The following is a list of Laffy Taffy™ jokes that our family has collected. Laffy Taffy is a product of the Wonka™ Company. Visit www.wonka.com for more information. Willy Wonka Candy Factory Laffy Taffy "Jokes" Entries P.O. Box 72309 Rockford, MN 55572.
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Question: Why do mother kangaroos hate the rain? What is an owl's favorite subject? In what month do people talk the least? Which runs faster, hot or cold? What does Christmas have to do with a cat in a desert? What did the hippy paper say to the hippy pen? What do you get when you send a cow to Alaska? Why did the matador trade his swords for a gun? Do doctors make housecalls?
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Why did the pig go into the kitchen? What were tarzan's last words? Why did the boy throw butter out his window? What is a parasite? Why did the chicken cross the playground? Which garden has the most vegetables? What did the noodles say to the butter? How many vampires does it take to put in a light bulb?
Updated: 10/2/2016
Answer:
Contributor:
Because the kids have to play inside all day. Owlgebra. February- it's the shortest month in the year. Hot. Everyone can catch a cold. They both have sandy claws. Write-on. Cold cream!
Eric M., Chicago, IL
He wanted to shoot the bull. Yes, but your house has to be really sick. It felt like bacon.
Bradley J., Panama City Beach, FL
“Who greased the vine?” He wanted to see a butterfly. Something you see in Paris. To get to the other slide! Flash garden. Don't try and butter me up. None. Vampires like the dark.
Alfred C., Des Moines, IA David B., Paramus, NJ Brandon R., Florence, SC Brooke K., Yardley, PA Marquita C., Williston, SC
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Question:
6
What is the best way to keep water from running? What do you call a cow with a twitch? What did John do when his dog ate his science book? Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game? Why is a lost Dalmatian easily found? When is homework not homework? Why did the skeleton cross the road? When does it rain money?
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Which are the stronger days of the week What did Delaware? What do pigs give on Valentines day? Why did the old woman tie skates on the rocking chair? What do astronauts eat for dinner? What is yellow and wears a mask? What does a bee sit on? Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself? Why was the policeman in bed? Where do cows go to have fun? What starts with “T”, is full of “T”, and ends with “T”? Teacher: Johnny, what is the definition of infinity? What did one window say to the other window?
Updated: 10/2/2016
Answer: Don't pay the water bill. Beef jerky. He took the words right out of his mouth. All the fans have left. Because he's always spotted. When it is turned into the teacher. To get to the body shop. When there is a change in the weather. Saturday and Sunday - the rest are weekdays. A brand New Jersey. Valenswines. Because she wanted to rock and roll. Launch meat.
Contributor: Dawn B., Kansas City, MO Michael M., Youngstown, OH Vickie R., Franklin, LA Lori W., Clayton, OK Devon K. Rochester, MN Nicholas W., Sandy, UT Tiffany M., Superior, WI Suzanna C., Salt Lake City, UT Randy T., Festus, MO Jesus V., Lareda, TX Shyanne B., Fargo, ND
His bee-hind (behind).
Andreanett J., Gadsen, AL Rachelle B., Scottsdale, AZ Bradley D., Viroqua, WI Lydia F., Urbana, IL
He had no body to go with him.
Jon H., Cocoa, FL
Because he was an undercover cop. The moo-vies. A teapot.
Emillie D., Turlock, CA
The lone lemon.
Tonight’s homework assignment.
Sarah N., Marshall, IL Sunuel J., Tuskegee, AL Jenny H., Dubuque, IA
I am in “pane”.
Daryl J., Memphis, TN
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Question:
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Why did the apple turnover?
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What did the little boy tell the game warden? What do you call a chicken crossing the road? What do you call a mean tempered horse? Where do fish sleep?
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Answer: Because he got jealous of the jelly roll. His dad was in the kitchen poaching eggs. Poultry in motion. A nightmare! In a water bed!
Erin H., Laurens, IA
Plant it in the spring.
David L., Glencoe, IL
His mom told him to “live in the present”. Because Mozart’s teacher was Hayden.
Jerome B., Norfolk, VA John S., Oakland, CA
42
What flies and helps people?
A helidoctor.
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What kind of plant do you put in a cake? Why don’t ducks tell jokes while they are flying? How do small children travel?
Flower.
What has hands, but cannot clap? What do you watch on TV in the morning? Why did Billy take a ruler to bed with him? How do you get the water into watermelon? Why was the boy covered in gift wrap? Why couldn’t Mozart find his teacher?
A clock.
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Updated: 10/2/2016
Patrick B., San Antonio, TX Tim A., Elm Mott, TX
To see how long he slept.
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45
Mike C., Mitchell, SD
A breakfast serial (cereal).
Why did the elephant decide not Because he couldn't lift his to move? trunk. How do sheep get clean? They take a baa-aa-aa-th. We will send you to court.
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Amber L., Pittston, PA
Darrell J., Panama City Beach, FL Jamal J., Birmingham, AL Megan D., Des Moines, IA Nathan M., Salt Lake City, UT Greg S., Stone Mountain, GA Gwendolyn S., Peoria, IL Adam S., Dunn Loring, VA Sharon S., Sandy Hook, CT Elizabeth F., Sunland Park, NM Anna G., New Smyrna, FL Lakashia P., Charlestown, IN Brad N., Winstead, CT
What did the judge say to the racket? What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar? Why was the ocean arrested?
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Contributor:
Buck teeth. Because it beat upon the shore.
Because they would quack up. In mini vans.
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Question:
52
What is the definition of a farmer? What did one casket say to the other casket? What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? Why did the elephant cross the road? What do you call a bird with glasses? Why didn’t the duck cross the grill? What does a chicken and a band have in common? What is a buckaneer? How do you get an alien baby to sleep? What does a television have in common with a rabbit? What did the crop say to the farmer? What makes music on your head? What is green and pecks on a tree? How do mules open locked barns? What did one autumn leaf say to another? What kind of shoes do mice wear? What do you get with a fly, a pet, and a car? Why did the mother cat move her kittens? What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus? Which candy can’t get anywhere on time?
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Updated: 10/2/2016
Answer:
Contributor:
Someone who is outstanding in his field. That you coffin?
Tara K., South Bend, IN Tina P., Raleigh, NC
A “pouch” potato.
Emily P., Ironton, OH
Because it was the chicken’s day off. A bird watcher.
His ears!
Leonne T., Mashpee, MA Shannon K., Conshohocken, PA Dawn D., Manhattan, IL Jennifer W., Houston, TX David S., Ypsilanti, MI Connie P., Grand Fork, ND S. H., Deer Park, TX
Why are you always picking on me? A head band!
Dean T., Baton Rough, LA Sara C., Salem, OR
Woody wood pickle.
Matthew W., Trenton, NJ Nissi W., Carbondale, IL Brady M., Cleburne, TX
He didn’t want to be roast duck. They both have drumsticks. Expensive corn. You rocket.
With don-keys. I’m falling for you! Squeakers.
A porkypine.
Syd R., Bonne Terre, MO Reyna A., Ann Arbor, MI Andrew H., Greenwell Springs, LA Mally D., Tyler, TX
Choco-late!
Ruth D., Chicago, IL
A flying car pet! She didn’t want to litter.
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Question:
76
Where does an alien get its milk? Where do you find pre-historic cows? What did the tree say to the wind? What kind of key doesn’t open a lock? Why do some people never go bald? Why did the little mouse run away from home? Why did the sun go to school? Do you know what Mary had when she went to dinner? What did one penny say to the other? Why don't lobsters share?
From the Milky Way.
Nissi W., Stockton, CA
In a mooseum!
Christina S., Tucson, AZ Aaron F., Palo Ato, CA
What did one triangle say to the other triangle? What is labor day?
Let’s get together and square dance. That's when mommies have their babies. Because their horns don't work.
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Why do cows wear bells around their necks? What kind of shorts do clouds wear? What happened to the wind? When was meat so high?
95
Why is the baker so mean?
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What is a fish's favorite country? Why was the cat afraid of the tree? What does a pig put on his cut? Why did the ghost sing off key? What's the best way to brush your hare?
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Updated: 10/2/2016
Answer:
“Leaf” me alone! A monkey. They have a re-seeding hairline. Because his father was a rat. It wanted to be brighter. Everybody knows, Mary had a little lamb. Let’s get together and make some sense. Because they are shellfish.
Thunderwear! It blew away. When the cow jumped over the moon. Because he beats the bread. Finland. He was afraid of the bark! Oinkment. He left his sheet music at home. Hold him firmly by his long ears and brush gently.
Contributor:
Shara L., Anadarko, OK Terri T., St. Charles, MO Jason C., Troy, MI Jake M., Warrior, AL Meredith H., Hutchinson, KS Samantha D., Central Point, OR Taryn G., Deek Park, NY Zina S., Phoenix, AZ Amber T., Alameda, CA Leslie H., Emerado, ND Danial W., Torrance, CA Nicole P., Kingman, AZ Christy M., Festus, MO David H., Highland Park, IL Chris M., Littleton, CO Trenton F., Broken Arrow, OK Lindsey S., Desoto, MD Tara M., Festus, MO Casey S., Desoto, MO
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Question:
101
What does the bunny say on Jan. 1st? How come beachcombers never starve at the beach? Why did the man take a hammer to bed? What do you call Lassie with a rose in her mouth? What do you call a pony with a cough? What pounds in your ears? What bee does well in school? What's green and sings?
Hoppy New Year.
What has 10 letters and starts with gas? What does a pig write with?
An automobile.
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Why did the children all eat their homework? What is a vampire’s favorite food? Where do sick boats go? Why was the student’s report card wet? Why was the tomato blushing? What do you call twin brothers? Why did the potato go to France? What do bulls write with? If you dog kisses you what do you call it? How do hens stay fit? What kind of cat likes water? What is a vampire’s favorite drink? What do you call a cold puppy sitting on a rabbit?
Updated: 10/2/2016
Answer: Because of all the sand-which-is there. He wanted to hit the sack. A cauliflower. A little hoarse! The drum. A spelling bee. "Elvis Parsley!!"
Contributor: Shannon S., Desoto, MO Heidi L., Bellmore, NY Amanda H., DeSoto, MO Hannah L., Baltimore, MD Matthew B., Ardmore, PA Michele H., Henry, VA Jodi W., Desoto, MO Christopher M., Essexville, MI Cayla A., Huntley, IL
An oink pen.
Molly W., Schaumberg, IL Because he teacher said it was a James S., Hasbrouck piece of cake. Hts, NJ Neck-tarines! Matthew L., Tupelo, MS The dock! Anna A., Woodstock, GA Because his grades were below Nicole C., Portsmouth, C-level. VA It saw the salad dressing. Casey S., Centralia, IL A sunset. Tony L., Louisville, KY Because he wanted to be a Sean S., Mt. Laurel, French fry. NJ With a bullpen. Katie T., Desota, MO A pooch smooch. Steve H., Festus, MO They always eggs-ercise. An octopuss! A bloody mary!
David M., Desoto, MO Ben W., Festus, MO Daniel K., Louisville, KY
A chilly dog on a bun!
Billy W., Festus, MO
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Question:
Answer:
Contributor:
What is black and white and blue all over? What did one cool alien say to the other? Mississippi, how do you spell it?
A skunk in the north pole.
Jeff B., Hernando, MS
Yo! You’re a far out dude!
Alyssa H., Eltopia, WA
I-T
What’s at the bottom of the ocean and shakes? Which president was the biggest ham? What kind of ship never sinks?
A nervous wreck.
Andrew H., Everson , WA Alex D., Saugus, MA
Abraham! (Lincoln, of course) Friendship.
Where do very smart hot dogs On honor rolls! end up? What is a cat's favorite thing to A catalog. read? What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple
Jessie E., Knoxville, TN Angela R., Mckenzie, TN David S., Newburgh Hts, OH Matthew J., Dayton, OH Nicholaus L. Sacramento, CA Sara H., Lansdale, PA Keri B., Heber, UT Arthur W., Des Plaines, IL Tessa W., Jema, LA
What is a bunny’s motto? When does a doctor get mad? What do you get when you cross Noah’s ark and a bug? What gives a ghost the right to scare you? How come the Buffalo Bills went to the bank? What animal has more lives than a cat? What does the sun skate on?
Don’t frown, be hoppy. When he runs out of patients. Arctic.
How did the farmer move his cow? What do you get when you mix paint together? Why couldn’t the skeleton add 1 + 1? What can you throw but can’t catch? Why did the bowling pins stop working?
In a mooving van.
Tiffany M., Churchville, NY Amber W., Owatonna, MN Morgan W., Washington, DC Shauna C., Purdue, IN
A mess.
Ashley H., Clinton, IA
Because he didn’t have a brain.
Tracy M., West Palm Beach, FL Trisha B., Spring Green, WI David R., Oakville, MO
Updated: 10/2/2016
A haunting license. To get their quarter back. A frog because it croaks every night. Solarblades.
A party. Because they went on strike.
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Question:
Answer:
150
Why do fish swim in schools?
151
How many months have 28 days?
152
What has 2 banks but no money? What did King Tut say when he got scared? What do you call a grizzly bear standing in the rain? What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? Why did the witch fly her broom? What kind of candy gets the giggles? Why is your nose in the middle of your face? How did the bones cross the street? What did the fan say to the other fan? What store do dogs refuse to go to? Why did the baby ghost cry?
A river.
What did the hotdog say when he won the contest? Why did the spider log on to the internet? How can you tell the ocean is friendly? What has a bottom on its top? What do you do with a sick wasp? Why are A’s like flowers? What goes up but never comes down? Why was the broom late?
I'm the wiener!
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Updated: 10/2/2016
Because they can’t walk in schools. All of them!
I want my mummy! A drizzly bear. DOYOUTHINKHESAURUS. Because her vacuum was too heavy. Laffy Taffy. Because it is the scenter!
Contributor: Heather D., Wichita, KS Jessica N., Paducah, KY Emily B., Fayetteville, AR Antwaujn A., Detroit, MI Allison H., Omaha, NE Jennifer K., Springdale, AR Alex A., Shreveport, LA Tim E., Lawrence, KS
You blow me away.
Alisa G., Washington, DC Wayne H., Social Circle, GA Jessica S., Docena, AL
The flea market.
J.P.B., Ballwin, MO
‘Cause it had a boo-boo.
Melissa T., Kirkwood, MO Kyle P., New Braunfels, TX Jeffrey H., Madison, WI Christopher B., Gary, IN Brecken L., Dekalb, IL Alexander T., Skowhegan, MA Andrea P., Newport, RI Stefanie B., Woodstock, VT Kristin K., Eureka, NV
They didn’t, the dogs ate them.
He wanted to go to his web-site. Because it waves! Your legs! Take it to a waspital. Because B’s come after them! Your age. It overswept!
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Question:
Answer:
175
How do you fix a monkey?
With a monkey wrench!
176
Shiver me timbers!
177
What does a ship say when it’s cold? How do billboards talk?
178
What kind of chain is edible?
A food chain.
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What do you call Minnesota when it snows? How do you know when the moon is going broke? What is a tree’s favorite drink?
Minnesnowda.
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Sign language.
When it is down to a quarter. Root Beer!
How does a dinosaur come out of Wet! a pool? What would you do without your Forget. memories? What animal talks the most? A yak. Why did the chicken go to the library? How did the monkey cross the road? Where does Scrooge go to in New York City? What did the cake say to the candle? What animal don’t you play cards with? What is a strawberry when it is sad? Which monkey can fly? What do you call a dinosaur that’s asleep? What has four legs and goes booo? What is a caterpillar afraid of?
Updated: 10/2/2016
To check out a bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk. It jumped on a chicken’s back. The Grumpire State Building! You’re burning my back. A cheetah. A blueberry! A hot air baboon! A dinosnore. A cow with a cold. A dogerpillar!
Contributor: Kristen N., Flagstaff, AZ Rachael J., Jackson, WY Courtney F., Richmond, VA Trisha B., Charleston, WV Annette H., Duluth, MN L. B., Elizabethtown, KY Al V., Double Springs, AL Trenton S., Wenatchee, WA Matt W., San Diego, CA Jessica S., San Diago, CA Anthony A., Salem, OR Lindsey C., Winamac, IN Kristine G., New Bedford, MA Sandra M., Dekalb, IL Bethany C., Louisville, TN Danielle S., Miami, FL Jasmine F., Reno, NV Alex G., Hot Springs, AR Vaughn N., North Platte, NE Courtney S., Ann Arbor, MI
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Question:
197
What has a head, a tail, but no body? What do you call an owl that has armor on? What is in the middle of Paris?
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Answer: A Coin.
Zoe B., Milwaukee, WI
A knight owl.
Kacie L, Grand Rapids, MI Cadie M., St. Joseph, MO Becca E., Sauget, IL
The letter R.
What’s the funniest bone in your The humerus. body? How far did the witch fly? Ghost to ghost.
Because …too many…
Marvi P., China Grove, TX John W., Hiendersonville, NC Rachel G., Los Angeles, CA Tracey P., Canyon City, OR Charles P., Houston, TX Nick F., Baton Rouge, LA Stephanie T., Mountain Ranch, CA Katie M., Bettendorf, IA Shalonda S., Fairfax, SC Rose W., Festus, MO
I’ve got my eye on you!
Tiffany G., Minot, ND
Hopscotch. French flies.
Ashley S., Desoto, MO Elisha R., New Haven, CT Christina M., New Bedford, MA Jackie B., Utica, NY Renee P., Pueblo, CO Karl H., Frisco, TX
How does every baseball player get a hit? How do trees get on the internet? What doesn’t get wet when it rains? What did the wind say to the screen? Which side of a mug should you put the handle on? Why did the elephant eat a 100 watt lightbulb? Is it okay to sleep on a stomach? What is the hottest day of the week? Why was the cat such a sour puss? What did the hurricane say to the island? What is a frog’s favorite game? In France, what do frogs eat?
He sings a song.
Why did the store close at 2:00? Which bug gobbles up trash? What is black, white and red? How do you get a free light bulb?
Because it was Twosday (Tuesday). The litter bug. A baby panda with diaper rash. Catch a lightening bug.
Updated: 10/2/2016
Contributor:
They log on! The ocean. Just passing through! The outside. He wanted a light lunch. I prefer sleeping on a bed. Fri-day.
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Question:
238
Why did the sock monster cross the road? What street does a ghost live on? What is a “sound” sleeper? Why did the skunk cross the road? What did the book say to the page? What did the shoulder say to the arm? What do you call a nun sleep walking? Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain? What bus crossed the ocean?
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Answer:
Contributor:
To stink up the whole town.
Kamay P., Brawley, CA
A dead end.
Don’t turn away from me.
Stephen S., DeSoto, MO Christy M., Chico, CA Tonia S., Rhinelander, WI Laura N., Kingman, AZ
How are you hanging?
Eric S., Williston, SC
A roamin’ Catholic.
Jimmy G., Oil City, LA
Because he didn’t have the guts.
Sharee R., Dolton, IL
Columbus.
Hershey P., Philadelphia, PA Katrina F., Opelousas, LA Carl B., Simsbury, CT
Someone who snores. To get to de odor side!
What doesn’t get wet when it The ocean. rains? What did the digital clock say to Look Mom, no hands. its mom? What lake tastes good with Great Salt Lake! French fries? What do you call a dog in A hot dog. summer? What time was it when the Time to get a new chair. elephant sat on a chair? What is the name of the Night-mare. headless horseman’s horse?
Erin B., Vienna, IL Anne H., Grants Pass, OR Katie L., Tyler, TX Andrew S.
What did the flower say to the bike? What’s a baby’s motto?
Petal.
Mordy K., Chicago, IL
If you don’t succeed cry cry again.
Chelsea M.
What is a room no one can enter? Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft?
A mushroom!
Allison, D., Topeka, KS
At parking meteors.
Mindy C., Bloomington, IN
Updated: 10/2/2016
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Question:
Answer:
Contributor:
263
What is thin, white and scary?
Homework.
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If a snake had feet, what would you call them? What is the biggest pencil in the world? How do you count cows? Why did the fly play outfield? What goes up and down but does not move? What gets wet while it dries?
Snakers instead of sneakers.
To a disco-o. He wanted rich milk.
Jordan A., Viola, WI
Give him your credit card.
Kristy T., Alton, IL
Meet you at the corner.
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Where do computers go on Saturday night? Why did the farmer feed his cow money? What do you do if a rhino charges you? What did one wall say to the other wall? Why did the cactus cross the road? Why can’t a bank keep a secret?
Brian K., Oak Creek, WI Alan M., Brooklyn, NY
Monica S., Odenton, MD Matthew M., Grovetown, GA Sarah M., Alvin, TX
282
What did yes say to no?
287
What did the red fish say to the sad, navy fish? What does a 500 pound parakeet say?
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Updated: 10/2/2016
Pennsylvania. With a cowculator. To catch the fly balls. Stairs. A towel.
It was stuck on the chicken’s back. Because there are too many tellers. Maybe.
Christopher P., St Louis, MO Anthony B., Walnut Creek, CA Christopher M., St. Louis, MO David W., Seattle, WA Brandi H., Lacey, WA Kyle S., Oak Creek, WI
You’re blue.
Chad D., New Bedford, MA Eric P., Cohoctah, MI
“TWEET!!!”
Rachel M., Festus, MO
