’ve been saying.

MOM: What’s going on? MICHELLE: He fell off the ladder. MOM: Hmmm. Maybe we’ll have to take the tree house down. What do you think, Kevin?

STORYTELLER: Kevin sat in his room and tried to think about what his mother said, but she said so many things so fast he couldn’t even remember them all. He did figure out one thing, though. Pretending to be hurt was definitely not a good idea. ***

KEVIN: No fair! I can climb up there all right!

UNCLE BRIAN: Hi.

GINA:

KEVIN: Hi, Uncle Brian.

I think I better go. DEREN: Yeah—I've got to find my brother. KATIE: Me, too. See you later.

UNCLE BRIAN: Michelle told me what you kids tried to do. What was the idea? If you pretended you were hurt, your mom and dad would have to get together again and take care of you?

STORYTELLER: Kevin’s mom was pretty smart. He didn’t fool her. But she was also pretty angry. She said, didn’t he know she would be very upset? It was important for her to be able to believe him, she said. But how

KEVIN: I guess it was sort of dumb. But Michelle said when she had her accident, you and Aunt Denise were hugging each other and everything. So I thought Mom and Dad would do that. I don’t like it when Daddy doesn’t live with us.

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UNCLE BRIAN: I understand that you feel sad about your mom and dad not living together anymore. We all do. But you have to remember—it’s not because of you. Sometimes people just find out that they can’t get along. You can’t stop them from getting a divorce. But I’ll tell you what you can do--you can talk to them about how you feel so they can help you. KEVIN: That’s a good idea. UNCLE BRIAN: And don’t forget, you can always talk to me, or to Aunt Denise. STORYTELLER: It made Kevin feel a lot better when Uncle Brian told him it wasn’t his fault about his mom and dad. And now he knew there was nothing he could do to get them back together again. But Uncle Brian told him some other things he could do to make himself feel better. UNCLE BRIAN: Even if you can’t fix up your mom and dad’s life, you can take care of your own life in a lot of ways. Like playing with your friends and talking to them about your feelings. What else do you like to do?

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KEVIN: I really like to make up stories and draw pictures. Maybe I’ll make a book about things I can do when I feel sad. UNCLE BRIAN: Hey now, that’s a great idea! And here’s another one—why don’t you draw one of your great pictures for your dad’s new apartment? I’ll even help you get a frame for it. KEVIN: Great! I’ll start it right now. STORYTELLER: So that’s how Kevin began to feel better. Even though he couldn’t change his mom and dad, at least he knew he could talk about his feelings and change the way he felt. Kevin was still sad sometimes. And he probably will wish for a long time that he could have his family back the way it was. But whatever happens, he knows that there are things he can do to make himself feel better.

THE END

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