Week 4

BUSINESS LETTER WRITING: ORGANIZING LEARNING OBJECTIVES: General • • •

To understand the nature of business letter writing as reader-centered To learn how to deliver messages in business letters clearly and appropriately To appreciate the role of tone, culture and persuasion in business letter writing

Specific • •

To know how to organize business letters according to the needs of readers To know how to organize business letters according to the nature of content or information to be delivered ORGANIZING

The information you have gathered or formulated during the planning stage is going to be useful when you start organizing your letter. This is because organizing your ideas will need to take into consideration the central role of your reader in the eventual writing of your letter. How can you decide on the relevance of your information if you have not analyzed your audience? All information is potentially relevant; however, some information may be more useful than others depending on who is reading your letter. Similarly, knowing what your main and specific objectives are will also determine what information is necessary and what is not, and how such information should be organized. In other words, the content of your letter cannot be separated from how it is organized. To organize the content of your letter, it is recommended that you familiarize yourself with the main types of business letter based on the information it provides. These are: o o o o

Positive or Neutral Letters Negative Letters Apology Letters Campaign or Promotion Letters

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Positive or Neutral Letters Here are examples of positive or neutral letters. Note too the nature of response as anticipated from such letters. Type of letter Good news

Routine

Examples Letters that: Grant requests Grant credit Fill orders Accept invitations

Anticipated reader response Positive Say “yes”

Thank you letters Congratulatory Build messages goodwill Letters that: Acknowledge receipt of goods Request credit Transmittal letters

Neutral

Readers usually respond positively to good news messages that say ‘yes’ or build goodwill. Readers will react in a neutral manner, with little or no emotion, to routine letters. Here is a basic writing plan which you can use when writing a positive or neutral letter: Opening

Middle Closing

Begin immediately with the main idea. Tell your readers the purpose of your letter in the first paragraph – better yet in the first sentence. Provide more information, details or supporting facts that relate to the good news or neutral news. Tell your readers what action they are to take. End with a positive, friendly statement to build goodwill.

Negative Letters Negative letters are called such not only because the information it contains is negative (e.g., turning a request for refund), but also because the response it anticipates from readers is also negative. Readers usually react negatively to bad news or unfavorable messages. Examples of bad news messages are those that turn down requests/invitations, those that refuse Page | 2 ©Centre for English Language Communication National University of Singapore

adjustments or credit, and those that terminate a business relationship. An example of an unfavorable message would be warning letters. In conveying the bad news, it is important that your readers understand the negative response so that goodwill is maintained. In such a situation, it is unrealistic to aim for a positive response from your reader(s). A more realistic aim is to get them to understand your situation or reason for the rejection or refusal. Ideally, therefore, you must appeal to your readers’ sense of reason or logic, explaining rationally and coherently why, for example, you have to turn down their request and so on. For negative letters, one possible writing plan that you could follow is the following: Opening

Middle

Start with a buffer. -- a positive sentence or two that shows you are interested and concerned. Your goal here is to put your readers in the right frame of mind to accept the negative news. Explain the reasons behind the negative response. (Explanation)

Closing

Briefly state the refusal. (Refusal) Offer an alternative solution if possible. End with a positive, friendly statement.

A buffer is a strategy, not a requirement It is important to emphasize, however, that in these letters, the use of a buffer is not always required. In fact, it does not guarantee a successful delivery of the message. It is a strategy that you can use when you are faced with the prospect of writing a similar letter. It makes the delivery of the message indirect and this may help cushion the impact of the negative news. Think of a hard chair to sit on. If you want to sit comfortably, you will probably get a cushion or a soft pillow and place it on the chair before you sit down. This is like using a buffer in your negative letter. Nevertheless, nothing beats a good or appropriate tone in a negative letter. You may buffer the negative news, but if your language is condescending or impolite, then the cushioning will not work. In negative letters, in other words, it is possible to be direct with your message – the first paragraph tells the bad news right away. You, the writer, are in the best position to determine whether you need a buffer in your letter or not, especially because you now know the importance of the reader or audience in the writing process.

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Apology Letters Apology letters are difficult to write mainly because it is difficult to apologize. What is worse now is that companies refuse to ‘apologize’ for fear of being legally liable. In other words, an apology can mean an admission of guilt. According to NUS Business School Associate Professor, Mak Yuen Teen:

I am concerned about the lack of willingness of business leaders to say sorry when they or their companies have made mistakes or could have done better. In cases where some business leaders have "apologized", the "apologies" were often evasive or non specific and came across as contrived. 1 Recently, CEO of DBS, Mr Piyush Gupta, publicly apologized for a massive disruption in the company’s services in Singapore, causing anxiety, confusion and inconvenience among its thousands of customers. According to Prof. Mak, he is “glad” that such an apology has been issued, especially because it is still an uncommon practice to apologize despite the many corporate scandals that have hit Singapore for the past many years. In Mr Gupta’s letter of apology, he wrote the following statement: "You have every right to expect uninterrupted services 24/7 365 days a year from us and I am sorry we have failed you on that count." In this statement, the apology showcases three things: an acknowledgement of the right of customers to particular privileges (“You have every right…”), an admission of failure to provide such privileges (“we have failed you on that count”), and an expression of apology (“I am sorry”). An additional feature of this apology is personalization (the use of “I” and “we”). In “I am sorry”, the CEO himself apologizes to the bank’s customers, while the “we” in “we have failed” accepts collective responsibility for the problem. In other words, the apology comes from the top, and the problem is the responsibility of everyone at DBS. An apology, however, is not only used because you have made a mistake. Culturally, you can also apologize because a problem has caused anxiety, confusion or inconvenience among people. Sometimes, such anxiety and the like are also caused by customers’ irresponsible actions or failure to take note of important deadlines. A possible structure of an apology letter has the following features:

1

(Mak, 2010)

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Opening Middle

Acknowledge and describe the problem. Be specific but brief. If the apology has been triggered by a complaint, thank the complainant. Apologize for the problem. You apologize here either because you have indeed done something wrong or a situation involving your company has caused trouble among customers. Claim responsibility for the problem. Of course, you are not required to do this if you really are not responsible for the problem.

Closing

Describe actions taken to solve the problem. A variation is to tell the reader what actions are being undertaken to avoid similar problems to happen again. Reassure reader that something is being done to solve the problem. Or thank the reader again for highlighting the problem to you. End with a positive, friendly statement.

Below is an authentic letter published in the Straits Times recently2. Read the apology and check out the questions on the right which will help you understand better the nature and practice of writing apology letters.

We thank Ms. Patrica A. Heron for her feedback on Thursday (“A tourist’s trail of unhappy experiences”).

What does the letter writer do first?

We are deeply sorry that she waited at our unmanned Boat Quay jetty without catching a HiPPO Boat.

Does saying sorry mean admitting responsibility for the problem?

The jetty is not operational yet as we are replacing the existing old stairway with a new one. It is most unfortunate that Ms Heron missed the notice at the window of our unmanned ticketing kiosk, directing guests to the nearest jetty at Clarke Quay.

What is the function of the first sentence? Is the claim “It is most unfortunate” an apology? What does it do here?

Our HiPPO Bus has a newly installed Global Positioning System commentary system streaming eight languages simultaneously through personal headsets, which are issued free to all guests. Occassionally, our captain may turn on or off the English commentary on the open-air speakers at guests’ request, but the personal system is always available.

This paragraph is an explanation, but what type of an explanation is it? Check the last few words: “but the personal system is always available.”

2

(Ng, 2010) Page | 5 ©Centre for English Language Communication National University of Singapore

We regret that Ms Heron did not access the headset commentary, which resulted in her missing the Clarke Quay bus stop and subsequently the Singapore River tour. We are contacting her to invite her onto our topless HiPPO River Cruise. We value Ms Heron’s feedback and agree that there is always room for service improvement for which we promise never to stop trying.

This paragraph begins with “We regret…” Is regret the same as an apology?

How does the letter end?

Sylvia Ng (Ms) Marcom manager DUCK & HiPPO Campaign or Promotion Letters These letters are called such because they promote a product or an idea, either by promoting or selling it to the reader. The key purpose of these letters is to ask readers to do something that they may not want to do. Examples of such letters include those which ask readers to put in extra work hours, to cooperate, to contribute a service, to make a donation, or to make a purchase (sales letters). Essentially, thus, writing a campaign or promotion letter must anticipate resistance or a lack of interest on the part of your readers. Campaign or promotion letters, however, can either be ‘sales’ or ‘non-sales’ letters. While they are obviously similar because of the same key message or purpose that they espouse, there are also a few differences to take note. The structure of a non-sales letter can be easily remembered by the acronym ASA and that of a sales letter by the acronym ADA.

Non-sales letters Opening Gain the readers' Attention - Make the reader feel special - Express appreciation for the readers' efforts - Focus on something of great concern to the readers Middle Win the reader’s Support - Tell the reader what you want - Address your readers' concerns/questions/objections - Emphasize reader benefits - Highlight positive outcomes in

Sales letters Gain the readers' Attention - Make the reader feel special - Ask a question - Emphasize newness of the product/service Create Desire in the Product/Service - Emphasize key selling points - Articulate reader benefits - Show how the product/service can meet the readers' needs - Introduce price in a way that Page | 6 ©Centre for English Language Communication National University of Singapore

something the readers care about Closing

makes it attractive

Motivate Action - Clearly state the action you want the readers to take - Prompt for quick action, if appropriate - End on a positive note

Motivate Action - Tell the readers what to do confidently - Make the action sound easy - Prompt for quick action - End on a positive note

SUMMARY: Some ways to organize the content of your letter Thus, it important to remember again that in deciding on how to organize your message, you first have to think about what the readers’ likely reaction will be, given the content of the message. Here is a quick summary of possible ways to organize the content of your letter:

Type of Letter

Anticipated Reaction

Approach

Desired Reaction

Positive or Neutral

Positive/neutral

Direct

Positive/neutral

Negative

Negative

(In)direct

Understand

Apology

Negative/Indifferent

(In)direct

Neutral/Understand

Campaign or Promotion

Indifferent/resistant

ASA/ADA

Interested/persuaded

The main lesson is this: to deliver your message clearly in an organized manner, your reader must be central to your decision-making process. In other words, your message should be suitably adapted to the context, your readers as well as your letter’s objective(s). In order not to sound standardized or artificial, you need to plan each message for your specific reader’s needs. Only then will your writing remain interesting, sincere, relevant and real to your reader. Thus, even if you think you have identified the ‘right’ approach to organize your letter, this is not a guarantee that it will be a good piece of writing. More than approaches, you must demonstrate flexibility in organizing the content of your work depending on the specific context of your letter. This means that there is NO one one-size-fits-all kind of letter. Each letter must respond to a specific situation.

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TUTORIAL EXERCISES ACTIVITY 1: How can good organization help deliver content effectively? On the following pages are two drafts of a letter written by a child-centered institution based in Hong Kong. The letter is meant to be distributed by KidsEarth™ among personalities and highranking business executives in Hong Kong to invite them to an event and, hopefully, encourage them to collaborate with the organization. Having been introduced to the main considerations in planning and organizing a letter, read both drafts and discuss the main differences between the original and the revised version. 3 ORIGINAL LETTER Dear ______________ KidsEarth™ is a kids-centered, collaborative and socially-committed approach to Creative Play -- dedicated to helping transform society through art and culture. KidsEarth™ promotes Creative Play through non-traditional educational activities and fun games/events which help children discover and hone their creative potential. We are an online group of proactive Dads and Moms who are also Creative Play advocates who strongly believe that all children should have equal opportunities to play, create, discover and learn. We would like to invite you to participate in Hong Kong’s first ever Bazaar and PlayDate-inone event called the "Caravan of Fun" which will be held at Glorietta 4 Park, Mong Kok, on 3-4 May 2010. We want to share the opportunities of fun, creative and learning experiences to more Asian families and kids. The concept of the Caravan of Fun is to bring it to many different cities and countries in the coming months. We dream of a day when many more kids will be excited to wait for a Caravan of Fun tent to be set up in their community. In lieu of an entrance fee, we are encouraging everyone to bring and donate books to Acts of Hope for Children (AHChild) & MGA Dukha Foundation's "One million books, One million dreams" Book Drive which aims to generate 1,000,000 books to be donated to each developing Asian country through its public school libraries. The Asian Children’s Programme (ACP) will likewise be at the event to encourage all of us to work towards the upliftment of lives of children in Asia and the world. We are a new community of parents and kid-lovers wanting to send a strong, loud and positive message to all. There is hope for a brighter and better future for the Asian children 3

Except for the names and locations of companies in the letter, both versions are authentic in the sense that they were written by people in real business contexts. Page | 8 ©Centre for English Language Communication National University of Singapore

if we focus on their needs and welfare. Join us and together, let us unleash our children's creative powers and prepare them for the challenges of the future. For more information about this event, about KidsEarth™ and our upcoming creative & exciting adventures for families and kids, please check out our website at http://www.kidsearth.com. Our online community of proactive families & kid-lovers is now numbering almost six thousand and growing daily. There are many different ways that we can collaborate & work together so please feel free to contact us with your interest or queries. We look forward to a creative and meaningful partnership with you for the benefit of all Asian children and their families! Be inspired! KidsEarth™

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REVISED VERSION Dear ______________ We would like to invite you to participate in Hong Kong’s first ever Bazaar and PlayDate inone event called the "Caravan of Fun" which will be held at the Glorietta 4 Park, Mong Kok, on 3-4 May 2008. KidsEarth™ is a kids-centered, collaborative and socially-committed approach to Creative Play -- dedicated to helping transform society through art and culture. We want to share the opportunities of fun, creative and learning experiences to more Asian families and kids. The concept of the Caravan of Fun is to bring it to many different cities in the coming months. We dream of a day when a lot more kids will be too excited to wait for a Caravan of Fun tent to be set up in their city or community. In lieu of an entrance fee, we are encouraging everyone to bring and donate books to Acts of Hope for Children (AHChild) & MGA Dukha Foundation's "One million books, One million dreams" Book Drive which aims to generate 1,000,000 books to be donated to public school libraries all over Asia. The Asian Children’s Programme (ACP) will likewise be at the event to encourage all of us to work towards the upliftment of lives of children in Asia and the world. For more information about this event, about KidsEarth™ and our upcoming creative & exciting adventures for families and kids, please check out our website at http://www.kidsearth.com. Our online community of proactive families & kid-lovers is now numbering almost six thousand and growing daily. There are many different ways that we can collaborate, so please feel free to contact us with your interest or queries. We look forward to a creative and meaningful partnership with you for the benefit of Asian children and their families! Be inspired! KidsEarth™

Questions 1. What improvements have been made in the revised version? 2. Have these improvements helped deliver the main message more clearly? How? 3. How are the ideas grouped in each of the two versions? 4. Do you think the revised version can still be improved in terms of delivering the message more clearly and appropriately? Page | 10 ©Centre for English Language Communication National University of Singapore

ACTIVITY 2 Letter Writing Organizing Activity With your group members and working with your Letter Planning Worksheet, prepare an outline for your letter. Group related ideas together and decide the order in which the ideas should appear. Your outline should have three main sections: Opening, Middle and Closing. Below are guide questions for your team. They should help you sharpen your ideas and organize them more effectively. Opening 1. Are ideas included in the opening clear and appropriate? Middle 2. How appropriate/adequate is the information given in the middle? Consider the main ideas and their supporting details? 3. How effective is the grouping of ideas? Have all related ideas been grouped together? 4. Is the organization of ideas logical and meaningful? Closing 5. Are ideas included in the closing appropriate/adequate? Overall 6. Where is the main message placed? Is it justified to put it there? 7. Is the over-all organization audience-centered? How?

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