10 Top Tips to Boosting Your Self-Confidence Hi there! This little book won't turn you into a super-confident man or woman, but it will give you some tips for helping to boost your confidence. Improving confidence is a gradual thing. By making small changes you can make huge progress. I guess I should introduce myself really; I'm Ruby McGuire. I am a Coach and my aim in life is to rid the world of grumpy people! I work with coaches to help boost their coaching confidence, skills and business so that they can coach more people. The more people that get coached the more people have better mindsets. Ta-da mission accomplished! possibly be.
I want everyone’s lives to be fabulous as they can
Even as Coaches though self-doubt can creep in, lack of confidence, limiting beliefs and other things that sometimes stand in the way. So how am I qualified to tell you all about confidence? Rather than depress you with a full life story (I could be here a while as I am getting on a bit now you know!) I will share some key moments in my life when confidence was low.. I was an overweight, incredibly shy person, from my early teenage years to my mid twenties I suffered 'Imposter Syndrome' at work - I lost confidence in my abilities at work in HR, thinking I might get 'found out for not being good enough' I got divorced from marriage of 10 years which for obvious reasons knocks your confidence I hurt my back so stopped working for three years, losing my identity at the same time This can sometimes be what confidence can be like, we hit stages in our lives where self-doubt creeps in and we need to top it back up again, or it can be something that we need to work on regularly. It can be that one single comment can move us instantly from a place of confidence to one of self-doubt. Just because you’re a Coach doesn’t mean you have to be infallible. developing ourselves to be the best we can be.
Part of coaching others is also about
I'm a great believer that life is about making the most of every single precious moment, appreciating what you have, and feeling the fear but doing it anyway. It's about …
Courage - Change - Success © Ruby McGuire 2014 www.rubymcguire.com
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But.. What if you don't have that courage right now? What if you lack that confidence to achieve all you want to and your self-doubt is creeping in? It's fascinating the different ways people interpret the word 'Confidence'. Confidence to some is standing up in a room full of people and delivering a presentation, to others it's joining a fitness club and for others it could be feeling confident in their skills and abilities, or the decisions they make. The dictionary definition of confidence with regard to ourselves is; 'A feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities' Interestingly a lot of my clients are already fairly self-assured when they start working with me. Others would view them as really successful, yet there is that niggle of self-doubt that creeps in and bites them unexpectedly from time to time. Those good old saboteurs, 'What if I'm not good enough?' or 'He/She is better than me'. So what's missing? It's that magic ingredient of confidence. There is a misconception that confident people are always confident. That's not always the case. Shall I tell you a secret? Even confident people have days of not feeling so confident. They may be able to pick themselves up quickly but generally most people need to top themselves up from time to time. Confidence doesn't just build up overnight sadly, but the good news is that it absolutely can be improved. I’m sure I’m telling you things you already know, but I’m just saying if you’re having self-doubts then that’s ok. So, welcome to the beginning of your journey to the new confident you! By putting some of these tips into action you will start to make some real progress. Use these tips for you or as some simple tips you can help your clients with. I'm looking forward to being part of your journey with you.
Ruby x
© Ruby McGuire 2014 www.rubymcguire.com
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Top 10 Tips 1. Be Kind To Yourself One of the first places to start with self-confidence is to be kind to yourself. When was the last time you spent time on you? Often my clients say they are being self-ish if they are spending time on themselves. It's not selfish to spend time on yourself, it's self-care. How can you give to others if you haven't looked after yourself? Block out some time in your diary for time spent just for you. It could be 10 minutes talking to your best friend or an hour in the bath. It doesn't matter as long as you carve out some of that time. When I first started working with my Coach she recommended writing a list of 10 things I'd like to do each day for me. Things on my daily list now are; walking my dog, eating a small amount of chocolate (you have to get your priorities right from day one!), reading a book with a cuppa etc.
2. Mind Your Language Being kind to yourself is all about your language too. What would you say to a friend that said some of the mean things you say to yourself? Language plays a huge part in how we feel. We don't realise how much of what we say affects our subconscious. It's so important to catch our negative self-talk and to challenge it. Spend one day focusing on what you say to yourself and catch the 'should's', 'must's', 'never's' and can't's. Once you are aware of your negative self-talk you can then turn it around. Replace 'I should' and 'I must' with 'I could' or 'I choose to...' Replace 'I could never do that' with 'I may do that sometime' Replace 'I can't' with 'How can I ....?' Replace 'I can try' with 'I will' The key to this is not judging what you say to yourself, that will only make things worse. Notice that you do it and correct yourself without judgement. The more you do this the easier it will become.
© Ruby McGuire 2014 www.rubymcguire.com
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3. Journal Keep a note of your mini achievements in a journal. A mini achievement could be something as simple as clearing a pile of paperwork or attending an event on your own. As you recognise your achievements it can really help build your confidence and make you realise that actually you're not that bad! It’s all about momentum too; all of these little building blocks help to boost your confidence. If you like girly buy a really pretty journal that makes you smile when you use it. If not, what about an online journal, or your daily planner?
4. Fake it to make it When confidence doesn't come naturally you sometimes need to fake it. Who exhibits the confidence that you want? What is it about that person that you admire? Is it that they are able to make small talk, speak to a room of people, take risks, or make decisions? What quality would you love to have? Choose one and start to 'act as if' you have it. If they are good at small talk make a point to listen to what questions they ask when they meet a new person, how they introduce themselves, how they keep the conversation going. Once you’ve worked out what it is that they do try it yourself with the next person you meet, or a friend/partner/family member to start with until it feels more natural. If that confident person takes risks ask them how they do it. Do they close their eyes really tight and just jump hoping the safety net will be there or are their risks made in a calculated way? If calculated ask them how they make their decisions? Try this really useful decision making formula.
5. Say thank you Often when we're lacking in self-confidence we won't accept compliments from others. We will smile as if we're grateful but in our heads we're saying, 'Yeah, right' or 'You have to say that'. Actually they don't have to say that. Someone has taken the time out of their day to compliment you. They didn't need to. They said it because they chose to. Acknowledge it by saying 'thank you' and then choose to accept that it's true. It really makes all the difference. Don't forget to write those compliments down in your journal too. If you are having a bad day you can revisit them as they are a reminder of how great you are. Want to put some fun into it? Play the Gratitude Game. Say thank you to others for their support, you can make them feel amazing too!
© Ruby McGuire 2014 www.rubymcguire.com
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6. List your strengths It's easy to focus on our weaknesses and dwell on them, but how many times do we focus on our strengths? Everyone has weaknesses, nobody is perfect. Mistakes are great feedback of how not to do things. They help us to learn new and better ways of doing things. Lynda Field, a great Life Coach and Author recommends that you write a list of your strengths up to your age number, so if you're 35 write 35 strengths. This can take time because we don't often do it, so write a couple down in your journal and then go back to the list adding more as you think of them. Refer to them when you need to. Completed your list of strengths up to your age number? Fantastic, then write down 10 things you like about your body, 10 things you like about yourself, 10 things that make you a good business woman/man.
7. Throw on your favourite clothes, smile & walk tall We all know how some clothing can make us feel great, other clothing not so. Put on your favourite outfit and go and knock 'em out! By feeling confident in our clothing we can feel more confident as a person. Don't just stop there, put on some make-up, jewellery, perfume so you feel fab (If you're a guy then splash out on some aftershave) - whatever it is that gives you a boost then do it. It might be as simple as wearing some colour, a brooch, a scarf, new tie, cufflinks etc. Smile - It may seem a silly one, but actually smiling makes a huge difference to how we feel and how well we are received by others. Surprisingly people don't want to see grumpy faces and be reminded of their woes. Put on a happy face; you will feel brighter and so will others around you. You will be amazed at the difference a smile can make. But also remember that it’s not just about the outside, it’s the inside too! Wherever you are reading this just take a moment now to sit up straight in your chair, drop your shoulders, raise your chin, push out your chest and see how different you feel. Do this when you're standing up and you will feel even better. It's similar to the 'Fake It To Make It' tip. Practice looking confident with your body language and you will start to feel better too.
8. Talk to one new person every day Sometimes it's the little things in life that help boost our confidence. If you're nervous around people make a point of talking to someone new every day. Whether it's someone that is selling you your newspaper and
© Ruby McGuire 2014 www.rubymcguire.com
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you talk about the weather or what time they are clocking off, or someone on a customer service call, show interest in them. Everybody wants to be heard, spend some time getting to know them. You may not just exchange in great conversation with others, you could make some new friends in the process too. Who knows, you may be the only person that showed them any interest all day.
9. Try new things When we are lacking in confidence we stick with our routines. Trying something new can really boost the way we feel, whether it's going along to the local martial arts class or learning a new skill like crochet, it doesn't matter. It's about learning something new and continuously challenging ourselves in new ways. Write a list of new things to try and slowly work your way through the list.
10. Aim for 10% Author, Paul McGee, recommends that you aim for 10% increase in confidence. He uses a great example about Tom Cruise, saying that if he was 10% taller he would be 6'1. What a difference that would make to his height! Height is unlikely to increase, but building your confidence is achievable, it just takes some small steps. So before I go I'd like to challenge you..
Using one of the tips above I want you to take one small step on working on your confidence today. Which one will you choose? Send me a message to let me know and share how it's working out for you. I'd love to hear how it helped. Want to work on a 121 basis? Visit my website page. I know what it’s like to be a Coach that has selfdoubt – I’ve not only been there and got the t-shirt, I have the pens, coasters and mug to match! You don’t need to do this on your own – buddy up with another coach or do some work around your own confidence so that you can go out there and
BE THE COACH YOU DREAM TO BE I want your life to be FABULOUS! When people ask you how you are, I want you to be able to reply 'I'm fabulous, thank you!’ (and mean it) © Ruby McGuire 2014 www.rubymcguire.com
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