Chapter 6: Description: Presenting Impressions Effective description creates sharply etched word pictures of objects, persons, scenes, events, or situations. Sensory impressions--reflecting sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch--form the backbone of descriptive writing. Often, they build toward one dominant impression that the writer wants to draw forth. Many occasions call for descriptive writing, in school and on the job. Purpose Sometimes description stands alone; sometimes it enriches other writing. It appears in histories and biographies, fiction and poetry, journalism and advertising, even in technical writing. Some descriptions merely create images and mood. as when a writer paints a word picture of a boggy, fog-shrouded moor. But description can also stimulate understanding or lead to action. A historian may juxtapose the splendors of French court life with the wretchedness of a Paris slum to help explain the French Revolution. And everyone knows the persuasive power of advertising’s descriptive enticements. Description provides effective backup for all types of writing, helping a writer to drive home his or her points vividly. Sensory Impressions Sensory impressions begin with careful physical or mental observation. Often these impressions use comparisons… "It was like…" But be careful! If the reader isn't familiar with the comparison, the point is lost! (Read the passage excerpted on page 98.) Most descriptions blend several sense impressions rather than focusing on just one. (Read the passage excerpted on pages 98-99.) As you read, note which impressions are most effective. Dominant Impression Skillful writers select and express sensory perceptions in order to create a dominant impression--an overall mood or feeling such as joy, anger, terror, or distaste. This impression may be identified or left unnamed for the reader to discover. (Read the passage excerpted on page 100.)

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Vantage Point You may write a description from either a fixed or a moving vantage point. A fixed observer remains in one place and reports only what can be perceived from that place. (Read the passage excerpted on page 101.) A moving observer views things from a number of positions, signaling changes in location with phrases that indicate a shift in viewpoint. (Read the passage excerpted on pages 101.) Whatever your vantage point, fixed or moving, report only what would be apparent to someone on the scene. If you describe how a distant mountain looks from a balcony, don’t suddenly leap to a description of a mountain flower; you could not see it from your vantage point! Selection of Details Effective description depends as much on what you do not include in the essay as what you do include! Don't overwhelm your reader with details! Select those details that add to the mood you want to create or point that you want to make. (Read the passage excerpted on pages 102-103.) Arrangement of Details Description, like any other type of writing, must have a clear pattern of organization to guide your reader and help you meet your purpose for the piece of writing. Often some spatial arrangement works nicely:     

top to bottom/bottom to top left to right/right to left front to back/back to front near to far/far to near center to outside/outside to center

Sometimes a description follows a time sequence: autumn

spring to summer/summer to

Ethical Issues Inaccurate descriptions can create a wide range of undesirable consequences! Ask and answer these questions about your description:

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  

Would readers find my writing credible if they were at the scene? Are readers given adequate clues so they will recognize any deliberate exaggerations? Will the description deceive readers in a harmful way?

You have an ethical obligation to present a reasonably accurate portrayal of your topic. Planning and Drafting the Descriptive Essay Always select a topic that is familiar; opt for some place you have lived in, visited, or worked at. If you keep a journal, thumb through it for possible details. For each potential topic that surfaces, ask yourself the following questions: 

 

What do I want to accomplish by writing the description? To create one or more impressions? To help the reader to understand something? To persuade the reader to act? Who is my audience and why would my topic interest them? What dominant impression will I develop?

To help gather and arrange support for your topic, pose these additional questions:    

What details should I include? What sensory impressions are associated with each detail? (Jot down any words that you feel will best convey the impressions.) How does each detail contribute to the dominant impression? What sequence should I follow in presenting my impressions? (Map out the sequence, setting up a 1-2-3 listing or possibly a paragraph-by-paragraph plan.

After brainstorming a list of potential details, you might use branching to start accumulating sensory impressions (see page 105). Begin your paper with an introduction that eases the reader into your topic. You might, for example, provide a historical overview, ask a provocative question, or snare the reader’s attention with an arresting statement. Develop each major feature in one or more paragraphs. Present each feature in the order you’ve mapped out. To ensure that the reader follows your thoughts, clearly signal any shifts in vantage point or time. As you write, aim for vivid, original language. Try to avoid stale, worn-out clichés that do nothing to sharpen our vision of the impressions you are trying to make. However, don’t go overboard… resist the temptation to string together a chain of adjectives without considering the effect upon your reader. Carefully examine your sentences and eliminate those adjectives that do not advance your purpose.

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End your paper by pulling your material together in some way. If you’ve created an impression or a mood, you might offer your reaction to it. If you want your reader to understand something, you might spell your message out. If you are trying to persuade, you might make a call for action. Revising the Description As you revise, apply the guidelines from chapter 4 and ask the following questions:  





 

Have I written with a clear sense of purpose and audience in mind? Have I conveyed how my topic looks, sounds, feels, tastes, or smells? Would comparisons or more precise descriptive terms help convey my perceptions or observations? Have I evoked one dominant impression? Can I strengthen this impression by adding certain selected details? By eliminating details that detract from the impression? Have I used an appropriate vantage point? If the observer is moving, have I signaled changes in location? Have I included only details that would be visible to the observer? Have I arranged my details in an order appropriate to the topic? Have I considered appropriate ethical issues?

Critical Edge Most of us know that any two people are likely to see and describe the same object, place, or event differently. As a writer, you may occasionally need to synthesize information supplied by others when you are creating your own description. (Don’t forget to credit those sources in your work!) Armed with several descriptions based on differing points of view, you could create a composite picture that captures all of the different perspectives. Because different people are likely to see and describe the same object, place, or event differently, it’s important to look critically at any description you consider for your paper. When you finish reading, ask yourself what features might have been omitted and what another slant on the material might have yielded. Description demands choices. Different impressions and varying emphases can be selected. And like any other writer, you should carefully consider the details and slant of any description you write. Writing a Description I. Plan the description 4

A. B. C.

Read the assignment and select a familiar topic Identify the purpose for your description Identify your audience

II. Brainstorm Details; Use Branching A. Re-observe the subject of your paper, if possible B. Identify the dominant impression you want to convey C. Select the relevant details for the description III.Develop an Organizational Strategy A. Establish your organizational strategy and create a rough plan, using spatial, temporal, or levels of importance to order your details IV. Write the Draft A.Establish the context and identify the object and purpose in the introduction B. Detail major features in the body C.Pull it all together, commenting, if desired on the mood or point, in the conclusion V. Revise—revision often calls for additional brainstorming and possible new observations A. Read the description critically, collect peer responses, and re-observe, if possible 1. Be consistent with the impression 2. Add details as needed 3. Cut details that don’t fit 4. Test the organization, and make consistent transitions VI.

Proofread!

Reinking, James A. and Robert van der Osten. Strategies for Successful Writing: A Rhetoric, Research Guide, Reader, and Handbook. 8 th edition. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Prentice Hall, 2007. Pages 97-111.

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