1. DEATH WITH DIGNITY

2. SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER

Explaining what I feel, that empty feeling

Spirit of my silence I can hear you

I should have known better

Don’t back down, concentrate on seeing

But I’m afraid to be near you

To see what I could see

The breakers in the bar, the neighbor’s greeting

And I don’t know where to begin

My black shroud

My brother had a daughter

And I don’t know where to begin

Holding down my feelings

The beauty that she brings, illumination

Somewhere in the desert there’s a forest

A pillar for my enemies

Don’t back down, there is nothing left

And an acre before us But I don’t know where to begin But I don’t know where to begin Again I’ve lost my strength completely,

I should have wrote a letter And grieve what I happen to grieve My black shroud I never trust my feelings

oh be near me,

I waited for the remedy

Tired old mare with the wind in your hair

When I was three, three maybe four

Amethyst and flowers on the table,

She left us at that video store

The breakers in the bar, no reason to live I’m a fool in the fetter Rose of Aaron’s beard, where you can reach me Don’t back down: nothing can be changed Cantilever bridge, the drunken sailor My brother had a daughter The beauty that she brings, illumination

is it real or a fable?

Be my rest, be my fantasy

Well I suppose a friend is a friend

I’m light as a feather

3. ALL OF ME WANTS ALL OF YOU

And we all know how this will end

I’m bright as the Oregon breeze

Shall we beat this or celebrate it?

Chimney swift that finds me, be my keeper

My black shroud

You’re not the one to talk things through

Frightened by my feelings

You checked your text while I masturbated

What is that song you sing for the dead?

I only want to be a relief

Manelich, I feel so used

What is that song you sing for the dead?

No, I’m not a go-getter

Found myself on Spencer’s Butte

I see the signal searchlight strike me

The demon had a spell on me

Traced your shadow with my shoe

in the window of my room

My black shroud

Empty outline changed my view

Well I got nothing to prove

Captain of my feelings

Now all of me thinks less of you

Well I got nothing to prove

The only thing I want to believe

I forgive you, mother, I can hear you

When I was three, and free to explore

All of me pressed onto you

And I long to be near you

I saw her face on the back of the door

But in this light you look like Poseidon

But every road leads to an end

Be my vest, be my fantasy

I’m just a ghost you walk right through

Yes every road leads to an end

I should have known better

Saw myself on Spencer’s Butte

Nothing can be changed

Landscape changed my point of view

The past is still the past

Revelation may come true

The bridge to nowhere

Now all of me thinks less of you

Silhouette of the cedar

Your apparition passes through me in the willows: Five red hens—you’ll never see us again You’ll never see us again

I should’ve wrote a letter

On the sheet I see your horizon

(All of me wants all of you)

4. DRAWN TO THE BLOOD

The man who taught me to swim,

“Well you do enough talk

I’m drawn to the blood

he couldn’t quite say my first name

My little hawk, why do you cry?

Like a father he led

Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?

community water on my head

Or the Fourth of July?

And he called me “Subaru”

We’re all gonna die.”

And now I want to be near you

Sitting at the bed with the halo at your head

Since I was old enough to speak

Was it all a disguise, like Junior High

I’ve said it with alarm

Where everything was fiction, future, and prediction

Some part of me was lost in your sleeve

Now where am I? My fading supply

where you hid your cigarettes

“Did you get enough love, my little dove

The flight of a one-winged dove How? How did this happen? How? How did this happen? The strength of his arm My lover caught me off guard How? Head of a rabbit How? Head of a rabbit For my prayer has always been love What did I do to deserve this? With blood on my sleeve Delilah, avenge my grief How? God of Elijah How? God of Elijah As fire to the sun Tell me what I have done How? Heart of a dragon? How? Heart of a dragon? For my prayer has always been love What did I do to deserve this now? How did this happen? 5. EUGENE Light struck from the lemon tree What if I’d never seen hysterical light from Eugene? Lemon yoghurt, remember I pulled at your shirt I dropped the ashtray on the floor I just wanted to be near you Emerald Park, wonders never cease

No I’ll never forget I just want to be near you

Why do you cry? And I’m sorry I left, but it was for the best

Still I pray to what I cannot see

Though it never felt right

In the sprinkler I mark the evidence

My little Versailles.”

known from the start

The hospital asked should the body be cast

From the bed near your death, and all the machines that made a mess Far away the falcon flew Now I want to be near you What’s left is only bittersweet For the rest of my life, admitting the best is behind me Now I’m drunk and afraid, wishing the world would go away What’s the point of singing songs If they’ll never even hear you?

Before I say goodbye, my star in the sky Such a funny thought to wrap you up in cloth Do you find it all right, my dragonfly? “Shall we look at the moon, my little loon Why do you cry? Make the most of your life, while it is rife While it is light Well you do enough talk My little hawk, why do you cry? Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn? Or the Fourth of July?

6. FOURTH OF JULY

We’re all gonna die.”

The evil it spread like a fever ahead

7. THE ONLY THING

It was night when you died, my firefly What could I have said to raise you from the dead? Oh could I be the sky on the fourth of July?

The only thing that keeps me from driving this car Half-light, jack knife into the canyon at night Signs and wonders: Perseus aligned with the skull

Slain Medusa, Pegasus alight from us all

Should I tear my heart out now?

Ephemera on my back

Do I care if I survive this?

Everything I feel returns to you somehow

She breaks my arm

8. CARRIE & LOWELL

9. JOHN MY BELOVED

Carrie and Lowell

Are we to speak, first day of the week

Such a long time ago

Stumbling words at the bar

Like a dead horse

Beauty blue eyes, my order of fries

Meadowlark, drive your arrow

Long Island kindness and wine

Season of hope (after the flood)

Beloved of John, I get it all wrong

Bury the dead where they’re found In a veil of great surprises: I wonder did you love me at all? The only thing that keeps me from cutting my arm Cross hatch, warm bath, Holiday Inn after dark Signs and wonders: water stain writing the wall Daniel’s message, blood of the moon on us all Do I care if I despise this? Nothing else matters, I know In a veil of great disguises: How do I live with your ghost? Should I tear my eyes out now? Everything I see returns to you somehow Should I tear my heart out now? Everything I feel returns to you somehow I want to save you from your sorrow The only reason why I continue at all Faith in reason, I wasted my life playing dumb Signs and wonders: sea lion caves in the dark Blind faith, God’s grace, nothing else left to impart Do I care if I survive this? Bury the dead where they’re found In a veil of great surprises, hold to my head till I drown Should I tear my eyes out now, before I see too much?

Valentine, spurn my sorrow Head on the floorboards (covered in blood)

Have they no life of their own?

Climb on the mattress pad

So can we pretend sweetly

Twist my arm

Before the mystery ends?

Under the pear tree

I am a man with a heart that offends

Shadows and light conspiring Covered bridge, I scream

with its lonely and greedy demands There’s only a shadow of me;

Cottage Grove shade, invite me

in a manner of speaking I’m dead

I will bow down (Dido’s lament)

Such a waste, your beautiful face

Lord of the ancient waters From the backyard (as far as she went) Carrie surprised me Erebus on my back My lucky charm Carried by stones Fairyland all around us Like a dead horse Sign of your children’s fever Carrie, come home (Thorazine’s friend)

I want to feel your touch

Holding your hands with Opal

Everything I see returns to you somehow

Covered in lines, the fossils I find

Drunk as a horsefly

Should I tear my arms out now? Should I tear my eyes out now?

I read you for some kind of poem

Like a dead horse (shall we ascend?) Flight of the mayfly

Stumbling carpet arise Go follow your gem, your white feathered friend Icarus, point to the sun If history speaks of two baby teeth I’m painting the hills blue and red They said beware, Lord hear my prayer: I’ve wasted my throes on your head So can we be friends sweetly Before the mystery ends? I love you more than the world can contain in its lonely and ramshackle head There’s only a shadow of me; in a manner of speaking I’m dead

I’m holding my breath

Drag me to hell

11. BLUE BUCKET OF GOLD

My tongue on your chest

In the valley of The Dalles

What can be said of my heart?

Like my mother

My blue bucket of gold

If history speaks, the kiss on my cheek

Give wings to a stone

Where there remains but a mark

It’s only the shadow of a cross

Beloved my John, so I’ll carry on

I slept on my back

Raise your right hand

In the shade of the meadowlark

Tell me you want me in your life

Like a champion

Or raise your red flag

Get drunk to get laid

Just when I want you in my life

So can we contend peacefully

I take one more hit when you depart

Before my history ends?

Search for things to extol

I’ll drive that stake

Friend, the fables delight me

through the center of my heart

My blue bucket of gold

Lonely vampire

Lord, touch me with lightning

Inhaling its fire

Raise your right hand

Counting my cards down to one And when I am dead, come visit my bed My fossil is bright in the sun

Jesus I need you, be near, come shield me From fossils that fall on my head There’s only a shadow of me; in a manner of speaking, I’m dead 10. NO SHADE IN THE SHADOW OF THE CROSS Now that I fell into your arms My only lover Give out to give in I search for the capsule I lost

I’m chasing the dragon too far

The lens deforms it as lightning

Tell me you want me in your life Or raise your red flag

Fuck me, I’m falling apart

Just when I want you in my life

My assassin Like Casper the ghost There’s no shade in the shadow of the cross

Performed by: Sufjan Stevens, Casey Foubert, Laura Veirs, Nedelle Torrisi, Sean Carey, Ben Lester, and Thomas Bartlett Recorded variously at: Flora, Portland, Oregon (engineered by Tucker Martine) Black Watch, Norman, Oklahoma (engineered by Chad Copelin and Jarod Evans) April Base, Eau Claire, Wisconsin (engineered by Brian Joseph) Pat Dillet’s studio somewhere midtown Manhattan And at Sufjan’s office in Dumbo, Brooklyn Some tracks were also recorded on an iPhone in a hotel room in Klamath Falls, Oregon

Asthmatic Kitty Records P.O. Box 1282 Lander, WY 82520 USA

Once the myth has been told

There’s blood on that blade

All songs by Sufjan Stevens ©2015 New Jerusalem Music/ASCAP

Mixed by: Sufjan Stevens, Thomas Bartlett, and Pat Dillet

Friend, why don’t you love me?