5/6/2012

Batterer Intervention Program (BIP) Facilitator Training with David Garvin and Jeffrie Cape Thursday, y, Mayy 3 & Friday, y, Mayy 4,, 2012 8:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m. each day Nativo Lodge, 6000 Pan American Fwy, NE Albuquerque, New Mexico

OPENING OBSERVANCE We welcome you to the NMCADV Batterer Intervention Program Facilitator Training. The purpose of NMCADV Batterer Intervention Program Facilitator Training is to further educate ourselves about the domestic violence. This process offers a place for us to explore our understanding of domestic violence. We are here to challenge our beliefs and expand our perceptions. We are preparing ourselves for facilitation of batterer intervention programs in our communities. We have chosen to open the group with the following song because it reflects our goal and purpose.

Candle Lighting

3

1

5/6/2012

Getting to Know You Name For me, one take away from yesterday was…

4

Isolation Exercise

Processing Ask how it felt? What info was missing? Follow up on people who tried to remove or adjust; feelings and responses Connect to isolation tactics, people can be seen but not easily understood or able to hear clearly Point out how words are filtered through the mask and this is similar to how partners filter their words 5

Isolation Exercise

How did you feel? Concept that isolation is more than walking away Key Points Words are filtered Harder to hear Harder to be heard and understood Key non verbal info missing (facial expressions) 6

2

5/6/2012

Isolation Exercise Key elements Have group leader hand out materials with instruction to have people put cotton in each ear and put mask over face No explanation or answering questions Keep on through entire intro Redirect people who try to remove

Materials needed Masks (from dollar store) Cotton balls 7

Elephant in the Living Room

3

5/6/2012

The Lightning Story

The Jack Story

Alaska and Hawaii “But I always did it this way.”

4

5/6/2012

The Roast Story • “But it’s tradition”

Oak Tree Story

TOTALLY TOOLS Jeffrie K. Cape & David J. H. Garvin

5

5/6/2012

Male Privilege Exercise

16

Facilitator Skills Building on what you already know

Processing Even when we think we know there’s always something more for us to see.

6

5/6/2012

Process

Know Your Ingredients

Reasonable Explanation Showing Person’s Expectations Concerns Thoughts

7

5/6/2012

The Cover Up Emotion

Shoe Theory of Relationships

Consider…

8

5/6/2012

ME+ME = WE

Looking for Patterns

Tracking Clues

9

5/6/2012

Constructive Confrontation Respectful Factual Consistent Reflective Immediate

Reframing • Going with resistance • Expanding to include the group • Intensive exploration is gift received and or given

Moral vs. Strategic Behavior This is simply any point in time where you want to begin charting g

Kathy was yelling at me about not spending time with her family

What did you want to happen?

I wanted Kathy to stop yelling at me and to not question my actions

What did you do to attempt to make that happen? I grabbed Kathy and threw her on the bed. I then sat on her and yelled in her face, to shut the fuck up!

⌧

⌧

10

5/6/2012

Obfuscation Any action of obscuring, concealing or changing people's perceptions, which result in your advantage and/or her disadvantage. Origin of OBFUSCATE Late Latin obfuscatus, past participle of obfuscare, from Latin ob- in the way + fuscus dark brown —First Known Use: 1577

31

Obfuscation Exercise

32

Coercion

11

5/6/2012

34

Navigating Past Trauma • • • • • • • •

Balancing Boundaries Roots of Power and Control Your Role Trauma How Disclosure Occurs What to do in Group Setting Personal Limits Program Considerations

Walking the Tightrope

Balancing accountability for a perpetrator’s actions with their victimization history

Perpetrator

Victim History

12

5/6/2012

Who Are You? I know how to do this! • Remember your role • Facilitator vs. Therapist • Just because you know doesn’t mean it is appropriate to treat

Who Are You? I wasn’t trained to do this!

• Remember your role • Facilitator skills can help • Nobody expects you to treat

Types of Trauma • • • • • • • •

Physical Emotional Sexual - Male/Female Perpetrators Accident Crime Victim Physical Illness Witness Death

13

5/6/2012

How Does Trauma Impact People? • Feelings p • Perceptions • Behavior Choices

How Disclosure Occurs • In Group:

Matter of fact Overwhelmed Tearful Assignment Discussion • Written: Assignment Autobiography

Key Phrases Indicating Trauma, Substance Abuse, Mental Health, etc. History It was a

I was a bad kid

I’m over it

different era

Victims often don don’tt identify their real Trauma, Substance Abuse, Mental Health, etc.. It was in the past

I was more mature than most guys

I was Naive 42

14

5/6/2012

How Disclosure Occurs • Doorknob Confessions Direct Indirect

Navigating the Minefield Be aware of Where you are or Who you are talking to or How you are talking or

Expanding Beyond the Individual Personal

Group

Global

15

5/6/2012

Others are Watching Other Group Members may also be victims Facilitator acts as a role model f how for h to t respond d

Make it Safe • Be Respectful • Intervene if others laugh or make judgmental comments • Validate V lid t ffeelings li • Welcome the intensity • Don’t rush it. • Verbally check to make sure person is OK before moving on.

Connect the Past to the Present • Identify how trauma may be impacting current choices and perceptions • “Do you think that …” • “Maybe “M b thi this iis why h …”” • “I wonder if …” • “Have you ever thought about …”

16

5/6/2012

The Blame Game? Ah Hah! It was my parent’s fault!

Immature Thinking Ah Hah! I was 10 when I got this idea!

Treatment • Ask if they’ve – had/have a therapist – shared it with their therapist • If they have a therapist and haven’t shared – Why haven’t they shared? – Encourage to share with therapist

17

5/6/2012

Treatment • Explain – the benefits of therapy – The difference between therapy and i t intervention ti – How to pick a therapist – The therapeutic process Shoe analogy

Clarify Accountability • Part of being accountable in making changes is acknowledging and addressing self-care issues – – – – – – –

Substance abuse recovery Healthy eating Medication compliance Exercise Therapy Sleep Etc.

Normalize • Trauma Should have an impact on People • People do not get to pick their emotional responses • Knowledge K l d can h help l people l see diff differentt options • Trauma does not justify being abusive

18

5/6/2012

Acknowledge • That other group members may have similar experiences • Not everyone may be willing to share at this time • “Tom’s not the only one who may have …”

Teachable Moment • Go into Statistics • Reinforce “It is not an excuse.” • Point out that most victims do not become perpetrators t t

Teachable Moment • Explain Dynamics • Victimization and trauma can distort perceptions • That Th t distortion di t ti process may be being used today

19

5/6/2012

Teachable Moment • Old survival strategies may no longer be appropriate • People have the ability to heal and change • Alaska Al k and d Hawaii H ii

Intervention not therapy • Acknowledge to the group that there are limits to what can be done in group • Allow group members an opportunity to share and be supportive • Prepare the everyone these kind disclosures may have delayed reactions

Building Support • • • • •

During group or after group Identify safe support people Stress nutrition Encourage exercise and rest Remind them to avoid alcohol/drugs

20

5/6/2012

Bringing Closure • • • • •

Respect their strength Thank them for sharing Identify this as a beginning point Connect back to accountability Tell them that their disclosure may help others with their issues • Assign appropriate exercises from curriculum

Follow Up • Check back with individual and group next session • Provide additional information or discussion if appropriate

Setting Personal Limits • Myth: Facilitators and therapists are objective • Everybody has a history • Who we are; where we’ve been; how we feel about b t it impact i t our perceptions ti and d responses.

21

5/6/2012

Program Design • Identify Assignments that might lead to disclosure • Strategize with team how to address issues

Emotional Abuse Exercise

“Sticks and Stones may y break my bones but words are always with me”

Child Count

66

22

5/6/2012

One example of philosophical driven change PAUSE: Preventing Abusive Unaccountable Self-Indulgence Everytime PAUSE: Protecting Accountable Self Everytime

67

This afternoon is all about YOU

Critical Listening “Try” Power Language Let Allow

Demeaning Language Girls Racist Homophobic

2nd or 3rd person rather than 1st 69

23

5/6/2012

Establishing Boundaries Set boundaries at the first meeting Be clear Be consistent Be firm Explain rationale

70

Know yourself Identify sensitive topics Be aware of your feeling and clues that might g influence yyour response Know your biases Have a plan to neutralize

71

To Share or not to Share? Ask yourself “Why am I doing this?” “What purpose will it serve?” “Have I considered alternative ways of making the point?” “Is this in the clients best interest or my own?”

72

24

5/6/2012

Beware if You Share It can turn into a discussion about you It could make clients feel inadequate It may diminish your effectiveness in future sessions

73

Take Care of Yourself Debrief afterwards Your own past issues maybe b reawakened k d Monitor self care

74

Remember We don’t forget. We just don’t think about it everyday Just because something g is understandable doesn’t make it acceptable

75

25

5/6/2012

LUNCH

76

Curriculum

Accountability Workbook (ADA & Heal) RENEW BRIDGES Meridians 77

Facilitator “Tools” Franky Me David

Zack

Jorge Jamie Tom

78

26

5/6/2012

Emotional Abuse Exercise

“Sticks and Stones may y break my bones but words are always with me”

80

Accountability Pledge

I commit all my efforts to seek accountability in my thinking thi ki and d actions ti and to provide safety and respect to everyone in my life 81

27

5/6/2012

Group Closing The group stands, holds hands and says: “We observe 12 seconds of silence in recognition of our mothers, our sisters, our children, our wives, our partners, our friends who are being severely battered every day.” 12 Seconds of Silence Blow out Candle Group says Accountability Pledge “I commit all my efforts to seek accountability in my thinking and actions, and to provide safety and respect to everyone in my life.” 82

Contact Information Jeffrie K. Cape [email protected] Phone: 248.730.0690 David J. H. Garvin [email protected] 734.926.0159 http://www.csswashtenaw.org/ada/garvintrainings/

28