2014 Essay Competition Results & Reports Horsey Junior – age range 10-11 (Years 5 & 6): Rebecca Findlay, adjudicator

First Prize Second Prize

Sebastian Dibb George Burdus

Boys’ Competition Crackley Hall School Queen Ethelburga’s Collegiate Foundation

Girls’ Competition Georgia Grace Short Copthill School Amber Iqbal Reddiford School

Max Gate – age range 12-13 (Years 7 & 8): Isobel Workman, adjudicator

First Prize Second Prize Highly Commended

Boys’ Competition Harrison Layden-Fritz Hipperholme Grammar Joel Beedle Manor House School Hugh Whitworth Cundall Manor School Tom Fox Cambridge Int. School Jack Adams Normanhurst School

Charlotte Moulden Madeline Willis Daisy Davidson Ellie Barriga Isabel Manson

Girls’ Competition Gosfield School The Towers Convent School Adcote School for Girls Abbey Gate College Shoreham College

Jessica Ami Cater Sophie Huntington Anisha Mackay

Girls’ Competition Hull Collegiate School Tower College Manor House School

Favonius Senior age range 14-16 (Years 9-11): Jon Dixon, adjudicator

First Prize Second Prize Highly Commended

Joseph Hunt James Bridge Finn Carter James Thompson

Boys’ Competition Ditcham Park School The Park School Cambridge International School Abbey Gate College

Katherine Humphrey

Hawley Place

Horsey Junior Essay Competition - 2014 Here are the winners for the essay prize: Boys 1st: Sebastian Dibb - Crackley Hall School - Where did everyone go? Boys 2nd: George Burdus – Queen Ethelburga’s Collegiate Foundation - Chocolate Bar Girls 1st: Georgia Grace Short - Copthill School - Magic Button Girls 2nd: Amber Iqbal - Reddiford School - Where did everyone go? The quality of all the essays was excellent and I really enjoyed reading them. It was so interesting to firstly see the different ways the titles have been interpreted and then to see how recent books and trends have inspired writing styles. There were definitely some Hunger Games type plots and landscapes. The winning entries really captured my interest with their unique plots and ideas. Although many pupils used some wonderful language in their writing, the winning pupils appeared to have an almost natural ability in their use of adventurous vocabulary. Please pass my congratulations to all the pupils who took part in the competition - there are some fantastic writers out there and it was very difficult to choose winners. Sebastian Sebastian's story wove a wonderful narrative and introduced a historical (and topical) setting of the trenches. I was moved by the separation of the two friends at the end which was unexpected. His choices of language bring the story alive; it is adventurous and effective at describing the setting, action and the characters. He builds up some suspense and the reader can connect with the main character ( and the dog!). There is a range of grammatical conventions used accurately along with complex sentence structure and punctuation choices. Overall, this story captured my imagination through content and style and its strong plot stood out. Well done, Sebastian. George This genre was a really tricky one to choose up against rich narratives which lend themselves naturally to action and plot. However, George has managed to capture the reader's imagination with his excellent choice of descriptive language to fully bring the chocolate bar to to life. The use of complex and simple sentences, along with a range of punctuation, have helped to create a clear and detailed introduction to the product. Furthermore, George has spent time describing every detail of the chocolate bar, leaving the reader with a clear image and understanding of the product. An excellent effort, well done, George. Georgia Georgia has created a fantasy story from the title of the Magic Button, and as such captures the reader's interest from the the first paragraph. She employs what seems to be a very

natural use of descriptive language, the effect of which is very powerful. Georgia cleverly changes the tone of her writing midway, stopping the narrative and addressing the reader directly to ensure the reader has full details of the story. This was a very effective strategy to hook the reader in further to the 'Tolkienesque' plot. Overall, an extremely well written narrative, a very worthy winner. ( Not for publication)A note to Georgia - whilst her writing is beautiful and neat, the tiny print and small space between words, makes the story difficult to read. I had to read it twice to be able to access the story properly and not every judge or examiner might have the time or inclination to do this... Amber Amber chose a historical setting for her story and was able to maintain this throughout her narrative. She made the story believable in many ways. The setting was well described and the writing had good pace to it, moving the plot along well. Amber used grammatical conventions and vocabulary well and to good effect. The ending of the story is effective and links well with the flashback content of the story. Well written and enjoyable to read. Well done, Amber. Mrs Rebecca Findlay Head of Aldford School Infant & Junior Dept Abbey Gate College

Max Gate Intermediate Essay Prize 2014 The standard of writing was so high this year, I ended up with a very long short list, which made it hard work to choose the winners. What was also interesting was the range of title interpretations. The Tunnel was a very popular title choice, but no two stories were alike. There were metaphorical interpretations (terminal illness, anorexia, depression), adventure stories (mineshafts, nuclear plots, ninja tales, disappearing wives), historical themes (the trenches, Auschwitz), sad stories of the homeless and unfortunate children, and even a poem. First prize in the girls’ section was awarded to Charlotte Moulden of Gosfield School. She chose The Tunnel as her title and her sinister interpretation made for a chilling read. Initially Charlotte’s story appears to be a simple tale of two people stuck in a traffic jam inside a tunnel, one, a seedy, chain smoking character with butter yellow teeth, the other, a young girl. It is only as the story develops that the disturbing relationship between the two unfolds. Charlotte makes skilful use of language to emphasise the feeling of being trapped. The suffocating image of smoke, from both cigarette and exhaust fumes, pervades her story. At times the stifling, claustrophobic atmosphere of the car, from which there is no escape, seems almost unbearable. He lazily glanced up at the rear view mirror, finding nothing of interest; he glanced back down and continued to gaze gormlessly at the rear end of the static cars ahead. He slid another cigarette into his drooping mouth; it hung there, suspended by spittle........before he flicked open his tarnished Zippo. He dragged greedily on the newly lit cigarette, belching out the acrid remnants of the inhaled toxins. Charlotte makes clever use of imagery to foreshadow the tragic outcome of the story, which create a sense of foreboding in the reader. .......the tunnel seemed more and more like a tomb on a hot summer’s night. The hazy glow of the car’s tail lights, made even dingier by the thick exhaust fumes engulfing the car, was enough to keep her from slumber. She let out a slight cough, causing him no great concern as he exhaled yet another breath heavy with smoke and frustration. I was impressed by the tight structure of Charlotte’s story; she made every word count and her compelling story gripped the reader from start to finish. Second place was awarded to Madeline Willis from The Towers Convent School who also chose The Tunnel, but gave her story quite a different interpretation. She wrote movingly about what it feels like to sink into depression. She began her story with excellent use of imagery, using the metaphor of a tunnel to describe depression. I forgot how to remember and maybe that’s why I entered the tunnel........As I entered, hope and happiness just seemed to dissolve, my memory starting to rust like an old bike that’s been neglected in the rain, and the pedals just won’t turn any more. Here she compares depression to a term of imprisonment that has no end.

There’s a hard lump of self pity that sits in my chest like a clenched fist, ever growing, threatening to block my throat and stop me breathing. Maybe I even want it to. It’s like a prison, bitter, dark and hard, but I’ve served my time, so let me go. Her account ends on an optimistic note when we learn that the narrator is being helped to beat the depression that haunts her - and here she uses the metaphor of a storm abating to describe her feelings. The rock hard walls that used to enclose me are starting to fall away and the heavy storm cloud of fear that had been threatening to flood me, evaporates. The sun is coming out. I was impressed by the sensitive way that Madeline tackled this difficult topic. Highly commended was Daisy Davidson from Adcote School for Girls, who wrote touchingly about anorexia. I have a tunnel - a long, slim, extremely slim tunnel, a tunnel I have to fit through. If I want to be happy and loved, I need to be able to fit through the tunnel. Also highly commended were Ellie Barriga from Abbey Gate College, who wrote an imaginative tale about bullying, and Isabel Manson from Shoreham College, who made excellent use of vocabulary in her gripping adventure story. First prize in the boys’ section went to Harrison Layden-Fritz from Hipperholme Grammar School, who produced a highly articulate and rousing defence for including sport in the educational curriculum. In his view, Sport teaches children from an early age key skills that prepare them to embrace the challenges of life. As well as making you think faster, be more alert and perform better in your academic studies, Harrison argues that, it brings people together and teaches children about social and moral issues. He makes the excellent point that, Sport is blind to prejudice, race, colour or discrimination and he feels that participating in sport teaches young people how to cope with winning and the disappointment of losing. He suggests that it shows you how to work together to achieve a common goal and makes you realise that you can be part of something bigger than yourself. Harrison goes on to describe how much he has gained personally from competing as a regional swimmer. He believes that taking part in sport has taught him the rewards of positive thinking and how to overcome disappointment and failure and learn self belief.

Sport teaches us that we have the potential for achieving greatness and success in whatever we choose to do. It just takes belief and confidence. I chose Harrison’s essay, not just because he put forward such a convincing case, but also because his passionate belief in the benefits of sport was evident in every word he wrote. His mature and interesting analysis of the topic made me look at sport in a different way and, as someone who avoided sport whenever possible during her school days, I found myself regretting all the opportunities I had missed. Job done Harrison! Second prize in the boys’ section went to Joel Beedle for his original science fiction tale, The Tunnel. The narrator, Kas, is a seeker - someone who is able to merge his mind with the mind of others and scan their brain activity for military or medical purposes. The story begins as Kas gets ready to perform a new “merge”. John’s looking at me, talking me through the objectives of 19.01-2536-C26’s scan.......He’s saying, “You merge, find out who she is, why she’s here and ‘ow she died. Standard yeah?” “Yes, I’ve got it,” I reply, always anxious before a merge, just in case I take the bait and get lost in her memories, reliving them until I’m practically her. “Are we ready?” John asks. “As I’ll ever be,” I reply. The headset, now turned green for go, printed out six final words. “Merge activated. Don’t take the bait.” As Kas attempts to merge with his recipient, he realises that in the centre of her memories is a complete absence of anything. A complete black void the tunnel of the title. It soon becomes clear that the multiple identities of those who have previously succumbed to taking the bait are stored within the tunnel and Kas sets out to investigate. Joel combines dialogue and description to excellent effect to create a tense atmosphere and makes varied use of sentence structure to add tension to his story, which culminates in a clever twist in the tail ending. I enjoyed Joel’s story because of the originality of his ideas and because I felt instantly drawn into the story; I wanted to know what happened next. I cared about what might happen to Kas and was intrigued by “the tunnel” and how the story would end. Highly commended was Hugh Whitworth of Condau Manor School with his atmospheric tale of winter about a lonely nordic hunter and his encounter with a wolf, and Tom Fox from The Cambridge International School, who wrote movingly about a young man’s experience in the trenches of The First World War.

I also enjoyed Jack Adams’ (Normanhurst School) amusing account of five things he couldn’t live without, which included oxygen, because I love breathing, water - despite being a boy, I actually do wash every now and then, food - though I’m not a northern man, I do enjoy my food, love - you need company to keep you sane, and a dynamo torch! The latter was chosen because it might come in handy if you’re afraid of the dark or need some arm exercise. The standard of writing seems to get higher every year and I sometimes have to remind myself that the stories I’m reading are written by children with ages ranging from 11 -13. Their level of sophistication and grasp of vocabulary never fails to impress. Thank you all for writing them; they were a pleasure to read. Isobel Workman

Favonius Senior Essay Report 2014 I am very pleased to have once again had the opportunity to judge the Senior Essay Competition. As was the case last year, the quality of writing was very high and the interpretation of the titles impressively varied. For the girls, first place went to Jessica Ami Cater of Hull Collegiate School, with her interpretation of ‘Red’. Written from the point of view of the Devil - who is keen to set the record straight on certain theological points - it is written in a laconic, colloquial style which manages to be both highly entertaining and thought-provoking. That’s when I realised, God was embarrassed by us angels. He’d created a race of perfect beings, born to obey him, and He was bored with us. I had rocked the boat. Stirred the waters. My thought was the first crack in heaven’s perfect ceiling and my next would bring the whole thing crashing down. What if I could be God? Second place went to Sophie Huntington of Tower College, also with ‘Red’. A rather more human devil tells this tale – Jack the Ripper – who sees himself as an artist with a unique aesthetic appreciation for blood. This was also a very well written piece, full of period detail. As I stepped outside, the smell of sulphurous smog infiltrated the scarf which covered my mouth and nose. I coughed and adjusted my muffler to keep the distasteful odours of the street at bay. The glow from the street lights lit the hidden ginnel and pathway, hissing and spluttering as their flames danced… Two pieces deserve to be ‘highly commended’. Katherine Humphrey – of Hawley Place School – submitted ‘Time Heals’, a moving piece about grief and loss, which was subtle and insightful. Secondly, Anisha Mackay – from Manor House School – wrote ‘Lifeline’, about a pilgrimage to India undertaken by a girl and her dying aunt, which was very evocative in its depiction of place and culture. First prize amongst the boys, goes to Joseph Hunt of Ditcham Park School with ‘The View from Above’. Inspired by Shelley’s Ozymandias, this details a visitation Ozymandias receives from a spirit which gives him a rather wider perspective on his place in history and causes him to rethink the statue he is having built. Ozymandias knew now that he could not look upon the completed stonework, aware of how savagely time would ravage it. The eerie limbs would convey more meaning in their futility than any conqueror’s epitaph. “Cease construction,” Ozymandias instructed quietly. “But leave the limbs in place.”

Second place goes to James Bridge of The Park School, Yeovil, for his extremely well-written essay about the impact of the Chernobyl disaster on the town of Pripyat in the Ukraine. Because the buildings have not been maintained for decades, trees have been able to grow… moss, lichen and weeds shroud the shattered windows, whilst shrubs grow haphazardly out of gutters and drainpipes […] Perhaps the most eerie reminder of life in the city was the amusement park, where birds had reclaimed the Ferris wheel. Again, two entries are worthy of being highly commended – ‘The View from Above’ by Finn Carter of The Cambridge International School and ‘Other Lives’ by James Thompson of Abbey Gate College. Finn’s piece is a mythic, folkloric tale about a dragon who takes great offence at being awoken from its slumbers. James’ piece is an amusing and interesting take on reincarnation, with the narrator going through numerous lives as numerous species before ending up as a human being – David Attenborough in fact! It has been a pleasure to read so many varied, thoughtful entries. My thanks and congratulations to all the students and schools who entered and particularly, of course, to the winners.